or unfair to my Mum?

[DorothyL]

So dd1 got her gcse results last Thursday which were excellent. She worked very hard all through the year and we were delighted.

My mum lives abroad and doesn't fully understand the English system, but well enough. She is very involved in my nieces' and nephew's upbringing because their parents are hopeless (long story) and in phone calls we often discuss my nephew's latest test scores etc. My dad died years.
Another bit of background, my brother doesn't talk to my mum because he feels she was unfair to him in his separation from my SIL (again, long story, but I fully support my mum in this) - my mum really struggles with this and regularly gets very upset.

Anyway - so my mum was on holiday on results day with my SIL and my nephew and nieces, staying at her sister's. Dd texted her a photo of the results sheet with a message. My mum replied with "Congratulations" (in German, so two words, but that was it)
Later on that day she also texted me to say "congrats to the proud parents as well, and congrats from everyone here"

Now the aibu bit - aibu to have felt a bit hurt and disappointed on dd's behalf at this? Is it wrong to think she could have phoned or at least sent a longer message, saying something like "wow, well done"?

Yesterday my mum returned from holiday and she phoned and it was clear she had no intention of doing/saying anything else, she didn't even mention the results, so I told her I was disappointed and she was in floods of tears - because then it all goes to "I try so hard and now you start on me as well as your brother"...and she said she had told everyone about dd's results but I said how does dd know that?

Was I right or should I have just left it?

So nice to hear your update about the card. Please don't be too hard on your Mum. It sounds like she is spread very thin with SIL's children and is trying her best. I never received a card from my grandparents for my GCSE's, I wouldn't have expected it. So how lovely your DD has received one.

I think you've been given a hard time OP. My DP were far more invested in my Dsis's DC than mine, as they lived nearby and had known them from birth. Because I know how much this hurt (after I eventually had my DC at a distance), I make a point of taking a huge interest in my DD's little ones who live in a different country. I hardly see them irl but talk to them a lot on skype, make a big fuss of their little successes with them and so on. It's partly for their sakes, but just as much for DD's. I can well understand you feeling as you do, what could be more natural. Your mum should realise that it's exactly because she's not around that you need even more reassurance that your DC matter just as much to her as her other DGC .

YANBU

You want the same for your DC that your DNs get. Not your fault or your DCs fault that the dynamic is messed up due to her having to parent the other grandchildren.

It's perfectly normal to feel miffed about it. Why shouldn't your DC also be made a fuss of when they earn their achievements?!

And this - It fractured the family dynamics for years
If you're the stable sibling you're somehow expected to forego things just because you'll be stable regardless of how crappily you get treated. But the pandered sibling must never be upset and everyone should walk on eggshells around them because they are crap.

And if you dare to voice your hurt or complain about the inequality of it you are labelled hard work etc etc

*If you're the stable sibling you're somehow expected to forego things just because you'll be stable regardless of how crappily you get treated. But the pandered sibling must never be upset and everyone should walk on eggshells around them because they are crap.

And if you dare to voice your hurt or complain about the inequality of it you are labelled hard work etc etc*

That sums it up so well!!!!

Yabu

Your mom was on holidays maybe she was busy. You yourself said she doesn't understand British education system that well..

Have a heart ..

My DVD just got her GCSE results which were excellent. I was so proud. I texted 'Wow! You superstar, so very proud sweetheart xxx'
That was it. She was happy, I was happy and I'll give her a treat when I next see her.

Okay, so in an ideal world, what would you have liked from your mother for your dd's GCSE results?