Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be really annoyed with DD'a friend and her parents

142 replies

neverundersold · 28/08/2017 06:48

DD was a passenger in a RTA this weekend, she sustained a minor head injury and is pretty shocked. The other passengers sustained bruising and shock also. The driver of the car was protected by the airbag and is physically unscathed. Thankfully no other vehicle was involved but the force of the crash has rendered the car a right off. DD has told OH and I that her friend who was driving had been driving recklessly all evening and showing off, at the time of the accident she was whistling out of her window at some boys and lost control of the car.. Since the crash DD has been in pain and remembering more details, she has become increasingly agitated and upset and is now pretty resentful towards her friend who is claiming that she can't remember what happened. The other passengers have also remembered the drivers recklessness and are also becoming resentful. One of the other girls parents has been ringing the drivers parents to discuss the incident and check her DD is ok but they are not taking her calls (driver has said they are deliberately not taking the calls) . DD is now really annoyed and disappointed that her friend is claiming no memory of the accident and feels she should at least admit what she did, added to this the friend posted pictures of herself on social media less than 24 hours later enjoying a night out with some other friends. OH and I are trying to support our child by letting her talk and tending her physical injuries bu every bone in my body wants to go round to drivers house and confront them AIBU ?

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 29/08/2017 21:23

Insurance companies expect to pay out in this instance

Yep they put a reserve in the policy for 7 years

Beadieeye · 29/08/2017 21:29

Thank god your daughter is ok, and what a shame she's now questioning getting behind the wheel of her own car. With support she'll overcome these feelings.
My brother's entire close friendship circle were killed in a crash as teenagers. It was horrific. I suppose it's easy to get carried away in the moment being so young and I don't mean this in any bad way, but the responsibility of being a driver can't be taken lightly. It's very sad but your DD's friend losing her friend's respect is a small price to pay compared to what could've happened.
There will be reasons why the friend's parents aren't being forthcoming.
Reiterate the importance of speaking up and getting out of a car in future as soon as she feels uneasy. If it's awkward or signals the end of a friendship then so be it.

38cody · 29/08/2017 22:35

The driver didn't intend yo have an accident and will have hopefully learned not to be so stupid.
I can't see how you goi g round will help but so would have thought the parents would call to see if your dad was okay.
However, your dad could have got out and she chose not to and she's all ready to blame, she has also acted irresponsibly.

Summergarden · 30/08/2017 10:44

I once read something interesting on social media. A mother had a secret code with her teeanage DS, to help him get out of awkward situations with his peers. They agreed that he would discreetly text her a code word or even letter, and she would immediately call him with some pretence of a family emergency and needed to come and collect him immediately. It's too late for your DD this time sadly, but might. E worth agreeing on this type of rescue clause for the future?

Unfortunately I tend to agree that it's a typical case of cocky teens feeling immortal and taking risks with driving. Driving at night with passengers seems to increase it happening.

Though tbh I was shocked after an admittedly drunken chat with a group of close friends, several of them admitted to having given their DPS/DHs oral sex whilst the latter was driving, even on motorways at high speed. Call me a prude, but I was horrified, to my mind that's just as dangerous as drink driving.

Nikephorus · 30/08/2017 10:53

Why would anyone claim? OP's daughter didn't own the car so has no financial loss there, and hasn't been hurt badly enough to stop her carrying out any activity that could cause her a financial loss or that would require treatment at a cost to her. So really all this talk of suing the friend / parents is just a money-making scheme for OP's family. What a good idea - rather than teaching your daughter that if she's worried about someone's driving don't get back in the car, you teach her that if you get the opportunity to shaft someone & make some free dosh then go for it.

Ceto · 30/08/2017 11:56

Nikephorus, a claim for damages for pain, shock and distress is perfectly valid. There is no requirement in law to prove actual financial loss.

And no, getting damages which the law has recognised for decades to be perfectly valid is not a "money-making scheme". It's ridiculous to suggest that anyone would ever deliberately decide not to take steps for their own safety just so as to make money out of any accident that happens. And it is, of course, perfectly possible to teach a child to keep herself safe whilst also making sure that they receive adequate compensation - it's not an either/or.

If you or your child were injured through someone's negligence in such a way that you were left with major pain for, say, a couple of years and disability for the rest of your life but you didn't actually incur any financial loss, would you decide simply to suck it up? If not, where precisely would you put the dividing line?

Nikephorus · 30/08/2017 15:01

Nikephorus, a claim for damages for pain, shock and distress is perfectly valid.
It may be perfectly valid but that doesn't make it morally right. If we were talking major pain or disability then fair enough but we're not. We're talking a few aches & I bet the "increasing agitation" is because OP is making a big deal out of it and talking about compensation so OP's DD is thinking £££s.
How about the stress that it puts DD's friend's parents through (always supposing that DD's friend was as uncaring as portrayed)?

Ceto · 30/08/2017 15:25

So where precisely is the dividing line when a claim becomes "morally right"? The reality is that there isn't one, and there can't be. Any stress suffered by friend's parents is irrelevant to this issue.

HiJenny35 · 30/08/2017 15:30

No you shouldn't talk to her parents. Her parents weren't driving.
If you are angry be angry with the driver.

Dianag111 · 09/09/2017 19:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dianag111 · 09/09/2017 19:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Geordie1944 · 21/09/2017 15:09

I am absolutely horrified at the pompous and judgemental attitudes shown by many posters, and to an extent angered by the eagerness of so many posters to place blame in a situation of which they know next to nothing. And I am sickened to my stomach by the rush on so many posters' part to "make a claim" for financial compensation. Seeking compensation for a loss of physical, mental or emotional function caused in an accident is one thing, grubbing money for "trauma" and "distress" quite another. Having been in a road accident myself I know how traumatic it can be, although relief and gratitude at having survived made up for painful cuts and bruises.

The police have fourteen days to decide whether or not to prosecute the car's driver, and my supposition is that she will face a charge of careless driving at least, depending on the circumstances. Part of this decision will be an evidence gathering process involving questioning the passengers and any witnesses, as well as taking medical evidence about injuries - usually, I believe, undertaken by the police surgeon. From this will emerge a clear picture of who was responsible for what in this matter and - as a passenger - your daughter cannot possibly have any responsibility for what happened unless it could be proved that [eg] she had dared the driver to do something daft like a handbrake turn. From what you say this seems very unlikely. After which they will take a decision as to whether to prosecute or not, and if the driver and her family have any sense she will plead guilty - the police hate defended RTA offences and will go for her more if she does. If your daughter wants to help she should write out a chronological account of what happened as far as she can remember it - it will save time when the police come for her statement.

That the driver's parents have put the shutters up doesn't surprise me; you have nothing to gain by contacting them, and they will probably be aware of the ferment of speculation, rumour and innuendo [much of it malicious, probably] which is going the rounds and don't wish to get involved. [I hope they don't get around to reading this thread, for a start].

I find particularly nasty those posters who have claimed that the driver cannot have suffered amnesia [how the hell can they know that?] or that the Facebook pictures show that she doesn't care about the accident - how do they know when they were taken?

For the rest I hope your daughter recovers fully along with all of her friends, and that the driver learns a valuable lesson from this incident - that a car is as lethal a weapon as a machine gun, and as such needs to be handled always with caution and respect.

LovingLola · 21/09/2017 15:14

I would involve the police and a no win no fee solicitor

What is the definition of a 'no win, no fee solicitor'?

5rivers7hills · 21/09/2017 15:18

Your child is not mature enough to be driven by friends.

She should have got out and called you for a pick up FFS.

Danceswithwarthogs · 21/09/2017 18:43

Pagan goddess....

Extremely sensible response, agree with this.

Geordie1944 · 21/09/2017 20:05

"What is the definition of a 'no win, no fee solicitor'?"

A bookie with a law degree.

sharklovers · 21/09/2017 20:37

This doesn’t need to be the end of a friendship. My friend and I walked away from a high speed crash when we were 18 (fourtunately the speed was bled off by a spin and we caught the Armco a glancing blow). Car was toast but our main concern was getting the hell out of there, the car dragged itself home and was subsequently written off. Totally my fault, driving way too fast for the conditions. 20 years later he’s the first one on the phone demanding a joy ride whenever I get a new toy and still my best friend.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread