To be really annoyed with DD'a friend and her parents

[neverundersold]

DD was a passenger in a RTA this weekend, she sustained a minor head injury and is pretty shocked. The other passengers sustained bruising and shock also. The driver of the car was protected by the airbag and is physically unscathed. Thankfully no other vehicle was involved but the force of the crash has rendered the car a right off. DD has told OH and I that her friend who was driving had been driving recklessly all evening and showing off, at the time of the accident she was whistling out of her window at some boys and lost control of the car.. Since the crash DD has been in pain and remembering more details, she has become increasingly agitated and upset and is now pretty resentful towards her friend who is claiming that she can't remember what happened. The other passengers have also remembered the drivers recklessness and are also becoming resentful. One of the other girls parents has been ringing the drivers parents to discuss the incident and check her DD is ok but they are not taking her calls (driver has said they are deliberately not taking the calls) . DD is now really annoyed and disappointed that her friend is claiming no memory of the accident and feels she should at least admit what she did, added to this the friend posted pictures of herself on social media less than 24 hours later enjoying a night out with some other friends. OH and I are trying to support our child by letting her talk and tending her physical injuries bu every bone in my body wants to go round to drivers house and confront them AIBU ?

Horrible shock for everyone. I'm so glad that no one was seriously hurt.

It's a tough lesson but the experience may ultimately save your daughter's life by putting her off riding with inexperienced or immature drivers.

As upset and angry as you must feel, I'd advise against legal action. It's never without stress and you may want to conserve energy for supporting your teen to be more assertive. There's no instant fix, it takes time and practice. Maybe try giving her specific words and phrases to cope with tricky situations such as those suggested by poster upthread (Please stop, I'm going to be sick)

It's not easy being 17, they need all the help they can get.

As I said, with regards to my teenage ex boyfriend, I wasen't in the car egging his mate on, to drive recklessly, I was sat in the back petrified, and hoping we get to town quick, as I wanted the journey to end. Why must people be assumed to be egging the driver on, for them to drive recklessly . Hopefully your dd will drive in time and get her confidence back.

I was in an RTA in my 20s, BIL was driving fast in the rain, rounded the corner at 90 mph (I looked at the speedo from the back). My dh, his sister, BIL and myself were in the car, but too afraid to say anything. Next thing we know, the car had crashed into a wall and was a write off.

I can't believe how much the op's daughter is being blamed for 'not getting out of the car'.

I remember feeling terrified at that age by others' driving, but feeling a) too embarrassed to say anything for fear of being laughed at and b) terrified of them being stranded miles from home.

Ok they have phones these days but at one in the morning (or whenever) there is no guarantee that my phone call will be picked up, and on country lanes there is often no reception.

The driver behaved like a dick and needs to suck up the consequences. Posting pics of herself out enjoying herself the night after on sm is a particularly crass and insensitive move

You can get amnesia from shock.
I was in a minor prang and have a complete blank from a few minutes before until the point I said "we've been hit" and then from that point until several minutes after getting out of the car.
Doctor said it's totally normal.

*then not them being stranded...

Nothing to do with either sets of parents (apart from giving support etc). Any "claims" surely need to be initiated by the people involved.
This is a classic example of why the driving age should be raised too.

Did your daughter have a chance to not be in the car Op, I can't tell if they drove with stops in between iyswim.

Hope that she is feeling better soon & recovers her confidence.

What a nasty shock for you all OP, I hope your daughter makes a speedy recovery.💐

for your daughter. I suspect, as others have said, that this girl has been advised not to admit to anything until the police/insurance company have investigated.

I also think that your daughter needs to concentrate on herself.

Doesn't matter how the others are dealing with it.

The other driver admitting that she was pratting about won't change where they all are now.

If the driver has been out & about & posting on FB, I don't think taht there's a need for other parents to be phoning her parents in the guise of asking how she is.

I would definitely (calmly) talk to her parents and advise them of your daughter's version of events.

I wouldn't want it on my conscience if this girls starts driving again and does the same thing with worse consequences. She needs at the very least a serious bollocking from her parents about dangerous driving.

"I would definitely (calmly) talk to her parents and advise them of your daughter's version of events."

There was no other vehicle involved & the car is a write off.

That should be enough to give them an idea of what went on!

I would recommend pursuing compensation for the injuries as any neck or back pain is likely to flare up again as she gets older - it creates a weakness I suppose. Once checked out I'd suggest taking her to an osteopath to expedite recovery.

"There will be no claim made by us, I cant see how it would help"

Glad to read this OP. Just make sure you have good access to a GP if it's needed over the coming weeks - they can always point you in the right direction. Also, make sure if any issues with being in cars remain with your daughter that she has access to a professional to speak too.

Hope she's ok soon!

@diddl You'd think...but there's every chance they'll believe that their DD can do no wrong. And they could easily believe that she just lost control of the wheel.

There's a big difference between that and hanging out the window whistling!

I would not talk to parents. Your daughter needs to tell the police what happened. This girl needs to be charged. It might make her think twice about doing similar in the future. Do you have any idea how many young people are killed in this country as a result of irresponsible drivers?

A bit appalled at the victim blaming too. And the amount of people who have accused your dd of egging on the driver without any evidence of this at all.

Hope your DD isn't put off driving for life by this.

I remember about 20 odd years ago, going for a drive with acquaintances feeling absolutely terrified when I realised how awful their driving was. Too fast, too cocky etc. Me and my best friend sat in the back holding hands as we were so scared etc. I've got a good idea of how your DD feels and it's horrible.

Be ready for the all the cold calls from the accident and injury solicitors!

Even though the injuries of your DD appear minor, go to an osteopath or whoever you go to to get her checked out properly. If left unchecked these injuries can bury themselves and then surface after years and years and cause a lot more pain. Focus on your DD and make sure she cuts this friend out of her life for good. She could have killed them all.

Bad idea to confront the parents when you - quite naturally - feel angry. They may well have an inkling that she was risking everyone's safety and feel guilty and defensive. The situation could quite quickly escalate and you may end up putting them in the wrong. It would be better to avoid direct contact and for your daughter to give the police a more exhaustive statement. They may then decide to charge her, which would be no bad thing. It sounds as if she still hasn't learned her lesson and may continue to put her passengers' lives at risk. The police will not tell her in detail who has givem the information but if your daughter loses this friend, it's probably no great loss. She should be guilt-striken and penitent and clearly is neither. So sorry to hear your daughter has been put through this unnecessary and distressing experience.

Sorry, should read putting yourself in the wrong.

I may have missed this earlier, but was the driver given a breath test? Hopefully she was and the result will keep her off the road for a while for the safety of everyone else.

The driver should NOT be on the road. I was in a crash in april, dad driving i was front passenger, sister in the back. A new driver, 3 days post test pass, first time out driving with 2 of her mates. She ignored/missed/didnt know the green on her side was to go straight on only and the green right turn light had gone out, and turned right in front of us, didnt have chance to brake.
Our car was written off, and i needed an ambulance because of chest injuries. All 3 of us had whiplash, my dads still quite moderately affecting him, mine now not too bad, sister i think is now ok.
Im a nervous wreck in cars now despite it not being "life changing" injuries.
My insurance pay out for fairly severe whiplash, pinched neck nerve, concussion, internal muscular/bone bruising to my sternum, lower back problems, and massively whacking both knees on the dash which im still having problems with my right knee limping, constant aching etc, was only £2,100. They do not count emotional trauma as something to compensate for, nor the fact i have mh issues and relied on our own car so the write off meant i was indefinitely housebound. They calculate personal injury claim pay outs based on how many sites of injury there are, and head/neck/shoulders only counts as one. I qualified as 4 sites, and had the same estimated pay out as my dad who was 3 sites. He still hasnt had his claim settled. Being unemployed or a student will go against her as she isnt losing earnings so any injury pay out will be small, the average is between 1 and 2 thousand.

is the friend overbearing and generally the boss of the group? If so it's probably better your DD distances from her anyway. If not then I expect driver was not the only one waving at the boys etc.

It is so easy to not take driving seriously especially when you are young and feel invincible. Your DD has had a good lesson and hopefully no lasting injuries. I am sure the driver will also have had a shock and learned a lesson.

I don't know what you would want the parents to do/say. Though I can understand your anger at the driver, you have had a terrible fright and the fact that parents and driver don't seem to care is frustrating. If until now the have been good/normal people I would give them the benefit of the doubt and I am sure they are relieved everyone is ok and have also had a terrible fright.

Your DD should've got out of the car, and should report her friend to the police if she thinks she caused the accident.

As your DD has more memory of the events leading up to the crash which (assuming the other passengers say the same) shows the driver was driving without due care and attention which resulted in a crash and injuries for her passengers, the Police would very much like to have that information. They will talk to the driver and charges may be brought against her. The driver is responsible for their actions and passengers. At worst she will have a conviction, points and a fine making it hard to get insurance at a decent price (and will increase the parents premiums) and as most jobs want to know if you have convictions of any kind, it will be a black mark against her. At best, she will have the traffic officer scare the hell out of her and that might be enough to look at how she drives. they would probably recommend an advanced driving course for her.

for your daughter.