To be jealous of perfect friend?

[Sienna333]

She is-

1. Incredibly happy with her husband, it is his third family set up (Had kids with two other women) but they are blissfully happy and have been together for 14 years.
2. Lots of friends and great social life.
3. Lots of money and so lots of holidays and trips out.
4. Both her and her husband are directors and have amazing jobs with flexible hours.
5. Very close to her parents and sister
6. Very beautiful
7. Confident and outgoing

I probably sound like a bitch but it's tough at times being around her :(

Her husband has children with two other women - life will not be easy.

Sienna i think this has been an interesting thread - you were examining your thoughts and feelings, your outlook, as I often do, and reaching out for other perspectives. Peanut I'd say thats more emotionally mature than your comments!

I've found the thread very helpful, its made me think as Mumsnet so often does. Good thread OP.

I bet if she has any worries or insecurities she probably wouldn't confide in you about them. As it appears you would privately gloat over any misfortunes, she has no doubt picked up on that. Why not focus on improving your own life so you don't have to look to others for validation? And cut off this friendship because it doesn't sound healthy.

I don't gloat over her misfortune nor would I in the future. Staplescorner has it spot on with what she said.

Sienna333
When I have confided in her, I can see she just doesn't get it.

so she has no empathy, only does things for herself and doesn't seem to have any experience of life outside her bubble.

She doesn't seem that perfect to me.

Hmm, sometimes I think that is the best way to be Boney

Op, you're clearly very envious of her and spending too much time absorbed in thinking about what she has. The only person this damages is you. I think you need to distance yourself from the relationship for your own mental health and happiness.

I think all of this is about your lack of self esteem OP, rather than your friend's life.

Could you perhaps focus on that, rather than your friend?

At the end of the day, if this friend didn't exist, you'd probably focus on something else equally as negative.

So she has a daughter from a previous relationship too? Even if you think that relationship ended amicably I'm sure she went through some tough stuff with the break down of that relationship with a child to consider.

Just because the step kids are teens and older doesn't mean the exs are less of a problem, yes lucky she gets on with one.

Being a director is pretty stressful too.

I think you're being quite short sighted

Some people really seem to have it all, but life won be perfect for her Op, it never is.

No, but for some it can be pretty close to perfect as much as us mortals want to deny it. Just live your own life and try not to compare yourself too much. Some of the qualities you listed like confidence can be gained. Career can be improved. You just have to work on you.

I think it's fine to be jealous internally as long as you don't behave unpleasantly towards her because of it. She sounds like she has a lot of positive things in her life which is great, but I'd bet money there'll be something going on in her life that you wouldn't be jealous of if you knew it. We all have our demons

Her daughter isn't from a past relationship, it is from her marriage she is in now.
Believe me, I am a great friend to her and a nice person (honest), I just wanted to vent here.

I have a nice affluent lifestyle but my MIL is friends with multi millionaires. Ocassionally we've also met with them but I couldn't do it on a regular basis. Seeing what they have and their lifestyle makes me question my own when I have absolutely no reason to feel hard done by. For my own peace of mind I prefer not to see them as they are only acquaintances but for your friendship to survive your going to have to accept what your friend has or walk away from her

Apologies, I thought you meant the daughter was from a previous relationship.

I assure you she has had struggles and may have some hefty ones to come.

I used to be a very private person. People saw me as bubbly and outgoing, middle class family, hard working and getting great contract after contract. I didn't tell them about how both my parents abused me mentally and physically respectively as I didn't want them to judge them.

You can't look at her and think perfect. Lucky perhaps but I guarantee you she knows there are plenty of times she's not.

Sorry but people like you Op, creep me out. So much energy invested in another person. You must focus on your own life. You want us on here to dissect her life and tell you it's probably really shit behind closed doors, just to make you feel better. I bet your envy does show and I hope your poor friend realises soon, she doesn't need a friend like you.

Maybe try therapy to help you overcome your insecurities?

I'd hate to be your friend quite frankly!

I don't really need the negative comments thanks. As I said, I just needed to vent. Sorry if that creeps you out...

It's strange to post on AIBU and ask for no negative comments.

If you ask for peoples opinions on your opinions on a forum called "Am I being unreasonable", then people will opine.

I too find all this energy gazing into her life with such envy uncomfortable and the fact she has no idea that one of her friends has all of these thoughts and is around her gives me a strange I need to look over my shoulder sort of wary feeling ... that one of my friends could be thinking just these thoughts behind a smiley front, and creating these threads.

Anyway, if you only want positive aww Hun comments AIBU isn't quite the platform for it

Right. Well maybe not that I don't expect negative comments but calling someone a creep is rude and unncessary. If being envious of a friend makes me a horrible person then I must be joining a long queue.

I know a few people that seem to have perfect lives. The main factor, to me, seems to be that they have very loving, close, supportive families that help out financially and with childcare. This means that they have high self esteem, therefore they end up in good relationships, have good careers, are comfortably financially etc. It's a snowball effect

Why don't you just seek out friends who you perceive to have really hard, crap lives, that way you can feel great about yourself?

You are insecure and need to work on your self esteem. Yes, your behaviour is creepy. Sorry.

But why are you venting about it?

She's made a great life for herself, do you feel she doesn't deserve it? It's almost as if you feel she has to apologise for her good fortune because yours ain't that great

Concentrate on your own life, you sound weird.

comparison is the thief of joy

This all sounds very Single White Female if I'm honest....

I'm not envious of my friends but I do feel inspired by some and that energy pushes me forward to achieve my goals. No negativity involved and no analysing of the details of another's life, looking for cracks to make myself feel better.