To be jealous of perfect friend?

[Sienna333]

She is-

1. Incredibly happy with her husband, it is his third family set up (Had kids with two other women) but they are blissfully happy and have been together for 14 years.
2. Lots of friends and great social life.
3. Lots of money and so lots of holidays and trips out.
4. Both her and her husband are directors and have amazing jobs with flexible hours.
5. Very close to her parents and sister
6. Very beautiful
7. Confident and outgoing

I probably sound like a bitch but it's tough at times being around her :(

I have a friend like that ... don't we all? She has worked hard but also finds some things easier than I do. We have different qualities. She's very confident in her parenting and her dc are well behaved. She's very focused and has worked towards her goals over the years. She has willpower to not overeat so she doesn't struggle with her weight. And so on! I admire her a lot but sometimes I do feel jealous.

But you need to concentrate on accepting and developing yourself.

comparison is the thief of joy

So true. Concentrate on leading your own life, OP.

Another vote for perspective. You're won't all the positives, and hopefully she also focuses on these in her own life, but life can be scathing. My life looks v nice to some, and it is and I enjoy it. To some it would seem lacking in aspects they value. Perspective.

Is this face book related? And are you sure she can't relate? I've yet to meet a woman who doesn't have and never has had some form of anxiety about her appearance, or can't relate to money worries, because no matter how wealthy, unless they came from a mega trust fund it wasn't slways like that. Everyone has their own demons.

I'm wondering if you're just making assumptions because it seems deep down you don't actually know of anything that may be worrying her.

It's very unlikely your friend hasn't got (and/or has had) challenging stuff going on beneath the oh-so-perfect surface.

My friends sometimes say that I have 'the perfect life' and in many ways I do and I'm grateful for that.

However... I also have hidden disabilities, I've lost both parents and have had some fairly big traumas in my life.

We ALL have challenges - some are just less obvious to others.

I lurk but rarely comment but I thought I'd make this an exception. My DH works for some of the richest and famous families in the world. Oligarchs billionaires etc. Often beautiful wives/women with amazing homes and everything they could ever wish for and more, he'll tell you most are unhappy (forget what you see in OK/Hello). They shout at their families and staff, no one ever says "no" to them. He frequently says he wouldn't swop our life for theirs.
I also know a very nice but very very wealthy family on the surface they seem so happy but the DH's first wife (who was exceedingly beautiful and popular died of cancer) leaving three children. Finally another friend who's absolutely lovely in every way and lives in a stunning house worth millions but her DC died as a teenager in a freak accident. She would it all up and live in a cardboard box to have him back.
Its easy to be jealous of other people but does it get you anywhere? Look at your life, whats good about it? If its really that bad change it only you can do this.
Why does she have lot of friends? What does she do to attract them? Watch how she behaves? Perhaps she's warm, smiley and friendly? Funny? Caring and listens well and always there when people need her? You say she's confident and outgoing this attracts people especially the latter. Are you like this? My DH by the way appears to be very confident and outgoing but I know (am probably the only one) deep down inside he's very shy but over the years he's learnt to cultivate this image of being confident and outgoing.
Being a company director is not necessarily a guarantee of more money or time in fact often the opposite. And even if its true now I doubt it was always like that, they've probably worked hard to get where they are.
"Very close to family and sister". Not all would see this as a positive! I now have no close family except my DH and DC's but it doesn't bother me in fact I quite like it, when my DF sadly died (he'd been unwell for years and I managed his life) a weight was lifted off my shoulders my DM has Alzheimer's and it was so stressful, for years I used to lay awake at night worrying about her. I'm now free to do what I want without thinking about them e.g. go away at Xmas. My DH's family on the other hand would love us to be close to them, I can't think of anything less that I want to do. As they say you choose your friends but not you family. I wouldn't choose any of my DH's family as friends in a million years!
"Very beautiful". You may not be beautiful or you maybe but it doesn't matter you can make the best of yourself. Decent clothes, a decent haircut, I don't know how old you are but if you have grey hair try to avoid letting the root grow through, decent teeth, decent shoes, make up discreetly applied and dare I say it a sensible weight all make a difference to how you look and how you will feel about yourself.I buy all my clothes on ebay, I buy clothes from Reiss Jigsaw Max Mara at a fraction of the price I rarely pay more than £20. It does make a difference. Have you asked your friend for advise? I love helping a friend buy clothes from ebay. I am slightly addicted to cashmere jumpers, again I rarely pay more than £20 I also look out for them for a couple of friends.

No one has a perfect life. No- one. She has her stuff to deal with just like the rest of us, you just aren't aware of it. So yes YABU

Just because it all looks perfect from the outside, you don't know what goes on behind the scenes so I think you are BU to assume she has a perfect life!

Besides life is like a rollercoaster 🎢 what goes up.... and vice versa

focus on your happiness!

I think it's a real mistake to see someone's good life and try to find issues.

Some people just do have a good life ( not perfect, but very good indeed).

Thank you for the replies.
My friend has no trauma in her life like death of a sibling, a mental health problem or anything like that. All the stepkids are grown so she has little to do with the ex wives and actually has a good relationship with one of them.
I think she finds it hard to deal with any form of stress as everything goes so well for her. A few years ago, I read a Christmas card her DH had given her, it
said "We have had a tough year with DD getting chicken pox and having to change my job.". To me, that isn't tough at all, it is normal family life but it is an example of how things go so perfectly for them that the minor things are huge to them as they are used to life going perfectly.
Sometimes it seems as though she is lording it up over me and is a bit smug. I know that sounds awful and really, I just need to limit my time with her for a while.

Comparison is the thief of joy , I've had a shit time of it with bereavements , horrid abusive childhood, etc too so I know where you're coming from and it can be hideous to see others having their lovely happy family lives (was a LP also) and the rest of it. I remember being out with some mums when the babies were little and then all saying that they had to get home as their husbands would be back soon for dinner and I was sat there thinking , I have nobody at home, no reason to go back until late at night really with a little baby etc. Really miserable. Life has turned around in the relationship dept but my mum has just a few months to live now so it's not all roses. But I keep it mostly to myself.

I had a friend who cut contact with me because she was jealous and thought my life was so much better than hers was.
In reality, I was going through some really awful health issues and was at my lowest point. Don't cut contact with her, focus on ways you can improve your life and find happiness.

There are thousands of people with 'better' lives, or so we think. People who have everything.
Why be jealous of her because you know her?
There must be lots of people who have less than you with shittier lives too, who would envy you.
Focus on what is good in your own life.

I personally don't find "lording" it over people or being very "smug" very attractive traits, I think you'll find that many other agree. So if this really is the case does she really have as many friends and a great social life as you think? Perhaps she mixes with others like her, frankly I personally can't think of anything worse.

Women want what she has and men fancy her. Maybe the friendships are not all that sincere but I don't think that bothers her.

My life looks a bit like this. In process of procuring a dream house, second baby on the way, good job, lots of friends, hard working husband, foreign holidays and a flash car.
In reality, I have low self esteem, anxiety, husband is completely closed off emotionally and thinks the only way to show love is materially. He also has a drink problem and is quite rude to me alot of the time. He along with everyone else, thinks our life is perfect.

I feel like I'm drowning most of the time.

She doesn't sound perfect to me - you say she can't understand your worries?
So she has no empathy. Or you are misreading her face - she could be thinking ' oh shit that reminds me of xyz'
As others have said, you are seeing what she wants to show. All sounds like hard work to give that good a performance.
It sounds like her friends are there because of what she has rather than how she is. I wouldn't want to be a 'real housewife of ......', would you? All that falseness and competitiveness?
If she has had no sadness in her life so far, then she has it all to come! Loss of parents etc - been there, done that, made me a better person and more understanding.

Oh yes, forgot to mention she has a beautiful and clever daughter as well!
I think because she married in her early twenties to someone already very successful, she has never been able to understand financial or job concerns. Nor does she experience loneliness or understand it as she is always around her husband, friends and family. I doubt very much she ever feels alone or inadequate.
I am really sorry, I am not a bitch I promise. I want her to be happy, sure, but it just hurts at times seeing how lovely everything is in her life. Yes she has worked somewhat hard but meeting her husband, having her kid, a close relationship with her family and enjoying her DH's success in terms of the holidays and trips haven't had anything to do with work, it's luck. I would never tell her how I felt, it just stings at times. Maybe it is a 'Big little lies' sort of setup (Hope people get what I mean there, it is a book after perfect women and lives who turn out not to have such wonderful lives) but I know her pretty well so would be very surprised if that were the case.

I doubt very much she ever feels alone or inadequate.

I doubt thats true. Most people feel alone at some points.

As i said before. My life looks great from the outside.

My best friend doesnt know i suffer depression, have been abused, had to have marriage counselling.

Because i dont share that stuff. But if you asked her, she would say that she knows me really well and it would shock her.

Lets say she has used up all her luck. In 10 years she gets sick and becomes a disability and her marriage breaks up. She is sad, depressed, single parent struggling.........will that make you feel better?

People may appear to have everything, but the reality is that everyone will have problems of some shape or form.

When I think of my closest friends every one has some issue or other, from one whose husband is going through some kind of mental breakdown, to another who is very unhappy in her marriage but is in a gilded cage, to another who has serious health issues.

It really does you no good to try and wish for what someone else has. it will just make you unhappy.

I wouldn't get too upset by it life isn't perfect you don't know what happens behind closed doors so your friend to you may appear to have a perfect life but for instance she could be stressed out in her job etc there is no such thing as perfect

All any of us can do is our best and be grateful for what we do have instead of looking at what others have you'll make yourself miserable by doing that

I looked like I had it all and I sort of did, I was a model when young and that set me up with some decent money when a teen but it also gave me disordered eating. I then went on to a great career in higher education for 25 years and married a man from a wealthy background that is so clever he makes most people seem like ants on the ground. As an adult I have never had to worry about money, then something so unspeakably horrific happened I became a vegetable and lost the capacity to speak for months and was diagnosed with complex ptsd. I lost my beloved career.

Having men want you ain't all that even though I'm late middle age I still get harassed. A man told me I looked positively edible only a couple of days ago.

Envy is a sin. But seriously, everyone has there own problems. Just because you can't see hers doesn't mean that they don't exist. Just be glad that you have such a lovely friend and don't dwell on the ways that her life is better than yours.

You have no idea what is going on in her mind at all, what her fears are or any of her personal feelings.

To be honest it sounds like you have a distinct lack of emotional maturity. You should work on that instead of focusing on your friend.