AIBU to be angry and DP and friend wine session.

[Confusedandalone19]

I name changed and will try not to drop feed.

Me and DP have 2 kids combined.
We are child hood sweethearts but had a break in between.
Now eventually settled down together.

Friend was an old school friend of us both however was always more my friend of that makes sense.
As we have got older have become less close but still stay in contact.
( she is the eccentric, wild type )
I am currently in hospital with young DD and we are going through a really hard time as a whole unit.
So here is what happened yesteray.

I had both children at hospital with me until DP finished work at 10 pm and picked DSS up, they would not have got home until 10.45 ish.

I spoke to DP at just gone midnight every thing seemed fine nothing was mentioned about anyone being there.

This morning I woke up to a text message of my friend saying she was popped around last night but I wasn't in ( she knew I wasn't there as we have been in hospital over a week ) glad I got a chance to spend some time with ( my DP )
He was explaining how you really struggling emotionally at the minute and that things are tough followed with will replace your wine to !

I rand DP who explained she did knock last night and he welcomed her in She drunk too much wine and was asking questions and being really friendly.
She ended up sleeping on the sofa and left this morning.

I was more confused than anything I don't get

1. Why she turned up at my house at that time knowing I wasn't there

1. Why DP let her in.

1. Why they were drinking wine together

1. Why she didn't get a taxi home.

An hour ago I got a phone call from my best friend to ask if everything was ok as friend from last night had told her things seemed difficult between me and DP and that it was likely we would be seperating soon through the stress !

( this is the first I have heard about it, we get on fine )

Now DP can be a bit stupid and naive , he would do anything for anyone and genuinely is a bit of a push over at times.
His claim is....

She turned up at the door, she seemed down and asked for me, he explained I wasn't in and she asked to come in.
He allowed her in and they got talking and she helped her self to some wine and poured himself some to.
She got very drunk and they had a few emotinal conversations.
He offered to order her a taxi but she said she didn't feel save going alone early hours of the morning so asked to sleep on the sofa.

This sounds confusing I know !
I am mad at them both, not sure I should be though.

I can imagine not really knowing how to say no to someone standing in a doorway upset and drunk and saying they need to talk.

Its also surprisingly easy to unexpectedly offload a lot of emotional pressure to someone who is a friend but not in the middle. You both offload and assume it won't go further. He may well have admitted to OP what happened but the 7.45 text prempted it. If DH had text me in hospital at 2 am to tell me, woke me up in a rare bit of sleep between SAT checks and screaming children if have bloody throttled him. But then like OP I (possibly naively) assume he can be trusted to not sleep with every woman who comes knocing

I do deep down trust him ... he has never ever in the past given me reasons not to.
His supportive, kind and Always been an absolute rock.

My friend believes my DP.

DP is now really angry and upset now upset with me because he things I believe her and that he would 1. Never do that to me 2. Would never put DS in that situation.

It's all very odd.

If be inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt until you find out more. Anyway you look at It, this girl is a trouble maker who is trying to ruin your relationship.

How are you Op? Did she respond to your text message?

DP is now really angry and upset now upset with me because he things I believe her and that he would

That actually smacks of deflection. It's not you he should be angry with, but her!

Oh tell her to take her lies and sod off. Tell her your child was there and spent the night with their dad as they were upset, see what she says to that.

She is getting pretty desperate now, she has had hours to make up her story, if it was true she would have been all over you and dh yesterday telling you what happened. She is trying to put seeds of doubt in your mind as she wants your dh. Do not let her get to you.

What a miserable person she is.

I think that if something had happened, they would have both agreed to keep quiet about it, particularly since you were in hospital with your daughter.

I am horrified that this woman would say anything to upset you given your circumstances. It's worrying enough being in hospital with a child without having someone talking like that. Your friends need to be very tough with her.

Well they have already both admitted she stayed the night and both drank wine so it's not too far fetched to imagine they slept together (obvious sorry.)

Plus she is saying something happened and he didn't even tell you she called. He has something to hide.

Happy
and as has been said before more than once if he had turned away a distressed, tipsy woman from his door at midnight he would have been called all the selfish gits under the sun for not making sure she was safe.

That woman KNEW op wasnt there.
She made herself comfy and got even more drunk.
She played the 'I need a friend I just broke up with my bf card'
She encouraged dh to talk to her about the stress he was under.
Nothing happened so she got the pip and is taking it out on op and her dh.

She text back sorry I said something, I think you are in denial but that's ok, you two have been through a lot so it can not be easy to emotionally let go.
I know you feel the same about me but I understand if you need some time.

Then she manipulated it to her own ends.
Only a blind person cant see it.

Really after 'one drunken shag' (that didnt happen but lets say it did for this moment) she would put this down as everlasting love?
Do me a favour.

He has no right to be angry at you! He let her in, drank with her and didn't tell you. Even if that is totally innocent he should realise that he's been a bit stupid and understand why you'd be upset. His anger at you would make me more suspicious.

They were drinking and he started confiding in her personal details about his relationship. It's easy to imagine how it went further.

Could you and your DP be collateral damage as she tries to prove to on off boyfriend that she's desirable/not waiting for him/needs to be competed for?

hugs x

Does she have form for this kind of stuff?
Has he ever done any thing like this before?
If she's lying that is low. What a dick move to try and split up a family.

I'd not necessarily believe her.

Sounds as though she turned up on a mission. She knew you wouldn't be there so her saying she wanted to speak to you is just a lie. I reckon she turned up with the express plan of sleeping with your DP.

Maybe I'm wrong, but her reaction after sounds to me like she failed. I think, if she had, she'd have gone crowing to you. She wants to split you up, so that you're on your own like she is. Maybe she fancies your DP, maybe she doesn't, but I do think splitting you is her motivation. The fact she's having to tell other people it happened rather than telling you straight suggests she's still making it up.

OP I'm really sorry to hear this new information.

IME, if there is a whiff of something dodgy, it's not good. People naturally try to find any plausible explanation, sadly though it's usually the obvious one.

I'm concerned he is getting angry with you. If he hadn't slept with her he should understand exactly why it looks very much like he might have slept with her and be angry with her and defensive and upset with you, not angry.
This is bizarre behaviour for someone you regarded as a friend if she has previously seemed normal.

If he's angry at you then I'd be very suspicious, sorry OP. He's trying to deflect this. He's trying to hide something by the sounds of it.

For me the obvious explanation is she's a loon.

I wouldn't go round to my mates house late, knowing mate was at hospital. I wouldn't then text first thing in the morning to apologise/gloat. I wouldn't then text my other mates to say 'ooh their marriage is in trouble'.

Now she is saying they shagged?

Ignore her. She's very bad news.

I agree, if nothing happened he wouldn't be getting angry...

His angry with the situation ... but he did get upset with me and cried this morning.
He said he doesn't understand why I don't believe him and that we have been through so much he wouldn't do that to us or the kids.
I told him why I was upset and he said he understood what he did wrong and that in hindsight he probably should have done things differently.
He has messaged her back quite an angry text for him as his a pretty mellow person, stating that if she did not leave him and his family alone that he will take things further and to stop messaging him.

I want to believe him I do.

Do you OP? Believe him?

This is turning into a horrible he-said she-said mess. And the gossiping/sh*t stirring around the OP's group of friends hardly helps. It all sounds quite immature. I know everyone involved is only mid-20s but even so. It sounds like you're all back at school and is quite pathetic.

OP this must be a really horrible situation for you to be in (and that's even without your DD being ill and the MT). It could be completely innocent (both by the DP and the friend) or it could be the very worse that you can imagine or somewhere on the scale in between. Time will tell. But in the meantime, I'd suggest you stop all the texting and the calling as this is just escalating things. Concentrate on your ill child and yourself, then when you get home sit down and have a proper conversation with your DP. Stop involving your best friend and anyone else. This should be between you and your DP.

Maybe if I explained about DP would help.
He has seen me through everything my entire life.
He is currently working all hours under the sun to save money so that when DD started treatment he can take time off but we still can survive.
He makes sure that we have everything we need always.
He treats me like an absolute princess, and has never once crossed a line with me.
The kids adore him, his a brilliant dad who never lets them down.
He covers night care with DD even if he does have work in the morning without complaint.

I have had is fairly easy with him, and we are incredibly happy ( obviously without the events currently going on with DD and baby )

But I have serious trust issues from childhood and how can I say 100 percent that it never happened !??

I have not once got any friends involved just to clarify.
Me and DP have spoken when we can which is pretty tough.
DD is in hospital long term it's apart of our life so the rest of our life doesn't stop. ( 3 years )
I have spoken to one friend who is being a great help.
I also have not text her since yesterday ?
DP has to set her straight.

I was all for you and your DP cutting the psycho friend out of your lives but as your updates have gone on, tbh it sounds really dodgy.

If he hadn't been angry at you and doing the 'how could you believe her, poor me I would never do that to you' bullshit then it would look bad but nowhere near as bad as the deflection and cheating partner 'script'

Only you know your partner and what his behaviour is usually like but I would advise caution and to try and get as much info from everyone involved as possible.