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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be angry and DP and friend wine session.

352 replies

Confusedandalone19 · 27/08/2017 12:48

I name changed and will try not to drop feed.

Me and DP have 2 kids combined.
We are child hood sweethearts but had a break in between.
Now eventually settled down together.

Friend was an old school friend of us both however was always more my friend of that makes sense.
As we have got older have become less close but still stay in contact.
( she is the eccentric, wild type )
I am currently in hospital with young DD and we are going through a really hard time as a whole unit.
So here is what happened yesteray.

I had both children at hospital with me until DP finished work at 10 pm and picked DSS up, they would not have got home until 10.45 ish.

I spoke to DP at just gone midnight every thing seemed fine nothing was mentioned about anyone being there.

This morning I woke up to a text message of my friend saying she was popped around last night but I wasn't in ( she knew I wasn't there as we have been in hospital over a week ) glad I got a chance to spend some time with ( my DP )
He was explaining how you really struggling emotionally at the minute and that things are tough followed with will replace your wine to ! Shock

I rand DP who explained she did knock last night and he welcomed her in She drunk too much wine and was asking questions and being really friendly.
She ended up sleeping on the sofa and left this morning.

I was more confused than anything I don't get

  1. Why she turned up at my house at that time knowing I wasn't there
  1. Why DP let her in.
  1. Why they were drinking wine together
  1. Why she didn't get a taxi home.

An hour ago I got a phone call from my best friend to ask if everything was ok as friend from last night had told her things seemed difficult between me and DP and that it was likely we would be seperating soon through the stress !

( this is the first I have heard about it, we get on fine )

Now DP can be a bit stupid and naive , he would do anything for anyone and genuinely is a bit of a push over at times.
His claim is....

She turned up at the door, she seemed down and asked for me, he explained I wasn't in and she asked to come in.
He allowed her in and they got talking and she helped her self to some wine and poured himself some to.
She got very drunk and they had a few emotinal conversations.
He offered to order her a taxi but she said she didn't feel save going alone early hours of the morning so asked to sleep on the sofa.

This sounds confusing I know !
I am mad at them both, not sure I should be though.

OP posts:
SkylarFalls · 27/08/2017 22:53

My white wine is in the pretty obvious fridge. My red is visible on the wine rack. I don't think anyone would have trouble finding it without me!

2rebecca · 27/08/2017 22:57

Why would they be roaming round your kitchen looking for it though?
Different if it's family staying with you, but even my best friend when staying doesn't help herself to my wine and this woman was far from a best friend,
I'm still not clear why she chose the OP's house to descend on in the middle of the night.

honeyroar · 27/08/2017 22:58

He might have actually enjoyed being able to talk to her about his worries about what OP was owing through. He might have/probably did think she was genuinely being a friend and not actually only doing it to hit on him. I'd not throw my husband's mate out if he was worse for wear - I wouldn't feel unsafe or worried he'd hit on me, it wouldn't cross my mind, he's just a mate..

SkylarFalls · 27/08/2017 22:59

some people have no boundaries, this friend sounds like one of those people given the rest of the scenario, so I would be inclined to believe that she did actually help herself to the wine!

2rebecca · 27/08/2017 22:59

The OP also said the friend knew she wouldn't be there, so her partner should also have suspected the woman was lying.

Original poster
Confusedandalone19 · 27/08/2017 23:03

My wine is fairly visable in the rack in my kitchen.
My partner is a good guy genuinely, he has his faults and I am going to discuss with how hurt I was about the emotional side he shared.
I do however have other people who have spoken to me today and it's clearly obvious now that she for some reason wanted people to believe she spent the night with him.

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 27/08/2017 23:05

well done OP..

she has absolutely manipulated the situation in her favour and is casting her web onto your DP.. ensuring people knows she 'Spent the Night' at yours alone with DP... forgetting to mention the kids of course...

Stay strong and do not let this vile woman interfere in your world Flowers

2rebecca · 27/08/2017 23:05

What does he think of this?

Original poster
Confusedandalone19 · 27/08/2017 23:08

What do you mean ?

His angry and upset, we can not have a long conversation right now but we will do when I get home.
He doesn't want either of us to have contact with her.

OP posts:
BitOfANameChange · 27/08/2017 23:10

He doesn't want either of us to have contact with her.

Then he needs to be letting her know that directly from him. You've mentioned your own message to her, but there's every possibility that she'll continue to twist things until he makes it clear he doesn't want contact. You need a united front.

SkylarFalls · 27/08/2017 23:10

If you catch someone at a time of crisis and act like you care 9 times out of 10 they won't have their normal barriers up and will talk, so don't be too hard on your OH for opening up to someone who he thought was a friend to you as a family! x

SkylarFalls · 27/08/2017 23:13

He does need to set her straight personally though!, otherwise she'll convince herself that he wants her and you are just a possessive bitch and she'll spread more venom and people will think no smoke without fire!

He should text her and set her straight!

Bluntness100 · 27/08/2017 23:26

Hmm, in light of updates then yes it seems this is on her op she's meddling, for reasons only she knows. Has she responded to your text?

As to the poster saying someone would have to "ransack" the house to find wine, in my house, every friend I have knows, it's both in the booze cupboard in the living room and in the wine rack in kitchen. No ransacking required and they are used to helping themselves as we do in their homes. My husband also wouldn't be rude and say to go home, he'd probably be sociable and polite.

Atenco · 28/08/2017 00:04

So glad that you have been able to verify that your dp did not lie to you last night, OP. As for his blabbing, I'm afraid I am a hopeless blabbermouth myself with chronic foot in mouth disease.

Willow2017 · 28/08/2017 00:06

Some people cant seem to understand that sometimes you need to just let out your worries and feelings to another person who isnt affected by the same event. Sometimes because you dont want to upset the person closest to you.

Erm there is a big example right in front of us all right now...

Her oh thought that woman was a friend and it was safe to talk to.

Obviously she had her own agenda but she has cut off her nose to spite her face now.

Atenco · 28/08/2017 01:06

Oh Willow2017, you are spot on.

Chestervase1 · 28/08/2017 09:20

I think your DP put himself in a vulnerable position by inviting her in. What if she had made other allegations about him.

Original poster
Confusedandalone19 · 28/08/2017 10:49

Things have got worse, she is saying more happened and that she didn't sleep on sofa.
Went it to great detail to friend about what her story of full events are.

I got DP to text her and he said

Something like he doesn't know why she is doing this but that he has no intentions of anything happening ( followed by bringing up the accusation of sleeping together )

She text back sorry I said something, I think you are in denial but that's ok, you two have been through a lot so it can not be easy to emotionally let go.
I know you feel the same about me but I understand if you need some time.

?
Is she just crazy !

OP posts:
Appuskidu · 28/08/2017 10:55

Are you 100% sure they didn't sleep together?

MumsOnCrack · 28/08/2017 11:00

I would be very suspicious and very careful. Can you get them both in the same room and find out what actually happened?

flumpybear · 28/08/2017 11:01

She's pulling out all the stops now! Her word against his - she's putting doubt in your mind and everyone else's

What's this about 'let go' too - really?? Shrieks of nonsense to me

What does your child say?

ChasedByBees · 28/08/2017 11:07

What is his reaction to this?

SleepingStandingUp · 28/08/2017 11:08

What is your friends take on it? As a relative outsider? Presumably friend should be guilt stricken not bragging if its true? Or is she suggesting it was more than one than one night?

I'm so sorry OP. You've been through so much already with your daughter and pregnancy. I can't imagine having to make the decision you did but however "wrong" you may feel the decision was, remember you made it for the right reasons Flowers

SleepingStandingUp · 28/08/2017 11:11

And if DH had sent her packing at 1 am drunk and alone or had refused entry to a drunk emotional friend people would be saying what a Dick he is and how anything could have happened. Assuming his stpey is correct, he let her in cost he's a nice guy and didn't know how to say no. Wine in moat houses is fairly easy to find and perhaps he didn't want to manhandle her. Let her sleep it off rather than sending a drunk woman out alone or putting her in a taxi when she was in no state to look after herself.

happypoobum · 28/08/2017 11:11

Well I would be very suspicious..................

If he hadn't allowed this woman into your home, very late at night, drank with her, told her about problems you are having and allowed her to sleep over, then none of this would be an issue.

I can't imagine letting my DPs friend in that late and letting them sleep over.

I call bullshit.