AIBU to be angry and DP and friend wine session.

[Confusedandalone19]

I name changed and will try not to drop feed.

Me and DP have 2 kids combined.
We are child hood sweethearts but had a break in between.
Now eventually settled down together.

Friend was an old school friend of us both however was always more my friend of that makes sense.
As we have got older have become less close but still stay in contact.
( she is the eccentric, wild type )
I am currently in hospital with young DD and we are going through a really hard time as a whole unit.
So here is what happened yesteray.

I had both children at hospital with me until DP finished work at 10 pm and picked DSS up, they would not have got home until 10.45 ish.

I spoke to DP at just gone midnight every thing seemed fine nothing was mentioned about anyone being there.

This morning I woke up to a text message of my friend saying she was popped around last night but I wasn't in ( she knew I wasn't there as we have been in hospital over a week ) glad I got a chance to spend some time with ( my DP )
He was explaining how you really struggling emotionally at the minute and that things are tough followed with will replace your wine to !

I rand DP who explained she did knock last night and he welcomed her in She drunk too much wine and was asking questions and being really friendly.
She ended up sleeping on the sofa and left this morning.

I was more confused than anything I don't get

1. Why she turned up at my house at that time knowing I wasn't there

1. Why DP let her in.

1. Why they were drinking wine together

1. Why she didn't get a taxi home.

An hour ago I got a phone call from my best friend to ask if everything was ok as friend from last night had told her things seemed difficult between me and DP and that it was likely we would be seperating soon through the stress !

( this is the first I have heard about it, we get on fine )

Now DP can be a bit stupid and naive , he would do anything for anyone and genuinely is a bit of a push over at times.
His claim is....

She turned up at the door, she seemed down and asked for me, he explained I wasn't in and she asked to come in.
He allowed her in and they got talking and she helped her self to some wine and poured himself some to.
She got very drunk and they had a few emotinal conversations.
He offered to order her a taxi but she said she didn't feel save going alone early hours of the morning so asked to sleep on the sofa.

This sounds confusing I know !
I am mad at them both, not sure I should be though.

Will also say DP I love him immensely but he can be a bit of a wet fish.
He would not have sent her a angry text back or swear at her as it's not him.

Alarm bells are ringing here I'm afraid. A very similar thing happened to me years ago. I never trusted that nothing had happened and a week after we split up and ex dp moved out he was officially with my exBf

I'd probably text all your friends too 'lock up your partners Xxx is on the prowl '

Oh OP. I'd be having a much deeper conversation when with your OH when you're home and things are a bit more settled but i would absolutely be washing my hands of her. As everyone else has said, she is in no way your friend, absolutely disgusting behaviour.

Well done OP. It's not easy having to bin an old friend but sometimes they can outstay their welcome and begin taking the friendship for granted.
I hope you're ok and that it's onward and upward for you and your DP together

Please make sure your DP knows what you have said to her. She is likely to approach him / your other friends and play the victim.

Really, OP, do not give her the satisfaction of a conversation. The best thing you can do is have no contact. Don't let her know that you are feeling vulnerable. No more texts or emails...she could use them to make out you are unhinged and she was only trying to 'help'...

Does she normally come round to see you and does she come round that late and wanting a drink. If she had never knocked on your door before I would wonder why she came round. Did she know you were in hospital with your child.

He needs to tell her himself. If he did not say those things he needs to correct her and make it clear her inappropriate behaviour isn't welcome BY HIM. Otherwise it looks like it's all you and that actually he isn't that bothered about her inappropriate behaviour and possibly even fine with.

Is he angry about her misinterpretation of things? If I spoke to someone who then spread such a nasty rumour i would be livid. I'm surprised he's managed to ignore her. Although I know some will do anything for a quiet life. If that's the case it's even more important he contacts her to put her straight. Otherwise she will think he's appeasing you for a quiet life.

OP, your DP doesn't need to swear or be angry, but he does now need to step up and present a united front to your ex friend by texting himself, to echo yours.

Or you'll end up being presented as the unreasonable one.

She's good isn't she, almost like she is has done nothing wrong. Just had both your best interests at heart

She's an opportunist - I'd bet her supposed argument was an elaborate pity-ploy to get herself over your threshold...

Which she replied with it was the impression I got, sorry if I was mistaken but there is many of us who care about and want to see you happy

snake!

She gets a role to play in all outcomes so it's win win for her. The other woman/ saviour friend/ wrongful victim of your accusations will all get her some attention.
Drop her.

Well done op she is a chancer.

Dp needs to back you up too with a short sharp text to let her know he won't be played by her and he never said anything about your partnership being on the rocks and how dare she spread such lies.
She needs to know you are united.

He is angry his more upset that he thinks his hurt me.
My best friend thankfully is on our side.
Just feel very exposed right night.

Your DP should reply this:

"as I thought you were my partners friend I was nice to you, as I am to all of her friends. But to be clear, she is my priority and my shoulder to cry on, not you."

I wouldn't have him reply now, it's too late and just looks like you made him, but if she contacts him again he just needs to tell her he's not interested in her friendship or any contact with her, then block her.

Your hubby sounds like a good guy so don't let anyone turn you against him. I don't know about your friend so I can't really say. It sounds like she was already out on the lash and because she was pissed she thought it would be a great idea to call by. It wasn't!

I hope things get easier for you and I don't doubt that you made the best decision you could with the information available to you at the time.

Take care of yourself

I find it odd that he would welcome in a clearly very pissed woman when you aren't there and ply her with even more alcohol and not send her home in a taxi. How did she get to your house if that drunk anyway?
If roles were reversed ould you happily entertain a drunk friend of your husbands, give him yet more drink and let him stay?
I don't get what he actually got out of it unless he fancied her, and it would obviously look bad to you so as she's not his friend and he made things worse by giving her yet more drink why do it?
It may have been he was too gormless to behave properly and be loyal to you but I would want an assurance he never sees her again and sends any future female callers packing.

if any of my friends turned up worse for wear or upset he'ld invite them in and try to be helpful!

She's trying to make a play for your DP at a time when you're both extremely vulnerable and going through such a stressful time. What a nasty, vile bitch.

You both need to cut her out and don't look back. I hope your DD is home very soon

OP said in her opening post that "friend" helped herself to the wine, not that OP's DP poured it into her.

I don't think my husband would after midnight if I wasn't there and if the woman was drunk.
I don't think he's deluded enough to think he could make the situation better, especially by giving her more alcohol and letting her spend the night.
She doesn't sound a close friend anyway.
Would you entertain drunk friends of your husband if he wasn't there Skylar? And let him stay over not concerned about how weird that would look to your husband if this had never happened before?

Would you entertain drunk friends of your husband if he wasn't there Skylar? it's different for women. I wouldn't turn away one of his female friends! I wouldn't feel so comfortable alone with a drunk male acquaintance but the underlying safety issues aren't there so much for men.

How did she find the wine though? Why did her husband not just say "I think you've had enough" and send her home and go to bed? It's his house. No-one helps themself to my wine. If one of my husband's friends turned up and started ransacking the house looking for the alcohol I'd feel really uneasy being alone with him and would send him away pronto.
Is it OK because she's a nonthreatening girlie doing a damsel in distress act and partner wanted to play her knight in shining armour rescuing her by allowing her to drink yet more whilst he told her all your personal medical details?