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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want one bath a week?

110 replies

rainbowpie · 27/08/2017 08:41

DH is currently having a go because I've had a bath. I'll provide all details to see if anyone can work out why I am in the wrong because I am at a loss.

We have two small children. I co-sleep in a bed with the baby in his room due to frequent feeding. DD usually climbs in around 5am. DH has "our" room to himself. We are all happy with this arrangement as it is temporary. However, it makes it tricky to get up early to have a shower as I'd wake both of them so I usually have a shower at night. Fine.

Once a week, I'd really like a hot bath. I love baths. My back hurts from co-sleeping and I find it easier to shave my legs properly in the bath. I have said this to DH who thinks I should just climb in after the DC have finished their bath? Confused He didn't even have to look after the DC while I was in the bath! DS was on the (clean) floor playing with toys while DD sat on the loo chatting to me. DH was in bed!

There are no money issues so it can't be the cost of the bath. We can afford baths. AIBU to really not understand why I can't have one bath a week that really doesn't affect him in any way? He just keeps saying it isn't necessary and I should just have a quick shower or use the DC's bath water.

OP posts:
Trb17 · 27/08/2017 08:56

That's odd. Why on earth would he object to you having a bath?! Confused

BeeFarseer · 27/08/2017 09:01

Is he the kind of man that resents you doing anything nice for yourself? Because he sounds like it.

Louiselouie0890 · 27/08/2017 09:01

That is so bizarre

MargaretCavendish · 27/08/2017 09:05

Did you not just ask him why it's a problem when he started making a fuss? Ask him, not us - either he'll struggle to give a reason and so can hardly continue to object or he'll explain why. At the top of my head I wonder whether his parents made a big fuss about the extravagance of having a bath - but I'm just guessing and you live with a person who knows the answer!

livelyredjellybean · 27/08/2017 09:08

Surely he should be offering to step up and look after your DC so you can enjoy a hot bath in peace!? Do you get ANY child free time??

NurseButtercup · 27/08/2017 09:08

YANBU
I have a shower every morning and a bath 3-4 times per week before bed helps me to sleep.

I'm scratching my head to see his logic. Are you on a water meter? Is he worried about the bath v shower water use?

IDoDaChaCha · 27/08/2017 09:10

Have the bath anyway. He is being an idiot.

AlternativeTentacle · 27/08/2017 09:10

I have a bath every single night. If my OH started questioning it, I'd start questioning his football seasons ticket/beer money/yada yada.

But he doesn't because he isn't a dickhead.

WowserBowser · 27/08/2017 09:12

WHAT? I rarely have baths anymore but when I was pregnant I lived in the bath.

I can understand why you want to have a nice bath if you are achey. Tell him you won't bath anymore if he does the co sleeping.

m0therofdragons · 27/08/2017 09:13

That's really bizarre that he even has a thought on this. I'm guessing he'd hate our hot tub (I use that at least twice a week as well as baths/showers)!

MrsEricBana · 27/08/2017 09:15

Gosh that's very controlling. You do need to just tell him you're having a bath and he needs to look after the dcs. Is he controlling in other ways?

Original poster
rainbowpie · 27/08/2017 09:17

I have asked again and he has just said how silly it is to have a bath when I could have just jumped in after the DC last night. I'm pretty sure they both pee in the bath. He genuinely can't see why I'd rather have a hot, fresh bath with adult bubble bath.

No water meter. We're pretty comfortable financially. He spent £80 going out with his friends on Friday night.

OP posts:
NataliaOsipova · 27/08/2017 09:19

That's really bizarre that he even has a thought on this.

My thoughts exactly!

MoyraLanterns · 27/08/2017 09:20

He sounds awful. I would just leave the DC with him and say I am having a bath. Why on earth is he in bed while you have both DCs in the bath??

Peeetle · 27/08/2017 09:21

Why are you even having this conversation?

If you really have to carry on with this, ask him why he prefers going out with his mates to having a can of beer at home and texting them.

thatdearoctopus · 27/08/2017 09:21

The only bit that's unreasonable about this is the fact that you have to have your bath with 2 small kids in the room whilst he's lounging around in bed.
And as for hopping in after the kids have finished!! Yuk. Who wants to do that? Dh used to wait until I'd run myself a nice hot bubbly scented bath for myself and then ask if he could just jump in first for "a quick swill." AngryAngry No. just no. He doesn't ask anymore.

AfunaMbatata · 27/08/2017 09:21

Weird. Just weird .

NC4now · 27/08/2017 09:22

Strange man. Ignore him and have your lovely bath.

justilou1 · 27/08/2017 09:22

I'm guessing you cooked him dinner yesterday.... why would he need dinner again?

You washed his clothes earlier? They won't need washing again for months?

I would be seriously putting him on the naughty step until he could find something logical to complain about.

NC4now · 27/08/2017 09:23

I had two baths yesterday btw. Husband didn't say a word (why would he?!)

LottieDoubtie · 27/08/2017 09:23

Er what?

This is bizarre OP. Give us some more context- what is he like in other ways? Does he say it in a baffled why would you do that tone or in an aggressive one?

RochelleGoyle · 27/08/2017 09:24

It sounds like he begrudges you doing something for yourself OP. YANBU! My question is why couldn't he have looked after the kids so you could relax properly?

HeadDreamer · 27/08/2017 09:25

I hate baths. But why does he have a right to not let you have a bath. I don't resent my DH having a bath if he wants one. Like you said it doesn't affect me. Is there something else wrong in your relationship? It is not right he doesn't let you do something for yourself if it's not costing much money.

BusterGonad · 27/08/2017 09:25

Just have a bath and don't even ask/tell him/or mention it. What's it got to do with him anyway?

Birdsgottafly · 27/08/2017 09:25

""He genuinely can't see why I'd rather have a hot, fresh bath with adult bubble bath.""

The point is that he doesn't get to have an opinion. If you like something and it isn't doing anyone any harm, it shouldn't be questioned.

Does he see you as one of the children or Staff? I've known a few Managers who try to manage the people around them and need telling straight.

The answer is "you have one because you want to" and no further discussion is needed.

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