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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want one bath a week?

110 replies

rainbowpie · 27/08/2017 08:41

DH is currently having a go because I've had a bath. I'll provide all details to see if anyone can work out why I am in the wrong because I am at a loss.

We have two small children. I co-sleep in a bed with the baby in his room due to frequent feeding. DD usually climbs in around 5am. DH has "our" room to himself. We are all happy with this arrangement as it is temporary. However, it makes it tricky to get up early to have a shower as I'd wake both of them so I usually have a shower at night. Fine.

Once a week, I'd really like a hot bath. I love baths. My back hurts from co-sleeping and I find it easier to shave my legs properly in the bath. I have said this to DH who thinks I should just climb in after the DC have finished their bath? Confused He didn't even have to look after the DC while I was in the bath! DS was on the (clean) floor playing with toys while DD sat on the loo chatting to me. DH was in bed!

There are no money issues so it can't be the cost of the bath. We can afford baths. AIBU to really not understand why I can't have one bath a week that really doesn't affect him in any way? He just keeps saying it isn't necessary and I should just have a quick shower or use the DC's bath water.

OP posts:
Ttbb · 27/08/2017 09:26

It seems like he's just doing it to be mean.

Nellyphants · 27/08/2017 09:26

He's definitely got you at the bottom of the pecking order hasn't he? You do everything for the kids & now you're not 'allowed' a bath?

Why are you even asking him.

glow1984 · 27/08/2017 09:27

YANBU

I think yours is one of the most mind baffling posts I've ever read :/

If DP said anything like that to me, I would literally tell him to F off.

TrinityRhino · 27/08/2017 09:27

Well he sounds rather mean.

Did you ask him why?

Cause we can only guess at the reason.

I can't see a valid reason and it seems like hes not thinking about you as an adult who needs some time out.

Original poster
rainbowpie · 27/08/2017 09:28

I'm glad it isn't just me then! He isn't usually controlling, no. He's generally great but we do need to work on me not being the default parent all the time.

OP posts:
Crumbs1 · 27/08/2017 09:29

Is he a bit of an eco warrior? Ignore and step up to two baths a week. Hot baths are my cure all for most problems.

SeaCabbage · 27/08/2017 09:29

Yes please get him to explain in detail and then tell us.

It sounds like it is a money concern.

Which also sounds like he must be rather mean and selfish.

What is he like in other ways?

NeonFlower · 27/08/2017 09:32

Was he brought up in a frugal household?

Original poster
rainbowpie · 27/08/2017 09:32

I didn't ask him! He got up just as I was getting out and started his bath repertoire.

He's definitely got you at the bottom of the pecking order hasn't he?

It seems like it!

OP posts:
LadyLapsang · 27/08/2017 09:33

In your position, I would be having a lovely long soak in an expensively scented bath every evening (with the bathroom lock on).

ScarlettDarling · 27/08/2017 09:36

How very selfish. I'd be really cross with him about this if I were you. Why on earth aren't you entitled to a nice hot, peaceful bath? I really think you need to make a bit of a fuss about this.

Perhaps he doesn't see why you couldn't have just hopped in the dc's lukewarm peed in bath water...fine. You can't understand why he needed to spend 80 quid on beer last night

Inform him that you'll be having a bath, in fresh hot water, as often as you want. If he doesn't see why you want to do that, fine, but please keep comments to himself as they annoy you. Oh, and you'd like your bath in peace and quiet so can he make sure he takes the children downstairs for half an hour. What an arse!

LadyLapsang · 27/08/2017 09:36

SeaCabbage, he sounds mean and selfish to the OP. Meanwhile he is lolling around undisturbed in the marital bed and spending £80 on a night out with his friends.

LagunaBubbles · 27/08/2017 09:36

He's not "great" though if he's leaving everything to you is he?

MaudAndOtherPoems · 27/08/2017 09:37

How bizarre. I agree with the pp who suggested that you tell him that going out with his friends is pointless, as he could text them while drinking beer at home.

paradoxicalInterruption · 27/08/2017 09:37

Having a long hot bath is my signal to Dh that I need some quiet time on my own. He doesn't question this or disturb me.

I think this is hands down the oddest thing I've ever read on here....

demirose87 · 27/08/2017 09:37

Stand up for yourself and don't be a pushover. Keep having your baths!

Mittens1969 · 27/08/2017 09:39

Of course YANBU, he is and massively so! I love my hot, relaxing baths, your DH should look after your DCs while you're in the bath and you should have a nice long soak.

What is his problem? Is he worried about the cost? Or does he resent having to take any responsibility for the DCs at all. It's time to stand up for yourself, he shouldn't be dictating on this anyway.

WhingyNinja · 27/08/2017 09:39

This makes me irrationally angry. You give everything to your children and he gets undisturbed sleep and still has the gall to whine when you're doing something nice for yourself? You even kept the children in the bathroom with you so he could sleep?

Tell him to give his head a big fucking wobble.

kaitlinktm · 27/08/2017 09:41

I have asked again and he has just said how silly it is to have a bath when I could have just jumped in after the DC last night

But why is it silly? You probably want the water hotter and urine-free and with bubble bath which might not be suitable for children. Why is that silly? You might also mention that you would also like half an hour's peaceful child-free time to have your bath - you know, like he has when he has a lie-in - but from what you say, that's a work in progress.

ask him why he prefers going out with his mates to having a can of beer at home and texting them

You should definitely do this^ - I would love to hear his response! Grin

Pengggwn · 27/08/2017 09:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
rainbowpie · 27/08/2017 09:47

He usually has no issue with me spending money (though I rarely do), nor I him. I think it's things that take time that bug him even though it didn't affect him anyway. Just have a quick shower so you can get back to your 24/7 job of looking after the children. I'm not a robot, I have to wash and eat.

Btw he's buggered off for a shower and a shave.

OP posts:
Lweji · 27/08/2017 09:48

I suppose this will raise another discussion, but I'd never be able to get in the bath after DC because I always rinse with the shower head after the bath to remove dirt and soap.

What was he doing in bed while you had a bath?

Drop the children with him and claim your peace and quiet time.

Watbox · 27/08/2017 09:49

Sounds like a control freak. Does he control other aspects of your life.

Pengggwn · 27/08/2017 09:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gingerbeerd · 27/08/2017 09:52

It sounds like he was having a petty go at you for using "unnecessary" water. Was he already in a pissy mood before and just looking for something to complain about?