Poorly man shuffle

[Moussemoose]

AIBU to want to throttle the love of my life?
He's been poorly with a D&V bug. I've tended his fevered brow. I've cleaned the toilet - many, many times, I've made nourishing food, I have not complained about the smell or the noises, I've been sympathetic.
I am now fed up.
He is up and about but he is 'shuffling' he makes little noises when he lifts anything (like the kettle), he has a pained expression on his face, his sense of humour disappeared down the toilet with other things, he keeps saying "I'm fine" in a passive aggressive whimper.

I've had no alone time in the bedroom, anything from cutting my toe nails to waxing is a spectator sport to add interest to his day.

I love him. He is ill. I want to put him in a box in the loft for the next 20 years.

My MIL says DH has always been the same, he likes the world and their mother to come and be seen to care and acknowledge when he's unwell, apart from at work when no one can ever know if gets sick because he is a capable, important work guy who doesn't worry about such trivial things as illness. luckily he's a peach in 90% of everything else so I keep him around.

City boy what's TBF illness??

Well I'm sure you're all desperate to know how my DP is doing in his ongoing battle against nearly insurmountable odds faced with an unsupportive - in fact down right unpleasant - life partner. He is.........

"Fine"

"Do you think you could wash these joggers?"

wheely it means "to be fair"

My mum does this passive aggressive cough to signal she's unwell. I am a caring soul (because she lives hundreds of miles away and she's on the phone) and ask if she's sick. 'No. Well, I've got the flu...' 'have you taken any painkillers? You sound awful' (says me) 'I only take something when I'm dying,' says the martyr. 'I'm not like you, I've got a high pain threshold'

Mum, I know you're reading this, but suffering migraines and severe pain during pregnancy meaning serious drugs and induction does not mean low pain threshold. You not taking meds when you're sick to prove a point about what a bloody hero you are doesn't mean you're a superior form of the human race either. Don't take the pills, suffer, flipping hell, it's your body that suffers 🙄🙄

Ah I needed that thanks op!

Op, my patio needs redoing, feel free to use it for his resting place and just make good where me and the kids have to walk 😉

I think there should be a return clause so you can send them home to Mummy when the shuffling and noises starts .

My DH gets absolutely no sympathy what so ever unless it is a substantial physical injury - splinters no, broken bones or stitch needing cuts then yes. He is about as gentle as a boot camp drill sarge if anyone else does the sniffling shuffling voice of death so he gets the same back. 'We don't do staying in bed all day, get up and shower, you will feel better' is his fav saying

I did call mine a haemorrhoidal excuse for a human being for exactly this very recently

The not taking painkillers thing! What is that. "I've got a really sore throat". "I'll make you a lemsip" "not a
yet" fine bloody suffer but I'm not caring.
He had a very minor surgery and was signed off for a week. After 3 days I was on hold to the clinic and ready to take him back to hospital. I checked the painkillers he'd been sent home with. Not 1 taken!!! Nearly shoved the whole packet down his throat!

I'm currently enduring a DP with manflu. In fairness, he's rarely ill (apart from his bad back ... and sinusitis ... and upset stomachs caused by his scant regard for basic kitchen hygiene), but he's being so bloody pathetic.

Since Thursday night, he's been having dreadful fevers, despite evidence to the contrary courtesy of the thermometer. This morning, he was too ill to watch the first of the morning's MotoGP races. When he did get up, his moaning, groaning, whimpering, huffing and puffing practically drowned out the sound of 20 or so motorbikes roaring round Silverstone.

I resorted to the thermometer again. It said 38.9 and I felt really mean for being so unsympathetic ... for about 20 seconds.

Mine made a massive fucking song and dance about a bad cold earlier this year (bearing in mind he doesn't believe in the migraines I get which make me vomit if i move my eyes).

He wouldn't take any time off work (work means getting up at 0450), he wouldn't take painkillers regularly and then all of a sudden it was so bad he went to the urgent care centre who were totally taken in by the cough and the general malaise he had been perfecting for a week and sent him to fucking A&E where he saw a very competent young Dr. Unfortunately, the radiologist had gone home so after they took a shagging chest x ray, they referred him to the haematology clinic at the local hospital.

I was throwing him some serious shade when we were in the waiting room (I knew it was a bad cold, it was just so obvious) and there were some really very unwell people there.

Praise the lord, the haematologist said "I don't usually see people who have just had a bad cold, how are you feeling now?" and sent him on his merry way. Honestly, he could have just taken a couple of days off work and been fine, but no...

Now this has passed, he has "broken his ankle" slipping off a pavement but he won't see the GP or a physio or get anything done about that. Last year it was his neck but I think the Bad Cold kept him quiet for a while.

I have to go over the infuriating explanations of how antibiotics actually work and are not to be used for general shuffling.

This thread has made me nearly cry with laughter.

Needs to go in classics

DP once self-diagnosed with gout. He refused prawns and similar foodstuffs for a week on account of his gout.

He was slightly thrilled when instead he was diagnosed with slightly high blood pressure and self-righteously purchased a load of those plant spreads for which there is very little actual evidence if you listen to the woman WHO WRITES ABOUR MEDICAL STUFF FOR A LIVING.

Oh I have one of those!!! The not taking medicine drives me up the wall.

Mines was whimpering that he thinks his pillows have given him a really sore back. But not sore enough for any of the painkillers I offered obviously.

Meanwhile I am confined to crutches or a wheelchair in order to leave the house thanks to bad SPD and can never get comfy or move easily and I can hear my own damn pelvis crunching when I move.

I just glared 😂

Love him to bits but the pillow might go on top of his head if there's more of that

DH never "hurts" himself. He's never "hurt" his knee, for example. Oh no; he's "damaged" himself. Being "damaged" implies a special kind of hurtiness with a smidgeon of additional drama.

I think some of you may appreciate this

m.youtube.com/watch?v=VbmbMSrsZVQ

I want to kill DH when he shuffles and whines

My DH is like this when he's ill.....I blame MIL for pandering to him far too much when he was a teenager....there's no sympathy for me when I'm ill, I'm expected to crack on and get on with it, which I do.

I can see I've been doing it all wrong.
When DH asks "do I look terribly pale and ill?" , instead of cheerily saying "no, you look fine", I will adopt a thoughtful expression and reply "well, put it this way, if you were a horse they'd have shot you by now" . I expect to be using that line several times a day (sorry I forgot the name of the original poster of this classic)

When DH asks "do I look terribly pale and ill?" , instead of cheerily saying "no, you look fine", I will adopt a thoughtful expression and reply "well, put it this way, if you were a horse they'd have shot you by now" . I expect to be using that line several times a day (sorry I forgot the name of the original poster of this classic)

That was me @nomorechickens (The 'if you were a horse' line...)

I can't help but wonder why many men refuse tablets and so on!

Could it be because there is actually FUCK-ALL wrong with them?

My DH does this. 'Have some tablets' I say when he moans he has a 'migraine.'

'Nah I'll suffer it.......... '

My DH went through a hypocondriac phase where he alternately was convinced he had Lyme disease, or salmonella.

Now when he complains of any of the symptoms, I ask him, "Oh, is it the Lymonella again?"

Generally he gets the hint.

Not my DH, but my DDs like to complain of random things. "I stubbed my middle toe" or "my hair feels too tight." I give them a sympathetic look and say, "My left eyeball itches."

Sometimes for variety I make it the right eyeball.

I think this is one of the funniest threads I have read. Some fucking hilarious posts on here.

The one where the man had constipation and kept updating his family on how far his 'stuck poo' had moved, and then told his wife he knew how she felt when giving birth now (after said poo finally came out!) had me in stitches.

It's brilliant though, discovering most men are the same. Not just mine. I don't feel so bad about him now LOL!

This "man behaviour" will surely come back and bite their bum. My husband very often "cried wolf" every pain/chill/stubbed toe was accompanied by lots of dramatic pain noises and sighs'and heroically refusing painkillers. One recent morning, after hunching over his laptop he said "my shoulder aches". I just sighed a bit unsympathetically (I had heard it all hundreds of times...)and said "now you know how I felt hour on hour each day bashing away at a typewriter". He was having a heart attack.

I've been through this and I'm thanking my lucky stars that DP isn't like this. Dozy sod even manged to fall out of bed via the very sharp side of the bedside cabinet, gashing his torso (which has left a Harry Potter style scar)

Did he wake up at any point?

No.

Just said he 'felt a throbbing' so rolled over onto it! And woke up to a minor bloodbath on the sheets 🙈

He's nice to me when I'm ill and when he's ill it is genuine.

Never again will I go through that crap. 😁

DH does the shuffle when ill. And sitting down and standing up is accompanied by a sort of whimpery groan.
The worst was after he had his tonsils out, he had to do a special walk to cope with the pain of swallowing his tablets. I get that it's very painful but ffs, his "painwright walks" as they were dubbed were so annoying.
I've got hyperemsis again and if he tells me one more time that he feels a bit queasy too I might just lose my mind.

Edmundclever the grape is on the other arse now hahaha