Poorly man shuffle

[Moussemoose]

AIBU to want to throttle the love of my life?
He's been poorly with a D&V bug. I've tended his fevered brow. I've cleaned the toilet - many, many times, I've made nourishing food, I have not complained about the smell or the noises, I've been sympathetic.
I am now fed up.
He is up and about but he is 'shuffling' he makes little noises when he lifts anything (like the kettle), he has a pained expression on his face, his sense of humour disappeared down the toilet with other things, he keeps saying "I'm fine" in a passive aggressive whimper.

I've had no alone time in the bedroom, anything from cutting my toe nails to waxing is a spectator sport to add interest to his day.

I love him. He is ill. I want to put him in a box in the loft for the next 20 years.

My fucking dog is doing this at the moment.
He went for a scale and polish and since he came back he's been making cow eyes at me and letting out little whimpers and moans.

It's clearly a cross-species phenomenon. Even DP said DDog reminds him of himself...

Laughing hard at only one paracetamol Mousse, I bought my DH 6+ Calpol as his wedding anniversary present this year. It has saved my insanity a few times already.

I've just read this to my DP who looked aggrieved and said 'that's you'

He does my head in when he's poorly. Won't take medication and shuffles about being sad. I've got no time for it.

I'm with my people, I can tell 😂

I thought my DH was the only man who only takes 1 paracetamol. You know when you do sex education in school and they take boys and girls into separate rooms? Do you think they use that as an opportunity to explain quite how damaging 2 paracetamol can be? or more likely if they know if they take 2 they will actually feel better and have nothing to whinge about?

Actually I've probably hit the nail on the head with that last comment. DD will happily take calpol when poorly as she just wants to feel better. DS on the other hand usually refuses. When I asked him why once, he said 'because it will make me better and then you won't let eat toast in bed and play on my tablet'

It's genetic, clearly. They're born with the notion that it's better to feel crap and whinge about it.....

Finding just ONE paracetamol tablet in the packet is so infuriating.

Mine today:
Sniff sniff snort, very unappealing nose blowing. 'I'm so snotty today, I wonder what it can be?'

Me: 'Hayfever. Take some antihistamenes'

Sniff. Loud snotty sniffing every ten seconds. 'I can't. I'm too stuffed up.'

Me: 'I'm sorry, I'm going to have to kill you.'

He did the 'poorly sick' voice too. Grrrr.

Well, I guess the grape is on the other arse now, isn't it

mine has to do 'a little' of everything when he's suffering.

Me:'Do you want to eat some lunch?'

DP: perhaps a little something. Maybe a small sandwich. Or a tiny bit of pizza'

Me: 'do you want a cup of tea?'
DP: 'yeah. Maybe a little cup of tea. Then I think I'll watch a tiny bit of TV before I go back to bed for a short while. I've been trying to read my book but I've only managed to read a small amount'

Really gets on my nerves it does!

I remember years ago my DM being in severe pain with sciatica. I asked her if she'd taken any painkillers,knowing that she had to be practically at death's door before she would take any. She said 'Yes,I've taken HALF an aspirin'. My DB said 'Don't overdo it mum'.

Mr Inferior is also of course an expert in whatever ails him and ignores my suggestions.

I've been a health journalist for about, oooh, the best part of 15 years...

What is it with these men?? Mine does the same, if the kids jump on him, he's in agony, rolls around the floor with a ridiculous expression on his face. Colds are full blown flus. He recently complained to my father & aunt, both of whom recently finished treatment for cancer, that he felt a bit coldy. He got chucked out of my parents house.

Also had the temerity to complain that his head was a bit sore, when I was rocking on the floor, doped to the hilt and still in agony with trigeminal neuralgia. Had I been feeling a bit more myself, I may have just brained him with a hammer. Given him something to complain about 😂

Loving this thread!

My DH will usually sleep it off and then if he's feeling particularly unwell will then follow me around like a sad little puppy and want as many snuggles as possible. I know it's bad when he takes tablets. Thankfully he never uses his sick voice.
My DB on the other hand 😂😂😂😂 had to deal with all the major man problems when he lived with us last year. No sympathy for him, just threw packs of tablets and cough syrup at him and told him to shower to warm himself up. He finally got the hint.

Well he's wandering around making that wounded animal noise.

DSS has made him a drink. I've put two paracetamol in front of him.

Let's see if any go

I started reading this, immediately thought about DH's refusal to take any form of medication & then realised he isn't alone. What is really concerning me is a comment about DC & calpol. One of DD's first words was "calpol". DS has taken it about five times in his life.
What really annoys me is that DH prides himself in not having had a day off work due to illness in about 15yrs. So he drags himself to work, risks his own life & those of hundreds of others driving around the M25 whilst I'll, probably infects the entire office, does the M25 thing again, comes home & collapses into bed and falls asleep, only to wake around 10.30 or so just as I'm going to bed (and have obviously done all of the stuff relating to the DC and house) and comes down and watches TV for a couple of hours before coming to bed and coughing & spluttering & snoring.
FFS! Just deal with it! Take some medication and, if necessary, time off work and recover.

mareemallory aaaahaha that made me chuckle

And why do they become red hot at night and take over your side of the bed - and give off a peculiar smell ! And watch Quest channel on tv !

Oh yes. I worked with someone who was known never to take sick leave. However I've seen her at work so ill she was literally propped up at her desk, snotting away, sharing the love germs so we were all exposed.

My exh was a complete knob when he was ill and would stay in bed even if he had a mild headache. My current dp very rarely complains about feeling ill and will go into work even if he is half dead. I reckon I'm the rubbish one when I'm ill.

My username is based absolutely, completely on my dp when he is poorly!!

Oh my god. The Voice. The tiny wee pathetic little whimpers of illness. Why? Just take two paracetamol and shut up!

And the sniffing. Oh the sniffing. Just. Blow. Your. Nose. And stop snorting you disgusting man!

My DH is pretty manly about the odd headache, joint pain, sore muscle etc. He's an outside macho type. He's even fairly philosophical about the hint of a cold - 2 paracetamol (TWO) and early night, Bob's your doo-da.

More than a hint, though, and there is immense moody silences and the loooong poor-me blink.

And if anything messes with the timeliness and perfection of his bowel movements CALL AN AMBULANCE.

the grape's on the other arse now comment. GLORIOUS!

LTB