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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Poorly man shuffle

162 replies

Moussemoose · 26/08/2017 16:23

AIBU to want to throttle the love of my life?
He's been poorly with a D&V bug. I've tended his fevered brow. I've cleaned the toilet - many, many times, I've made nourishing food, I have not complained about the smell or the noises, I've been sympathetic.
I am now fed up.
He is up and about but he is 'shuffling' he makes little noises when he lifts anything (like the kettle), he has a pained expression on his face, his sense of humour disappeared down the toilet with other things, he keeps saying "I'm fine" in a passive aggressive whimper.

I've had no alone time in the bedroom, anything from cutting my toe nails to waxing is a spectator sport to add interest to his day.

I love him. He is ill. I want to put him in a box in the loft for the next 20 years.

OP posts:
Mrsmorton · 26/08/2017 22:00

This thread is funny. Some of you are such good writers.

thebigbluedustbin · 26/08/2017 22:12

Oh God the memories of this make me happy I'm single now.

It was frequent. Not only the shuffling about but the bloody whimpering every time he moved, not just every time he picked something up but just moving. He'd go in the bath to feel better and I could still hear the moaning and whimpering from the living room. It would always only last one night as well, he'd be fine the next day. I'm convinced most of it was tiredness and an attention grab for sympathy.

DeadGood · 26/08/2017 22:16

"Only people who behave in a normal fashion are allowed to be near me"

Grin
BorderChick · 26/08/2017 23:50

@Kooshbin

DH is 71 years old which, to be fair, is when various bits don’t work as well as they used to. We’ve been married for … (hang on while I get the calculator out) … 42 years. A typical day these days goes like this:

Him: (manly man voice) I’m going to the supermarket. (Obvs the equivalent of hunting down a deer.)

Me: Okay. (Not looking up from my laptop because I’m MNing.)

Him: (pathetic flower voice). I’ve got a bruise.

Me: Okay. (See above.)

Him: (Gives up looking for sympathy and strides off purposefully with his weapon of choice, the car keys.

LOL this made me laugh!!! This is literally how I am with DH now. No. fucking.. Sympathy.

We are both in our mid 50's (together 33 years,) and I have literally had it up to the back teeth of his whiny moaning about his bleedin' health! Up to his late 40's there was very little, and I couldn't even get him to the doctors. (I don't think he went in 15 years!)

Then about 5 years ago, he suddenly started developing ailments, and started whining about his health. It was like he was never without an ailment. As one disappeared, another one would appear..

He said his 'heart hurts.' Then his kidneys ache, then his hip joints creaked, his head was throbbing, he had a pain in his bollock, then his back hurt, then his jaw hurt, then his 'eyes aren't right,' and he swore by the age of 55 he will be blind, then his inner ear felt 'numb.' Oh you fucking name it! He had it. I sat down a year ago, and jotted down every ailment he had whined about in the previous 2 or 3 years, and there were 12 different ones. None proven or verified, despite numerous visits to clinics, doctors, hospitals, ECG units, and specialists, (in addition to loads of tests.)

I got to the point where I was flat out ignoring him, and he got miffed, and would walk around huffing and puffing and grunting and URGHing when he got up from his armchair. He would also sit there (to my left in his armchair,) while we were both watching tv, or I was on my laptop, and I would hear him take a sharp intake of breath and grab his head, or hip, or heart or something!!! I glanced real quick to the side, and he was grimacing with his eyes shut tight, and with all his teeth showing (as he was in such 'agony!') I glanced back to the tv or laptop quick.

I got to the point where I REFUSED to respond. So he would start 'ugging' and rocking back and forth with the 'pain.' Still nothing from me. NOTHING. Sometimes, I left the room because it proper pissed me off. When I came back, he had stopped. Obviously didn't get the sympathy he wanted. Shame.

I did say to him once 'if you'd been a horse, they'd have shot you by now!' And 'what ailment are you going to have this month?' He just looked puzzled and a bit hurt when I said this, said 'I can't help how I am!' and carried on moaning... le sigh

I moan a bit when I am in pain and have an ailment that is making me suffer. But I will only whinge WHEN I AM ILL. He whinges FOR. FUCK. ALL. Oh, and he does 'the weedy voice' too. AND he won't take aspirin or paracetamol, saying (in a pained voice!) 'it's OK, I'll suffer it...' (Cue the shuffle to the bedroom, sniffing - even though he doesn't have a cold!)

Then earlier this year, he had a fall and hurt his shoulder, and had a GENUINE ailment for a couple of months, and OMG did he play on it. It's better now though, but now his heart hurts again and he has booked himself in for an ECG (again!) and his ears are whistling, so he has a catscan at the hospital in 3 weeks. Like the dutiful wife I am, I will go with him to these 2 appointments (like I have been to every scan, blood test, x ray, physio session, etc etc.) But if these 2 tests come up with SOD ALL again! I am done, and won't go to anything else. I am going to tell him to come to me when something serious is diagnosed and proven. Until then, I. DON'T. CARE. I am going to refuse to pander to his hypochondria after these 2 tests.

I won't go into detail, but I am not in the best of health right now and I do NOT have the energy to give a damn about his non-existent shit!

Why do men DO this? WHYYYY? is it pure attention-seeking? I do wonder. It's like when he lost 2 stone last year, all he went on about was how slim his waist is now, how everyone said he looks different, how his belt is 'up to the 7th notch now,' how his old jacket from 10 years ago fits again, how he can breathe better etc etc. I wouldn't mind, but he does this every few years (loses weight,) rants about how amazing he is for doing it and never stops praising himself, and then regains it all. EVERY. TIME. I did used to compliment and support him, but after the 7th time, it got old. Especially if I was trying to lose weight, and he kept over-taking me, and waffling on about how much more he had lost than me! And he would try to sabotage my diet sometimes too, by saying 'you don't need to lose any weight, don't be silly!' Hmm

Another attention-seeking thing he does is when we are out (shopping and doing chores;) , half the time he is either snappy and loud and going on rants, OR he will try and be 'funny.' He will say something 'whimsical,' and then will look around to see if people are looking, and laughing at what he has said. I have literally experienced him saying something he deems to be amusing (when he is next to me,) and he isn't looking at me when he says it; he is looking behind me to see if the woman behind is laughing at his 'hilarious quip!'

I am not kidding! I say 'who are YOU talking to?!' And he is like 'what?' I say 'you are waffling on and looking at someone behind me. Who are you talking to?' 'Ummm,' you of course,' he says sheepishly.

As I say, attention-seeking. They seem to need fuss and attention and praise, like with how they HAVE to tell you they have done a household chore! We do all the housework as a given, but THEY have to make a fucking song and a dance about doing the washing up FOR US! Angry

OMG that felt so good getting all that out! Grin

Haudyerwheesht · 27/08/2017 00:11

Dh does this thing where he thinks he's being brave and says 'all I want it to be left alone can't I even have that?' Whilst he sits downstairs with 2 kids and a dog and a cat when he could be in bloody bed, you know, alone. But no he wants to sit an whimper and sniff and shuffle but nobody must talk to him because it's all too much.

On our last holiday he pulled a muscle in his shoulder then spent the whole 2 weeks telling me maybe it wasn't a pulled muscle maybe it was a heart attack 🙄 But obviously wouldn't go to the doctors and also failed to see that if he was having a continuous heart attack for 2 weeks maybe he wouldn't be up to all the stuff we were managing to do on holiday and would in fact be fucking dead.

Also when I had dc2 I had a haemorrhage and was totally wiped out. Came home and was breastfeeding dc2 whilst dc1 was playing at my feet and dh said 'I don't feel very well I think I've got a cold'. I completely ignored him because I was worried I might kill him.

Haudyerwheesht · 27/08/2017 00:13

My dad though was the worst - I had severe hyperemesis and he said to my mum 'do you know, I've not been feeling very well either - I think I feel a bit sick'

gingergenius · 27/08/2017 00:14

This is why I love being a single parent lol!!!! I used to have a partner but I buried him under the patio couldn't cope with tendin another human being's needs onbtop of my DC!!! I feel your pain!

BorderChick · 27/08/2017 00:21

LOL @Haudyerwheesht

And to so many others on here too.

Good to know it's not just me suffering LOL! Smile

It is so so so annoying though! Angry

So weird though, to discover that loads of men behave this way! Shock

As I said, WHY? Attention seeking? If so, why? Trying to get some of the cuddles and fuss they got from mama as a child?!

gingergenius · 27/08/2017 00:22

@paddypants13 I just guffawed at stinky dressing gown of doom

My favourite is this scenario:

Me (as a sufferer of regular and severe kidney infections): oh I feel a bit off. Think I might have a UTI coming - I'll just do a dip test and call the doc (so I don't end up in hospital with sepsis)

OH: ok. You know I'm feeling a bit rough too. I think I'm coming down with something in sympathy. Do you know where the. Paracetamol/ibuprofen/co-codamol are? Think I might need to go and lie down.

Every. Single. Time. It's like sick wars, whetevthey always have to be more poorly,

Sorry. Ranted off at a tangent there. As you were.

OP YANBU!!!

DJBaggySmalls · 27/08/2017 00:26

I've read the entire thread and not one of you has to put up with the pathetic cough?
What about Not Being Able To Blow Your Nose Properly. Its a thing. Then they sniff and dab, sniff and dab.

Just. Fucking. Blow. It.

pinuwa · 27/08/2017 00:27

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LuluJakey1 · 27/08/2017 00:34

I was stuck in a remote tiny villa with DH (DP then) on our first proper holiday away together when he got bitten on the balls by an insect. It swelled up, he refused to go to a Dr. Long story short I was stuck in the middle of nowhere for a week dabbing ointment on it while he took antibiotics I had managed to get from a chemist in the next village, and he carried it round in a sort of a sling because it was so tender. He kept asking me 'Has it got smaller do you think?' 'Is it going septic?' 'Could you just take a photo so I can see round the back' 'What if I am infertile?' 'What if I have to have it removed ?' I was sooo nice looking back. At the end of it all we were still friends and I have the photos as blackmail if needed. 🙄

StatueInTheSky · 27/08/2017 00:35

oh yes...the cluttering up my fucking sitting room with his festering dressing gown and theatrical sighs

He knows there's absolutely no sympathy if he is prepared to moan but not actually take any positive action, but he will wander aimlessly looking for the paracetamol

SickHusband:"have you got painkillers in your bag?"
Fed-up Wife: "maybe...but did you look in the medicine cupboard? Much more likely to be in there I would say"
SH: "i just thought it would be easier to look in your handbag"
FUW: "well did you look? Or are you too near death to make it?"
SH: "i don't want to go in your bag....I'll go get some from the cupboard in a bit"

FUW: "do you want me to get some?"
SH: "no no....I will MANAGE"

Haffdonga · 27/08/2017 00:36

Oh god. Mine does the poorly man droopy face too.( Pained expression, eyes half closed and mouth half open.) Then he looks at me and asks Do I look ill?

I tell him brightly he looks absolutely fine.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 27/08/2017 00:40

Well, I guess the grape is on the other arse now, isn't it

GrinGrin

Bearfrills · 27/08/2017 00:42

Child bumps into DH's arm. DH, clutching elbow: "oh god! My bursa!"

What the fuck!?

Followed by several hours of intermittent clutching and muttering of "he/she has really hurt me".

I dislocate my knees on a regular basis and relocate them myself then I knock back some painkillers and I get the fuck on with it.

But oh no, his bursa....

(I do love him really, he just irritates the fuck out of me when he's ill or hurting. A friend suggested I should go into nursing as I have such a patient and caring temperament. Oh how I laughed).

Ollivander84 · 27/08/2017 00:42

Weirdly my dad is the complete opposite of this! Denied all knowledge of feeling unwell, GP sent an ambulance as his blood tests were so bad and he insisted on finishing work before needing two blood transfusions Hmm apparently if you're bleeding masses it's helpful to go to the GP fairly quickly and not weeks later

Then there's the "minor intolerance, I feel a bit itchy" which was a full blown anaphylactic reaction

And his back "no no it hasn't gone, I'm fine"
< looks at spine in two different counties in a diagonal line >

golemico · 27/08/2017 00:44

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mygorgeousmilo · 27/08/2017 01:15

Oh my goodness, it's nice to know that the shuffling phenomenon isn't only in my house. Why the shuffle?! Every time my husband gets "sick" he pipes up that he might need antibiotics, and I have to go over the infuriating explanations of how antibiotics actually work and are not to be used for general shuffling.

notangelinajolie · 27/08/2017 01:42

My DH has a cold. Tonight we've had 'the limp' , 'the head holding', and 'the strange blowing thing' [description - it's the kind of breathing you do when you are in labour]. He sneezed rather dramatically earlier which has done something to his back - not quite sure how that would work but he says he thinks he's trapped a nerve because leg has started to twich. I'm in the spare room tonight listening to the pitter patter of rain on the window and it's bliss - think I might stretch it for another night.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 27/08/2017 02:06

Ugh mine is so whiney when he's not seriously sick. The whimpering, the fur lined cardigan of doom, and that weird smell of sickness, but refusal to go to the pharmacy or GP. I knew he was really sick when he casually took himself off to the walk in centre while I was in bed one morning and got himself blue lighted to hospital with pneumonia - he had been so quiet on the performance sickness front. He has arthritis so usually winces when getting up and groans "my knee!" dramatically if anyone goes within a few feet of him Hmm

Arealhumanbeing · 27/08/2017 03:14

He makes little noises?! Shock

I don't know if I could deal with that.

echt · 27/08/2017 03:31

I like the sick clothes:

stinky dressing gown of doom
fur lined cardigan of doom
joggers of doom
manky hoody

It's a whole new wardrobe

Superb thread :o

Pumperthepumper · 27/08/2017 08:11

There was a poster on here a few years back who said that her DH never actually SAYS he's ill, he just goes upstairs and puts on his 'special illness dressing gown', comes back downstairs and looks at her mournfully until she notices he's wearing it. It made me laugh so much, I often think about it when Dh isn't well.

FourForYouGlenCoco · 27/08/2017 08:54

Oh I love this thread so much Grin you are all my people.
I started a thread once asking if IWBU to wish DH would shut the fuck up and vom quietly - he had norovirus and had spent about three days going HNNNNARRGHHH at the top of his lungs. Everyone told me I was a mean, awful wife Grin
To be fair to him, he is ok when he's genuinely ill, which happens about once every four years. The remaining time is filled with him moaning on and on and on about his various imaginary ailments. He is apparently so old and frail these days (33) that every movement he ever makes, up to and including breathing, results in a pulled muscle/trapped nerve/general pain that he can bang on about for the rest of the day.
He's the opposite of most of the DHs on here when it comes to medicine though - any excuse to take anything and he jumps on it gleefully. "Ooh, I think I might have a cold coming, better take paracetamol" "Ooh, I breathed funny, where's the antihistamines" "Ooh, it's a Tuesday in May, do we have any ibruprofen"
He is also obsessed with the idea of infections and will happily prod and mess with any minuscule scratch, scab or area of slight redness, in the hope that it will be infected and he can talk about it for. ever. "Oh, it hurts when I prod it" WELL STOP FUCKING PRODDING IT THEN!
Worth noting here that in the entire time I've known him (best part of 10 years), he's never been prescribed a single antibiotic and yet has miraculously managed not to become septic yet. It doesn't stop him hoping though.
He is fairly young and actually in very good physical condition. Once we get to the age when things actually start going wrong, I have literally no chance of peace ever again Hmm

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