Poorly man shuffle

[Moussemoose]

AIBU to want to throttle the love of my life?
He's been poorly with a D&V bug. I've tended his fevered brow. I've cleaned the toilet - many, many times, I've made nourishing food, I have not complained about the smell or the noises, I've been sympathetic.
I am now fed up.
He is up and about but he is 'shuffling' he makes little noises when he lifts anything (like the kettle), he has a pained expression on his face, his sense of humour disappeared down the toilet with other things, he keeps saying "I'm fine" in a passive aggressive whimper.

I've had no alone time in the bedroom, anything from cutting my toe nails to waxing is a spectator sport to add interest to his day.

I love him. He is ill. I want to put him in a box in the loft for the next 20 years.

OP you have my complete sympathy. My DH and I both had a cold a few weeks ago. I am also pregnant, yet got up, went to work and carried on with my daily business, albeit in a bit of a snuffily manner. DH stayed in bed for 2 days as, allegedly, his cold was much worse than mine. The term malingerer springs to mind 😂😂😂

However I've seen her at work so ill she was literally propped up at her desk, snotting away, sharing the love germs so we were all exposed.

I hate people who do this as much as the 'man-flu-ers'. I was at university with a person who never missed a day for any reason. They came in with a stinking cold one day, obviously should have stayed home. They recovered quickly apparently - I wouldn't know. I was off sick for weeks after catching their germs, which went into my chest and caused pneumonia. There are some selfish fuckers on both sides of the scale.

I'm reading this and think you all might be married to my DH.

Dressing gown and joggers of doom? Check.

Manky hoody worn with the hood up and a sullen expression on face? Yup.

Whimpering, groaning, sick voice, and general all round annoying patheticness? Hell to the effing yes.

When I had DC4 I got sepsis and was ambulanced back to hospital on day five. I was very poorly, I tried to go to bed to sleep it off and probably would have died if I'd done that. Was vomiting bile, I felt painfully cold even though I wasn't actually cold, was in agony but I couldn't say where, violent shivering, and so on. Couple of months later and DH gets the snip, no more babies ever. Well oh my fucking god, you'd think they'd chopped it off. John Wayne walk, dressing gown, whimpery voice. I was sympathetic. I was kind. I made his favourite for dinner, I bought him some lovely soft lounge pants and several packs of tight trunks for support. I made ice packs. By day four I ran right out of patience and rolled my eyes every time he mentioned "twinges". He went to the GP who diagnosed a mild infection so then I felt bad about being impatient until he came out with: "I bet this is how you felt after having DC4...."

There should be a specialist hotel where you can send them when they're poorly so you don't have to put up with them.

QueenNefertitty

LTB

But should I leave him in a box in the loft or under The. Fucking. Patio.

I've just read this thread out to my DH, his response: 'I really don't like how much you're laughing at this, women are just so mean'

😆

Patio. No smell.

TheWoollybacksWife

That's a plan then. Where can I buy a shovel on a,Saturday night?

Any female-run gardening business will surely donate one free to a good cause.

Sorry but not sorry to be 'that' person, I've had d&v for four days now, so does one of the dc, I have three more non zombie dc but that includes a bf baby - I can't stand my clothes touching me never mind another mini human shoving my sensitive nips in his mouth. Ask your DP if he wants to swap - obviously with me, not my baby, I'm not doubting he's lovely when not in the death throws but I'm not a pampas grass owner

Bearfrills please tell me you helped your DP understand the difference with the aid of a prize marrow?

Patio. Easier to drag him downstairs than up.

My dh is exactly the same, and he also does this really violent YELL of pain if he's getting off the couch or whatever. A couple of times it's really given me a fright and I've said to call NHS24 if he's really in so much pain, but he always refuses and gives it the brave-soldier voice 'no, no, I'll just, you know rest'.

He also thinks that he's so ill that his body metabolises painkillers much faster than anyone else and will say 'that beechams hasn't worked, you know'. Infuriating.

Mine is usually a bit of a hero when he feels unwell. Annoyingly, no matter what's wrong with him he physically is sick.

What I really don't like is if he's particularly germy, or has a temperature, he gets all amorous. No, thank you, DH. I do NOT want to share your personal space and get your germs now, of all times!

Pumperthepumper

I think I could of managed if he gave a yell of pain but it waz more of a whimper.

Anyway, please note the use of the past tense and I am searching the yellow pages for lesbian gardeners.

My "D"P currently has a tiny broken bone in his foot (fell off a ladder - whole other thread of stupidity). Will only take medicine when nagged prompted. I cannot prepare a sufficiently flexible icy tea towel arrangement. He won't shower (because he might slip). Although I did steal the dressing gown of doom at 5.30 this morning and put it through the steamiest wash I could (you know just in case there are any "breaky" germs). I would put him in the loft but he clicks the possibly manage the stairs.

Can't mange the stairs. Obviously. Bloody MN no edit option.

Namethecat I second the Quest TV. What is that all about!!

It's quest tv and food tv here. And he needs the remote at all times when I'll because....well he's I'll so everybody else has to suffer

DP is in the loft

Saw this a few weeks ago on Facebook, did make me giggle...

Who was the MN whose DH announced he had been "slipping in and out of consciousness" after he has just HAD A NAP?!

I'm the opposite as I am turning into my mother Recently I had a pretty bad fall, an ambulance was called and I was whisked through to majors. When the paramedics were asking me to rate my pain 1- 10 I was wheezing through my tears "oh maybe just a 2, I'm fine really, I'm so embarrassed about the ambulance". I got some gas and air though, which was epic

I'm a nurse so my DH knows not to bother with the dying swan act as he'll just get short shrift

YouandYour I'm the exact opposite too. My asthma suddenly got worse last Christmas and I saw the out of hours doc (was a Sunday) who gave me a nebuliser and steroids/antibiotics for a chest infection. Got worse over the course of the day so DH called 111 who sent a paramedic out. He gave 2 more nebs over the hour that he was here and wanted to take me to hospital. I politely declined as I really had to be at work the next day. I heard him saying to DH at the door 'tie her to a chair if need be, she CANNOT go to work tomorrow'
Anyway, 3 hours later I was blue lighted to A&E with a pulse ox of 93 (they intubate at 92!). Turns out I had a wicked bad case of pneumonia. I think I was probably delirious by this point because DH said all I kept talking about was going to work and how I'd be fine after a sleep and some ibuprofen 😂

I threatened to tie a little bell tightly around his neck the last time he was poorly.
I was bloody serious too, I was just getting over the actual flu and was still at the stage of being too tired to talk after walking to the bottom of the garden and back. He got a bug off one of the DC's and spent a full day and night moaning and groaning about feeling rough on the sofa. My sympathy that day had escaped somewhere along with my fucks tbh. He felt a bit sick (wasn't though) and had a bad head.
Mind you he's just as bad as me when I'm in pain. His idea of supporting me in childbirth was to read the news off the BBC website to me during contractions!
It's a good job I love him really..

Oh and I sat down in the living room. Just getting comfy - about 3 minutes later: "I need a new ice pack". You may need to report me on an 0800 number later.

DH is 71 years old which, to be fair, is when various bits don’t work as well as they used to. We’ve been married for … (hang on while I get the calculator out) … 42 years. A typical day these days goes like this:

Him: (manly man voice) I’m going to the supermarket. (Obvs the equivalent of hunting down a deer.)

Me: Okay. (Not looking up from my laptop because I’m MNing.)

Him: (pathetic flower voice). I’ve got a bruise.

Me: Okay. (See above.)

Him: (Gives up looking for sympathy and strides off purposefully with his weapon of choice, the car keys.)

Anything I or DS catch (colds, bugs), 'D'H will get. He'll anticipate getting it ("Oooh, you know I'll be next") and within a guaranteed 24hrs he'll have symptoms. Or at least, he'll convince himself that he's got the symptoms, I'm rarely convinced. And he doesn't whimper, he groans. I've learnt to muffle him with a pillow ignore the groans, it's just him vocalising whatever pain he thinks he is in. I think the worst thing is not wanting anything - offer to bring him a drink, cook him whatever he wants to eat, he'll say now - but then he watches my every mouthful ...