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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

It's a holiday one...

133 replies

HolidayHilda · 26/08/2017 07:34

Namechanged for this because I'm already mortified about how this might play out and don't want to risk being outed. Been here a while though and like to think if I was going to make something up it'd be more interesting.

Part AIBU part WWYD I guess.

Have two DS and am on a Whatsapp group with a load of mums from older son's school. Don't chat much (I work from home so tend to run in and out and am an antisocial bint who found school politics tough enough when I was going) but on waving terms with everyone, see each other at the kids' birthday parties, school events etc.

Bit of a chat on Whatsapp as people gear up to the start of term, polite chit chat about holidays, moaning about uniform cost etc. I happened to mention we hadn't been on holiday yet, but would be going over half term to a place abroad which was geared up to kids / / should still be pretty warm / was pretty reasonably priced. Woke up this morning to a separate message from one of the other mums from the group, whose DS is in my younger son's class saying 'I hope you don't mind me asking, but where you're going on holiday sounds exactly the kind of place we'd love to go. Is it cheeky to ask exactly where and when you're going and if you mind us booking for the same time? It'd be lovely for the boys to have some friends to play with.'

I read the message an hour ago stupid early rising children, DH is still asleep and the more I think about it the more aghast I'm getting but I can't work out if I'm being unreasonable (or, ok, a bitch actually) or if this is a really weird thing to ask. And I feel like the clock is ticking and the longer I take to reply the more I might end up offending or upsetting this woman.

The thing is, DH and I run our own business which impinges on a lot of our family time. This will be the first full week away we've had since our DC were born. While I'm sure this family is perfectly nice I've only ever really chatted with this woman at the school gate, seen her husband at a distance when he's been doing pick ups and we've never hosted or attended a play date with their DS. We don't go on holiday with our closest friends, so there's no way I'm comfortable doing so - and risking having a disappointing break which will be our only one this year - with people who I don't know. And yes, I know they're not sharing a room with us or anything but it's a small-ish resort, so could end up seeing them a lot around the place.

But then again, if I say no I'm basically saying 'the resort isn't big enough for the both of us'. We're in our own chalet and presumably they would be in theirs could they get one next door?! and we've already got some excursions booked. But I worry that by giving the details I'm giving them the expectation and a green light that we'd be up for going out for lunches, hanging around the pool en masse or doing stuff together when actually we just want to do it the four of us.

But I'm going to have to see this woman at the school gate for years to come. I don't want there to be any weirdness or awkwardness or for her to think I'm a cow. Also, I worry she's lonely and I don't want to be mean if she is genuinely just someone who wants a friend.

TL;DR Woman I barely know wants to bring her family on holiday to the same place at the same time we're going. AIBU to say 'no' (and how the fuck do I phrase it kindly?).

OP posts:
HolidayHilda · 26/08/2017 07:34

Oops that was long. Sorry. I might be overthinking this and having a panic. I need DH to wake up and tell me to get a grip.

OP posts:
OliviaBenson · 26/08/2017 07:37

Ooooh that would annoy me too! Holidays are precious.

MissBax · 26/08/2017 07:38

Hmm that's an awkward one I must say! Maybe give her the details and just explain that you've already got a lot of plans whilst there (excursions etc), so it'd be nice to cross paths with them at some point if they're there, you don't actually have that much free time to spend with them?

Bubblysqueak · 26/08/2017 07:39

Definitely not over thinking it! There is no way I would want to be lumbered with someone I hardly know on holiday. But I have no idea how I would say no!

MissBax · 26/08/2017 07:39

so although it'd be nice to cross paths with them at some point if they're there, you don't actually have that much free time to spend with them?

Pengggwn · 26/08/2017 07:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JeReviens · 26/08/2017 07:40

It's a bit tricky because you can't actually stop her!
Such a weird thing for her to ask you though - weird and a bit creepy.
I think you'll have to tell her but mention that you've booked excursions for almost every day and won't be around much so opportunities for play will be almost non existent

Pengggwn · 26/08/2017 07:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KERALA1 · 26/08/2017 07:42

This is indeed a nightmare. What possessed you to blab like that! Still it's done now.

"Oh that would be lovely but we got the last available chalet"

"Not sure we going after all client project might not be able to get the time off"

BigBairyHollocks · 26/08/2017 07:43

Just tell the woman what it's called,and say something along the lines of "we're really looking forward to it as it'll be the first holiday we have had together in years,so plan on spending the whole time as a family.Just letting you know in case you're hoping DS will be available to play with your DS a lot."

NapQueen · 26/08/2017 07:43

Maybe you could say "Ah that sounds lovely, but weve been so swamped with work we are really looking forward to some 1:1 time with ds. We are going to Split (or wherever) so if you do end up over that way maybe could just do a beach day all of us? But other than that we have plans to just spend as much quality time with Son as poss while we have the opportunity"

MrsExpo · 26/08/2017 07:43

Well, they know when you're going - at half term! As for where you're going, just reply and say you're already going with friends (even if you're not) so will be pretty tied up all week so not sure about the meeting up idea.

Or ..... just say you're both desperate for some quality family time and not planning on spending the holiday meeting up with people from home. Who cares if she's offended .... it's your holiday.

Alanna1 · 26/08/2017 07:44

Did you find anywhere else on your research you also liked? Maybe tell her of those too.

AlternativeTentacle · 26/08/2017 07:44

Hi not cheeky to ask but part of our holiday is getting away from it: it being everything in the UK. So having anyone else there doesn't really appeal, we dont even take other family members! Otherwise we may end up just talking about school all week. Which is not the idea.'

Coastalcommand · 26/08/2017 07:44

Can you say you're staying with friends or in a villa rental? Not a hotel as such?

NotTheDuchessOfCambridge · 26/08/2017 07:45

I wouldn't mind that, children enjoy a lot more if they have friends to play with. You don't have to be joined at the hip all holiday but maybe meet up for a drink one evening?
It probably took a lot of guts to ask. Just tell her, she may decide it's not for her/too expensive and not go anyway.

Pengggwn · 26/08/2017 07:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotTheDuchessOfCambridge · 26/08/2017 07:46

As to the lateness of the reply, you could say you were waiting on your OH to wake up as he had the details. It may be fully booked anyway.

Freddiewinifred10 · 26/08/2017 07:52

You are not being a bitch. Me and dh do not want to go away with friends. It is simply too special to us having the time as a family/couple in the evenings. I have explained this to friends and family when necessary, and people seem to understand. It is awkward that you barely know this woman, but I would just give her the truth in a kind way.

scrappydappydoo · 26/08/2017 07:53

What napqueen said. I would add-on an invite to a playdate at home as well just so she knows it's not them you're rejecting just the idea.

Henrysmycat · 26/08/2017 07:54

Hmmmm. Hands down, I prefer my holidays with our little family unit. We have done massive family ones (where inlaws usually pay and you get 20 people in a French chateaux and I'm grateful) but When it's me, DH and DD is best.
Now, back to the point. I think I'd be honest and leave it up to her and her conscience in how to behave with you in the future.
Be honest. "Our family holidays are the only time we have to spend together as a family and we like to take them alone to reconnect. It's been a very tiring year for us this year."

You avoid it or find an excuse and it might be even more difficult to decline another time.

I have done that and with close friends. DH used to travel a lot and I have a high pressure job. I had plans of lying with skimpy bikinis under the sun reading magazines or playing in the pool with my DD not talking to anybody or entertain anybody else kids or agreeing on dinner options because someone is gluten-free or not a fan of fish.

LynetteScavo · 26/08/2017 07:56

OMG ...this has given me angst just thinking about it! Shock

Don't feel bad about not giving a quick reply...a long silence should point out you're not up for it.

I think you're going to have to admit where you're going but also say that family time is precious and your DH wants to spend as much time with the DC as possible....even though your DS really loves their DS...

Actually, where are you going? If you post it here maybe enough people will see this fab place and book and she won't be able too Grin

2wild · 26/08/2017 07:58

Be totally honest, Give her details, but say in a nice way "this is our first holiday as a family ever, and we are looking forward to family time as we never get the chance due to work."

Only a crazy person would book and follow you. I'm remembering a thread about the family that had stalkers and they had to change campsite lol.

JaneEyre70 · 26/08/2017 08:00

I'd be honest and say where you are going. And add that you and the DC are so excited to have some time together as a family as your DH works so hard but you're bound to have the odd free hour when you could meet up? Set some firm boundaries at the start. It is a bit weird to be honest that she's asked Hmm.

Pengggwn · 26/08/2017 08:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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