husband asking young girl out to dinner behind my back

[brokencrayons]

hi.

Never posted here before but had to get something off my chest.

My husband left himself logged onto FBon my laptop. I found messages from him to a young girl who drinks at the pub he works at.

She did him a favour today and he sent her a message saying "thanks so much, I owe you dinner, x"

confronted him about it, ended up in arguement, him calling me crazy (Im not, Im literally so laid back) and he also ended up nit picking the housework today (he is a bloody clean freak) called me a lazy bitch and told me I was a fuckface...nice.

its not OK for a married man to say that is it? I just feel like its really smarmy, not something a 40 something should be saying to a 20 something (very pretty) young woman...

Im hurting so much
He's showing no remorse.

Of course it's not ok for him to invite another woman out for dinner (unless it's family or long term friend or someone you know etc)

Bit the way he spoke to you is even more not ok. Also if he is so picky about cleaning why is he not doing it himself! Cheeky git!

Don't feel as though you've done anything wrong or are crazy because I would feel exactly the same as you

He sounds like a right cunt and you are not crazy.

What was the favour she did him?

Firstly you shouldnt be abuse in your own home and i would LTB for that.

What does he do at the pub. Is he in the position to comp her a dinner? And is that what he could mean?. But to be frank i think this is clutching at straws.

I'd be kicking a DH out if they called me something like that. No, it's not OK for him to flirt with a co-worker like that, sounds like he's angling for an affair. If he does I hope you screw him too - in court.

Well the way he wrote it wasn't exactly asking her out for dinner though? Just more of an 'I owe you one'.
How he spoke to you isn't acceptable though

You have bigger problems than the girl, judging by how the argument went and his choice of words for you

Regarding the message- doesn't sound good but maybe depends if you was invited (sounds like a no for that though!), if he would be told you, what the favour was etc.

Regarding the way he spoke to you - I wouldn't put up with that. No doubt he/some people will say it's because you snooped on him but there's no excuse to talk to someone like that.

Appreciate it's not easy for you so I'm not going to tell you to LTB but it's not a relationship I would stay in.

It's not ok OP.

Mmmm ok well "I owe you dinner" said in the context you have described is not a direct invite to me.
Its sort of a half arsed invite because someone helped you out/did a favour. Its something Americans say alot, I worked for an American company and this kind of thank you was very common but rarely meant. There is no set date or time so not an actual invite.

However the way he spoke to you was out of line completely.

I'd not be worried about the message. I would be worried if my partner spoke to me like that. More than worried.

LouHotel- I didn't think of that, he might have meant he'd 'comp' her a meal. I think on re-reading most of my message doesn't apply when you think of it the way LouHotel has!

Maybe I'm dumb but if it were my OH I'd have assumed he ment he would get pay for a takeaway or pay her meal bill at the pub sometime.
On the other hand if my partner critisied my cleaning I'd think he had lost his fucking mind. As am not soley responsible for cleaning the house.

I'm going against the grain here but I think the message is quite flirtatious, especially accompanied by a kiss. No way would I put up with that shit.

"I owe you lunch" is standard to anyone and everyone - is 'dinner' a regional thing?

Basically what toonosy said

I couldn't be with a man who spoke to me like that and I'd be chucking him a duster and Mr Sheen on my way out.
I don't think he should be inviting other women for dinner either and if he didn't mean it, a plain thank you would do.

the favour was that she moved something for him in a trailer, someone else let him down last minute and his hands were tied so she offered to help him.

we are going through such a shitty time at the moment.
I have gained quite a bit of weight after our third baby and have zero confidence in the bedroom. After quite a traumatic birth with a lot of internal stitches I feel kind of scared of sexual intercourse now so we haven't had sex in months.
We argue quite a lot and have lost respect for on another. He is not the man I married. I feel so sad right now.
I just wanted an apology from him thats all. But he wont apologise. He's now off to work and I seriously am considering packing a bag tonight and staying with my mum with the kids.

IDoDaChaCha You need to close the thread and have a lie down.

he isnt a chef or is in the position to comp someone dinner. (dont want to say what he does incase someone i know is reading this!)

Hugs OP it sounds like you might benefit from some time out at your mums if relations between you and DH have become that toxic

mystvpn

Yeah right! We could earn a fortune Reported SPAM.

Vladmirs I'm already lying down

Urgh where to start with this petulant git.

It could have easily been innocent but the abusive name calling and nit picking after you confronted him is ringing alarm bells - he's pissed you caught him out. Does he usually reward favours with dinners? Men and women?