Sacking off hen do - tell me IABU!!

[MummySnot]

Started back at work full time this week after maternity leave with PFB, meaning I won't see her in the mornings and then only have a couple of hours together each evening before she goes to bed.

Quite good friend's hen do on Saturday, starting at 9am and finishing around 11pm so apart from breakfast won't see the baby all day.

Just found out I also have to work Monday and Tuesday evening for two weeks in a row (starting in a couple of weeks) as well as normal daytime hours, meaning that I'll put PFB to bed on the Sunday evening and not see her again until the Wednesday (she's a good sleeper so unlikely to wake during the night).
Am starting to really resent the idea of spending the whole of Saturday without the baby when I'm going to see so little of her in the coming weeks. WIBU to just do the morning/lunch part of the hen do and then sack it off and go home to see PFB?

Thanks everyone. Yes I was being tongue in cheek with the mumsy comment; I'm fully aware I'm being ridiculous about the whole thing!

And she already does have kids and equally struggled to go back to work and be without them. I suppose almost all parents do!

Yy to pp who said I must remember I'm a friend as well as a mummy and a staff member. It's easy to get so wrapped up in the baby that you forget everything else!

So I think I'll go ready for the whole day but maybe sneak away for an hour in the afternoon if I am really desperate to see her!

I completely get where you are coming from but this is a one-off event with a good friend and worth making an extra effort for.

Can you take a day of annual leave on either the Friday or the Monday so that you don't miss out on a day with your DD? Then effectively the hen do is taking a day of work away rather than a day with DD.

Hen dos aren't my thing, so I decline the invitation to them (unless it's a best friend). But if I'd accepted an invitation to something knowing that the timing wasn't ideal, I'd just suck it up and go. It's not the bride's fault that you have just returned to work and are finding the schedule rough: that's an oversight on your part.

I think 14 hours is a bit excessive, so I'd probably be inclined to have a chat with the bride about being a bit late or leaving earlier. I think that's a fair thing to do.

YWBU not to attend your hen do commitment.

The issue here is your difficult work pattern / long shifts.

Wow. YABVU!

You've committed now and should honour that commitment. Your baby will still be there for weeks and years to come and you will survive not seeing her for a few days.

Imagine if everyone did the same thing - there'd be no more hen do. Don't be so flakey.

Go - it's not like your baby is a few weeks old.
You'll have decades of your children, but this hen do is a on off.
Don't be a flakey person and cancel things because you have changed your mind. Stick to the commitments you made.
Your OH will be fine.

Go for the day but explain you can't do the evening and bail around 4:30.

I'm sure the hen will be sozzled by then so the impact of you going round be waaaaaay less of you leaving if she's halfway through her 9th bottle of prosecco.

Don't take your baby to the HD!!! [SMILE]

xx

Think you should go with a view to staying for the duration. But maybe play it by ear and see if everyone has turned up for the Bride to Be (and not bailed at the last minute). If everyone has [turned up], then it might be ok for you to leave a little earlier than 11pm.
I do feel for you, but as others have said, this is a one off. I hope you have a lovely time, xxx

If you bail on some of it, don't say why. you can say it is to do with the baby but just say you now can't do all of it.

that is a very long day. to the people saying "yes but you would have known that" - I can see how you would get gradually get sucked into something that is far too much. First someone would say "save the date" and you would put it in the calendar. Then gradual bits and pieces would unfold and suddenly because you've saved the date, you've committed to this immensity.

It's far too long for you in your circs. Have a chilled morning/ lunch with the baby and go later on. Say you have no childcare for those hours and show up at a suitable time partway through. Apologise madly and pay for anything that has been committed to in your name. Be lovely and charming, but do what you need to do.

I don't think you are being U. I was invited to my sisters hen do,but festivities started in the afternoon-I had children to ferry around to their afternoon activities, so didn't join the party until dinner,by which time I had developed a cold,so I didn't eat much, and gracefully bowed out when others went on to a club for dancing. There were a few others who didn't go on,for various reasons, and I don't think my sister is upset that I didn't attend the whole shebang-of course I could be totally out of order and she could be harbouring venomous thoughts about me, but she had lots of her favourite people around her and had a whale of a time by all accounts!

What happens at 9am a breakie?

Can you turn up lunchtime and then stay till eve Asda hopefully be in bed sleeeo 7pm do not missing playing with her

You knew this was planned and was ok with it till you started work

Don't bail and if you go later pay for anything that you should have attended

It's one day out of many years.go and enjoy

Sure daddy will enjoy some time alone with his dc

It really is shorter than most hen dos

Well as some of you predicted a few of the hens have cried off... one pleading sick baby and the other didn't give a reason! It would be really shitty of me to do the same so I guess that's my fate sealed!!

I feel for you, I really do. But I stand by as long as you are there from the start you stand a better chance of maybe being able to leg it around 4ish. Just keep topping her up with absinthe 😀

I am trying to keep an open mind here, but am wondering what Hen party (or any other party for that matter) starts at 9am? And TBH who will turn up so early on a Sat morning either?

Any clues OP?

I very much doubt it will end on the dot of 11pm either!

Am baffled. How do people arrive at such an early hour and for what? Might be a re enactment of some Civil War Battle in full regalia lol.

I would have a look at the schedule, and go at maybe 6 or 7pm for a meal and a few drinks and then bail out and go home.

Only you can decide, but honestly I have NEVER heard of a hen starting at 9am ever.... Far too early (for me anyway)

YANBU - Going back to work after mat leave is a shock to the system.
I would maybe do the lunch part. It's not like you're bailing out.
I had to leave my best friends hen do at 10.15pm to go home and feed my baby (she wouldn't take a bottle). I was gutted but she still had a great time and I had still turned up and enjoyed celebrating with her.
Can you not celebrate for a little while and make that part special?
Good luck ☺

Sack it off altogether. I would. Whats the worst that could happen? You have a nice day with your daughter and your friend is a bit miffed for 5 minutes.

Sorry but my baby is more important to me than anything else in the world no way would I go to the hen party all day and leave them I'd compromise. But no way would I go from Sunday to Wednesday without seeing my 14 month old DS for anybody or anything.

I would put you and your child first....explain situation and just do part of hen do....

YANBU. I wouldn't mind someone coming for only part, even at short notice. You wouldn't enjoy it if your mind is half with your lo anyway.
I would talk to her & go for the second half, rather than leave early. IME lo are more active earlier anyway.

I love that people are giving advice still. The hen do has one hour left to go - OP hasn't got many choices left to make!

Baby time comes first in my opinion understand honouring commitments though. I would say you'll come to part of it. Makes most sense to go to the evening as someone else suggested as you'll be putting baby to bed, otherwise you'll be leaving in the afternoon for a couple of hours with baby. You can't predict these feelings with first babies. tricky situation. Do what you want most.

The hen do is nearly over people!