Sacking off hen do - tell me IABU!!

[MummySnot]

Started back at work full time this week after maternity leave with PFB, meaning I won't see her in the mornings and then only have a couple of hours together each evening before she goes to bed.

Quite good friend's hen do on Saturday, starting at 9am and finishing around 11pm so apart from breakfast won't see the baby all day.

Just found out I also have to work Monday and Tuesday evening for two weeks in a row (starting in a couple of weeks) as well as normal daytime hours, meaning that I'll put PFB to bed on the Sunday evening and not see her again until the Wednesday (she's a good sleeper so unlikely to wake during the night).
Am starting to really resent the idea of spending the whole of Saturday without the baby when I'm going to see so little of her in the coming weeks. WIBU to just do the morning/lunch part of the hen do and then sack it off and go home to see PFB?

I can see why you wouldn't want to go, but I think you should. A hen do is a one off (hopefully) and you will get to see your dd on Sunday.

What's the schedule?

9am until 11pm is ridiculous.

Talk to your friend and explain the dilemma, that you really value your friendship but are knackered after going back to work and are finding it hard seeing so little of your pfb.

If she's a good friend then hopefully she'll be understanding and suggest you just go for part of the day.

I think 9-11 when you have just ended maternity leave and had your first week back at work is a very long time, its understandable that you will be shattered after returning to work. I'd not say i was missing the baby, more than i am exhausted and will have to skip some of it.

Maybe do lunch/afternoon and then leave after dinner (if say 9pm) before the evening drinking really kicks off? Depends what the activities are though.

I had always assumed that PFB was a perjorative term.

Yeah, don't take your baby!

Rather than leaving early maybe you could go a bit later and stay until the end. That way, more of the time you are there will be when your DD is asleep, so you won't be missing out on as much time with her.

Just join them at lunchtime, when there will be a natural gathering, and hiatus in stuff (unless you're all canoeing down a river all day or something).

And will you have to work super long days when you are working those evenings or can you take TOIL/work flexi and come in slightly late? ( I know its not always possible)

Just go to part of it. I ditched my own hen night half way through in favour of going home to eat chips in bed and sleep.

sorry I echo other posters you committed to this knowing it was just after you started back full time so you should attend. At least its just a day and you will see the baby all day Sunday. Its a one off and cannot be avoided without offending your friend.

and please don;t take a baby to hen do!

Your baby won't miss you, and you probably won't miss your baby (although you think you will).

Support your friend at her hen do- it's a once in a lifetime thing.

I would rather have root canal work done than go to a 14 hour hen do.

YANBU.

Yes, join them at lunchtime. You're just at that hideous unsettling stage of having to leave your PFB after so much time together - it's not nice for anyone, so I do sympathise (it gets easier). And 9am to 11pm is insane.

Just be honest with the bride and go for some of it. It's a hen do! I can't even remember who showed up for mine. No biggie!

YABU

It is a one off event. Way too late to cancel. Don't take the baby

I'll go against the grain here. I bailed on a wedding (yes, I know it was awful) because of a similar situation. I missed DD desperately during the week, everything was taking longer than I had hoped and I was working long hours. The idea of missing one of my days with my baby and going to a stranger's wedding (DH's friend) made me feel miserable and guilty.
I still hate planning things during weekend day times during term time (I'm a teacher) and do my utmost to ensure evening or child friendly meet ups.

I would rather have root canal work done than go to a 14 hour hen do.

but presumably you would have declined the invitation originally cailleach666 rather than leaving it until days before when things have been booked and organised.

I agree with greendale17 :
YABU
It is a one off event. Way too late to cancel. Don't take the baby

If you do cry off, make sure you pay your share.

I think you should go. One of my oldest friends hen do was an all day and overnight do last year when my baby hadn't long turned one and I was working full time then but I still went as it was one of my best friends hen do and (hopefully for her) only be the once in a lifetime

So I'm basically being U but for a reasonable reason by the looks of it! What half makes me think that I could get away with it is that a) it's all quite casual and nothing actually needs to be booked and b) bride is so lovely that I know she'd understand completely. But then it's also for reason b that I should want to celebrate with her!

Refusethelies, that is brilliant

“Today 21:05 cariadlet

9am until 11pm is ridiculous"
Plenty of people have weekend long hen dos. I personally didn't but most people seem to think they're normal

I'd do just the morning part. I think it's fine and a good friend should understand.

And yes, PFB has a pejorative meaning on MN. I wouldn't use it to refer to my baby, OP.

Talk to her.
Ask her how she feels about you doing x y or z
and see what SHE says...

i think morning with hen, tea with child, bed time , and back out with hen.

Baby cones first. A hen do is just a party fuelled with extra booze, you're going to feel rubbish on the Sunday if you enter into the spirit of things...

Don't take the baby. If I were you, feeling as you do, I would go for the first half of the day. Snuggle your little bundle for the rest ! 😄