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Original poster

dd is only going to use gender neutral stuff for her dd?

604 replies

ioliverielinor · 24/08/2017 17:00

hiya,

just looking for views really. is this the new modern parenting? dd2 is expecting a dd herself and has said she would only like gender neutral gifts, i was a bit upset because i think there are some lovely girls clothes, i said will she never put her in dresses, she says no. im a bit surprised really, but yet she is happy to have her hair long, etc.??

just curious if this is the norm now? i have never really heard of it before, dd1 has 3 dc different genders and never had an issue buying them boys and girls items.

im not judging, but think its slightling strange? aibu?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Lweji · 24/08/2017 20:30

It's actually a good thing that where I live there's a commission for gender equality that forced an editor to remove a pair of boy/girl pre-school activity book that reinforced stereotypes to the point of boys being encouraged to go out and gather stuff and girls to help their mothers.

Circumlocutor · 24/08/2017 20:31

I didn't put my girls in dresses because they are totally impractical for babies and children.

Impractical for babies.

MsPassepartout · 24/08/2017 20:32

Round where I live it's much more usual to see babies / toddlers in gendered clothes than unisex gender neutral ones. They're not necessarily in head to toe blue or pink, but it's usually pretty obviously either boys clothes or girls clothes.

Absolutely nothing wrong with someone making a conscious effort to dress DC in a gender neutral way though. As pp point out, it's not all beige.
We got some lovely bright gender neutral clothes when our DS's were babies (including from Mothercare and Next).
Although we also got plenty of gendered clothes given to us as gifts and hand downs, so my DS's wardrobes were still predominantly blue / stereotypically boy theme patterned (cars, robots etc).

StickThatInYourPipe · 24/08/2017 20:34

I don't really understand how dressing a girl in a pink sends any negative message to them

It doesn't. Unless you only dress her in pink and call it a girl colour

Well I don't think of it as a girl colour, I just like pink. Infact I like pink so much my living room is pink and interrupted with pictures of Judge Dredd and some Starwars characters.
I don't think boys and men can't wear pink either.
I think those who don't understand the need for gender neutrality (myself included) are normally the ones who have never felt restrained due to our gender and probably had parents who just let kids be kids with whatever activity/toy etc they wanted.

SnickersWasAHorse · 24/08/2017 20:35

You are Beetie and I claim my £5

m.youtube.com/watch?v=8ICWT4zgJjo

Nomoreboomandbust · 24/08/2017 20:37

Meanwhile back in RL

Turquoise0wl · 24/08/2017 20:37

@Circumlocutor - let's be real, dresses are made for girls to look pretty...

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 24/08/2017 20:38

I don't get it really. My DD1 had a whole range of clothes from pink and frilly dresses to hand me downs from her male cousins. Sometimes I bought a toy in the pink version because it looked nicer in her playroom... i would never have told anyone not to buy her a certain colour or style of anything. And she's come out unscathed! She is friends with a gang of boys, prefers power rangers, Jurassic Park and Star Wars, but will easily play with anyone.

DD2 had whatever I could get my hands on in a no sleep haze and mostly played with DD's more boyish toys and she's the girliest girl there could ever be.

Why does it matter??

HorridHenryrule · 24/08/2017 20:39

if you prefer sports and trousers you are a boy and not a girl.

What a terrible example don't girls play sports. I watch a lot of sports that have both men and women. I like wearing trousers all the time what does that make me then a boy. Me and my bloke have 4 kids together.

Turquoise0wl · 24/08/2017 20:40

@HorridHenryrule - that's the point...

Circumlocutor · 24/08/2017 20:41

@Turquoise let's be real. Dresses are also perfectly functional and some girls prefer to wear them.

Turquoise0wl · 24/08/2017 20:43

@Circumlocutor - yes, of course. I'm not denying that... However, if they were made for practical reasons, they would be a mainstream item of clothing made for boys and have 'masculine' prints all over them and put in the boys section of shops, just like shorts, etc. too!

They're made to make girls look pretty.

HorridHenryrule · 24/08/2017 20:45

I wear what makes me feel comfortable isn't that what its all about. Two of my girls have grown out of wearing dresses and prefer to look stylish and comfortable. They are getting older that doesn't mean they should be labeled as gender bollocks.

Firenight · 24/08/2017 20:47

I went for unisex clothes for my son and they've been handed down happily to his sister. Easiest that way round I think as girls can conventionally wear anything and you can't really stick boys in skirts and dresses (well only occasionally when they insist). I can put DD in a dinosaur Tshirt and no one notices but you can bet DS in a pink frilly one with a butterfly would.

Love all the funky tights and leggings available now for toddler too that either boys or girls can wear.

Even at 8 I buy things like coats and jumpers and wellies with a view to handing them down. No TV or film tie ins or silly frilly add ins but just good flattering colours and straight forward practical clothes.

Circumlocutor · 24/08/2017 20:47

As I said I'm not claiming to, or aiming to, live the gender neutral dream. I'm just rolling my eyes at these people acting as though a dress is as useless an item of clothing as a paper raincoat.

FirenzeRossignol · 24/08/2017 20:49

Mother of sons only here - my youngest was rather taken with the hideous pink Barbie camper van a friend's little girl had. I had to search long and hard before I found a yellow one, but it was possible - even 15 years ago. However, he did play with both Barbie and Ken and Action Man and the portable child's kitchen he received.
Clothes were more of a disappointment as I discovered that the nice stuff stopped at about age 3 size - and my boys were all huge, so in practice this meant that they were in "rugged little men's" gear from when they were about two. I hope progress has been made in this area, but haven't had cause to look at clothes for that age range in the past 15 years...

HorridHenryrule · 24/08/2017 20:49

They're made to make girls look pretty.

If your dd wanted to wear a dress would you stop her so you can conform to the wider world.

Circumlocutor · 24/08/2017 20:50

Firenze couldn't you have just bought the pink one?

Turquoise0wl · 24/08/2017 20:51

@HorridHenryrule - no, I wouldn't stop her from wearing a dress if that's what she wanted, unless we were going for a day out where it would be impractical. A day at the beach or a party, if she wanted to I would... I wouldn't buy one for her unless she asked though...

sunglassally · 24/08/2017 20:54

Girls are gorgeous in dresses, boys are so cute in dungarees or trousers.

What is the fn problem here.

Oh I forgot, it is fashionable to support this transgender shyte from birth. Babies can't say anything about it, so it is command and control.

Sorryyyyy.. Well I am not really, I think you are all nuts.

Perfectly1mperfect · 24/08/2017 20:57

Lweji
Thank you for the link. I will watch the programme and read more about the issue.

Maybe I have just been lucky to not have felt such stereotypes have affected me or I just didn't take any notice. I was always academic so it was expected I would achieve well. I was also very sporty (not so much now...lol)

I really do think it's more about parents bringing up their children, whether boy or girl, to believe in themselves. If either of my kids have their own children in the future, I expect them to be loving parents who do their equal share. I want both my children to be financially independent, I don't see it as more important for my son. I see it as my job to teach my children these things.

My hubby is a very hands on dad. He always did night feeds, nappy changes etc. I would never have been with someone who wasn't like that so again that's just not in my life.

It's very sad if there are people who think they have to be a certain way due to their gender. It really is a parents responsibility to ensure this doesn't happen though but I don't think this requires gender neutral. To me it just goes without saying, we are all equal.

QueenoftheAndals · 24/08/2017 20:58

It's exactly the opposite of "transgender shyte" 🙄

Turquoise0wl · 24/08/2017 20:58

@sunglassally - what are you on about? This isn't about transgender at all. Actually, this idea would decrease the amount of individuals who describe themselves as transgender.

I think your post says it all - girls are gorgeous why couldn't you say they were both cute? It goes back to the whole thing of girls needing to look pretty/gorgeous, etc.

LurkingQuietly · 24/08/2017 20:59

I absolutely love my DD in dresses, I regularly put her in little frilly socks with her trainers and shorts, she usually has pink on somewhere....I bought her a jumper from the boys section of mothercare last week...

I find clothes for my DS utterly dull - there just isn't the choice out there.

Just let your DD dress her DD in stuff she likes. I can't get worked up about any of it!

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