dd is only going to use gender neutral stuff for her dd?

[ioliverielinor]

hiya,

just looking for views really. is this the new modern parenting? dd2 is expecting a dd herself and has said she would only like gender neutral gifts, i was a bit upset because i think there are some lovely girls clothes, i said will she never put her in dresses, she says no. im a bit surprised really, but yet she is happy to have her hair long, etc.??

just curious if this is the norm now? i have never really heard of it before, dd1 has 3 dc different genders and never had an issue buying them boys and girls items.

im not judging, but think its slightling strange? aibu?

Why should gender neutral mean dressing girls in boys clothes?

It doesn't necessarily. It has been pointed out in this thread.

Gender neutral means that the child is not only in stereotypical clothes.

This is a problem with the current trend of having very different boy and girl clothes, so that people are forced to buy one or the other, or go out of their way to purchase clothes made for the other sex.
As people have pointed out, some brands to make clothes that are not particularly marketed towards stereotypes.

Gender neutral isn't about dressing girls in boys clothes, or vice versa. It's about dressing children in clothes that are appropriate for their lives and the activities they do. It just so happens that dresses and clothes with frilly bits and cuts that impede movement are only on girls clothes. Funny that.

It's practical if nothing else. We didn't complain or specify with gifts, but we have only bought "neutral" clothes for DS1. Will make things much easier and cheaper if our next child is a girl.

There is a Facebook group for preloved maxomorra.

I absolutely hate how blue/ship/car/tractor or pink/flower/castle/kitten everything is. My son is a little baby and I'm over my buying him v £££ clothes as he tears right through them. So I'm left with regular shops and their blue pink nonsense. Boils my piss. Watch that iPlayer documentary about genderless kids for a start.

Oh for the love of
Gender neutral = gender NEUTRAL... NOT boys clothes for girls or vice versa. It is literally removing all the bs stereotypes from day one! So no dresses because conforming to gender stereotypes via clothing starts the path of gender expectations for boys and girls!!!
If you want all children to have open and equal opportunities then that means changing the way we treat babies, children and others into a neutral equal status. It's not just about "pretty dresses" it is so more important than being upset that you can't put a girl baby doll in that fluffy pink tutu you had in mind!

Presumably she doesn't want her child to be gender stereotypes the second it shoots out of her.

'DD is 6, she has never worn a dress. Silly and impractical'

Wrong.

Dresses, like most things, are impractical in certain situations. But they're great at potty training time, they're great in hot weather, they're great if there's been a big spill, you just have to remove one garment. Oh and my dd thinks they're comfy! So no, not silly and impractical.

Not strange, I find it downright weird.
Lots of things are weird, though. I can put up with it.

Baby DD was lovely in pink dresses.
So glad I didn't miss that.
They were extremely practical for nappy changes.
I also put DD's baby brothers in pink baby gros.
On cold days, my preschool boys wore tights.
I find it weird to need to make a public statement about gender neutralness.

Also, if I'm at a toddler group & can't figure out the gender of a kid so I guess wrong & the Mum gets REALLY het up about it, making it clear they want he or she not even a neutral "they" pronoun. I'm thinking: but you keep their hair long & their clothes ambiguous. What did you expect?

DD climbed trees in dresses. DS1 chose to wear some of her dresses (also climbing trees). The only problem I see comes from thinking that dresses are a problem.

For anyone having a failure of imagination over this - I'm mid mammoth wash for DD's clothes, which to my mind are gender neutral. Lots of bright colours, animal motifs, stripes etc (and this lot is from Tesco, Asda, Boots, Next and Gap, so not extortionate).

It's not my business how people dress their children but I don't really understand how dressing a girl in a pink sends any negative message to them. Surely, even if you dress your daughter in pink and your son in blue, as long as you give them opportunities to be active, creative, build confidence etc then they will be the best they can be.

I do agree that clothes for kids should be practical though. I just don't really get people who announce they are bringing their child up gender neutral. What exactly do they mean ? I did dress my son in 'boys clothes' and my daughter in 'girls clothes' but other than that I treat them the same, we just live our lives.

@Perfectly1mperfect - did you watch the program?

Most of my DD's stuff is gender neutral, in case I have a boy next. I buy good quality (mainly scandi) brands and store them.

Circumlocutor Each to their own. I had no trouble potty training twins, we live in a hot country and shorts and t-shirts work well for us.
Great if your DD like them, but mine doesn't. She likes climbing and running and yes with her a dress would be silly and impractical.

Different strokes for different folks.

im a bit surprised really, but yet she is happy to have her hair long, etc.??

Wait what, she wants to impose long hair on the child?

Yeah, that's weird.

Or you you mean your adult daughter has long hair? Which is entirely her right. As is wearing pink frilly dresses, by the way.

I did dress my son in 'boys clothes' and my daughter in 'girls clothes' but other than that I treat them the same, we just live our lives.

I doubt that. If you treated them the same, then why did you feel a need to dress them differently? Apart from underpants, there's not really much difference in the kind of clothes little girls and boys need.

Even if you really do nothing different, don't you teach your daughter to consider herself as inferior to boys, weak and obliged to be "nice" by teaching her that pink is her uniform? You teach her to dress in pink, society teaches her what those who are dressed in pink are expected to behave like.

Climbing and running? How novel.

My only issue would be the labelling of the idea. I have two dds and have never been constrained by buying only girls clothes or toys. It's frustrating that there seems to be a blue and pink divide but only because they are such boring colours. I buy what I like and my dds do too. My mum tends to buy a lot of pink and dd2 (7months) wears whatever I grab out of the drawers. I wouldn't be rude enough to dictate what others buy and she looks adorable in every colour. We knew dd2 was going to be a girl before she was born and painted her room duck egg blue because we liked the colour. Dd1 designed her own purple concoction that we had made up for her room. I sometimes think people get so.concious of not stereotyping they end up going to the opposite extreme.

This is not a NEW thing. My mum was dressing me in brown dungarees and green shorts and giving me a bowl haircut in the 1970's. They were going to bring up gender neutral children and encouraged me to do things like hit things with a hammer!

Unfortunately I had not read the 'gender neutral' manual, and by 13 I was covering myself in blue eyeshadow and Heather Shimmer lipstick, growing my hair long and have remained in a fairly 'feminine' presentational mode ever since.

Young people are not stupid, and the gender norms are so strong, I'm not surprised that most conform (like me) or rebel (reject them and try to change genders or become fluid). Putting them in a yellow jumpsuit when they are a baby has no effect on this whatsoever. You can't fight social stereotyping in your own home as your children have to leave the house!

I don't really understand how dressing a girl in a pink sends any negative message to them

It doesn't. Unless you only dress her in pink and call it a girl colour.

Turquoise0wl
No, I haven't yet, but I will as I think I need to understand it more than I do at the moment.

I have just read a few comments again. Although my son wears clothes from boys section and my daughter from the girls section I never dressed them in impractical clothing. I never put my daughter in dresses whilst at the crawling stage and still don't now if we are going to the park for example. They have always been able to have whatever toys etc they wanted, regardless of type or colour. They get what makes them happy.

But, so much more importantly, I tell my kids they can be whatever they want to be if they put the work in. I would be shocked if either thought they were restricted by their gender as quite simply, they are not. I feel that by acknowledging gender neutral, it's accepting that there is a difference in expectations for boys and girls and in my head there just isn't. So that's why I don't really get it.

Dresses also aren't very practical in 5 point car seat harnesses. They get all bunched up and are a faff to sort out, you have to remember to sort out the bunched up material around the bum.If it's a dress that needs ironing, by the time you arrive anywhere in the, it's all scrunched up at the front where the harness went between their legs.

Really not good for babies.

Lweji
Ok, I can understand that. Thank you.

I feel that by acknowledging gender neutral, it's accepting that there is a difference in expectations for boys and girls and in my head there just isn't.

You don't have different expectations, or society doesn't?

Because if you mean society, you are in denial.

Honestly I can see where she is coming from. How many times will she wear a dress. The first year they grow like crazy. Get her baby grows she will thank you for that.