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Original poster

dd is only going to use gender neutral stuff for her dd?

604 replies

ioliverielinor · 24/08/2017 17:00

hiya,

just looking for views really. is this the new modern parenting? dd2 is expecting a dd herself and has said she would only like gender neutral gifts, i was a bit upset because i think there are some lovely girls clothes, i said will she never put her in dresses, she says no. im a bit surprised really, but yet she is happy to have her hair long, etc.??

just curious if this is the norm now? i have never really heard of it before, dd1 has 3 dc different genders and never had an issue buying them boys and girls items.

im not judging, but think its slightling strange? aibu?

OP posts:
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6
LouHotel · 25/08/2017 18:48

I have a thing against pink and i like the color personally.

I have friends with daughters where everything is the pink version...how is that fun for kids.

Go for the vibrant primary colours for toys and i wish i didnt buy dressed for clothing sizes before 12 months. What a waste she lives in onsies forbthe first 6 months then tops and leggins.

MoronsandNeurons · 25/08/2017 18:49

What I don't like with this concept is people say it's 'gender neutral' but they'll actively avoid any female clothing. How is that neutral? If you're going to go down that road then you shouldn't mind pink as surely both boys and girls could wear it?
It is a parents choice but in practice she may find it irritating when people keep referring to it as a boy (which they will). As long as she doesn't get offended by that then fair enough.
I also think it's a bit spoilsport for relatives who are excited. I put my DD in stuff I wasn't a massive fan of occasionally because I was grateful of the sentiment and knew it meant a lot to the family who had given it.
Mostly though I loved her in white. It really suited her.

Lweji · 25/08/2017 18:52

If your friend was asking as they want their child to choose their own gender then I think that's ridiculous. Girls are girls and boys are boys.

Not wanting gender stereotypes doesn't mean leading to choosing gender. At all. Why should it?

Minxmumma · 25/08/2017 18:55

My dd4 wore cream white or gray for 3 months as we didn't know what we were cooking.

Now 9 months she has a huge variety, pretty dresses, boys dungas with animals on, neutral babygrows etc. Tbh I buy neutral or things that can mix and match and let my parents and ILs enjoy shopping for what they fancy. They enjoy it, she looks cute regardless, she is also appropriately dressed whether it be a posh occasion or a weekend camping. It's not deliberate but practical.

Goldiloz · 25/08/2017 18:57

The problem is that girls clothing pigeon holes then into little princesses who only care about their appearance. Boys are given shirts with boys will be boys emblazoned over them which suggests they can be and do anything.
Why is pink for girls and blue for boys? What exactly does this have to do with a penis or a vagina?

ItsNotLit · 25/08/2017 19:00

I think it's a great idea despite having put my own 4DC in genderised (?) clothing. I think it allows children to be individuals and not stereotypes

..but surely it ends up just being another stereotype. I'm not saying it wrong or right but it's making another type of statement.

My DC are adults and the girls were never that into pink girly stuff and often wore hand me downs from their brothers unisex clothing but they have both grown up loving makeup and very female clothing. They are both studying STEM subjects at Uni....I wonder if those battered and stained boys clothing helped Wink Grin

AnnabelC · 25/08/2017 19:07

I dressed my girls in pink and my boy in blue. As they got older the girls couldn't wait to get out of pink and they are now all very successful in business, what I tried to do is give them confidence and not criticise them and make them feel as good about themselves. . So from my point of view it's not harmful.

curlilox · 25/08/2017 19:07

I wouldn't buy pink pushchairs, high chairs, cots & bedding etc. If you go on to have a boy afterwards then you would want to replace everything. However, the child may have other ideas soon when it comes to clothes. A friend of mine was determined not to have girly clothes, but her daughter soon changed all that! She is a very girly girl despite my friend's efforts. Wanted a pink bedroom, compromised on purple but has every Disney princess dress now and wears girly clothes, loves sparkly dresses and sequins everywhere!

LuLuuuuuuu · 25/08/2017 19:15

I agree with you OP but I expect I'm in the minority here .

Changeschangechangeagain · 25/08/2017 19:25

What colours do babies like?

It's Black, Red, White and Blue I think? They go for bright and highly contrasting colours with bold patterns.

I thought beige was the standard alternative to the typical pink and blue baby sets available for friends and family to buy for newborns when the parents are wanting to be surprised or the buyer has forgotten.

Loads of parents are raising kids in a gender neutral environment.

I don't think I've ever noticed a child in beige and immediately thought 'Oh gender neutral'. At the park today I saw kids in mostly primary colours but a few very obvious all blue or all pink. IMO Some of the girls were not dressed practically for the park.

heartstornastray · 25/08/2017 19:32

I purposely would never buy anything "gender neutral" because it's all a load of tosh. The term winds me up, are we trying to imply that males and females are the same, because we damn well aren't. We dress differently, we always have, end of!

crazycatz · 25/08/2017 19:36

does your dd wear gender neutral clothing op? And her dh?

Abbylee · 25/08/2017 19:51

Unfortunately, gender neutral is going to be stereotypical of this set of kids. My niece told me only yellow, orange, green. Luckily, she loves me bc i was caught btwn laughter and exasperation at the silliness. Boys and girls are different. I didn't enforce colors or designs on my DC and they indepedently chose clothes from very early age.

I told my ds that since kids rebel, when the GenNeu set reaches puberty, they won't go to wearing the usual stuff (black,straggly) they will wear pretty pink dresses and frilly feminine things. Ds thinks it's sneaky, brilliant marketing gimmic.

Seriously, my dd was born with unerring fashion sense (not me!) and children love pretty colors. I could not buy anything NOT pink for years. Wait until the dd has a say, things may change. As my dh says,"do you really think my masculinity is threatened by Pink? A color?" This is silliness set to keep us from noticing the world is going to hell.

Gingersdohavesouls · 25/08/2017 19:53

Good for her! There are WAY to many gender stereotypes in this world and people need to realise that just bcoz something is pink that it's EXCLUSIVELY for girls.
My daughter has just turned 16 - when I brought her home from the hospital she was wearing a dark blue onesie with Fred the Red on it (no I am NOT a Man united fan, just a young mum who was incredible pleased with all the donations of baby clothes/accessories that they had used for their children - and ALL my friends had had boys at the time lol)
My daughter now has a partially shaved head and wears really masculine clothes most days - but other days she will wear pink and flowery dresses.
Some parents "worry" that by dressing their child in something meant for the opposite gender, they may SHOCK HORROR become GAY in later life....
I was dressed in pink, flowery, 80's frocks when I was young and I'm lesbian - clothes are just clothes, to cover the body, and have zero impact on your child's future sexuality or gender issues.

Well done to those, like your DD, who are trying to break these stereotypes ☺️

MyBreadIsEggy · 25/08/2017 19:58

For me it's N not so much to do with gender stereotypes, it's just what I like and what would be most practical for my children.
I have a 2yo DD and a 10mo DS. When I had DD I went mad buying pink, overly-girly stuff and then quickly realised how stupid that was when I fell pregnant with DS....I had to buy loads of new clothes on a tight budget. So now, I tend to be gender neutral clothes for both of them, so DS can use DD's hand-me-downs when she grows out of them, and I'll have clothes in every size for a third baby (should we have one) regardless of gender

Abbylee · 25/08/2017 20:00

I'm sorry, I always have a last thoughtConfused. I think grandparents should be allowed to buy what they wish for grandchildren bc as parents, we often cannot afford the fancy stuff that we can later in life. To me, it's a gift to my DC that I would have, if I could have. My mil loved buying things and kids enjoyed the kindness. Really, it's bad manners to put limits on colors. I'm sneaking pink stripes onto the yellow and orange booties.

Lweji · 25/08/2017 20:05

Abbylee

On the other hand, shouldn't we ensure that who receives the present likes it?
What's the point of giving something we like but the recipient doesn't?

Lweji · 25/08/2017 20:08

Boys and girls are different. I didn't enforce colors or designs on my DC and they indepedently chose clothes from very early age.

How independent minded do you think they really are? Have they not looked at other children ever? Or at you and their dad?

Lweji · 25/08/2017 20:10

We dress differently, we always have, end of!

Are you a toddler tantruming? Grin

Apart from clothes shapes that match body shapes, men and women dressing differently is determined by society, not sex chromosomes or hormones.

heartstornastray · 25/08/2017 20:15

So you'd be happy with men in dresses? society governs how we dress, and it wouldn't be appropriate for men and women to dress the same.

Lweji · 25/08/2017 20:24

So you'd be happy with men in dresses?

Why wouldn't I? It doesn't affect me.

society governs how we dress, and it wouldn't be appropriate for men and women to dress the same.
Why? Women wear trousers, and skirts, and fitted jackets. Why can't men dress in skirts or dresses?
Many middle eastern men don't dress in trousers. Kilts are glorified skirts, fgs.

House2home · 25/08/2017 20:25

I couldn't care less about a man in a dress. As long as they aren't claiming it makes them female.

Jedimum1 · 25/08/2017 20:31

I actually think I'd like the skirt fashion Grin. I couldn't care less. Women couldn't wear trousers without raising looks of shock not that long ago. Next century dresses might be men's new working suit, who knows.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 25/08/2017 20:32

What I don't like with this concept is people say it's 'gender neutral' but they'll actively avoid any female clothing. How is that neutral?

It isn't. "Gender neutral " just means clothes no one would think anything of if a boy were wearing them.

Touchmybum · 25/08/2017 20:33

We all start off this parenting journey with lots of preconceived notions! My eldest is 20 and MIL insisted on buying her horrible frilly dilly dresses, which I hated and never put on her. I liked trendy clothes in primary colours, but was irrationally irritated when someone thought my gorgeous girl babies were boys, or my handsome boy baby was a girl!

My brother in his 50s had a doll when he was a child. We both played with the same toys. My son adored the play kitchen, DD2 had a garage my parents bought her, and a Bob the Builder cake for her 2nd birthday.

All of which was before this 'gender neutral' stuff. Don't overthink it.