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AIBU?

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Original poster

dd is only going to use gender neutral stuff for her dd?

604 replies

ioliverielinor · 24/08/2017 17:00

hiya,

just looking for views really. is this the new modern parenting? dd2 is expecting a dd herself and has said she would only like gender neutral gifts, i was a bit upset because i think there are some lovely girls clothes, i said will she never put her in dresses, she says no. im a bit surprised really, but yet she is happy to have her hair long, etc.??

just curious if this is the norm now? i have never really heard of it before, dd1 has 3 dc different genders and never had an issue buying them boys and girls items.

im not judging, but think its slightling strange? aibu?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
gandalf456 · 25/08/2017 13:47

Miaow, yes, re the blu tac, it is for that reason I don't like it and I think it's worse for girls, too. After all, 'boys' stuff would be the regular one.

The marketing is done at the children, I think. It would not really occur to most adults to seek out an alternative for girls.

Circumlocutor · 25/08/2017 13:48

gandalf456 you probably have a point re. gender neutral baby clothing being used as an indicator of class. Stuff like Polarn o Pyret is very John Lewis-y.

StickThatInYourPipe · 25/08/2017 13:48

Turquoise0wl ah see I would just use the playing pieces from the normal one. What noise do sunglasses make when they are on the move then?

gandalf456 · 25/08/2017 13:51

But if my dd were 7 again, I certainly wouldn't argue about it if she really wanted it and would not understand the arguments against it. To me, it would be me imposing a very adult opinion on her which is a huge bugbear when I see other parents doing that and teaching their children to parrot very grown up opinions such as what is wrong with shopping at Tesco for example.

Lweji · 25/08/2017 14:21

Well i've got 3 grandsons and i can imagine what they'd say if their mums put them in pink coats for school. Perhaps i'm missing the point but it just wouldn't happen.

The point is societal expectations.

Your grandsons have learnt that pink is a "girls" colour and other children will tease them for wearing pink, or they'll be confused with girls by adults.

catkind · 25/08/2017 15:32

When they're old enough to choose we broadly let them choose from the options available that fit the brief (i.e. if we are looking for trousers for nursery, the pink tutu is not an option, the pale pink trousers may also not be an option because of stains, but bright pink sure if they want). Both DS and DD had a phase of choosing pink at preschool age.

Will admit to being secretly a little relieved that there weren't any pink ones in the shop when DS was choosing a school coat, as I thought people would give him grief. Turned out some idiots still gave him grief for having a red one and called it pink anyway. DS just told them they were being sillySmile

heartstornastray · 25/08/2017 15:52

Well that doesn't alter the fact Lweji that if they did they'd get bullied, but they're also get bullied if they didn't have the "right" kind of footwear or bag etc. Kids have also been brainwashed into thinking they have to have these things. So what are we all doing about that? nothing it seems.

MommaL · 25/08/2017 17:27

Pickleypickles Thu 24-Aug-17 17:07:11
"I dont understand it. Some girls clothes are nice some boys clothes are nice surely dressing them in what you like regardless of supposed gender of the clothes is surely better? Will we have an army of beige children ?"
that...just...boggles my mind. Do people really think this?

There are more colours in the world that Blue and Pink you know. Gender Neutral doesn't mean colourless and bland.

Roversandrhodes · 25/08/2017 17:45

Bit odd and I couldn't be bothered but each to their own I guess Hmm I buy what I like for my three year old daughter wether it be pink blue or gender neutral !

Kitten3 · 25/08/2017 17:46

We dressed our baby girls in Scandinavia style clothing for the first three years of her life. All pretty gender neutral with the focus on comfort and practicality.

She won't wear anything but dresses now. Ever. She is almost 6 now. We still purchase from the Scandi store, but she refuses to wear any leggings and t shirts from there. Unless I style it up as travelling clothing....and we are travelling.

lolalola19 · 25/08/2017 17:52

Surely making such a big deal out of only buying 'gender neutral' clothes is as bad if not worse than sticking to just boy/just girl clothing? Confused

Maireadplastic · 25/08/2017 17:55

I have 3 boys and dressed them in white babygros for as long as I could. I'd have done the same for a girl. I didn't like the 'boyish' clothes, they wore all sorts of colours and still do.

Turquoise0wl · 25/08/2017 17:58

@lolalola19 - why on earth would it be? You are using all the other colours in the world.

caramac04 · 25/08/2017 17:58

I think it's a great idea despite having put my own 4DC in genderised (?) clothing. I think it allows children to be individuals and not stereotypes. Not girl power, not boy power but people power. I'm a granny now and went with the flow. Love what your DD is planning to do.

Anatidae · 25/08/2017 17:59

Surely making such a big deal out of only buying 'gender neutral' clothes is as bad if not worse than sticking to just boy/just girl clothing? confused

I assume the OPs GD means 'for the love of god buy us some nice stuff rather than swamping us with frilly pink crap and headbands.'

I live in a Scandinavian country. It's not that you never see girls in dresses it's just that sometimes you see boys in them too, the clothes shops are full of just nice bright stuff sorted out by ages and fuction 'children's raingear size 92-104' rather than 'girls stuff' and boy stuff.

I doubt the OPs GD will never wear a dress. The point is that they wear what's comfy that lets them climb trees/play in the snow not that little girls wear pretty crap they can't run around and climb in. Sometimes that might be a dress at an indoor library day. And sometimes it might be a ninja turtle outfit. It's just about letting gem be kids rather than starting the whole thing that ends up with women being 'nice'

EssentialHummus · 25/08/2017 17:59

lola I'd guess that most people who do this just get on with it IRL (I'd include myself here) - but a thread about gender neutral clothing is going to provoke discussion of why, and what we dislike about boy/girl clothing.

monstiebags · 25/08/2017 18:02

This idea that everything for girls has to be about princesses ballet and generally vomit making pink stuff is very modern as someone who grew up in the 70s I am quite appalled at pink lego and over the top gender stereo typing that goes on these days. Well done to your daughter for having such common sense

ArDali1 · 25/08/2017 18:02

I did the same with my daughter, and sort of still do. I thought in the long run, having gender neutral clothing is more cost efficient especially in the first year when they crawl and stuff, that way if I have a boy I won't have to go over the top buying new baby clothes again when I already have a lot from newborn to 12m that have rarely been worn!

GreenTulips · 25/08/2017 18:04

for the love of god buy us some nice stuff rather than swamping us with frilly pink crap and headbands

Perfect

Wrapmeupincottonwool · 25/08/2017 18:11

It really depends why she's doing it? I think to specifically ask is ridiculous, unless they are planning another child in the future and may want to use these clothes again. When I had my first child I hated pink, but I still welcomed the gifts. All the toys I bought were gender neutral, but that wasn't based on gender but the learning intentions. I bought quite a few dresses but then realised they were so impractical when it came to learning to crawl. After that my daughter was in leggings the majority of the time. If your friend was asking as they want their child to choose their own gender then I think that's ridiculous. Girls are girls and boys are boys. I'm not saying we have to stick a doll in a girls face or a train in a boys face, my boy plays with dolls and my girl plays with trains. I actually prefer boys toys so bought a lot of boys toys for my girl but she always insisted on girly things so allowed her to make her own decisions but 'gender neutral' seems to try and push children in the opposite direction.

Evelynismyspyname · 25/08/2017 18:12

heartstornastray that's because school uniform focuses the mind excessively on clothing. Go to a European country without school uniform and nobody cares if the children are wearing head to toe Aldi - teens included.

lolalola19 · 25/08/2017 18:15

Turquoise0wl AnatidaeOP said she will never put her in dresses - there are nice dresses/trousers whatever out there so that's what I meant by she's putting so much time/effort into only buying gn clothing. It's up to the parent what their child wears so no need to slate me?!? Shock

clarkl2 · 25/08/2017 18:22

Your daughter sounds like an ungrateful bellend

Lovelymess · 25/08/2017 18:41

It seems to be a new trend, Don't worry the novelty quickly wears off

mystvpn · 25/08/2017 18:45

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