dd is only going to use gender neutral stuff for her dd?

[ioliverielinor]

hiya,

just looking for views really. is this the new modern parenting? dd2 is expecting a dd herself and has said she would only like gender neutral gifts, i was a bit upset because i think there are some lovely girls clothes, i said will she never put her in dresses, she says no. im a bit surprised really, but yet she is happy to have her hair long, etc.??

just curious if this is the norm now? i have never really heard of it before, dd1 has 3 dc different genders and never had an issue buying them boys and girls items.

im not judging, but think its slightling strange? aibu?

Pretty dresses often aren't as comfortable for the baby though postage. Not at newborn age as they tend to be more faffy outfits to get on and off, often made of less comfy materials (pretty cotton print rather than jersey for example), riding up and leaving them with cold legs. Certainly not after 3 months when they start moving. And also - it's the parents who need to do all the getting child in and out of outfit and look at it all day. Why shouldn't they please themselves? Why wouldn't you want to give them things they'll enjoy and use rather than shove to the back of the cupboard to get out only when granny's over?

Exactly what catkind said. For the same reason, I didn't put my DS in baby jeans, as they were stiff and weren't comfy. Or all in ones without poppers all over the inside of the legs, for neither of them, because I would have to remove the whole thing to change the nappy or sitting them on toilet leaving them cold.

Girly baby clothes, as pointed above, are not always comfy. The "tutus" are not soft and are itchy against the skin, most frills have the same issue, once they start crawling or moving, the dresses or skirts roll up and it's like having nothing, when they start walking you should allow them to be barefoot so they can "grip" with their toes and learn to balance but with tights this is not possible, so if you are putting dresses and no tights the baby might be cold. And don't get me started on the shoes... Same goes for accessories, the stretchy hairbands are dangerous, a baby died last year whilst being strolled around in plain day because the hairband fell down and covered the baby nose for a few minutes without mum realising. If dresses and girly stuff were made with comfy stretchy jersey, provided under-stairs leggings for crawling around and offered the same level of warmth and comfort, I wouldn't mind that much, but they are not. My DD is starting reception and I welcome the uniform! I was tired of fighting the daily choices with "it's raining and cold, no chance you are going out in that fairy outfit". I got skirts, dresses and trousers for her uniform too.

I remember a Dd asked for jenga for Christmas mum who always struggled with ideas ill get the jenga blooming pink it just sends a message that of course girls can play with a wooden construction game but look how pretty it is while you are playing it mum was fair chuffed there was a girl version of it

I will not buy pink sparkly crap for babies of friends, I tend to buy anything other than that. My rule is that I will buy it if I like it regardless of the baby's sex. One of the items that went down a storm for a baby girl was a dark grey baby grow with little pirate symbols on it!
I'm not a parent however this is how I was raised (born in 1982).
My father point blank refused to let me wear dresses but my auntie used to buy pretty dresses from Switzerland where she lived. She would then sneak them up my nan's and they would dress me in them - they had to make sure he didn't see me and changed me back before I went home
I wore baby grows and trousers/shorts until I went to school and wore skirts and school summer dresses (which I hated right up until I left school after my A-Levels). I don't wear dresses or skirts or heels now, far to uncomfortable and impractical for my lifestyle.
Despite this I am definitely female what with the vagina and everything, so I'm fairly sure the lack of dresses and pink on a baby girl will not change their sex

'My father point blank refused to let me wear dresses'

Did your father think feminine things were inferior? Not sure that's the greatest attitude tbh.

I remember asking for Monopoly and we got the girls' version... It came in a pink box and my dad never wanted to play with that one neither did my boy cousins. It's so odd... We should have just been given the normal one to begin with and boys shouldn't have cared about playing with the pink one.

I didn't even know they made a pink monopoly!

Making blue versions and pink versions of age old toys like Lego and Monopoly as well as bloody Kinder eggs really pisses me off.

They do indeed!

Can I mention coats?

DD had a 'boys' winter coat , it was thick and warm and snuggly, the girls coats were thin lined in nylon and had waist buttons (you know the ones) no where near as warm!

Just why?

Turquoise0wl omg I'm getting one! It's proper pink too not that horrid pastel colour!!

However, rather than saying all colours are gender neutral, I would say gender doesn't apply to colours.

Sure. You're right. :)

We have some pink toys because they are often cheaper. What's the about?

The pink one is cheaper than the exact same one in blue or a neutral colour like green or yellow. Why do they keep making them in pink if they don't sell for as much / sell as well?

If it's cheaper that probably means they sell more of them. Other colours are more expensive as there isn't as much demand for them hence they don't churn them produce them in the same quantities.

Yes, it's quite nice apart from the figures you play with are hairdryer, handbag, sunglasses, etc.

Don't get me started on pink toys!! the girls toys just aren't fun mostly. Anything fun goes in the boys toys section - one shop even had the light sabre from last years star wars in the boys toys section when the main character/hero of the film WAS A GIRL!!! and just what is with pink/pastel colours for technical outdoor kit such as rucsacs in a female fit or that vile shade of mauve (that used to be reserved for the blue rinse brigade) for climbing harnesses, shoes etc - it's like being told you can do what you want but only if you admit you are a girl and shouldn't really be doing those things. And the last time I tried it was impossible to buy a pony rug that wasn't in a girl colour - wtf? does that mean a boy can't love his pony? or should;t have one? or is effeminate if he puts a rug on it? or that it is a female responsibility?

And the research i read when my DD was born that it is mothers who do this!!! Apparently it is mainly mothers who perpetuate the gender inequalities because we refuse to allow our sons to do girl things (in case of what?) so we might let our DDs play with a garage but let a male toddler dress up in a tutu from the dressing up box - that is a step too far for most of us :(

Out of interest, what do you do when your older child starts asking for 'boy' or 'girl' clothes in blue or pink? As I said further up, we didn't actively avoid pink but didn't make a point of buying it either. If DD or DS asked for it, they generally got it - even if we thought it was a bit 'tacky.' The point was that they were the ones wearing it/playing with it and it wasn't really down to us to impose what they wore (apart from dressing for the weather/occasion) or what they played with.

I remember,as a child, my mum refusing to buy this really grotesque, plastic Tiny Tears doll, as it were called. It used to cry real tears and you could feed it and change its nappy. She opted for this much more tasteful china-like thing, with hand made clothes and glossy hair, which, to be fair, I did like but, when at friends' houses, I used to go for this plastic thing straight away and recall nagging my mum a lot about it.

When I had my own DD, I was mindful of the fact that kids do like plastic shit and sometimes, as parents, we are buying things for ourselves because we like them and are a bit snobby about things that aren't wooden and tasteful. We lose sight of the fact that the children may get enjoyment out of looking pink and frilly and noisy, plastic stuff.

And the phase passes anyway so what is the point, really? To impress your friends, to feel you are parenting more effectively? I know there is the argument that this is sublime but it is what you tell them with words and actions in your everyday life - i.e. are you the one who does all the housework, does the childcare automatically fall to you, do you do all the organising, is your job less important? What they see in this regard is more important than pink or blue.

Oh I see Circ. Interesting

'Out of interest, what do you do when your older child starts asking for 'boy' or 'girl' clothes in blue or pink?'

Once kids are old enough to have an opinion I think their opinion should be respected. As long as the item of clothing is fit for purpose I'm happy for them to choose the colour.

I only stuck to the gender neutral thing for newborn cloths and baby stuff - pram, cot main toys etc stuff that I knew I would want to pass down.

Well i've got 3 grandsons and i can imagine what they'd say if their mums put them in pink coats for school. Perhaps i'm missing the point but it just wouldn't happen.

Also, the cynical me says the neutral shades tend to appeal to a more premium, middle class market. Pink and blue are seen as a bit common and trashy but definitely more widespread

It's totally fair enough to specify. Until her baby is old enough to choose at least.

We dress our baby daughter in gender neutral clothes (bright coloured animals and rockets) because we don't like the pink frilly stuff, and because I do think it does affect how adults interact with the baby if they are "pinkified". That said, these things obviously are not that neutral because everyone assumes she is a boy (I'm sad that space ships are supposed to be boy-specific!)

We mentioned our aversion to pink to anyone who was wanting/likely to give gifts (relatives etc), although most people who know me wouldn't be giving girly gifts anyway! We did get a few very girly things from friends of DH's family, which, although nice, never got used apart from maybe once for a photo, because we always have something we'd rather put her in (ie, something not pink). I think most people want to give you something you will like and use so if you have a preference in this regard, it is really fine to say so.