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Original poster

dd is only going to use gender neutral stuff for her dd?

604 replies

ioliverielinor · 24/08/2017 17:00

hiya,

just looking for views really. is this the new modern parenting? dd2 is expecting a dd herself and has said she would only like gender neutral gifts, i was a bit upset because i think there are some lovely girls clothes, i said will she never put her in dresses, she says no. im a bit surprised really, but yet she is happy to have her hair long, etc.??

just curious if this is the norm now? i have never really heard of it before, dd1 has 3 dc different genders and never had an issue buying them boys and girls items.

im not judging, but think its slightling strange? aibu?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
KarateKitten · 25/08/2017 08:08

Stick, do you cleanse tone and moisturise every day? Wear make-up? Sometimes wear uncomfortable clothes as they look nice? Have to shop a few times a year to stay vaguely on trend and look well? Try on more than two items in order to decide if the cut, fit, shape is flattering to your body? Do you use more than shampoo in the shower? Tights, hold ups, suspenders ever? Shaving legs, armpits, bikini line regularly or pay for waxing? Do you ever wear high heels, strappy sandals, nice shoes that give you blisters or make you more likely to take a taxi? Do you feel you need to be able to bake something beautiful or put on trend food on the table (or on your instagram feed)? If you've kids and work do you still feel responsible for the house, the childcare and your work (on balance)....

Some above don't apply to everyone and some apply to men but seriously, the expectations on women are exhausting. I personally don't do the clothes, beauty routines, etc and it frees up so much time every single day.

Sleephead1 · 25/08/2017 08:12

Hi op i dont dress my son in just gender neutral stuff but do like comfy colourful stuff. We love Polarn o pyret. It does really lovley stuff. Just wanted to let you know about it as do lots of neutral stuff my lb had got purple, yellow, orange and red comfy pants from their and ones with multi coloured dinosaurs. Boys or girls can wear them so might be one to check out. My lb is 4 so lots older but they do baby things.

MrsJayy · 25/08/2017 08:13

I was raised like a pp very girly even though i found skirts and dresses a total faff. I was mocked for liking starwars and xmen cartoons or playing with my boy cousins cars. Was given a girls world even thoughI wanted an evel kinevel motorbike toy.

All that made me resentful and question if i was weird for not being a proper girl my parents certainly thought I was weird for not being a proper girl . I just didn't want my dds being brought up as I was so didn't back then "Gender neutral" wasn't really spoken about like it is now but it is mocked some parents can go to far though and love to shout about it go on tv with their GN child with their GN name and imo thatis going to far the other way.

MelvinThePenguin · 25/08/2017 08:16

no self respecting teen wants unicorns on the PJs at a sleepover

I know quite a few teenagers (13-19 inclusive) who would definitely disagree, including a boy who rocks his unicorn onesie. My friends and I also would have disagreed and I still do in my 30s.

I'll say it again. Should it not be all about choice and options, rather than eliminating (and even making fun of) the stereotypically girly option?

MrsJayy · 25/08/2017 08:21

My 19yr old loves unicorns tbf those feckers are everywhere she has probably been brainwashedGrin

KarateKitten · 25/08/2017 08:22

Melvin, I agree, it should be about choice. Ultimately.

There is a lot about it all though that is not choice due to conditioning but my mind explodes if I try to unravel that one.

It's so complex:( But maybe not judging the choices is a good place to start so that the freedom that brings can lead to other good things like not conditioning in the first place.

GreenTulips · 25/08/2017 08:27

Please find my DDs some PJs

Must be plain on the bottom - no slogans unicorns glitter or pink - not daft pigs or sheep fairys or dinosaurs or baby type patterns

Then tell us it's about choice

lljkk · 25/08/2017 08:32

"After all, it's how our grandmothers brought people up. Clothes and toys, sturdy and practical and capable of being handed down to subsequent DC of both sexes. Small amount of items for each individual child, and best clothes mimicking adult ones"

Not my gran... or how DH's parents were raised (1940s, shrug). Gender roles were very fixed from very young age.

MelvinThePenguin · 25/08/2017 08:33

Yes, Karate, I think we need less judgement.

Sure, if I were giving my DDs the impression that they can only be SAHMs (and there's nothing wrong with a SAHM who chooses that option), then judge away. They will be wearing the odd unicorn t-shirt, but they'll be coding and robot building in whatever they wear (if they enjoy our hobbies!).

MelvinThePenguin · 25/08/2017 08:34

Easy GreenTulips. I have many a pair for my DDs.

MrsJayy · 25/08/2017 08:39

I always get Pjs out of primark or M&S for teens primark has loads of plain pyjamas

MrsJayy · 25/08/2017 08:40

For girls and women i should have said not just teens

heartstornastray · 25/08/2017 08:41

I think instead of being obsessed about being "gender neutral" we should concentrate more on being "designer neutral".
According to my Dgd the people who get bullied in school are the ones who don't have the correct footwear, bag, phone etc. If all parents refused to fall for the hype of all this designer nonsense then it would cut back on the ridiculous snobbery that a lot of kids have for "the right make" and also save themselves a fortune into the bargain.

KarateKitten · 25/08/2017 08:44

There is so much in the world to fix.

StickThatInYourPipe · 25/08/2017 08:45

KarateKitten

Ermm lolling at a lot of what you have said - cleanse tone and moisturise daily?? Hahahaha yeah right! And also WTF do people actually bake nice things to look good on their instagram?

No I never feel pressure to do any of those things in your list, sometimes I may want to wear heels but I always take some flats in case I get uncomfortable. Same with makeup some days I wear it others not. No I don't use more shampoo than my dp as he has hair half way down his back and is VERY curly and thick. Trust me we argue about the amount of conditioner that boy uses!

Just because I like some 'girlie' things doesn't make me feel any type of pressure. I do the things I like not what some person has decided I should do becuase I'm female. I also like a lot of boyish things too

Tbh I don't have children but really can't see the house and child care falling solely onto me. At the moment I probably do less than my fair share of the housework anyway.

Sequence · 25/08/2017 08:47

So now any colour apart from baby blue and pastel pink is "gender neutral"? There is no inherent sex-determining message in how our eyes and brains interpret light waves into colours. They are just colours, not "gender neutral colours". Same as people who aren't Trans are people, not "cis".

KarateKitten · 25/08/2017 08:56

Stick, you are the exception, not the rule😁

Lweji · 25/08/2017 08:59

So now any colour apart from baby blue and pastel pink is "gender neutral"?

All colours are gender neutral.
The trouble for parents receiving presents is that most people will give gender stereotypes. Telling them gender neutral increases variety. It also reduces the extremes.
Speaking of frills, my DS was also a frill free zone. I avoided all those overly decorated clothes as a baby that boys clothes also get. Smile

Lweji · 25/08/2017 09:02

There is so much in the world to fix.

We can't fix the middle east, but can address gender stereotypes at home.
Unless you think women have it all. Grin

Ewanwhosearmy · 25/08/2017 09:09

just curious if this is the norm now? i have never really heard of it before

It's how I brought up my dc in the 1980s and 1990s. It is very new to make such a big thing of girls being pink and frilly.

Sequence · 25/08/2017 09:14

That's what I was getting at Lweji. The idea that two colours have a particular inherent significance is false. All colours are just colours. However, rather than saying all colours are gender neutral, I would say gender doesn't apply to colours. It's irrelevant and just as you don't say "a gender neutral microwave" there is no need to describe any colour as gendered or gender neutral". Pink, blue, green, yellow - they are all colours, not "gender neutral" any more than "boy's" or "girl's".

Postagestamppat · 25/08/2017 09:14

I am committing the cardinal sin of not reading the whole thread, but has anyone mentioned that a baby has no idea what clothes it is wearing?

In a baby's head not being comfortable is the only emotion it will register. Therefore baby's clothes are for the person who buys them. Why not let a grandparent enjoy buying pretty dresses or whatever for the first year or so? Then insist on gender neutral clothes when the child is old enough to understand what clothes are.

user1494409994 · 25/08/2017 09:24

I didn't dress my little girl in very girly stuff when she was little because it's difficult to crawl in and tights are a bloody nuisance to put on a wee wiggly person. She's nearly 4 now though and likes a lot of pink with frills, sparkles and great big bows for her hair. So it doesn't really matter what you do when they are little, they'll make their own opinions known in due course.

NoqontroI · 25/08/2017 09:28

I'm sure the child will decide by herself soon enough what to wear. Mine certainly did by about age 3. In the meantime just get what your dd wants. It's her baby and her turn to decide. Bit silly to get worked up over someone elses choice on how they want to dress their baby. Although dresses for babies are an absolute pita anyway.

GreenTulips · 25/08/2017 09:32

Why not let a grandparent enjoy buying pretty dresses or whatever for the first year or so?

Because they will go unworn and add to the landfill - plus the waste of money

The daughter won't dress her in these clothes so don't buy them - simple