dd is only going to use gender neutral stuff for her dd?

[ioliverielinor]

hiya,

just looking for views really. is this the new modern parenting? dd2 is expecting a dd herself and has said she would only like gender neutral gifts, i was a bit upset because i think there are some lovely girls clothes, i said will she never put her in dresses, she says no. im a bit surprised really, but yet she is happy to have her hair long, etc.??

just curious if this is the norm now? i have never really heard of it before, dd1 has 3 dc different genders and never had an issue buying them boys and girls items.

im not judging, but think its slightling strange? aibu?

If a girl or woman likes pink does that mean she doesn't want to be intelligent, bright, funny and equal?

No - just most girls out grow the stage. They don't embrace all they is girly, because it's associated with being 'pretty'

I have 2 teens I either would be seen dead in pink - even PJs or Knickers

They rebel against pink and much prefer black or blue colours

They don't 'do' bows or frills either.

I never liked pink as a young child, bought a gorgeous (fuscia) pink structured coat from Topshop age 17 (circa 2006) and the fuss made was ridiculous. Apparently pink is firmly a "little girl" colour

I have a pair of pink knickers but I do understand teenagers disgust. My aunt bought me I think it was a pink top with a heart on it. I was horrified when I looked at it.

I think I was 13 or 14 at the time and all teenagers are fashion conscious at that age.

My parents tried to raise me as a pink, frilly, lacey pretty girl and encouraged stereotypical interests.

I really rebelled and felt very resentful about my impractical clothing and the toys I was given. Skirts and dresses do not work on a bmx bike or for climbing trees. As I got older I got very upset at being asked what I wanted for birthdays/christmas and then being given yet another decapitated girls world head and sindy doll.

I cut my hair off and insisted on having the same clothes as my older brother. I stole his toys to play with. They were not happy with me. I was not happy they ignored what I wanted.

I think it's great that girls and boys are less restricted and stereotyped these days.

I tried to raise my daughter in a more gender neutral environment but wasn't hard core about it. She likes Barbies, My little Pony's, minecraft and superheros from marvel.

My mother used to try to redress my daughter when she was a baby. I faced a lot of opposition from them. I don't understand why it matters if strangers can't tell if my baby is a girl or boy.

I asked for gender neutral stuff for dd. Im not a frilly pink fan, never was even as a kid and it all look so impractical and uncomfortable. I mean washing food or spew out of glitter images, no thanks

However, i was ignored, like my wishes wernt relevent, much of the stuff that was given at that time went unused and sold off. The givers just wasted time and money ignoring me, one thing to keep in mind if you plan on just getting the kid pink dresses or the like

Now dd older she likes pink but not frilly or glittery as its scratchy. It was her choice to wear pink

I'm current pg with DC I haven't found out the sex. Surely babies just wear vests and baby grows? They don't need clothes to identify them as a boy or a girl as long as the are warm!

I was a lot less gendered when I grew up in the 80's. Yes, I got given dolls for Christmas but also lego, colourings sets, puzzles and board games. Lots of toys were in primary colours whereas everything now seems to be in pink or blue!

my now adult daughter thanked me for exactly this at the weekend. As a baby/child she wore bright, practical clothes that could be passed on. I hate pink frills and really didn't want my child to be a dress up doll for my MIL. I wanted my children to have the chance to just be children rather than being assumed to want to only do "girl things" or "boy things". My daughter is now a confident young woman, with a positive body image. She's a scientist. She is good at maths and problem solving. MIL still sees her as purely decorative and I was never going to change that, but I did give both my children the chance to just be kids. They were able to explore what they were interested in because people weren't able to categorise them easily enough to limit that without it being obvious.

My mother dressed us quite gender neutral in the 80s. She was not keen on frills, pink, or makeup and hairstyles as we got older, because of feminist principles and believing they held women back.

I actually resent a bit not learning more about style and fashion, as I feel so clueless now as an adult. But that probably has little to do with being dressed in navy blue as a baby.

OP there are so many gorgeous white outfits for babies, you can still have fun baby shopping!

DH and I deliberately refused to tell his parents the sex of our baby before it was born, because MIL is obsessed with girls wearing pink princess shit. We were firm on gender neutral - by which we meant not simply beige but all colours and no deliberate gendering. Everyone respected and adhered to this, except the ILs. Every chance they get they buy DD pink bullshit and dollies and steer her away from other stuff she likes equally - cars and trucks, spatial awareness games, running around, etc. OP, your DD is trying her best to ensure her child grows up feeling like a person, not just a girl. She'd probably love if you were supportive.

Usernamegone l agree with you. This whole dressing in pink stuff is relatively new and is totally to do with retail. Growing up in the 60s we did everything the same as our dbs. Girl boy stuff didnt feature. Not because my dm was a feminist or not but it was just life. We never grew up thinking girls couldnt do certain stuff. Its like the more we make a fuss about it the more distinct the whole divide becomes. Looking back at pictures of my dd in the 90s she wore a lot of navy red and white but thats because l love these colours. I never gave one thought to pink or not. She played with everything in sight.
Grandmas seem to be the worst at buying pink stuff. WHY?? You didnt put yours in pink every minute of the day.

Men do not generally wear PINK

Tell that to all the City traders in their pinstriped suits and pink shirts

I liked the variety of buying a range of colours and intended on having a second baby so wanted to reuse as much baby clothing and equipment as possible. It turned out that I had 2 DSs.

Sometimes I would find myself buying "girls" purple trousers for instance. There was nothing overtly feminine about them. Possibly a slimmer cut that worked for my DCs anyway. I just wanted more choice than sludge/ blue/ red.

Heavily gendering children restricts their choices and opportunities. Nationally boys are lagging in literacy, particularly white working class boys. Girls are less likely to take part in STEM subjects and careers (often well paid). Marketing of children's toys, choices of books etc will affect choices made by young people on a societal level.

I once saw a young girl (3 or 4?) in a big puffy, party dress at the trampoline park (no parties on that night either). It was getting in the way and restricting what she could do. "Masculine" styles of clothing tend to be more practical. Gendered school uniform policies can lead to cold girls in the winter and over heated boys in the summer.

Why not relax the gender obsession (as a society) and let more children get a more open choice about what they like and works best for them.

I think people balk at the term gender neutral as it sounds scary and confusing to them.

I dressed and kitted out my dd with toys and books that were aimed at girls AND boys and stayed well away from slogan tshirts and other overt gender messaging. It was quite easy really, and I didn't go the expensive Little Bird route, just chose nice, colourful, normal kids clothes.

Fireman Sam was a favourite for a long time, then Frozen. She wore dresses occasionally - those little summer ones from H&M that are covered in tigers or whatever. Just meant she got more cuts and bruises on her legs!

She never had the pink-obsessed stage that people seem to think every girl has to go through, although she does still love glitter.

I think people are reacting to the term, not the concept.

After all, it's how our grandmothers brought people up. Clothes and toys, sturdy and practical and capable of being handed down to subsequent DC of both sexes. Small amount of items for each individual child, and best clothes mimicking adult ones

It did change a bit when DC went to school though, as girls uniforms used to mean skirts (though that started changing post-war, I think 60s/70s)

Gender neutral isn't "beige".

@sparklewater I think you have explained the whole concept of gender neutral perfectly it isn't beige or boys clothes right on or new fangled parenting nonsense.it is imo exactly what you said

I don't think when people are talking about pink for girls they really have an issue with girls wearing or liking pink, but it goes beyond clothes.

Pink becomes a visual marketing symbol that this product is for girls and if it's not pink it's really more for boys. Which is fine for skirts as boys don't wear skirts, but not great if it's a message that girls are pretty, boys do stuff or maths is for boys as the maths book is not in the pink section of the shop.

I also think the growing out of pink is more it's association with being for young children (like cbeebies over cbbc) than a rejection of some of the messages about sports, self worth being about appearances, subjects studied etc)

But, I still feel some pressure for being female. And see it in people around me

Can you explain this. What pressure do you feel for being female? I really don't get it sorry! I see these sort of phrases all the time but people rarely explain the pressure they actually feel. Maybe I am just ignorant but really don't believe I have ever get anything bad about being a female. In fact i quite enjoy it tbh

The leg spreading thing I don't get either, why would it matter how someone sits? I sit predominately sit my legs crossed (like when a child sits on the floor) what does that mean?

Men do not generally wear PINK

A quick browse through any shirt department will show this is completely incorrect

I think it's great that girls and boys are less restricted and stereotyped these days.

I think your wrong - I think the pink and blue marketing is way too far and parents are becoming annoyed by it

Take any toy shop - girls toys are Barbie pink in the isles - there are very few blue pushchairs (or freeborn stripy) Dolls are all frilly,

The all action games have boys faces on them (so aren't for girls) same with some coloring stuff

We recently had a prize given to the boys and girls for taking part in a comp

Boy s got frizbys and air whistles - girls got note books and pens!!!!

My daughters weren't happy!! (Why do you need a Willy for a whistle dart mum?)

We need advertisers to change their game

Clothes manufactures need to change as well - no self respecting teen wants unicorns on the PJs at a sleepover -

You see boys wearing leggings? Lots of little boys in leggings in Finland but not so much past the age of 6.

All babies start out gender neutral here anyway thanks to the baby box - these are this years clothes that my baby will be wearing along with hand-me-downs from DD (which were mostly gender neutral too) and hand-me-downs from a nice grandma that gave me her grandson's baby clothes (some more boyish and others gender neutral)

If I had the money I'd be buying lots of clothes from this place en.paapero.fi/category/52/the-lapland-collection love colourful nature-themed clothes!

As for toys, DD has a variety, as I always tell her "there's no such thing as 'girl toys' or 'boy toys'", she plays with barbies and cars and pushes a doll in a pram and plays with toy guns. She had a friend home from school last week, a boy, and they played with her remote control cars and with her 'creepy baby' and pram.

I think gender stereotyping boys is very damaging too.

I agree and I have a boy.
Gendee stereotyping is damaging for both sexes.

My son got all ranges of toys and he's got all sorts of colours.

He got to watch and read about female characters as well as male.
One of his potty training books, for example, was little princess. Not as a conscious decision but because it looked like a good book about potty training.