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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

dd is only going to use gender neutral stuff for her dd?

604 replies

ioliverielinor · 24/08/2017 17:00

hiya,

just looking for views really. is this the new modern parenting? dd2 is expecting a dd herself and has said she would only like gender neutral gifts, i was a bit upset because i think there are some lovely girls clothes, i said will she never put her in dresses, she says no. im a bit surprised really, but yet she is happy to have her hair long, etc.??

just curious if this is the norm now? i have never really heard of it before, dd1 has 3 dc different genders and never had an issue buying them boys and girls items.

im not judging, but think its slightling strange? aibu?

OP posts:

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TaxReturnTerror · 24/08/2017 23:53

Sometimes the gender neutral clothes cheering can sound a bit like girls' things - bad, boys' things - good.

Absolutely!

BiscayTrafalgarFitzroy · 24/08/2017 23:56

surely you won't be revealing the gender at any stage, you'll announce the sex.

Apologies, semantics.

sunglassally · 25/08/2017 00:03

Too much for me.

Again, would you put your baby son in a frilly pink dress?

Guess you won't. So night night.

Jedimum1 · 25/08/2017 00:04

I did this for as long as I could. Now DD is 5, she wants to wear dresses and pink. I don't force her not to, now she has an opinion, but until then it was neutral, comfy and practical. That meant onesies when she was a baby, tracksuit bottoms and t-shirts when she was a toddler and eventually jeans and tops. Same with toys, I have always had toys marketed to boys and also some marketed to girls. If there were several options in colours, I'd take the neutral. I made sure everyone knew. I never gave back a gift if they did buy girly pink, but if it wasn't practical, I just didn't use it

Lweji · 25/08/2017 00:07

sometimes I wear dresses, sometimes trousers. Sometimes I do my makeup for work, other days not. I have been very successful in my profession and am highly respected bythe men and women I work with, I also earn twice what my DP earns.

So do I.

But, I still feel some pressure for being female. And see it in people around me.

Alisvolatpropiis · 25/08/2017 00:10

My daughter has just turned 2 and I can count on one hand how many times she has worn a dress. They're just not practical or comfortable on very small girls.

Sometimes she looks very "girly" despite the lack of dresses, other times she could easily pass for a little boy. My main concern is that she can run around, feeling unrestricted by her clothes, and have fun.

sunglassally · 25/08/2017 00:11

It is getting a bit mad now with this gender neutral thing.

What the F is wrong with girlie clothes and boy clothes.

I just don't get it.

Is it people on FB just being part of the gender neutral pack or what.

I doubt anyone cares, but I think most people understand the differences between boys and girl babies. FGS what is going on here.

Lweji · 25/08/2017 00:13

The leg spreading was in reference to the manspreading we often see in public transport.

And leggings are not really androgynous if not worn by older boys or men.
Yes, it's sad that men haven't allowed themselves to be more flexible with clothing.
But women can be much more conservative in relation to how men dress than men in relation to women.
For example, we have the right to go about with bare arms, even at work. Not many would see with good eyes men wearing vests in the office.

Lweji · 25/08/2017 00:13

sunglassally

I thought you were heading to bed.

Lweji · 25/08/2017 00:14

I think most people understand the differences between boys and girl babies

Apart from sexual organs, what is the difference?

stellacat123 · 25/08/2017 00:20

Good for her. I was looking online at clothes in matalan the other day for my daughter. The girls clothes were often pink with comments about princesses and being pretty. The boys clothes said "explorer", "hero", "awesome" - I know what message I'd rather give my daughter.

sunglassally · 25/08/2017 00:21

Lweji

I laughed at your admonishment that it's time for my bedtime.

I am like DRACULA.... lol

Alisvolatpropiis · 25/08/2017 00:22

sun

With most, unless you are one of the few who sees what is covered by their nappy, baby boys and girls are hard to distinguish without the signalling clothing.

Lweji · 25/08/2017 00:25

sunglassally
You said
"Guess you won't. So night night."
So, not an admonishment. Just a question, based on what you said.

Hotheadwheresthecoldbath · 25/08/2017 00:27

I understand that the girl stereotype is sparkles ,glitter frills,princess stuff but isn't some of the problem that we also tell boys it's not for then.When they're toddlers most want the same ,lots of boys in nursery in the pink 'girly' things as the alternatives at that age are less appealing.

Lweji · 25/08/2017 00:29

isn't some of the problem that we also tell boys it's not for them

Indeed it is.

sunglassally · 25/08/2017 00:29

Lweji,

I hope you are not taking this too seriously ..

Probably forgotten shortly anyway.

sunglassally · 25/08/2017 00:32

When I think of the fact that girl babies are disposed of for cultural reasons and boys are top of the heap. Well in those cultures there is not a hope that there will be any gender neutrality.

user1482443190 · 25/08/2017 00:32

I was born in the very late 70's and I do think my parents, especially my dad, bought me up to neutral - not outwardly, I had a brother, but I did more 'boy stuff' with my dad than my brother seemed to. I ended up being the only female on my engineering course at uni. My hobbies are those that are more popular with males, as is my job/current training. My own dd is isn't girly, or a tomboy, just like me really!

gandalf456 · 25/08/2017 00:41

I don't think there's anything wrong with yellows and whites. We got these because we didn't know what we were having.

But the whole expression 'gender neutral' grates. It just sounds really pretentious and 'get me I refuse to buy blue and pink because I am intelligent and think about things unlike the rest of the rabble.'

In reality, the baby doesn't care and will poo all over it and won't be aware until about 3 when she's at nursery.

I have a girl and boy and , while we didn't make a point of getting pink or blue clothes, we didn't actively avoid them either if the outfit suited them.

Suddenly when both started nursery , they did reject neutral colours for stereotypes and that did not come from me. We went with it with dd and grew out of pink anout age 7 and won't touch it now at 13.

Ds is 8 and obviously won't wear pink or purple. I can't see it changing anytime soon.

Alisvolatpropiis · 25/08/2017 00:44

Hot

I think gender stereotyping boys is very damaging too. But I can't speak from experience regarding that as I have one child and she's a girl. I know I'd find it as heart warming seeing my (hypothetical) little boy cuddling a baby doll as I do my daughter. That's about empathy.

An older colleague expressed surprise that my daughter liked Paw Patrol because "that's a boy's programme surely?"

Paw Patrol, My Little Pony...in 2017 all shows are for all children, surely?

HorridHenryrule · 25/08/2017 00:46

Have you heard of the cartoon SheZow my kids like that. How times are changing.

noeffingidea · 25/08/2017 00:54

sunglassally it's not really getting mad at all, seeing as the majority of baby clothes still come in boy clothes ie blue, dinosaurs, trains, etc, and girls, pink, princessy.
All gender neutral means is clothes that don't fit into those categories , eg bright colours that aren't blue or pink, pictures of animals, or teddies.
Things that aren't seen as just for boys or girls.
There doesn't have to be any agenda behind buying gender neutral clothes. It might just be that the parents are planning to have more babies and want to use the clothes again, or just don't like the insipid blue and pink that so many baby clothes come in.

sunglassally · 25/08/2017 00:54

No matter what, Girls can wear any colour,

Men do not generally wear PINK,

Men do not generally wear dresses or skirts,

Women wear trousers.

I like that thank you.

I never wore a dress or skirt to work ever. I lived to tell the tale, but a man did not ever have to decide whether or not to wear a dress or a skirt.

I along with many others got on with it.

GreenTulips · 25/08/2017 00:59

I have a dislike for thebinsipodnpink and blue

We went with it with dd and grew out of pink anout age 7 and won't touch it now at 13.

This - girls go through a stage of 'pink' and out grow it - or start to realise they are more than a 'pink' isle in the toy shop - they are worth more than a 'pretty' shell of clothes

They want to be intelligent, bright, funny, equal

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