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AIBU?

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Original poster

dd is only going to use gender neutral stuff for her dd?

604 replies

ioliverielinor · 24/08/2017 17:00

hiya,

just looking for views really. is this the new modern parenting? dd2 is expecting a dd herself and has said she would only like gender neutral gifts, i was a bit upset because i think there are some lovely girls clothes, i said will she never put her in dresses, she says no. im a bit surprised really, but yet she is happy to have her hair long, etc.??

just curious if this is the norm now? i have never really heard of it before, dd1 has 3 dc different genders and never had an issue buying them boys and girls items.

im not judging, but think its slightling strange? aibu?

OP posts:
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6
MtheWad · 24/08/2017 22:45

MWad will it ever be solely up to her though?? We are all influenced by everything all the time. How else do we form opinions? If she ends up wanting an all-pink room, it will surely be partly to do with gender stereotypes?

Yes exactly! I have so much to say on this but so little time. Gender stereotypes are going to be forced on her for the rest of her life why should I do the same?

StickThatInYourPipe · 24/08/2017 22:47

Do you all really feel the restraints of gender stereotyping though? I've never thought oh I have to act a certain way because I'm a woman

Lweji · 24/08/2017 22:47

Load of my friends put heir sons in leggings

Are they above 6 years of age?

Circumlocutor · 24/08/2017 22:48

I see boys in leggings too. Usually just toddlers though. You can get them ridiculously cheap on ebay. No doubt shipped in from China.

StickThatInYourPipe · 24/08/2017 22:48

Some of them, they wear them under their shorts when playing sports.

ChocolateRicecake · 24/08/2017 22:49

The skin-tight jeans that most teenagers seem to wear might as well be leggings ;-)

Circumlocutor · 24/08/2017 22:49

Although those skinny grey tracksuit bottoms beloved of tweenage and teenage boys are just leggings too.

Lweji · 24/08/2017 22:49

I've never thought oh I have to act a certain way because I'm a woman

Do you feel comfortable leg spreading?

Probably not consciously.

StickThatInYourPipe · 24/08/2017 22:50

Do you mean do I feel comfortable sat with my legs spread? Erm yes I do it all the time (when I'm not balancing cross legged on my chair like Buddha)

StickThatInYourPipe · 24/08/2017 22:51

Although probably not when I wear a skirt because I don't want to flash my fanny to everyone. The same way I wouldn't expect a man too with very short short etc

Camomila · 24/08/2017 22:51

London? I used to put DS in leggings quite a lot when he was younger...H&M do quite a few gender neutral ones.
Now he's running about and scraping his knees he mainly wears jeans though as they are sturdier. Or the odd pair of plain girls jeggings (softer and comfier but thicker than leggings)

I've seen toddler boys in dresses (at home admittedly) they all had older sisters and wanted to 'join in'...my DBro used to wear a dress occasionally when he was about 2 so he could play 'big girls games' with me and my friends.

ChocolateRicecake · 24/08/2017 22:55

I actually think in one way women have it slightly better in clothing choices: we can wear trousers without being stared at, buy trainers or heels. (I realise there are plenty of people, schools, workplaces however which still expect archaic sexist stereotypes).

StickThatInYourPipe · 24/08/2017 23:00

To be honest Lweji I'm probably the worst person to have this debate with. I do what the fuck I want, sometimes I wear dresses, sometimes trousers. Sometimes I do my makeup for work, other days not. I have been very successful in my profession and am highly respected bythe men and women I work with, I also earn twice what my DP earns.

I have never felt at a disadvantage because I am female and i strongly believe this is because my parents just treated me like a child without the need to put labels on everything.

sunglassally · 24/08/2017 23:03

If you will not put your little boy in a pink frilly dress, your argument is gone.

We all know that leggings and stuff can be worn by both boys and girls.

But boys in frilly dresses, I doubt it .

SandyY2K · 24/08/2017 23:16

I think it's her decision and not indicative of modern parenting. I get somewhat irritated with being asked to buy certain things and am likely to just give a gift card instead in such situations.

heartstornastray · 24/08/2017 23:27

To be totally fair men should be able to wear dresses. I wonder how many of you would be happy to see your dh in one. Hmm

HorridHenryrule · 24/08/2017 23:33

To be totally fair men should be able to wear dresses. I wonder how many of you would be happy to see your dh in one.

My df wore a dress and wig and he still considered himself a man.

MtheWad · 24/08/2017 23:34

I think that's great, but I wouldn't keep my child from any toy. They don't know it has gender associations.
I had dolls and Lego and cars and balls. It's fine.
Gender neutrality means that girls don't have only girly toys. It means that they ALSO have trucks and swords and balls and GI Joe. And in all colours. 

If she was at a playgroup I wouldn't stop her from playing with anything. And if she liked something girlie that's fair enough. I had all kinds of toys too. But I think it's different now there's pink lego. Lego doesn't need to be gender specific. Everything is so gender specific now it's silly.

HorridHenryrule · 24/08/2017 23:37

My dad is 70 so all of this has been going on for donkeys but people were to ashamed to admit back then. People back then would have been beaten up and ridiculed.

MtheWad · 24/08/2017 23:38

To be totally fair men should be able to wear dresses. I wonder how many of you would be happy to see your dh in one.

I think It will happen eventually. I think it was last year Vivienne Westwood had a collection of men's dresses.

HorridHenryrule · 24/08/2017 23:39

But I think it's different now there's pink lego. Lego doesn't need to be gender specific. Everything is so gender specific now it's silly.

Its consumerism the big people up there want us to buy buy buy. So they make more crap.

sunglassally · 24/08/2017 23:39

heartsorn,

Exactly.

Women can wear most things, men can too but won't if it's frilly and pink, unless they want to!

It really is the only thing females can do that is something men won't.

I love that. Take trousers for one. When I was working in a big organisation I decided never to wear a dress or skirt. I could do that. But the men could not decide to wear a dress!

Only time I ever felt equality to be perfectly honest. But it worked because it was accepted.

And if anyone ever told me I should wear a dress or skirt, I was gone out of there!

BiscayTrafalgarFitzroy · 24/08/2017 23:39

I think it's a great idea. This is why DP and I are not revealing the gender, especially if a girl! Specifically to avoid the mass of awful pink, frilly 'girly' clothes that would never be used.

Circumlocutor · 24/08/2017 23:44

It's interesting that 'girly' is often used as a pejorative but 'boyish' rarely is.

Circumlocutor · 24/08/2017 23:46

And come on, if we're talking about changing people's perceptions of baby girls and baby boys surely you won't be revealing the gender at any stage, you'll announce the sex.