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Original poster

dd is only going to use gender neutral stuff for her dd?

604 replies

ioliverielinor · 24/08/2017 17:00

hiya,

just looking for views really. is this the new modern parenting? dd2 is expecting a dd herself and has said she would only like gender neutral gifts, i was a bit upset because i think there are some lovely girls clothes, i said will she never put her in dresses, she says no. im a bit surprised really, but yet she is happy to have her hair long, etc.??

just curious if this is the norm now? i have never really heard of it before, dd1 has 3 dc different genders and never had an issue buying them boys and girls items.

im not judging, but think its slightling strange? aibu?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
MrsJayy · 24/08/2017 21:57

I didn't ban dolls i used to buy whatever they were interested in they had soft toys but 1 was never fussed about dolls so she didn't have any toys are toys imo

MtheWad · 24/08/2017 22:01

I get not wanting to only have presents that are typically "girls'", but I also don't see why she can't have some of each, regardless of the intention of who bought them.

I think I've found this with the clothes and that's why she has a bit of both. But I just haven't found she needs boys toys or girls toys yet. She's still pretty young and I think by the time she'll be old enough for more of the gendered toys she'll be able to let us know what she wants. Hmmm it's so difficult because if I have a second child I won't keep them away from the boys/girls toys. Idk I just think that gender neutral parenting is so important for girls confidence and for boys to feel comfortable expressing their feelings. And so I'm going to try to parent as gender neutrally as I can.

Turquoise0wl · 24/08/2017 22:01

I'm just saying... You wouldn't call a boy pretty Hmm that poor girl on that program when asked to describe a girl could only come up with "pretty"

BendydickCuminsnatch · 24/08/2017 22:01

MWad will it ever be solely up to her though?? We are all influenced by everything all the time. How else do we form opinions? If she ends up wanting an all-pink room, it will surely be partly to do with gender stereotypes?

BendydickCuminsnatch · 24/08/2017 22:02

DS gets called pretty a lot :)

Turquoise0wl · 24/08/2017 22:02

Of course boys can be pretty. I know lots of pretty boys. But when do you dress them a certain way to look pretty?

Trustmeimadoggroomer17 · 24/08/2017 22:05

I did this everything bought had to be brown and nutural colours. Even baby grows couldn't have any colour! Or her Pram or her toys haha! I don't no what got into me I thought girls clothes were vile and so did DP. However after she was born I bought her loads of girly things and dresses which she still rarely wears because there annoying and she isnt really girly but I'm not trying to be all gender whatever you call it. She might just be like me a weird pregnant woman. Haha

BendydickCuminsnatch · 24/08/2017 22:07

Hmm I certainly dress him to look his best. I'm not trying to be facetious, I do find these threads always really interesting. DS has a ton of 'gender neutral' clothes that `i would certainly dress any girl in, he has a kitchen and a doll and a pram (used for 'cooking' cars and racing around the dining room), he has a gender neutral name FGS... He is very boyish but very sensitive and loving and I don't feel like I had much input into any of that to be honest... He knew what to do with a car and they were his fave before he could even say 'car'... And I only bought him cars once he was already obsessed with them (baby groups etc).

Lweji · 24/08/2017 22:09

And so I'm going to try to parent as gender neutrally as I can.

I think that's great, but I wouldn't keep my child from any toy. They don't know it has gender associations.
I had dolls and Lego and cars and balls. It's fine.
Gender neutrality means that girls don't have only girly toys. It means that they ALSO have trucks and swords and balls and GI Joe. And in all colours. Grin

milliemolliemou · 24/08/2017 22:09

FFS sorry - to all the people saying it will all be BEIGE - NO. Red, Yellow, Blue, Orange, Purple, Green, Pink (even) - just not putting DDs in pink and DS in blue to start with. If they choose that (and young girls tend to around 4 because the marketing is so heavy) later on then fine.

It was only 2 years ago or so that Hamley's - the top toy shop in London - agreed to stop signalling boys and girl toys. Girls were expected to get little kitchens and dolls and fluffy things. Boys had meccano and starter coding kits etc.

As for boys wearing dresses - that's what they did until they were seven until the 1930s.

BendydickCuminsnatch · 24/08/2017 22:10

And, what Lweji said Grin cars and duplo were my fave back in the 90s :) happy days.

TabbyMumz · 24/08/2017 22:10

I think girls have a right to be called pretty. You can be pretty and clever too. I don't think pretty should be taken away. I would call boys gorgeous.....pretty/ gorgeous...I like both of those. I think people are going too far with this. Children should be allowed to be themselves. A lot of girls like pretty.

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 24/08/2017 22:12

I love all the gleeful comments about how when the baby is older she will know what she wants - which of course means pink, natch.

DD is 2.5 and knows what she likes. Current favourite outfit is grey Start-Rite shoes with sharks on, pink leggings, Peppa Pig knickers, and navy tshirt with dinosaurs driving a bus on. Her favourite toys are 4 plastic dinosaur figures that have to go everywhere with her. Her chief ambitions in life are to be a diver (jumping lady) and a giant.

Most of her friends at nursery are similar.

I just don't buy that the majority of kids left to themselves would substantially conform to gender stereotypes.

ChocolateRicecake · 24/08/2017 22:14

As much as I like where your dd is coming from, it is possible to get too carried away with avoiding stereotypes. We didn't pick 'gender neutral' for daughter; we just picked nice, colourful clothes. Some of those are dresses, some of them are pink. But she also has every other colour too.

Pink/blue/beige/white-only baby departments are so depressing, thank you Boots!

NotACleverName · 24/08/2017 22:18

It is a meme, a fad, and it will end in tears.

Hmm

What a load of over-dramatic claptrap, sally.

NiceCardigan · 24/08/2017 22:19

I asked that my mum bought gender neutral stuff for DD1 and she reacted pretty much as the OP. Frilly dresses are a pain on babies and they can't crawl properly in them. In fact I was so "modern" I bought gender neutral toys. When DD2 came along and then DS these was probably a bit more flexibility but it was a long time before barbies were allowed and no "boys will be boys" for DS. My DCs are in the 20s now and say they didn't feel that we "expected" them to behave in a certain way because they were girls or boys they are just people who you try to help to develop their own strengths. Incidentally they have chosen directions that means they are in the minority for their gender DD1 works in web site coding, DD2 is a statistician and DS is studying English at university. I'm not sure if that's anything to do with rejecting all the pink crap but I'll be buying dungarees for any GDD's so that they can play properly.

milliemolliemou · 24/08/2017 22:19

@TabbyMumz

No the word pretty isn't banned. I used it on a DF's 2 year old son the other day because that is what he is - Little Lord Fauntleroy in person, strong as an ox and riding a tractor. I'd also use gorgeous because that is what babies and toddlers are.

ChocolateRicecake · 24/08/2017 22:25

I've got a friend who dresses her daughter in gender neutral clothes from Frugi to Jools Oliver Little Bird range

Trouble is, these (lovely) examples are expensive brands. The average supermarket/high st shop is still full of pink for girls, blue for boys.

Last time we went to Clarks they didn't have any 'girls'' shoes in right size - assistant didn't even offer the 'boys'' grey (which we were happy to buy) until we asked. So much for their 'gender-neutral ethos'...

AradiasDaughter · 24/08/2017 22:28

My DD (she's 3 now) was always in gender neutral clothes, a lot of blues, leggings, browns, yellows etc. She got mistaken for a boy a lot as she had little to no hair until she was about 2. She now picks her own clothes and every day she wears a dress. It's up to her, I'm pleased I gave her the choice and that I still give her the choice to wear what she feels comfortable in. She still however gets stuck in and gets muddy etc regardless of what she's wearing.
I had a DS 13 months after her and reused a lot of my DDs clothes.
I think your DD is being quite sensible.
Plus baby's in pure Cotton white snuggly gros are the cutest things ever!

sunglassally · 24/08/2017 22:29

Seriously, would anyone here really put their little boy in a pink frilly dress.

Answer honestly now.

I think the fact that girls can dress androgynously sometimes (leggings, trousers, etc.) is ok, it is a little nod to the fact that it's ok to wear what you want, but when you are a little older it will all fall into type. Cooking, cleaning, child minding, cleaning up sick, breastfeeding, you get the picture. It will never end.

Lweji · 24/08/2017 22:33

would anyone here really put their little boy in a pink frilly dress.

Not likely. As not likely for my girl either. If my son wanted to have one, I don't know. It's true that we are constrained by societal norms. Truth is that a boy in a frilly outfit would attract attention.

I think the fact that girls can dress androgynously sometimes (leggings, trousers, etc.) is ok, it is a little nod to the fact that it's ok to wear what you want, but when you are a little older it will all fall into type. Cooking, cleaning, child minding, cleaning up sick, breastfeeding, you get the picture. It will never end.

Erm, leggings are not androgynous.
What do you mean by fall into type? Are you saying all girls will want to wear frilly dresses?
That all women will end up cooking, cleaning, etc, instead of men?
What ARE you trying to say?

ChocolateRicecake · 24/08/2017 22:41

Seriously, would anyone here really put their little boy in a pink frilly dress.

No, (I did ask OH at one point who admitted it was a bit hypocritical), but then I wouldn't have put dd in a three-piece suit either.

Men don't generally wear dresses or skirts in our society (but no real reason they shouldn't), but I see plenty of men in smart pink shirts.

Not sure how the rest of your post follows on from this?

StickThatInYourPipe · 24/08/2017 22:41

Erm, leggings are not androgynous

Really? I see loads of young boys and girls wearing leggings!

Lweji · 24/08/2017 22:43

You see boys wearing leggings?
Where?

StickThatInYourPipe · 24/08/2017 22:45

Load of my friends put heir sons in leggings they are normally bright primary colours and stripes with a tshirt. Brilliant for soft play etc

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