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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

dd is only going to use gender neutral stuff for her dd?

604 replies

ioliverielinor · 24/08/2017 17:00

hiya,

just looking for views really. is this the new modern parenting? dd2 is expecting a dd herself and has said she would only like gender neutral gifts, i was a bit upset because i think there are some lovely girls clothes, i said will she never put her in dresses, she says no. im a bit surprised really, but yet she is happy to have her hair long, etc.??

just curious if this is the norm now? i have never really heard of it before, dd1 has 3 dc different genders and never had an issue buying them boys and girls items.

im not judging, but think its slightling strange? aibu?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
MtheWad · 24/08/2017 21:35

I've always wanted to do this with my dd. I found it pretty easy when she was a newborn (although LOTS of people bought her dresses) I would dress her mainly in boys stuff which would be plain colours- navy's, greens, yellows. But now she's a toddler it's so hard to find gender neutral clothes. Everything is overly boyish or girlie. I'm also starting to think about her as an adult and whether she'd love to see a photo of herself as a baby in a pretty dress. Or if she'd be annoyed at always being on trousers so I dress her in both atm. But I do think gender neutral parenting is soo important. I won't let anyone buy her a Parm and baby or any gender specific toys for birthday/Christmas. And I won't until she's big enough to ask for barbie or whatever.

lozzylizzy · 24/08/2017 21:36

Just got to add i was bought a denim blue dungaree and vest set for dd. I loved it....the vest was long sleeved and cream with blue floral print matching turn ups on legs. Every time she had it on she shit all over it and i had to change her! Grin

Turquoise0wl · 24/08/2017 21:38

@ChristmasFluff - I suppose the thing with transgender is, how does either sex know what it feels like to be the other sex? They base it on stereotypes. If they are depressed about their body, that's a mental health issue. If a boy could wear a dress, put make-up on, do his hair up and quite frankly, look like a girl, but still be a boy, without any comments, etc. they probably wouldn't feel the need to transition (a lot don't have reassignment surgery) but in today's society, it's easier to be a girl that has transitioned, than a boy who looks like a woman and have to explain they are in fact male. Same for female. Do you see that?

Lweji · 24/08/2017 21:39

I won't let anyone buy her a Parm and baby

Why not?

DS loved pushing prams. And he had a baby doll too. Why shouldn't your girl have one?

MrsJayy · 24/08/2017 21:39

My dds is just annoyed I dressed her in valour there was A LOT of valour leggings and tops in the 90s Grin btw gender neutral isn't dressing girls in boys clothes Confused

Perfectly1mperfect · 24/08/2017 21:40

Lweji

Yes, you are of course spot on. My brother was one of only 3 male teachers at his school. My daughters primary has 1, maybe 2 male teachers. That's quite sad isn't it ?

Helendee · 24/08/2017 21:40

I'm with you OP. All this gender neutral rubbish is just a trend. The little one will soon make her own mind up what she wants to wear and you can indulge her then.

lljkk · 24/08/2017 21:41

If strict gender roles causes transgender-ness... how does that work when gender roles were hugely more distinct say 100 or 200 years ago? Confused

At which time (100-200 yrs ago), btw, boys & girls wore the same things until the age of 5yo or so. There was no such thing as boy clothes below 5yo; they all wore dresses. But after that, each side knew for sure which tribe they belonged to, very strict roles.

pah.

Turquoise0wl · 24/08/2017 21:43

@Helendee - the OP can indulge her then? What if she wants gender neutral clothes? Or Shock "boys clothes"?

Lweji · 24/08/2017 21:43

All this gender neutral rubbish is just a trend. The little one will soon make her own mind up what she wants to wear and you can indulge her then.

It would be quite fun if it turned out that she didn't like dresses or frills when older. Grin

Notice that most girls probably don't start wearing make up or frilly clothes because they "make their own mind", but because they see it all around them and it's a natural wish to conform and be like the others.

MtheWad · 24/08/2017 21:46

DS loved pushing prams. And he had a baby doll too. Why shouldn't your girl have one

Because the only reason they want to get her a pram is because she's a girl. DD has a trolley thing that has blocks in that she pushes around. If she wants a pram when she's a bit older then that's fine. I'll get her one.

StickThatInYourPipe · 24/08/2017 21:47

@Turquoise0wl

I imagine she probably won't. It's been my experience that parents who make a big deal out of not wanting their girls in pink / boys in blue and need to label themselves as 'gender neutral' tend to have children who desperately want these when they are a bit older. I guess it's the mentality of not wanting something until you can't have it.

Kokapetl · 24/08/2017 21:47

I try to buy gender neutral when I buy clothes and toys for my kids partly because one is a boy and the other is a girl and I don't want to buy two sets of stuff, partly because I want to discriminate as little as possible and partly because I hate pink! My little girl does have some hand-me-down dresses, mainly in blue! I have steered my son away from wearing dresses but don't stop him making and wearing jewellery.

As others have said neutral for kids can mean nice bright yellows, reds, greens and turqoises. I struggle more to find clothes for DS that are not gunge coloured with vehicles/fierce creatures on than to find clothes for DD that are not pink.

Lweji · 24/08/2017 21:47

If strict gender roles causes transgender-ness... how does that work when gender roles were hugely more distinct say 100 or 200 years ago?

It seems to me in the same way that homosexuality worked. It didn't "exist". Or people went mad. Or committed suicide. Or conformed. Or were simply men or women who liked to dress as the opposite sex.
It exists now because transsexuality became recognised and accepted. It was followed naturally by transgenderism.

Circumlocutor · 24/08/2017 21:47

I won't let anyone buy her a Parm and baby or any gender specific toys for birthday/Christmas.

What happens if Great Aunt Mary goes rogue and decides to buy her a doll anyway?

Lweji · 24/08/2017 21:49

Because the only reason they want to get her a pram is because she's a girl.

I get not wanting to only have presents that are typically "girls'", but I also don't see why she can't have some of each, regardless of the intention of who bought them.

TabbyMumz · 24/08/2017 21:49

Babies really don't know what colour clothes they wear, they just know if they are warm and comfy. I don't see the problem in them having something pretty as babies if that's what parents want to do. My daughter wore pretty dresses some days and leggings and t shirt the next, depending on the weather. She is totally unharmed, is not a girly girl and doesn't feel she is not allowed to do certain jobs because she is a girl.

Redadmiralflyer · 24/08/2017 21:50

Yanbu it's weird. Along with vegans and all the rest of the trendy modern crap nowadays.
White green yellow and neutral colours. Boys can wear pink too, it's just a sodding colour. If frilly hats and stuff aren't her thing fair enough but to ban colours and dresses is a bit naff.

StickThatInYourPipe · 24/08/2017 21:50

MtheWad

I bought my friends daughter a doll and pram because she love playing with one at another friends house. It had nothing to do with it being because she is a girl, I just knew she would like it.

What if someone did buy her one? What would you do?

Turquoise0wl · 24/08/2017 21:50

I don't have an issue with girls having "girls" toys and boys having "boys" toys, but that's because I see all toys as gender neutral and I think each sex should have some of each.

RippleEffects · 24/08/2017 21:51

I can't help but feel its a shame that gender neutral appears to be about restricting choice rather than expanding it and exposing to the whole spectrum of interesting clothes and play things available.

I have two boys and a girl.

Clothes when they were little were all colours.

The dressing up box does have various prince and princess outfits, pirates, mermaids, doctors, vets, overalls, high vis jackets and work helmets. They've all enjoyed them all. DD favours the doctors, DS1 overalls/ high vis stuff and DS2 has always liked to be a master of disguise dressing up in the whole lot and asking us to guess who he was.

The boys are older and had dolls, prams, pushchairs, lego, swords, lots of games and fads. DD has been much slower to get into dolls than her brothers. Shes loved lego, playdough, stickle bricks, reading. Shes always been very anti contact games. All three have loved DIY from a tiny age (hammering nails into old bits of wood, chopping up wood using a real saw, screwing into wood with wood screws). All three have cooked from a young age.

DD likes having her long hair tied in fancy pretty styles but would rather wear her football or rugby kit as they're practical. At dress as you please days, at school, she wears one of her kits because thats what you do on dress up day. She is a very independant thinker though and it isn't the norm. She doesn't appear to get any stick from other children but a few of the mums have passed comment.

Turquoise0wl · 24/08/2017 21:52

@TabbyMumz - why do you want your baby to look pretty???

MtheWad · 24/08/2017 21:54

What happens if Great Aunt Mary goes rogue and decides to buy her a doll anyway*

Honestly I'd smile and thank her and let dd have it. It would only be one doll hopefully everyone else would trust my reasons for not wanting her swarmed with girls stuff. I don't mind if my dd turns out to be a girlie girl and wants her whole room painted pink. But I want it to be up to her.

TabbyMumz · 24/08/2017 21:55

Turquoise...who wants their baby to look ugly? What a silly question.

TabbyMumz · 24/08/2017 21:57

Is the word pretty banned now?