AIBU to have such humiliation over this Poo Story...

[DailyFailProtection]

Ok, so, disclaimer: I have gratuitously posted here for traffic, and reassurance. Not for the faint hearted, squeamish people stay away! Meant for the light of heart.

With that in mind, this has happened today:

I am on holiday, somewhere very hot, very sunny, with some ancient civilisation history, and a dearth of public conveniences. I am with an autistic 9yo, a 1yo, as well as a friend.

Today I hired a car, and drove two hours to look at some ruins, have lunch, and stop off on the way back at various spots. However, after 9yo having a spectacular meltdown in the restaurant, I decided to forgo the stop offs and just head back to the hotel.

We were about 45 minutes from the hotel, when the hideous pains of IBS started, despite having taken preventative Imodium.

As we drive along, it's becoming more and more urgent, so my friend who was navigating told me to pull off at the next exit, which I did.

At this point I was nearly crying with the effort of holding it in, and feeling sick to boot. The baby was crying, the 9yo was grumbling, and I was touching, well, cloth. (I'm sorry, there's no more delicate way to describe the urgency of the situation)

Long story caught short, we pulled into what can only be described as a lay by married with a side street off the main drag, where I jumped out and shielded by the car did what I had to do, into a nappy, which in all honesty wasn't up to the job.

Cleaned up and came home. (Thank goodness for baby wipes!)

The mortification is real, whilst I see the humour in the situation. My friend was amazing and supportive, and said she thought everyone has one if not more horror stories of a similar vein. I think she's wrong, and most people are like her and hold it for as long as they need!

With that in mind, and to alleviate some of my shame and embarrassment, would you share yours?!

Brings to mind a story I read once standardissuemagazine.com/lifestyle/a-week-in-the-merde/

Jayneyre-
I’m literally crying with that one. 😂

Fellow IBS sufferer reporting for shit chat

It’s easier to tell you the places I haven’t shat myself but here’s a little list of my most shit-tacular:

• A fake alpine village which I had to waddle through and up an escalator to the loo which became ground zero of shit. My tights/knickers had basically acted as a sieve for sweetcorn consumed decades ago.

• Walking to work. Just managed to throw myself on the loo but as I took down my knickers some escaped out of my arse and on to my umbrella which I didn’t notice until I was sat at my desk later.

• Local train station steps. It was coming out like molten lava and due to lack of substance was impossible to keep in.

• Two car parks (see train station scenario).

• B&Q toilets where they had no loo roll and I had to fish in my bag for tissues, receipts etc (pre DD says so no baby wipes). They refurbished the toilet not long after.

My consultant recommended the Low FODMAP diet. It doesn’t cure it but rather helps your body out in terms of digestion during a flare up. You don’t have to do it all the time.

I would like to add that here in the U.S. if you fart and shit yourself at the same time (follow through) it is called a ‘shart'. I first heard of it years ago when my son told me one of the players on his team ‘shart his pants' and was sent off the field.

Her other half-brilliantly described. I could imagine all that in my head 😂😂it must have been horrific but made me cry with laughter.

I had gastro, ran to the toilet but didn't make it and my knickers blew up like a balloon

Disappointed to find this is a zombie thread as stories are hilarious (in hindsight, feel awful for all of you at the time though!) To PP who raised an eyebrow, this stuff is so embarrassing (for me at least) that it's not discussed so it's comforting to know it's happened to others!

Mine - staying with family who are very house proud. They had popped out.

Came home from work and needed to go. Made it home, RAN to the door, got through first door, tried to get keys in for porch...and went. Wearing a dress in the summer to nothing to catch it. It went all over the mud scraper thing which had bristles on top.

I was in a PANIC trying to clean up as quickly as poss before they got back. I thought I did a fairly good job but the mud thing mysteriously disappeared the next day. Maybe they thought animal poo was tracked in!!

I had a very bad episode back when I didn’t drive and had just gone to the toilet for poo before going out the house to get the kids from school,Dd was in nursery so she came out 15minutes later than DS1. Home was approximately 10-15minutes away and I became desperate that I really needed to go quickly I was trying to push a pushchair had hold of dd hand who was 3 and my 8 year old. He ran ahead to open the front door. I literally got to the end of the street and I couldn’t hold it and pooed myself. I hobbled home and was on the toilet for 45minutes in severe pain whilst DS2 was in the pushchair dd watched cartoons and DS1 kept watch. I was so mortified but I was glad no one was about when I did it.

On a holiday in Goa we went for a walk into town. Half an hour into our casual dander, my tummy rumbled and then I had an overwhelming urge to go. As in really overwhelming. I trotted back to the hotel in double time. To make it worse, we were stopped by taxi/Tuk-Tuk drivers the whole way home(well, my OH was - I wasn't for stopping!) which would have shortened our journey considerably, but I literally couldn't have trusted myself to sit down! Delhi belly isn't fun.

Driving home from London to Lincolnshire I got that old familier pain and panic. Asked DH to stop at the next service station. The queue to get into the car park is massive...... But too late.. Im wearing pale green cropped pants and its a hot day. DH drives on a bit further until we come to roadside cafe. We drive around the back and I strip off while DH washes me down with bottled water and dried me with the mucky washing

Firstly love a bit off poop talk. Can't say I've ever sneezed and popped one out but wouldn't surprise me these days!

Secondly - my husband works at an investment bank and they had a stage of people regularly pooping on the toilet floor. WTAF?!

Thirdly - OP are you sure you don't have Crohns?

Out running early one morning, about 3 miles from home and it hit me.

I had to dive in a bush to squat and do the business and then use whatever foliage was to hand to clean up.

at those who feel the need to complain that it's a zombie thread or that people are over-sharing. Can they not read the thread title and refrain from clicking if it upsets them so much?

So I won't tell you the story about the bad mushrooms.

On a third date with a guy, ended up back at his. Chain smoking and drinking red wine, suddenly realise I need to go NOW.
Go to the toilet, do the deed, he shouts through ‘the flush is broken’ so don’t bother flushing! I’m seriously panicking so I grab some toilet paper, scoop it up and put it in my handbag. All I can think of is I need this guy to go asleep so I can sneak out and stick it in the outside bin.
He keeps trying it on, asks me why I’m not into it any more... I’m thinking cause there’s a turd about 4 feet away!!
He eventually goes asleep, I sneak out to remove the offending poo and never look back. He messaged me a few weeks later asking what went wrong and I made up some cock and bull story about not being over my ex because the truth was too mortifying.

It's a while since the thread started so no apologies for reminding you of this.
Woman trapped in window trying to retrieve poo after Tinder date
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-bristol-41167296

DH used to work in Covent Garden in shared offices. There was one bathroom on his floor. There was frequently poo on the bathroom floor. They reckoned some people were squatting on the loo, and saw that they were putting the used loo paper in the bin to the side rather than flushing it. Odd. I would understand if the plumbing system was ancient, but it was refurbished offices.

During the recent snows school messaged to come fetch DDs now. Traffic was at a standstill in all directions so left the car in a side street and waded through howling snow to meet them on foot. Absolutely desperate and nowhere to go with every driver staring moodily from their stationary vehicles. I did that clenched waddle to a little shopping area with a car park and hastily rushed behind a car backed up to a hedge. Did the largest most satisfying moist poo ever and left it steaming there. Often wondered if anyone spotted it once the snow had melted. After 2 miles walking needed to go again so nipped down onto a footpath and under a hedge. 1 mile later meet the DCs and a friend unable to get home and we walk back to the car and I say nothing at all but we finally make it home after 3 hours.

I once had to poo on a beach whilst walking my dog. The dog then ate it right up.......hideous.

@ADishBestEatenCold did you get the job??

@troodiedoo why didn't you clean it up yourself? How the fuck can you shit everywhere and then call others to clean up after you?

And I say that as a wheat induced IBS sufferer!

9 times out of 10 I either pee or poo when I throw up. Threw up in hospital and peed everywhere. I was mortified

That happens to me, too, Wolfmom, but only when I have a migraine. I couldn't count the hours I've spent sitting on the bog with the washing up bowl on my lap, shitting and spewing simultaneously.

DP's old flat was perfect for me: I could sit on the lav and throw up into the bidet.

Shat myself on a bus when I was coming home from work due to being ill once.

I'd eaten a dodgy frozen toad in the hole.

Mortified.

I sharted out of the blue in Carphone Warehouse yesterday.

I would have pretended to have something else to do and nonchalantly waddled off somewhere with a loo to clean up, but literally within 2 seconds of the incident the cashier finished with the bloke in front of me and it was my turn. I'd been waiting for 35 minutes, it would have looked weird if I'd said "No, you're alright." and walked out!

So I got my upgrade, whilst clenching my asscheeks tighter than my ex's grasp on his wallet, then popped into Costa for a clean up (and a much needed coffee!). Thankfully it was only very small, and my thong had acted as a kind of plug, nothing had escaped my buttcrack.

Worse was the time before Christmas, when my DF called round just as I'd sharted, peeled off below the waist and was using the shower as a bidet. Thinking something must be wrong (I'm disabled) he let himself in and worried I'd collapsed in the shower or something as he could hear the water, went to come in the bathroom. I screeched at him to just go and wait in the living room. On hearing my ordeal, and due to the fact that I was still naked from the waist down barring a large bath towel at 3:10pm, he went and collected DS from school for me.

Lactose intolerance is FUN!

Gettingbackinthe saddle I had an issue on a teleconference too..... Slightly different. God the shame! I was doing a teleconference with a number of people at head office and a number dialled in..... So phone had been on mute, off mute, on mute, off mute for about an hour as I either had to ask questions or answer them. Anyway massive need for loo, couldn't wait any more so rushed to the loo and literally exploded with all the associate noise. .......... Unfortunately I hadn't put the phone back on mute and the board and the rest of the team heard..... However, no one knew who on the phone was the culprit and I never did own up...