AIBU to have such humiliation over this Poo Story...

[DailyFailProtection]

Ok, so, disclaimer: I have gratuitously posted here for traffic, and reassurance. Not for the faint hearted, squeamish people stay away! Meant for the light of heart.

With that in mind, this has happened today:

I am on holiday, somewhere very hot, very sunny, with some ancient civilisation history, and a dearth of public conveniences. I am with an autistic 9yo, a 1yo, as well as a friend.

Today I hired a car, and drove two hours to look at some ruins, have lunch, and stop off on the way back at various spots. However, after 9yo having a spectacular meltdown in the restaurant, I decided to forgo the stop offs and just head back to the hotel.

We were about 45 minutes from the hotel, when the hideous pains of IBS started, despite having taken preventative Imodium.

As we drive along, it's becoming more and more urgent, so my friend who was navigating told me to pull off at the next exit, which I did.

At this point I was nearly crying with the effort of holding it in, and feeling sick to boot. The baby was crying, the 9yo was grumbling, and I was touching, well, cloth. (I'm sorry, there's no more delicate way to describe the urgency of the situation)

Long story caught short, we pulled into what can only be described as a lay by married with a side street off the main drag, where I jumped out and shielded by the car did what I had to do, into a nappy, which in all honesty wasn't up to the job.

Cleaned up and came home. (Thank goodness for baby wipes!)

The mortification is real, whilst I see the humour in the situation. My friend was amazing and supportive, and said she thought everyone has one if not more horror stories of a similar vein. I think she's wrong, and most people are like her and hold it for as long as they need!

With that in mind, and to alleviate some of my shame and embarrassment, would you share yours?!

@Dailyfailprotection

My sympathies, I've had IBS for years too. Have you tried the Low FODMAP diet? I only found out about it from my doctor a few months ago. It's really helped me when nothing else has worked in my entire life.

The reason some are skeptical is that there are certain people (not the OP of course) who get a certain something out of this kind of subject. If not the poo element then certainly the humiliation element.

If people are happy feeding that (not for the OP of course, but others who seek this stuff out) then carry on!

Never had any poo embarrassments in public anyway with myself or DCs but I reached the age of 45 never having had to pee outside of a toilet until a few weeks ago.

On holiday in an extremely hot country so drinking lots of water constantly when we decided to go on a trip to find a famed waterfall where you can swim in the pool at the bottom of it. We didn't know it was a 90 minute hike from the road uphill and the portaloo was a filthy hole in the ground when we got there. I was in agony from holding it in so we made a run for it on the way back to create some distance from the people walking behind us so I could find a spot to pee. DH and DC scouted around to make sure no one else around. I didn't want to go deep into the bushes as there was a risk of ticks so there I was mid flow in a veritable fountain of pee on the edge of the path, with the pee going down hill, when DD tells me hurry up as she can see people at the bottom of the hill we were on but the pee would not stop. All of a sudden a woman is at the bottom of path getting an eyeful with pee coming towards her. I want to die of embarrassment but I still cannot stop peeing! I had to pull my trousers back up and scarper shouting 'go, go' and at the kids and DH and peeing my pants at the same time. Embarrassed doesn't cover it. Saw the woman in the restaurant at the car park later and she laughed at me.

To top it off the waterfall was not flowing as there had been too little rainfall so there was nothing to see anyway. I should have stood at the top and peed then there would have been!

I was about 17/18. Was busy doing my hair ready for a night out after a boozy one the night before. Was dressed on my top half but only wearing a thong on the bottom half (back in the day when I thought things were comfortable!!). Anyhow, singing along to the radio, felt the urge to fart- except it was a full on shart that fired in an arc and was observed by me via the reflection in the mirror. Although I was mortified, I was very pleased it has cleared the thong completely (was obvs on at an angle) and slightly impressed I'd been able to watch it!! Never told a soul!!

@Spangles1963 I can now laugh at it, and remember fondly of how I must have looked but how tender and lovely DH was with me, whilst trying to manhandle a shit-slippery wife-whale hybrid out of the bath and in to the shower

It's not something I would wish to reenact in this pregnancy though. Disposable mattress protectors and a bath ban has been put in place

Go

I have IBS and have had some very scary near misses - I'm trying to get pregnant right now, but I have to say it really worries me to think of dealing with IBS with a small child - it's one thing running for a toilet when it's just me...how do those of you who have kids cope with struggling with a pram or buggie when disaster strikes?!

I have IBS as well and had a few misses. My DH knows when I say I have to go he'll get me to a toilet asap. Trying to stop yourself going whilst in pain with cramps and bloating is awful. He knows if we're in the car not to talk to me as I can't talk when the pain is bad I just focus on not going!

I had a bad infection and was given super strong antibiotics in hospital , destroyed my stomach. I remember speaking to the nurse felt a small grumble then I sitting in watery poo. I sat there and just cried as I felt awful as I was wearing new Pjs (went in the bin) and I couldn't even clean it up. As the ward was full of all old dears I got moved to a private room to protect them from me so that was a bonus

These are so funny, please don't delete the thread! Shit happens

I peed myself with the key in the door after holding It for 2 hours - it went in my shoes

Thank you so much everyone. It is making me feel less alone but sad for your mutual mortification!

Glee, I have two smalls. I just plan everything as much as possible and bought myself a radar key to use the disabled loos in an emergency. Suspect I may get flamed for that, but I genuinely believe this to be a disability given the speed and my inability to control it when it happens.

IBS is pure hell, I haven't heard of the FODMAS diet, but will look into it. I had my gallbladder removed, after the awful symptoms associated with that, and hoped it would get better but it hasn't. It affects every aspect of my life, including my job which involves me not being able to leave a room for a certain amount of time, and it's horrible.

I have lots of stories, this is just today's. thank you for the support

So many poo related stories!

First two have nothing to do with me.

My friends husband has bowel issues at times due to cancer when he was much younger. He's been all clear for decades, but when he needs to go, it must happen immediately. They were out walking one day when his arse demanded attention. He saw a tree in the field by the path they were walking along, so got over the fence and started to go. He hadn't noticed the cows at the other end of the field and they were just not having it at all and basically started a mini stampede toward him , he started to run, trousers still at half mast, the majority of the poo already done, thankfully, and just managed to get over the fence before the cows had at him. We all make jokes, but also dread, dying in comical ways. The dread is because you have to tell people how x died and then everyone has to try not to laugh because someone is dead. If he'd been murdered by cows while having a poo, it would have been so bad.

Second, my stepfather. He was on his way home from work when beshattery became a distinct possibility. He was s walking across Hackney Marshes and decided to get behind a bush and poo out of sight. All was well until a train came along and stopped for a moment and the passengers were staring down at him and waving. What was more hilarious was that he told my mum about it and told her to swear to never tell anyone else. She, of course, told just about everyone. Poor T!

Not funny

My ones aren't nearly as funny. Not as in they were awful, but less comical.

I'd been constipated for about ten days and it was awful, I'd try to go and nothing. My bumhole was so sore from pushing and nothing happened and there were little splits. Not nice. Laxatives hadn't been working. My doctor gave me some different stuff that was frankly vile, like swallowing pure oil. Anyway. I took some, was sitting on the sofa and the urge was sudden and immediate. I was about ten seconds away from the toilet. I dashed for it. Didn't make it.

There was also a time when I was on the phone to my mum and she wouldn't shut up despite me telling her I really had to go and not just get off the phone, but GO. She went on. I should have just put the phone down (it wasn't a handheld), but like a fool, I just kept asking her to stop. Of course I shat myself.

Final one was mortifying. I was actually on the toilet. It had been a bit of a night. I'd been drinking and smoking dope. Not much of either, but it was at the time that my mum was seriously ill and dying. In our house (it was a house share with two friends), we had a toilet that was separate to the bathroom, no sink. I was sitting on the toilet and my bum was ejecting a fountain of poo. Suddenly, I realised I was also about to vomit. So that happened, and at the same time I felt the buzzing that meant I was about to faint. Normally I'd get down low so that I wouldn't hit the floor, but I couldn't. Fast forward a couple of seconds and I'm face down on the floor, the toilet door open, my still shitting bare bum up in the air and my friend had gotten out of bed to see what the noise was. I was covered in poo and vomit and so was a lot of the toilet, bowl and room. She was amazing. She sent me in to the bathroom to shower and get all the ejections off me. I did and came out to clean up the mess and she'd done it for me! No greater love, etc.

I still have a bowel that refuses to behave. I think it's due to higher up digestive problems, but while I don't have IBS, I do have some inkling of what it must be like due to my bowel issues and I feel for all of you who do have it. That's the thing with poo emergencies and their outcomes. It's both hilarious and horribly mortifying.

I once had catastrophic diarrhoea on the train once for about twenty minutes. Horrendous. Totally and utterly cleared out.

I also have IBS and when I need to go I absolutely need to go. It's usually within 10 minutes of eating a meal but when something doesn't agree with me I'll go up to 10 times then (with huge urgency) over the next hour or so until I'm cleared out.
Holidays are usually a nightmare as the rich food / eating out take its toll and the family are usually left waiting outside toilets for most of the evening afterwards.
Anyway, my worst was a lovely long walk with DS and the dog. Not long eaten Sunday lunch and was deep in the woods when I felt the familiar cramps. Within 5 minutes I had completely shat myself in cream linen trousers no less. No jacket to wrap around my waist or anything. DS was mortified as was I and we had to call DH to come in the car to the entrance of the woods and hope that no one crossed our path in the meantime.
It was appalling. I have found a low carb diet works best for me but I'm hopeless at sticking to it. When I cut all carbs but veg the wind, bloating and uncontrollable diarrhoea stops. Sorry so many of you suffer it too, it's awful.

My DD1, at a water park on holiday with a number of families. She had a great time coming down the super fast plunge slide many times. It must have acted like an enema as she gave a little fart as we were leaving and it unleashed a tsunami of poo. How we all laughed. Thankfully DD1 is a robust sort and also saw the funny side. I think she was maybe about 10 at the time. We still talk about it now and she is nearly 25!

Ugh, IBS here too (due to have gallbladder removed, so that'll be fun).

I have incredible control, considering, and the only public incident was medication related - my poor bowel is very easily upset. I had started some new anti-depressants and sharted in the queue at Abbey National.

I wondered about the poo troll. In all seriousness, what is it they get off on? Talk of poo? Knock yourself out.

I have two stories and I should preference this by saying I have ibs but didn't know as a teenager as it was developing and food allergies and intolerances

Story 1- I was around 16 and needed the loo but it wasn't urgent so was waiting for a bus and thought I would be fine as toilet was near the end of the bus stop by nope it suddenly was coming and I couldn't keep it in so I knocked on nearby houses but no one answered and was about to poo myself but instead went in someone's garden :( oh the shame .. the house was for sale the next week I felt so bad I posted a card apologising.

Story 2 - After having my child I was talking to the nurses at the nurse station as I was leaving and I sneezed and all of a sudden pooed myself and fainted, lucky nurses caught the car seat with my little one in but I was mortified when I came round and my other half told me

I once got food poisoning so bad, I think it was salmonella from a cake my aunt made, that I actually vomited and pooed simultaneously.

That happened to me when I got a D&V bug while I was staying at a friend's for the weekend. I was sitting on the bog and had a washing up bowl on my lap, but my upchuck was so violent that the puke overshot the bowl and mostly landed in my pyjama trousers.

I had to toddle back to my room with a towel round my waist, and hang my freshly-rinsed out pj bottoms over the radiator to dry.

My mate was brilliant, managed to get the last box of Imodium in the co-op and left coke out to get flat specially for me.

I have no idea what people mean when they say they'll hold on rather than use a public bog.
If I need to go I have to go - now!
Never told any doctor, so I don't know if its IBS.

Ok so the point of this thread is to not trust a fart!!

I've got Crohn's and know that "FML I need to poo NOW" feeling. Best thing I've found is to stand still and clench. The feeling will pass long enough to get to a loo.

Not poo this time, but I once threw up all over a man on the train.

I was very much the worst for wear. I'd been out with a colleague and we'd had four bottles of rose between us. Not sensible. I was on the train going home and feeling every bit of my drunkenness but doing okay. Then we pulled out of the station before mine and I thought "Phew, I'll be off soon and then I can be sick" I swear that up until that moment the thought of being sick hadn't seemed to be an issue but the moment I thought about it, it was just there, bubbling up. I tried so hard to not be sick. Taking deep breaths, trying to think of anything other than being sick, but about, I don't know, probably less than a minute before we pulled into my station it happened. It was basically projectile vomit, pure pink and it went all over the man on the seat opposite me. Thankfully he had broadsheet open so most of it went on that and I remember thinking "it's a good job that it's the Financial Times, because it blends in."He didn't move. Didn't say anything. Just sat there with the newspaper in front of his face as though nothing was happening at all. We pulled in and I rushed off. I wanted to say sorry, but I thought that if I opened my mouth to speak at him, I'd probably just vomit some more and make it worse. Not that it could have been much worse.

Drunk as I was, I was mortified. It's the worst thing I've ever done in my life. I still shudder when I think about it.

I have ibs and have had some horrible moments - like getting stuck at the top of the stratosphere tower in las Vegas for a couple of hours as had diarrhea and nausea after a big meal, and couldn't face the super fast elevator down...
On a 6th form geography field trip to Devon, telling a friend I had to pee but actually had sudden urge to poo and had to sneak off and go in a field of cows....
After a night of drinking at uni I started myself the next morning. Luckily no housemates in and I managed to do the laundry before anyone home!
Plumbers were here so bathroom out of action. I had diarrhea and a toddler at home with me, so had to jump in car, drive a mile to nearest shopping centre, park up, pay and bloody display, and make a run for the loos, taking poor toddler in with me....
I'm sure there are more - you are not alone!

*sharted not started!