AIBU to have such humiliation over this Poo Story...

[DailyFailProtection]

Ok, so, disclaimer: I have gratuitously posted here for traffic, and reassurance. Not for the faint hearted, squeamish people stay away! Meant for the light of heart.

With that in mind, this has happened today:

I am on holiday, somewhere very hot, very sunny, with some ancient civilisation history, and a dearth of public conveniences. I am with an autistic 9yo, a 1yo, as well as a friend.

Today I hired a car, and drove two hours to look at some ruins, have lunch, and stop off on the way back at various spots. However, after 9yo having a spectacular meltdown in the restaurant, I decided to forgo the stop offs and just head back to the hotel.

We were about 45 minutes from the hotel, when the hideous pains of IBS started, despite having taken preventative Imodium.

As we drive along, it's becoming more and more urgent, so my friend who was navigating told me to pull off at the next exit, which I did.

At this point I was nearly crying with the effort of holding it in, and feeling sick to boot. The baby was crying, the 9yo was grumbling, and I was touching, well, cloth. (I'm sorry, there's no more delicate way to describe the urgency of the situation)

Long story caught short, we pulled into what can only be described as a lay by married with a side street off the main drag, where I jumped out and shielded by the car did what I had to do, into a nappy, which in all honesty wasn't up to the job.

Cleaned up and came home. (Thank goodness for baby wipes!)

The mortification is real, whilst I see the humour in the situation. My friend was amazing and supportive, and said she thought everyone has one if not more horror stories of a similar vein. I think she's wrong, and most people are like her and hold it for as long as they need!

With that in mind, and to alleviate some of my shame and embarrassment, would you share yours?!

Haha @Rhubarbginisnotasin the tent door was firmly closed but walls made of canvas are not soundproof

I too suffer from IBS and have had quite a few near misses. I know certain foods affect me such as eggs so only eat them if I know I am not going out (I love eggs too much to stop eating them).

Last year I was in London with DH and suddenly got the awful pains. Told him I needed a loo - he knows that means NOW - and luckily he knew there were toilets nearby. Managed to get to the toilets and just ran into a cubicle. It was only once I had finished that I realised there was no toilet paper in there. Had no choice but to use my knickers which I then put into a carrier bag I had with me.

Luckily there was a bin in the wash area part of the toilets so I put the bag in there. I did find out though that wearing jeans with no knickers is very uncomfortable

Some years back, whilst still a young and junior employee of what was a rather old-fashioned organisation, I was asked to support my manager with a presentation to the board of directors. Our slot was only 30 mins but when I arrived I found out I was expected to sit through the entire meeting which ran for about 3 hours.

In hindsight, going out the night before and consuming a large curry, far too many pints of guinness and rounding off the night with a fully-loaded kebab probably wasn't the best of ideas but I was young and foolish.

An hour into the meeting, I became increasingly aware of a bloating sensation in my stomach, the clear signal that a poo might be required in the near future. An hour later I was getting decidedly desperate but daren't risk letting out even the smallest of pressure-relieving farts for fear of causing career-limiting embarrassment to myself and my boss. I sat there, in growing agony, with beads of sweat dripping from my temple as what felt like an apocalyptic battle between good and evil was waged in by gut.

By the three hour mark, the pain was so intense I was just about passing out. I had visions of my belly exploding Like Mr Creosote and covering our senior management in a tsunami of shit.

The meeting overran by 20 minutes. By the time I was able to stand up and leave I could barely walk so I waddled as fast as I dared down the corridor and found the toilets. I was critically close to shitting myself so normal rules of toilet etiquette were dispensed with. I had dropped my trousers to my knees by the time I got to the cubicle door and attempted a simultaneous pants drop, spin and sit, dispensing with the luxury of closing the door.

I was too late. I exploded mid spin and landed on the toilet seat knowing instinctively that something terrible had just happened. The damage assessment confirmed the worst. Half the door and the cubicle wall, from the door right round to the rear, was spray painted with the blackest, foulest-smelling excrement you could possibly imagine. The cistern and the seat were covered as well, as was most of my arse and upper thighs. Rerunning the past few seconds in my mind, I had serious doubts that I had executed the pants-drop part of the maneuver in time and with a feeling of dread I bent over to check. As feared, my pants were caked as was the crotch of my trousers and the insides of my legs. I sat upright, not realising that the ID badge around my neck had been dunked in the slurry in my pants so now I had a large dollop of shit smeared down the front of my shirt and tie as well.

All I had to work with was a wall-mounted paper towel dispenser over beside the sinks. I spent the next twenty minutes dashing from my cubicle, grabbing some towels, soaking them and running back to the cubicle to try and clean everything up. Half of these dashes were made naked from the waist down and I have no idea what I was going to say if someone had walked in. There was nothing I could have said. I guess if you're going to get sacked you might as well go out in style and how many people can claim "found half naked and caked it shit in the executive toilets" as their reason for dismissal?

God knows how but I got away with it. I couldn't get my shirt and trousers completely clean so spent the last hour of the day with my colleagues wondering why on earth I was sitting at my desk with my hi-vis waterproof PPE coat buttoned up to the neck. I also had to come in early the next morning to swap my somewhat soiled seat with one from another office, though I made sure it went to someone that deserved it.

Whoever said "Guinness is good for you" should be hung, drawn and quartered.

Fellow IBS sufferer!
Driving back from a few days away on business with my colleague and the pancakes I couldn't resist for breakfast decided it was now time to leave my body. So we're driving along narrow country roads in rural Scotland and I know I need to go now. I know there's a public toilet about 10 miles along so should be ok. We then grind to a halt in a queue because of a crash further up. After about 10 minutes the only thing that was moving were my bowels. I'm becoming increasingly panicky and sweaty. There's only one thing can happen, I grabbed the baby wipes from my bag and leg it along side the queue of traffic and crash into the undergrowth.
When I returned to the car my colleague was howling with laughter, apparently the sheer panic on my face compared to the relief when I emerged from the trees was hilarious 😂
She's never mentioned it again, thanks Sophie if you're reading 😘

I believe OP! And I think it's healthy to all be unashamedly human by sharing such stories. I reckon everyone has had at least one embarrassing poo incident. Mine was the fairly common "it's a trump, oh no it's more than a trump" tale. Fortunately I was at home on my own! However, felt I needed to tell someone about it. The only person I felt comfortable telling was the guy I was currently breaking up with (it was amicable and we'd lived together for 3 years). He told me the same thing happened to him at work 6 months earlier! I thought the fact he hadn't told me at the time was very symbolic of why we were breaking up-he'd become a closed book!

May have to now share the best ever FOAF poo story I ever heard. Not quite the same as your story OP (you are blameless in your story):

So this lady had been on a night out and had met the man of her dreams! It was clear the feeling was mutual. All night they were inseparable, dancing and talking to each other and finding out they had lots and lots in common. When he invited her back to his at the end of the night, she gladly accepted the invitation and they had mind blowing sex then fell asleep in each other's arms. The next morning, he was gone, but she found a note on the hall table that said something along the lines of:

I'm so sorry I've had to go out this morning. I didn't want to wake you. Last night was amazing and I'd really like to see you again. Here's my number. Help yourself to anything in the fridge and let yourself out when you're ready to leave and give me a call later on today.

She takes her time, makes herself a coffee, a piece of toast and does a massive poo in his toilet. Massive! So big, it won't flush. She doesn't want to use the toilet brush as she knows she'll get poo all over the toilet brush! In the end, she gets a plastic bag and fishes it out and decides she'll take it with her when she leaves and put it in a bin.

Just before she goes, she responds in kind at the bottom of his note, saying she had a wonderful night too and she'll ring him later. She opens the front door, it closes behind her, she takes a few steps, then goes cold: the poo in the bag is on the hall floor by the table where she'd put it down so she could write the note!!!

Finch...I think everyone knows that story of a friend of a friend. Its been doing the rounds for years.

Ouch

GLEE and OP

I have Ibs-d and two small children. I am petrified of being caught short and having two kids really does impact on where we go due to accessibility of a pram in toilets, lifts, speed a toddler walks etc.

It's a nightmare to live with and I'm so thankful for his thread

Herotherhalf that is EPIC. I'm in awe of the storytelling yet horrified. Reminds me of the Amazon review for gummy bears.

Aw Finch I love that story...always makes me gasp in horror. Real or not.

*HerOtherHalf

You made me cry!

I have "ibs" that might actually be colitis or crohns, but i have severe OCD about toilet use and bodily waste germs so a sample and a bumcam aren't an option. It's impossible for me to go to the loo and only have a wee, unless i've taken a ton of imodium type stuff and even then i still get a lot of mucus. I also have an unstable/oversensitive bladder, so i get the sudden urgency from both bladder and bowel.
I live my life hardly ever leaving the house, only going to places very close by and by car when i do venture out, and wearing night time absorbency sanitary towels 24/7. Being naked other than in the shower is not an option, and i'm scared to death of farts and sneezes.

My poo story is from when i was a toddler though. I wasn't potty trained yet, we were on a big family holiday in wales with all my mums siblings, partners, kids, grandparents etc, and my aunt had picked me up. My nappy malfunctioned some how, and a rather solid turd (wish i was still capable of those!) slid down my pant leg and out, into her coat pocket, with nobody noticing. Til she put her hand in said pocket later on and produced the evidence for all to see! What's embarassing about it, is my older cousin tells the story to EVERYONE, all his mates, every girlfriend over the years, it comes up at every family gathering when all my cousins have new current partners im meeting for the first time. The very first time i met his now wife, i walked through the door to his mums house, in my late teens, to be met in the hallway and introduced, for the first thing she said "Is this the one that story is about?"
I've always been mortified about it even though i was only 1 or 2 when it happened and not in control of what happened. I think it's because of my OCD since i was very young. That plus the "OMG are you having a shit?!" brigade at school. I was only having a wee but take longer due to my OCD, opened the cubicle door, to 5 of the populars staring at me asking if i'd had a shit. Thy either believed me when i said no or noticed the lack of smell, but at highschool too it was a cardinal sin to ver shit at school, anyone who did was NEVER allowed to live it down and the bullying was horendous.

Another IBS sufferer here.

My story from this year involves an emergency visit to petrol station loo that had run out of paper. I did the best I could with the receipts in my wallet. I went home and showered.

My best story is from some years back. I'd been on holiday to my favourite place in the world with my then DP. We'd been to the local landmark that day, and it was the part of the trip I'd been looking forward to the most. We'd had a lovely time, and came back to our posh b&b for a dinner on the terrace, cooked by the b&b owners. Unfortunately, something disagreed with me and I spent the next 30-40 minutes or so emptying my bowels in our en suite. I stank the room out.
Once I was done, I laid on the bed. DP told me to close my eyes and hold out my hands, which was a normal way for us to give gifts to each other. I was expecting either a sneakily bought tacky fridge magnet from the landmark that day, or a chocolate bar.
I opened my eyes to find a box with an engagement ring in.
I said yes.

So, when telling the story of us getting engaged, my now DH and I miss out the bit where the room stank of my shit. We've told nobody.

Bless him.

ALMOST

Can you not be sedated completely for the tests? I have anxieties so understand you can't "just get on with it" but passing mucus is terribly concerning. Knowing what is wrong with you means treatment which means an easier life.

Sadly not it'slikerain, i'm terrified of ever being asleep, let alone unconscious as not being 100% aware and in control is one of my anxieties. I actually had managed, mostly through never leaving the house, to not use any loo other than the one here in my own home for 10 years, until 3 weeks ago, when with the as yet unregistered startings of a UTI, had no choice but to go a 20 minute drive to an eye hospital across the other side of manchester. I had the panic of my life when the walk to the car from the building was a good 5minutes, i got almost to the high rise car park and knew i woulnt make it to the car, let alone home or back to the hospital. I only JUST made it in to a starbucks in a small building just by the carpark and had to choose, the one disabled loo, or the ladies. I picked the ladies only because it had disabled loo type set up, where it was one room with the toilet and sink in it, because i had no idea how long i would be (my usual at home is an hour) and couldn't bring myself to tie up a disabled loo that long when an able bodied woman could nip in and out of the disabled but a disabled person couldn't do so in the ladies/gents.
Thankfully i'd had imodium the day before so i didn't have diarhoea (i have to wear latex gloves when i go as i cant risk getting any on my hands or i'd never stop washing, even with neat bleach bloody OCD, and didnt have any on me) I got incredibly lucky to make it to the loo, but the absolute terror of it has traumatised me that i havent willingly left the house since. I then had to go to A+E 2 weeks ago with suspected kidney infection after 3 lots of antibiotics didnt shift the UTI, and had to use the loo there twice including doing a wee sample which was a major struggle. Turns out the UTI was gone, no infection, and it was my oversensitive bladder instability causing the symptoms, and a possible reaction to so many anti b's. Which also gave me skin thrush/caused really sore lady bits i couldnt walk or wipe properly it was like wiping with sandpaper studded with razorblades. All this while half blind from severe dry eye which only now after 6 weeks is finally almost better, unil a week ago i could see almost nothing and the light sensitivity was crazy, i've spent it in a dark room, lights off, curtains closed, buried face first in a pillow unable to watch tv, be on my laptop or use my phone.

The reason i suspect colitis or crihns, i had blood tests, no coeliac, no diabetes, but i did have inflamation indicated. Add in all the digestive symptoms, and the fact im now having eye issues and constant mouth ulcers, for the past month and a half, and my digestive issues have been intensified in the same time frame, it's pretty likely, or else its all a major coincidence. My doctor is very aware i can't do the tests though, so peppermint caps it is.

Ibs and gallbladder removed here also.
Was doing the exploding from that end whilst puking in the bin at the same time only about an hour and half ago. Think it was too much coffee this time
Life sucks.

Almost - I will pm you

I'm sorry StillMedusa but that cracked me up! Can just imagine the cat...

You poor thing op and to all others suffering ibs.

We all had Horrendous Tummy upsets last Christmas.

Son/dil literally pooed themselves while vomiting, so we had grandson.

Grandson aged then 13 months tsunami pooed about 7 times all over our house while cheerful and happy throughout. He vomited on the dog.

2 days later dh couldn't decide to sit on the loo or vomit down it while dd 3, a very fastidious 18 year old and a diagnosed OCD sufferer who fears germs woke up and vomited and pooed herself simultaneously.

Elderly parents plastered their bathroom and bedroom in poo and vomit which I had to clean up the next day after an sos call.

I remained well throughout but a week later slipped on my kitchen floor, I had put bleach down in an attempt to kill these germs, and broke my ankle.

Happy memories

Adish

Was going to ask you if you got the job

Why report??? It's good to share this stuff as it happens to everyone at least once

@AlmostAJillSandwich you cannot continue like that. If you have emergency surgery for crohns because your bowel has ruptured or you have a block it can kill you- trust me I know. I now have a huge tumour under my bag, it's never ending.

Please seek some help.

If any of the IBS posters have also had their gall bladder out, ask your doctor to get tested for Bile Acid Malabsorbtion.

There is treatment, which isn't perfect but can help

@Babieseverywhere I have st marks solution as had mine removed and also have short bowel- amongst the other reams of problems. I know they can give you sachets for malabsorption. Did they help you?