Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To request no kids on the wedding invites?

426 replies

Curlyhepburn · 24/08/2017 07:45

The wedding is a while off yet but just planning now and it occurred to me that I dont know how to go about it, we have 3 kids of our own between us, youngest will be 13 at the time and we are both clear on not wanting very young kids/babies.

I know this isnt always popular with families and I wondered if its reasonable to include a note of this in the info card to go out with the invites?
Am I being daft?

OP posts:
WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 24/08/2017 12:50

Ferrisday Then I find it odd that you don't cherish your wedding day Confused

Ferrisday · 24/08/2017 12:50

Sorry 2017, it just makes me laugh when people are so precious about their weddings. Like a child crying could spoil it!

WasIAFreeloader · 24/08/2017 12:51
  1. It's your wedding. Do as you want.
  1. It is not a bloody invite it is an invitation.
WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 24/08/2017 12:51

Of course a crying kid could spoil it. You're in the middle of saying your vows and someone's kid starts crying? Hardly the moment people dream of and spend a lot of money on.

LoniceraJaponica · 24/08/2017 12:52

I enjoyed my wedding day as well WhatTo - 36 years ago, and so did all the guests Grin

hooochycoo · 24/08/2017 12:52

I'm surprised at all the people who think it's a silly assumption to make that if you and your husband are invited them that includes your children. But I guess that means if this ever happens again I will check!

To be fair i'd never just turn up without checking anyway, if someone invited me to their wedding I'd most likely want to thank them and talk to them about their plans, ask if I can do anything to help, get excited with them and all that!

The only child free wedding I've ever been invited to was friends of my DH , whose wedding was on my DS's second birthday. So we got babysitters and sadly resigned ourselves to missing his birthday. And then the wedding had half a dozen kids there anyway. Was very annoying.

user1471596238 · 24/08/2017 12:53

I've been to weddings before that were 'no kids' and as well as the fact that it's your wedding and therefore totally your choice, I always welcome a few 'child free' hours!

13bastards · 24/08/2017 12:54

The favourite topic from wedding forums.

Yep, say now they can't come. Some guests can't/won't come without them. At least you know now.

Ferrisday · 24/08/2017 12:55

A child could have done cartwheels down the aisle and I wouldn't have cared.
I'm just not that bothered.
We had lots of things go wrong with our ceremony- everyone laughed, joked, joined in. It was relaxed. No-one was on in edge about a baby crying.
But it was a very informal setting, cos that's what we wanted, that's who we are.

BabychamSocialist · 24/08/2017 12:58

Well, other than a select few kids (basically, our own and one or two others) we're not having kids either.

Don't see the problem in it really, as long as you give plenty of notice.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 24/08/2017 12:59

so did all the guests

As did mine Smile

Ferrisday Nobody was on edge about any kids at mine, either, because we thankfully didn't have any.

If your wedding was informal, great, that worked for you. But mine was formal; the big traditional white wedding. Everything was planned and the day came off perfectly Smile

Delatron · 24/08/2017 12:59

I wish we'd had a child free wedding. I was steamrollered in to inviting children by DH and also one of my friends who, before the invites had gone out, was going on about how excited her dd was. Trouble was, most friends had 2/3 kids. That at least doubles your numbers, we had to hire a childrens' entertainer for them. Venue was by a steep drop in to a river! Was a nightmare.

I wish I had stuck to my guns and been clear from the start, it caused my huge stress (my own fault).

Nomoreboomandbust · 24/08/2017 13:00

Oh definatly don't just write the adults names on the invites because belive me plenty of rude entitled twats will assume they can bring their kids.

State on the invite no kids due to numbers.

Always like the 'but what about newborns?' Who the fuck wants to take a new born to a crowded venue with loads of strangers drinking and revelling.

And yes children can ruin weddings by crying, running around and being children.

Most parents love the excuse to dump their kids and have an adult fun day and the ones who say 'it's my kids or not me' are the types you don't want as friends anyway being bat shit crazy.

Be firm and upfront if polite.

Enjoy your day Wink

CatsAreAssholes · 24/08/2017 13:02

Would you really? That would be a very silly assumption to make.

It wouldn't at all as several posters have said the same. Child free weddings are fairly new on the scene.

Ferrisday · 24/08/2017 13:02

Happy for you 2017!
Wouldn't life be boring if we were all the same!

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 24/08/2017 13:03

Well that's certainly true.

FrancisCrawford · 24/08/2017 13:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

grandOlejukeofYork · 24/08/2017 13:07

It wouldn't at all as several posters have said the same

Just because other people would make the same silly assumption as you does not make it any less silly. You don't get any righter just because you have fellow wrong people!

hooochycoo · 24/08/2017 13:07

Nomoreboomandbust, how rude you are!

"Rude entitled twat"??????

All the weddings I've been to bar one have had kids at them! For me one of great things about weddings is families getting together and celebrating. As a kid i loved weddings because you got to see all the grown ups drunk and dance with all your cousins and dress up posh. And you learn about the rituals of life!

Jackiebrambles · 24/08/2017 13:11

Definitely make it clear in your invitations! We had a child free wedding when we got married (except immediate family, so our niece/4 nephews).

We just said something like 'Due to restrictions on numbers at the venue, we are unable to invite children other than our immediate family'. (probably worded better!).

This was true, if we had invited the children of all of our friends it would have been an addition 25 bodies!

I wasn't a mother at that point and my friend contacted me who had a 2 month old at the time to ask if he could come and of course we made an exception for him.

Nomoreboomandbust · 24/08/2017 13:12

It's very strange that people assume their children are invited when they havnt been named or even 'and family' on the invite but there you go some people need it spelling out to them.

Our sons wedding was child feee except for theirs Grin

It was a lovejy church ceremony with the reception in our garden. if we had asked kids it would have been more like a crèche. No thankyou very much. Grin

hooochycoo · 24/08/2017 13:12

If the invite said "no kids" then fair enough, totally clear. And totally fair enough.

But this code of "only the people named on the envelope" is actually universally understood you know. If people invite me and my husband to a wedding , and the vast majority of weddings I've attended have not been child free then it's the norm for me to think it's a family invite.

But like I said, I'd be having. Conversation with the bride and groom anyway to thank them and offer help, so wouldn't just turn up!

Nomoreboomandbust · 24/08/2017 13:13

Hooch

If you take children to a wedding when they havnt been invited that's rude and entitled isn't it???

StripyHorse · 24/08/2017 13:15

YANBU. Decide in advance what your standpoint is on babes in arms (esp if breastfed).

Also be prepared for your MIL to tell the daughter of one of her friends (invited to keep MIL happy) that it is fine to bring her DCs to the evening do because they couldn't get a babysitter. Or that might just have been us Wink

Sunshinegirls · 24/08/2017 13:15

I love kids , have my own, but I was at a wedding recently where I couldn't hear the speeches because there were so many kids running wild. My kids have been taught to behave and be quiet when told but a lot of parents don't do this so I can completely understand why some would want a child free wedding. Just be crystal clear on your invites and have a great time.