To request no kids on the wedding invites?

[Curlyhepburn]

The wedding is a while off yet but just planning now and it occurred to me that I dont know how to go about it, we have 3 kids of our own between us, youngest will be 13 at the time and we are both clear on not wanting very young kids/babies.

I know this isnt always popular with families and I wondered if its reasonable to include a note of this in the info card to go out with the invites?
Am I being daft?

Not unreasonable at all! I have a toddler and I don't think a wedding is the right place for small children. It's a long day and it's asking a lot of small children to sit still and behave perfectly so best just leave them at home (with a babysitter obviously!). I think on an invite we received they handled the no kids things by putting something like 'To all you parents, we'd like this to be an opportunity to relax and let your hair down and kindly ask that you arrange childcare on the day'. Something like that anyway - anyway, I thought it was a nice way of saying no kids lol!

Late to this but please make it clear the kids aren't invited.

Dh and I weren't sure if ours were and so we declined. Would have been very embarrassing to turn up and find out they weren't invited. But sad if we'd found out they were expected.

myself.

We were invited to a family wedding with no children. Through various reasons we couldn't get childcare so had to sadly decline. We were ok with it, bride and groom and immediate family were ok with it. Older, distant family.....well you'd have thought we had pissed on the wedding cake.
So please, please don't make it an issue or take it personal if people have to decline.

Just make it crystal clear so there is no ambiguity, and expect some to decline.

I don't think it is an issue as long as you are very clear who is and isn't invited. Though I do think offering some sort of babysitting service via the hotel is a nice gesture especially for family that don't have anyone they can ask. We've turned down invites that are no kids, or one of us have gone with other family but it has never caused offence. Your day, your rules.

I don't mean to derail but can't let this from neutrogena go:

"If a woman's just had a baby, she should be at home with baby"

ODFOD.

I'll do as I damn well please, baby or not (except come to a wedding if it's kid free )

It's absolutely your day, your choice. Just accept that some will be unable to come.

We decided not to have children outside of our family - not only did we have a restriction on numbers at the venue, but to have all the children of our family and friends meant there would have been something like 24 children coming... this meant we then felt we would have to pay for some sort of entertainment for them which was an expense we couldn't stretch to. We just put a note on the invitations saying "Due to restrictions on numbers at the venue, we are unable to accommodate any children other than those within the immediate family of the bride and groom. We apologise for any inconvenience this might cause, but we thought you might enjoy a day and night off to celebrate with us!" We had 4 people who were unable/ unwilling to come because of this (We got married in Northern Ireland and these 4 people were all my English people who weren't prepared to leave their children for one or 2 nights which is totally understandable).
Now that I'm pregnant myself I can actually look back at that wording and laugh at the "day and night off" bit... How naive we were 3 years ago, hahahaaa!
Long and short - no I don't think its unreasonable as long as youre prepared for some people to just point blank refuse the invitation.

It wouldn't at all as several posters have said the same. Child free weddings are fairly new on the scene

I'm 60 and I remember my parents going to several child free weddings when I was young.

Oh sweet Jesus, please don't do a 'cute' rhyme about it!

A straightforward explanation that you are only inviting adults is completely fine.

The, "oh my friends with children saw it as a great excuse to leave their dc with the GPs", line always has my eyes rolling out of their sockets! There's so much wrong with that sort of statement that I don't really know where to begin! So yes, I agree with the pp^^ who said do not present it to couples as a lovely opportunity for them to leave their children at home.

just be aware that if you say no children at all there may be some who get pissy that yours are there (and why wouldn't they be) their argument would go along the lines of 'if you already have children there then others should be allowed to come.'

I'm assuming babes in ares are ok though?

Enjoy the planning its so exciting!

Please note we are not including any children under 13 at this wedding, and in sending this invite early we hope this gives you time to sort your childcare, so you can join us in this happy day.

Make it totally crystal clear as it's ok to ask for this even if some people don't think so! Only time I think flexibility is needed is if baby very very young.... But then to be fair at a month to three months old they aren't really any bother! Xxxx

I disagree with those saying just put the adult names on the invite and then it's clear.

I invited Mr and Mrs X and the RSVP came with Mrs X and Child A will see you there!

I had told PILS it was a child free wedding. Lots of bloody drama later.

You need to be crystal clear. Ring friends with kids - my good friends were delighted and couldn't wait to have an excuse to hand their kids over to parents so they had a lovely weekend away childfree.

Personally, I don't want to take my kids to a wedding. Stressful trying to keep two toddlers behaving all day. Your wedding, your call but be clear. Or else people will just rock up with their kids. voice of experience

Up to you!

However as PP have mentioned, don't be upset if people decline.
They aren't fake friends. Not all kids are easy to leave (mine has minor continence issues and medication for example, which you might never notice because I manage it well) and when I saw a sanctimonious bitchy post on the very first page claiming anyone who declined would be a "fake friend" that pissed me off.
You might also get half couples - one might stay home with the baby so to speak.

Absolutely 100% have a child free wedding, just plan for the size and demographic accordingly.
Also it's much easier to do a child free one in the city where most people you know live. I went to one when my child was a BF baby, has I pumped and left her with DH. Went in the day and home by 11 as it was in the same city - a very rural or exotic location would have been a no no.

And just as another note - my invitation etiquette isn't great (as I've discovered through reading this thread 😂) so if an invitation was just addressed to me and DH I would probably call to clarify that it WAS just the 2 of us invited, not us plus the baby when it arrives! Though over here in NI it IS far more widely assumed that children don't attend weddings... But if it's not specified I would rather check either way to be sure.

We put a little message card in with our invitations saying kids weren't invited but that if anybody had any problems to get in touch with us. We were having our niece and nephew as flower girl/page boy so it wasn't like there was no kids, my oh had a big family, 3 of his cousins have 7 kids between them who we have never met and didn't want as part of your wedding. I feel like you should be clear in the invitation so then there can be no misunderstandings.

"A note shouldn't be necessary. How the invitation is addressed should be efficient. For example, if it's made out to Mr. and Mrs. William Jones, that means only the 2 of them are invited. If you had "and Family" after the name, it signifies children are welcome."

I think you need to be much more explicit. Definitely include a note with the invitation giving people a chance to find alternative arrangements or decide not to come. It's your day, do what you want.

It's fine to have a child free wedding. But please don't try and make people who can't make it feel bad about it; it's your choice but it's also theirs (or their circumstances)

One of my closest friends is getting married this Christmas. She dropped into the conversation that it would be a child free wedding, which is fine but I said to her straight away that there would be a distinct possibility we wouldn't be able to make it. She then told me that her other friends couldn't wait for an afternoon without their children and implied I was being a bad friend for not having anyone to look after my 1 and 4yo two days before Christmas 🙄 DH's family works in retail (so... bit busy at that time of year) and my DM died, so...

Anyway. Do it. Just accept (graciously) that there will be some people who won't be able to make it.

We did this last year- all fine in the end and actually some of the people grumbling most were my aunts about their grandchildren, when my cousins themselves were quite happy not to bring their kids. Friends were all fine about it, without exception. Key things we did were

• told everyone from the outset that it wasn't what we wanted so we didn't have to make excuses about size of venue or any other BS
• I fronted up and actually phoned all of my cousins to tell them in person and explain, awkward though I felt
• Left no room for interpretation on the invitations- wrote the names of who they were to on them and said no younger ones on it amongst directions etc,
• Invited all of the relatives kids to a party when we got back from honeymoon, did proper invitations addressed only to the kids and put them in the same envelopes as the wedding invitations. Then kept spare favours etc to use with them

-Did phone the two people who were pregnant at the time we were planning and say they could bring 6 week and 4 month old babies. They were grateful and promised to take them out during ceremony and speeches if the babies kicked off before I even had to ask them to

• Held firm when one cousin made murmurings about childcare looking tricky and would 'just her two' be ok to come. I felt like a complete cow at times, but it wouldn't have been fair on everyone else.

Remember it's what you want that counts, and if the person commenting is not the parent, pay even less attention. But, you don't have to be a bridezilla to still be fair but firm.

When my daughter got married, she put a phrase in the invitations to the effect of leave the children at home, have a night off, enjoy yourselves. All the guests with small children were delighted for an excuse to have a night out without the children. No one was offended, Andy if they were, and it stopped them attending, then she felt they were not proper friends anyway 😂😂

We had no children at ours as husband is slightly older and so many of his friends (also slightly older) had kids it would've meant my actual friends wouldn't have fitted in. We phrased it to say that maybe people would like to have the night off but if no child meant they couldn't come we would do our best to accommodate with plenty of notice. Most people were glad of the chance for a child free day (as are we now we have offspring and are invited to weddings, we rope in the grandparents for some quality time with the kids!) and in the end we only had one babe in arms and it was fine. I think it's all about how you phrase it and giving people notice to get child care sorted

YANBU, it's your wedding. But it is very very difficult to leave a young baby for any reason so don't expect anyone with a baby to turn up.

You're not being unreasonable; it's your wedding and you can do whatever you want.
However, think about how you will feel when a close friend takes exception and decides not to come because his / her kids aren't welcome? Because that's the reality of it; you may well lose a few people you care about and would really want to be there.
It also puts breastfeeding mothers in a very difficult position - it's an impossible choice for them (speaking from experience of having no choice but to miss a close friend's wedding when she didn't want my 4 month old there; she was offended that I "chose" my daughter over her, but the reality was that I couldn't leave an exclusively b/f baby who wouldn't take a bottle with grandparents for 12+ hours. I didn't question her choice, but she questioned mine and it has put a spanner in our relationship really).
Whatever you decide, definitely make it clear with the invitation who is invited and who isn't, to save embarrassment and awkwardness now. And stick to it.

My two children were the only ones invited to my sister's weddings as they were bridesmaid and page boy.

I packed them off to MIL before the evening do started so I could have a few drinks and enjoy a child free party.