Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who should have been allowed to use the shower first? DH or DD???

126 replies

LastChristmas100 · 23/08/2017 23:54

DH has been visiting family this evening (a 2 hour drive away) and picked up DD from work on the way home (she's 18 and finishes at 11pm) they both got in very tired. DD works in a supermarket doing shelves, DH has had a long drive home. He pays the bills, who should have got it first?

OP posts:
Joey7t8 · 24/08/2017 00:40

Bit of respect needed for the adult that has being paying the mortgage and the bills for the past 18 years.

SuperBeagle · 24/08/2017 00:42

Your DD.

Working is different from sitting in a car and hanging out with family.

Also, I can't stand parents who use the flippant "I pay the bills, so I'll do as I please and you do as I say" argument as a fallback. Makes them sound like wankers.

MrsTerryPratchett · 24/08/2017 00:43

@Joey7t8 by his logic she doesn't need to because he was supposed to pay the mortgage. See how that works?

Ropsleybunny · 24/08/2017 00:45

Why are you even involved?

Joey7t8 · 24/08/2017 00:49

I have no idea what you're trying to say @MrsTerryPratchett. People see things differently; it's just my opinion and, to a large extent, a reflection on how I view my own parents.

MrsTerryPratchett · 24/08/2017 00:51

My point is that the PARENT says that people don't get thanks for doing the right thing. So regardless of what you think HIS logic is that he doesn't deserve extra for doing what he was supposed to.

MrsTerryPratchett · 24/08/2017 00:52

FWIW I think he could have thanked her and she should be cognizant of what he has done for her. But that's not what he thinks.

MistyBlue54321 · 24/08/2017 00:52

Toss a coin Wink

GreatFuckability · 24/08/2017 00:53

totally agree MrsTP. the 'i pay the bills' arguement is the arguement of someone who has no actual reasoning left. petty, petty man.

teaandtoast · 24/08/2017 01:03

Dh should have had first use of the shower. If he hadn't picked dd up, he'd have been home first anyway, so could have baggsied it without an argument. Wink

And dd sounds a bit whiney. (Sorry).

mmmmnuts · 24/08/2017 01:32

I think you need to switch off and ignore the toddlers .....

This.

This whole non-event is the definition of inane.

BeepBeepMOVE · 24/08/2017 01:55

He should have because I'm guessing without the lift home she'd still be sat on a bus.

perper · 24/08/2017 02:01

How is this even a discussion?!

Whoever is quickest in the shower, or failing that whoever gets in first. If they're at the door with towels ready simultaneously, then DH as he's probably much much quicker, he's the adult and he would have been back quicker if he hadn't given her a lift home.

However... this is the most ridiculous argument I've heard of in a very long time. Who gets worried about having to wait 10 minutes for a shower?!

paxillin · 24/08/2017 02:03

Proper way to do this would be a 10 minute "you go first- no, you do, no, you!" dance. Shower is 5 minutes without hair washing and 10 with. What a ridiculous argument to get into. I'd tell them both to never bother me with stuff like that again.

diamond49 · 24/08/2017 02:19

They are both just tired but dh because a) he owns the house b) he was doing her a favour picking her up at that time c) she should respect her parents d) she would probably take longer
She sounds like an entitled madam!

Theresnonamesleft · 24/08/2017 02:32

Whoever has been at work.

notangelinajolie · 24/08/2017 02:47

If I was me who was settling an argument I'd probably say DH because he is quickest. But it would never get to that because my DH would always put DD first no matter what the situation. Your DH is acting like a child - even though your DD is grown up your DH needs to take the lead and be the grown up here and put his daughter first. He is the dad and that is what dads do.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 24/08/2017 02:52

They are both being knobs.

kmc1111 · 24/08/2017 03:23

They're both being pathetic. If they were so tired that staying up an extra 5 minutes was some great hardship they should have just gone to bed without one.

Toadinthehole · 24/08/2017 03:28

Whoever is first in gets it.

The other person won't be killed by waiting a few minutes.

But I would make a point of getting in before anyone who claims first dibs on any other basis.

sykadelic · 24/08/2017 03:43

Presumably if he hadn't done her a favor by picking her up on the way home then he'd have already had one and be in bed before she got home.

Plus yes, he does pay the bills, but he's also older and needs sleep more.

steff13 · 24/08/2017 04:14
  1. Driving can be very exhausting.
  2. Whoever takes the shorter shower should go first.
  3. Did she thank him for driving her home?

If my son, who is also 18, and I wanted the shower at the same time, I'd let him go first. However, if I told him I wanted it first, he'd let me have it without complaint.

strawberrisc · 24/08/2017 04:39

That's two minutes of my life I'm not getting back. I could have showered in that time.

AdalindSchade · 24/08/2017 05:00

More than one bathroom - works for us

Oh how silly of the op not to think of that before! She should just pop out tomorrow and buy another bathroom!

Or maybe not everyone has the option to have 2 bathrooms Hmm

pigeondujour · 24/08/2017 05:16

Obviously he's been paying the fucking bills for 18 years. He chose to procreate. That really isn't automatically deserving of respect. Frankly someone who doesn't work at all not letting someone who's been at work stacking shelves in the shower first is pathetic.