AIBU to say no to my teenager becoming vegan.

[Abloodybigholeintheground]

My 15 yr old daughter has messaged me about wanting to become vegan (she is currently away staying with friends for a month). She became vegetarian a few months ago and it has been extremely hard to get her to eat a decent diet as she has always been a very fussy eater with an extremely restrictive palate. When she ate meat she was just the same but we had a few meals that she loved and ate well. She has spent a lot of the past few months refusing veggie meals I have prepared as she doesn't like them, she doesn't like most veggie substitutes (sausages etc), is not a fan of any spicy food....she has been a nightmare to feed and god knows what she eats at school! Now I don't have an issue with the ethical side of things despite the fact that we live in a rural farming community and our work roles are part of the farming community. We also keep our own animal species for eggs and meat so that we can be producing high welfare local food. But I understand environmentally and ethically if she is not happy with eating animal products. However with her very picking eating, with our incredibly busy lifestyles and two other kids to feed, our limited access to shops that stock much in the range of veggie or vegan foodstuffs, the lack of vegan food at school (and packed lunches are not an option) and the fact that she doesn't ever cook and if she doesn't eat with the family she will just have a bagel or toast, AIBU to say to her that becoming a vegan at this stage is just not workable for her or for us?

Hi,
I was the awkward one who became vegetarian at a young age and I am now vegan. Tbh my Mum was great but then she knew I would make my own food if I had to and also once I made my mind up about something I don't change it.

I have to say the vegan diet has never been a problem for me and I am slimmer and healthier for it. My OH despite being a massive carnivore now also eats a lot of vegan food for health benefits. My toddlers happily eat a mix of vegan and non-vegan food.

I found there are loads of quick and simple vegan recipes on the internet. To save cooking several meals I quite often I will make something vegan e.g vegetable fajitas, veg stir fry with nuts, tomato with pasta sauce, veg curry , mushroom stroganoff with coconut milk, veg soup or chilli and then add cooked meat or cheese for those that want it. (I often do the extras quickly in the microwave

I am also not a huge fan of meat substitutes, except soya mince so eat a lot of pulses, tofu, and thing like falafels which are easy to make and cook. Banana, hummus, avocado or peanut butter also are lovely and filling on toast or a bagel. There are also some great milk, yoghurt and cheese substitutes stocked at most supermarkets.

I hope that your daughter tries to learn to cook as I am sure you have more than enough to do already. I think the bottom line is that if she believes in this strongly enough she will help cook or get her own! Wishing you both all the best.

Becoming a vegan is the 'thing' currently.

When I was a teenager it was smoking/drinking in the park etc but today it seems to be 'go vegan to cause parents hassle'
My dd is vegan. Has been for ages. She has appts for various things and the amount of times I've heard demanding vegan talk from other teenagers 😂 It seems to just be the thing to do. One particularly memorable example was a 15/16 y o old shouting at her parents "we HAVE to be home on time. You HAVE to drop me at the vegan cafe......if I miss trying vegan pancakes I WONT be happy" full on feet stamping and everything.
I think it's just a way to be 'different' and to cause hassle

Get her a book about vegan cookery. Encourage her. Get her to choose and cook her own meals. Tell her to make sure she knows how to ensure her long-term health with it. It's all you can do while standing back and keeping an eye on her health and weight.

Vegan cook book and tell her to crack on. Maybe spend the first few weeks cooking alongside her but after that she needs to take the main responsibility for it.

Oh, and ask her where the tofu etc is coming from if you're not near a supermarket - so really big shop with a month's meal ingredients that can be frozen, but talk her through that as well. I've just gone vegetarian and it's hard enough.

Yes I'd second getting a book and involving in shopping preparation and cooking.
My dd initially lost a LOT of weight being vegan and I was worried we had to get that addressed but now her diet is really really good. It's still a total pita at times but i think that's the aim unfortunately

There are plenty of fussy meat eaters spouting rubbish. She's entitled to her opinion whether she's a teenager or not. Lots of teenagers are idealistic but it would be awful if everyone was cynical and jaded. Give her a chance to see if it's a passing fad and get her involved in the preparation to minimise the additional work and keep an open mind - all sorts of good things might happen.

Her right to be vegan. Her responsibility to deal with feeding herself.

Id let her get on with this op, she will see its just a fad.

In the meantime if she is being preachy, question her on it, ask for her evidence for any claims she makes and ask where she got it from. I expect like most things teenagers get into, as soon as parents start taking an active interest it becomes rather less cool..

Funny how OP has flounced off after one 'preachy' comment from a vegan .. yet the many many preachy comments of meat eaters are ignored

Op took a lot of stick before 'flouncing'

The teenager is plenty old enough to make her own choices, and also not to make loads of extra work for her mother. Teen can sort out menu plans, do shopping online and assist with cooking.

This will require less time spent gazing at phone.

I would research vegan recipies and meal ideas with her. Go shopping with her and cook a couple together. At 15 if she wants to do this, she also has to take some responsibility for helping prepare. Do you think she is going vegan so she can further cut out her food intake as a precursor to eating disorders.

I think it is fair enough to say there will always be a meal for her if she wants one, but not a vegan one, and to say that you want her to eat a well balanced diet, if she is shopping for and preparing meals herself. (You could agree to always have some basic key ingredients in like chickpeas, nuts and lentils). And sometimes, if it turns into a longer term thing, it is useful to ask that they consider being more flexible on holidays abroad. Veganism is very mainstream among young people currently. It will be interesting to see if they pursue it long term. [Muses about the time Neon went vegan because of a boy at Uni...and felt rubbish after a while and hair went really odd and fragile and dull...but also felt better in some ways due to undiagnosed dairy allergy issues.]

As an aside you can buy lots of foods like tofu online so being in a rural area isn't necessarily a bar.

I think you have to go with it.However announcing that you are going vegan and then just expecting your mum to do all the research and cooking is not on.
With choice comes responsibility so she must come up with a meal plan that either can be eaten by all the family and helps with the cooking or she cooks it herself.
Same with the shopping list from the meal plan and helping with the shopping so that she realises what is available and how much it costs.
My dd went piscatarian last Christmas,she has to help with meal planning ,shopping,cooking.I think OPs problem is
that it will all fall on her shoulders and this is a teen that is so fussy she doesn't like chips!

I insisted on becoming a vegetarian at about 14 / 15 and honestly only a decade later did I learn to cook and start taking my nutrition seriously. It very negatively effected my weight and I've had some health issues.

I wouldn't stop her, but seriously try to get her eating a balanced vegetarian diet and understanding why it's so important. I think vegan would be a stretch too far. If you have a cook, that will be a nightmare. And if she will be getting her own food, she likely won't be eating much of anything healthy / substantial.

It could be a great way for her to learn to cook etc but if she's uninterested I think this will be problematic

People are so stupid. They don't want to be vegan! So when one comes along with a. It more might as a vegan it's 'waaaahhh see how horrible they are see that's why I'm not vegan.'

Bollocks.

'A bit more might' I meant

You would be being absolutely awful if you forced her into taking part in cruel behaviour just for your convenience. You should be glad that you have a daughter who has ethics and thinks for herself - what a brave choice to go against the community and stand up for what she believes in. Maybe you could listen to her reasons and you might end up changing your own lifestyle to eat less meat and cause suffering to fewer animals? You claim your animals are raised ethically - that may be true on your actual farm, but have you been to the slaughterhouse? Seeing you raise and slaughter animals has probably made her more likely to be vegan.

Breakfast: bagel
Lunch: granary bread sandwich (hummus and green salad); piece of fruit; crisps or crackers or similar
Dinner: pasta/rice, tomatoes and vegetables; piece of fruit or baked fruit [and I'd batch cook the pasta/rice dish in advance]

Rinse and repeat till she starts to engage with replacements - of which there are many

If you are worried about your daughter not having a nutritionally balanced diet, Vegan For Life is an excellent "common-sense" book, written by two registered dietitians. It has a whole section on feeding vegan children and teenagers, with advice on possible meals and nutritional requirements.

www.amazon.co.uk/Vegan-Life-Everything-Healthy-Plant-Based/dp/0738214930/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1503506733&sr=1-1&tag=mumsnetforum-21

It is very easy to read (and very non-preachy), and might help your daughter see that if she wants to make being vegan work, she is going to have to think about and plan her meals very carefully.

Our teenage ds became vegan 3 moths ago, having been a full on carnivore until the day he went vegan.

To be fair to him, he eats pretty much anything as long as it's vegan, and has also researched protein, vitamin, iron needs etc. He also is flexible and will compromise if there is absolutely no vegan alternative available as he's doing it for health reasons rather than ethics. So he ate a cheese quiche at his grandparents as my mother got confused between veganism and vegetarianism. He also ate a sandwich he was given with cheese in once. But otherwise he has eaten exclusively vegan. I've carried on cooking as I love to cook and it's been fine. He had lived so far on lots of veggie curries and chillies, packed with pulses. I've also made veggie bean burgers and sausages.

However I note your dd doesn't eat spicy food. I think it would be quite hard to make tasty vegan food if she doesn't eat chilli/curry!

Good luck with it, OP.

YANBU to put your foot down. Tell her firmly that she will not be a vegan in your house, and that any further discussion or protest will result in you no longer allowing her to be vegetarian either.

When she buys her own food, cooks it herself, in her own kitchen, then she can chose to abide by a particular diet. Whilst she is under your roof, she must respect your choices for her and be grateful.

I went vegan 2 months ago and it's surprising how much food is available now for vegans. The vegetarian and vegan section in the frozen dept at Sainsbury's has trebled in size just in the past 2 months. I still have roast dinners I just don't have the meat and bisto red gravy is what's known as accidentally vegan, so I can still cover my dinner in gravy. There's also loads of stuff starting to appear in the chilled section under the free from eggs and milk banner. Loads of different dairy free milks, oatly barista is the one considered closest to milk and is with the uht milks, there's loads of different vegan sausages, I bought 2 different types each time and cooked them all then tried them to see which I preferred, my kids who aren't vegan prefer vegan sausages now.

I'd get your daughter to take a-z vitamins and make sure it includes b12, they're best taken with orange juice as that helps with the b12 absorption.

If youre on fb look for the vegan uk groups, people are always posting their supermarket vegan finds.

She's entitled to her opinion whether she's a teenager or not

She's not entitled to a whole seperate meal bought, paid for and made for her 3 times a day every day

You should be glad that you have a daughter who has ethics and thinks for herself - what a brave choice to go against the community and stand up for what she believes in

Lol.There is nothing brave about getting your ma to buy you tofu instead of chicken. And in her teen community, she's just going with the in crowd, she's not standing up to or for anything!