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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed guests ate before our dinner?

120 replies

WinnieWonders · 23/08/2017 10:26

I only see a good friend of mine roughly once a year because we both moved away and now have kids, so difficult to co-ordinate. So this time they were dropping in for a visit on their way to see relatives. We agreed they would be here for lunch at 13:00. I checked they liked everything I was cooking and there were lots of salad items as well.

I put on a big spread of food. They left the house at 11:30 and arrived at 13:20, keeping me updated the whole journey of their arrival time so I could co-ordinate it. We sat down straight away and my friend's DH put a tiny portion of food on his plate. I offered them several items but he refused, then said - "I'm not hungry, I ate lunch at 12:00".

I ignored the comment and acted as normal, having a nice time with them. But inside I felt a bit offended and like a fool sat in front of this big spread of food I'd prepared. My friend ate a bit more than him but not much.

If they had eaten (bit weird to stop to eat only 1/2 hour after leaving home, why not just have a snack instead?) WHY TELL ME? Surely it's polite to just keep quiet and pretend you are just not hungry for some unknown reason. It's a bit rude to tell me, no?

Also, her DH seemed quite quiet and a little moody, as if he was a bit bored and wanted to leave. It was probably a bit boring for him as my DH was not around that day. Obvs I included him in our conversations, but I guess it was mainly girly chat. I hardly get to see his wife - surely he could make an effort for her sake?

She seemed her normal, happy self, but when they left it felt like it had been a weird meet-up and I felt a bit sad for her.

OP posts:
Original poster
WinnieWonders · 23/08/2017 10:28

I might add that there were a couple of other little factors that made me worry about her - not just these few things that made me feel sad. Anyways, AIBU about the food thing?

OP posts:
LineysRun · 23/08/2017 10:30

Had the children already eaten too?

peachgreen · 23/08/2017 10:31

Very rude!

CoalitionOfChaos · 23/08/2017 10:34

When he said he'd eaten lunch why on earth didn't you say "but you were invited for lunch here"
It's incredibly rude of him but I'm baffled why you said nothing.

Bonesy1 · 23/08/2017 10:34

Sounds like they had probably had a row and he decided to be obnoxious

Grotbagswisp · 23/08/2017 10:35

He sounds like an arse - he must have known saying that would upset you after all the effort you made. He probably insisted they stop for lunch on the way.

Trills · 23/08/2017 10:38

They agreed to come for lunch but then ate?

That's weird.

NancyDonahue · 23/08/2017 10:38

How strange, particularly as you had told them what you were cooking and checked they liked it. I would hazard a guess at her dh not wanting to make the stop at yours, hence the odd atmosphere.

MaidOfStars · 23/08/2017 10:38

Completely weird choice to eat so soon beforehand and very rude of them.

They clearly had a row. He didn't want to come.

nauticant · 23/08/2017 10:41

Sounds like they had probably had a row and he decided to be obnoxious

That's my thought too. He was pissed off and had lunch as a deliberate tactic to spoil his wife having an enjoyable lunch catch up with a friend.

Queenioqueenio · 23/08/2017 10:42

There are many reasons why he didn't eat much, he could be dieting, didn't like what you had prepared, have food intolerances. All these reasons are perfectly valid and maybe he didnt feel like explaining himself? Or he could just be a bit of an arse, did it seem like he didn't want to come!
?

ElliotBoy · 23/08/2017 10:43

I'd be offended too. Sounds a bit sad all up.

SapphireStrange · 23/08/2017 10:44

Or he could just be a bit of an arse, did it seem like he didn't want to come!

I think this. Can you call your friend, OP, if you're worried for her?

ButchyRestingFace · 23/08/2017 10:45

Rude, rude, rude.

nauticant · 23/08/2017 10:45

There are many reasons why he didn't eat much

No there aren't. There's one reason and it's in the OP above:

I offered them several items but he refused, then said - "I'm not hungry, I ate lunch at 12:00"

highinthesky · 23/08/2017 10:46

Sounds like they had probably had a row and he decided to be obnoxious

Sounds spot on to me, I don't think her DH wanted to be there and was using you as cannon-fodder to make a point. Keep in touch with this friend, it sounds like she's going to need you in the future. And make sure when you do see her next, its without her DH.

OliviaStabler · 23/08/2017 10:47

Sounds like he didn't want to go to the lunch and ate early to make things awkward for you both, to show his displeasure.

I've met men like this, they are assholes.

MummaTwinkleToes · 23/08/2017 10:51

Very annoying when the lunch plans were very well communicated. Maybe they missed breakfast and couldn't wait? In that situation I would have just got a light snack and not said anything to you and been very appreciative of your efforts.

My DB regularly has a macs on the way when we all meeting at DM for meals (she is an amazing cook- so not cos food bad). Lives less than 1hr away. We know because they bring the bags/ drinks in. Then gets mad at his kids when they don't eat much dinner Hmm

CurbsideProphet · 23/08/2017 10:51

What a dick. He could have dropped her off and taken himself off somewhere, but instead he chose to ruin your get together. I hate men who sulk and are obnoxious like that.

Keep in touch with your friend. It sounds like she needs you.

MrsOverTheRoad · 23/08/2017 10:51

I agree with Olivia he sounds like a wanker. Controlling and babyish.

Normandy144 · 23/08/2017 10:54

I agree that there is more to this than meets the eye. You have unfortunately been caught in the middle of an argument. Perhaps the husband conveniently forgot that his wife had arranged the stop and this was his passive aggressive way of proving a point. Sorry you were caught in the middle.

TheSolitaryBoojum · 23/08/2017 10:56

I often fed me and mine before a dinner invite for various reasons...ASD, diabetic, veggie etc...The key point being that we never told the host and made an effort to be good company. He just sounds rude.

Birdsgottafly · 23/08/2017 10:57

The concerns that you have are they that she is in a controlling/abusive situation?

Why did he even come with her?

WorraLiberty · 23/08/2017 10:59

I agree they probably had a row and he was being a dick.

But possibly the weirdest part of your OP is this...

"I'm not hungry, I ate lunch at 12:00"

I ignored the comment and acted as normal

Why on earth wouldn't you have said, "Oh? You ate lunch? But surely you knew you were coming her for lunch at 1pm?"

It's just weird that you wouldn't say this.

Cantseethewoods · 23/08/2017 11:00

Yeah- he didnt want to come because either

  1. There were no other boys there or
  2. He didnt want to break the journey or
  3. It limits the amount of time to spend with the relatives they were going to see. or
  4. She didnt tell him about it till the last minute and he was pissed off about the unscheduled stop.

Either which way, he was rude

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