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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or is my friend living on another planet?

361 replies

Mountainviewloo · 21/08/2017 10:38

A friend of mine I haven't seen for a while has asked to meet up at the weekend. She originally said could we meet for brunch and asked me to suggest a time and place so I suggested 11 somewhere central for both of us (this is a normal time for brunch right?!?!). She replied saying that was a bit early for her as she likes to sleep in at the weekend (fair enough, I did too pre-toddler), and suggested 1pm. I said fine.

She then a few hours later texted saying would I mind meeting for dinner instead as she'd forgotten she had a delivery coming. Again I said fine. She suggested we meet at 9pm. This to me is ridiculously late for dinner but whatever, I could live with it so I said fine, but just FYI I won't be able to bring DS (the original plan was for me to bring DS as she wanted to see him - this was her request, not mine as I'd much rather have a peaceful meal without him!).

She then said something along the lines of oh no why not, I really want to see him. I pointed out that 9pm was 2 hours past his bedtime. She then asked why I couldn't just keep him up. I explained that he would go into meltdown mode through overtiredness and no one would have a nice time.

She has now gone into a huff with me saying I am being difficult and he needs to be able to come "off routine" sometimes or he will be "impossible to manage" as he gets older.

Surely IANBU here?! I am not a dragon about his routine at all, but if I take him out for dinner at 9pm it will be hell for everyone involved. He's 18 months.

I haven't replied to her last message yet.

OP posts:
MrsAMumof3 · 21/08/2017 16:49

I am totally agree with you. I wouldnt want to be taking ny children out at that time of night either. Even my 4yo would be a nightmare at that time let alone an 18 month old. Surely if she wanted to meet him that bad she would arrange a more convenient time.

SapphireStrange · 21/08/2017 17:04

I wouldn't bother texting back.

If she's been a good friend, and you're worried, maybe ask your other friend if she knows anything. Otherwise, I'd let her go.

Original poster
Mountainviewloo · 21/08/2017 17:17

Other friend hasn't spoken to her in a couple of years

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 21/08/2017 17:17

Text back "are you drunk or has someone else got hold of your phone because you are acting very strangely. You're the one changing the arrangements, not me. I'll leave you to calm the fuck down. Call me when you're back to being your usual lovely self xxx"

hedgebitch · 21/08/2017 17:21

She is being an absolute loon. SHE messed around with the times so she could get her lie in and her delivery. You were completely flexible and happy to do everything she asked short of keeping a tiny child up half the night. So there was only one thing you didn't immediately give in to her demands on. And now you're the one who reckons they're the centre of the world??

There is no dealing with this. She's behaving atrociously. I'm really unconfrontational most of the time but I'd actually be tempted to give her a proper shouty bollocking, she's being that rude and unpleasant. But it will burn bridges and she likely won't take any of it in anyway.

SapphireStrange · 21/08/2017 17:21

Other friend hasn't spoken to her in a couple of years

Wonder why. Hmm Grin

I like Bit's suggestion.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 21/08/2017 17:29

Sorry op. I can't see any friendship to cling on to here. Your other friend has nothing to do with her already.

She's an arse. Don't let it take up too much headspace. It's really not you Flowers

DeludedDoris · 21/08/2017 17:29

Is she jealous of ds? Any fertility issues maybe?

Original poster
Mountainviewloo · 21/08/2017 17:30

Not that I know of doris, she's single and hasn't ever ttc that I know of

OP posts:
HashiAsLarry · 21/08/2017 17:33

I had a friend who did this a while back. It basically boiled down to the fact she couldn't handle being the only person who wasn't settled down or had DC. Not that she wanted DC but she didn't want anyone else to. She was lonely and very depressed it turned out. unfortunately there was nothing to be done until she wanted to sort herself out.

manandbeast · 21/08/2017 17:47

What a dick! Angry

bellaboo101 · 21/08/2017 17:54

I would completely bin this friendship off... the meeting at 9pm thing was awful and inconsiderate, but to talk to you like that and to be so entitled is another.

You don't need people like that in your life!

TheLegendOfBeans · 21/08/2017 17:59

Mate

She's jealous. Jealous, jealous, jealous, jealous, jealous.

Doris makes a point. Maybe she wishes she had a baby. Maybe she's broody. Maybe she envies your family unit. Maybe she thought she'd "settle down" first. Maybe a thousand things that you won't know unless she has the common decency to be straight with you - which she won't as she's being a PA bellend.

Don't text her back. In the words of Depeche Mode, "enjoy the silence".

betshesfuckinglying · 21/08/2017 18:09

I'd be texting back
😂😂😂 fuck off is that a joke? Funnily enough I was thinking the same about you when you expected me to disrupt my toddlers routine to fit around your lazy arse. I've not only gone off meeting up I've gone off your selfish entitled attitude entirely so kindly don't bother getting in touch again you dick

Trb17 · 21/08/2017 18:10

Wow she's batshit and out of order. You're a nicer person than me as I'd have text her back with a choice sentence ending in 'off' tbh.

Trb17 · 21/08/2017 18:11

In fact yes what @betshesfuckinglying said above - perfect response!

YouTheCat · 21/08/2017 18:12

I'd be asking your other friend why she doesn't speak to her any more. I'd bet it's for similar reasons.

Original poster
Mountainviewloo · 21/08/2017 18:13

Jealousy no I don't think so - we are only 27! I'm the youngest of our peers to be "settled". Most of her friends are single.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mountainviewloo · 21/08/2017 18:13

She doesn't speak to her as found her bossy and interfering

OP posts:
Trollspoopglitter · 21/08/2017 18:16

"I keep trying to justify and explain away your appauling behaviour because we'be been friends for so long. But you've crossed the line today. When you're ready to apologise, let me know."

TheLegendOfBeans · 21/08/2017 18:17

Mountain

She's jealous. Trust me. The final comment absolutely crystallises it.

BeakersofNaiceHam · 21/08/2017 18:18

This is her timetable. Drag yourself out of bed at 11am. Breakfast at 12. Brunch 2ish, lunch 4-5pm, Dinner at 9. Party till 3am 4am Nightcaps and bacon sandwich 5am Bed. Ideal lifestyle for toddlers.

YouTheCat · 21/08/2017 18:22

She is bossy and interfering.

DeludedDoris · 21/08/2017 18:27

She sounds jealous to me. You might not think so, but her comments and demands point that way.

It may be that she doesn't want a child, but doesn't want you to have one either. Or she is desperate for a family. You've said she was always the sensible one - the grown up one. But now you're the "grown up" with the child.

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 21/08/2017 18:38

Yeah ok blame me. Not really sure why having a kid means you're suddenly the centre of the universe. Gone off meeting up. Maybe get in touch when you've grown up a bit

She is such a twat Grin . Agree with PP that she is jealous of you. She sound vile and no loss at all. With 'friends'' like that...

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