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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or is my friend living on another planet?

361 replies

Mountainviewloo · 21/08/2017 10:38

A friend of mine I haven't seen for a while has asked to meet up at the weekend. She originally said could we meet for brunch and asked me to suggest a time and place so I suggested 11 somewhere central for both of us (this is a normal time for brunch right?!?!). She replied saying that was a bit early for her as she likes to sleep in at the weekend (fair enough, I did too pre-toddler), and suggested 1pm. I said fine.

She then a few hours later texted saying would I mind meeting for dinner instead as she'd forgotten she had a delivery coming. Again I said fine. She suggested we meet at 9pm. This to me is ridiculously late for dinner but whatever, I could live with it so I said fine, but just FYI I won't be able to bring DS (the original plan was for me to bring DS as she wanted to see him - this was her request, not mine as I'd much rather have a peaceful meal without him!).

She then said something along the lines of oh no why not, I really want to see him. I pointed out that 9pm was 2 hours past his bedtime. She then asked why I couldn't just keep him up. I explained that he would go into meltdown mode through overtiredness and no one would have a nice time.

She has now gone into a huff with me saying I am being difficult and he needs to be able to come "off routine" sometimes or he will be "impossible to manage" as he gets older.

Surely IANBU here?! I am not a dragon about his routine at all, but if I take him out for dinner at 9pm it will be hell for everyone involved. He's 18 months.

I haven't replied to her last message yet.

OP posts:
toastandbutterandjam · 21/08/2017 14:29

My best mate has a toddler. I have no children. I always worked plans around her, her partner (he worked shifts and sometimes it was hard for him to spend time with them) and her toddler. I would never, ever dream of asking/telling her to bring her child out at 9pm for dinner, her child is asleep and it would be a nightmare! - I loved spending time/seeing her child, so therefore that means I needed to see them at a time/place suitable for them.

She did have one friend who had never met her child as she always wanted to meet for dinner or a drink at the pub at around 10pm - she told my friend 'we can sit outside the pub with baby, nobody will say anything, you don't really have any excuse to say no' - that friendship didn't last.

I have a friend who's a bit like this. Always wants to go shopping in busy, loud shopping centres slap bang in the afternoon because it suits her and her child. No regard for the fact that i'm a carer of a child with autism who doesn't like crowded, noisy places. She forever gives me the classic lines of:
'Oh, my child wouldn't dare have a tantrum just because it's busy'
OR
'You need to just leave them to get on with it. Let them scream the place down, i'm telling you, you're contributing to the behaviour by pandering to it' whilst she panders to her own child

She's forever promising days out and then changing plans to 'shopping' literally the night before, spoiling the routine because HER child can cope with it.

I let her get on with it now. If she gives me a time that's inconvenient, I just say "sorry, we wont be able to make it, but we can do XYZ"
If she tries to rearrange a day out (e.g. cinema), i'll say "Sorry, can't make it, i'm off to the cinema with X. It's been planned for weeks. Feel free to join us/meet us after"
I don't usually get replies.

vikingprincess81 · 21/08/2017 14:31

She doesn't sound... pleasant OP. Is this the first time she's acted this way? It sounds very controlling.

Also I have a friend who tells me she knows exactly what it's like to have children because she has a small dog (but no children). Subsequently, she has in the past to given me advice on child care. She has no clue.

YES! I had a work colleague try to tell me having their nephew to stay at the weekend 'on a regular basis' was the same thing as having kids 24/7. Yes. It's totally the same thing, it sounds not like his parents have all the worries, responsibilities etc Hmm best bit was when they said they hadn't had him that weekend as he'd been poorly. Point. Made. Wink

rabbitcakes · 21/08/2017 14:31

My child is fairly flexible but isn't a fucking contortionist.

She's utterly batshit crazy. Has she ever looked around a restaurant at 9pm and wondered why it isn't crammed full of toddlers?

diddl · 21/08/2017 14:34

She sounds hard work!

I'd be tempted not to bother I think.

It's her way or the highway, isn't it?

TheKidsAreTakingMySanity · 21/08/2017 14:36

I'm not a stickler for routine but keeping a child up two hours after their bedtime for no good reason is stupid! Children need a decent amount of sleep, far more than adults. I may have missed a post or two but is she childless? Cos she sounds clueless at least.

FacelikeaBagofHammers · 21/08/2017 14:42

This is hilarious. Has your friend ever actually MET a toddler?

Please let us know how the meet up goes! I'd find it hard to bite my tongue tbh.

TheMogget · 21/08/2017 15:03

MimiSunshine
Late lunch at 7pm Grin

badg3r · 21/08/2017 15:21

Next time invite her round to yours for breakfast at 5.30am with DC and the cats. Give her a week's notice to she's got time to prepare for it. Then see who it inflexible one is... Grin

Original poster
Mountainviewloo · 21/08/2017 15:26

Ok so my last message ended with 'hope all is ok with you' and her response was 'yes all fine just a bit tired of having to fit in with other people's domestic arrangements all the time'

So I am guessing something else must have happened and I have inadvertently stepped into it right?

OP posts:
Cambionome · 21/08/2017 15:28

How rude of her to say that about other people's domestic arrangements!! Shock

Sounds to me like she is just determined to have a go at you!

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 21/08/2017 15:29

all fine just a bit tired of having to fit in with other people's domestic arrangements all the time

So I am guessing something else must have happened and I have inadvertently stepped into it right?

Er no sorry Op, I think shes referring to you and your 'domestic arrangements' the cheeky bitch cow. Seriously OP, what do you get from this friendship apart from trouble?

Deploycharitygoats · 21/08/2017 15:31

Bah, sack her off, OP. She's just spoiling for a fight.

Original poster
Mountainviewloo · 21/08/2017 15:31

I don't know really, I think it's just we've been friends so long I can't imagine not being friends with her if that makes sense

She's usually not this weird!!!

OP posts:
StillStayingClassySanDiego · 21/08/2017 15:32

I'd cancel the brunch on account of her being a snippy rude twat and tell her why .

I've no time for people like this , it's draining.

TheLegendOfBeans · 21/08/2017 15:33

Seriously, you need to give her the flick.

I speak from a position of experience of dealing with the PA bullshit of someone who just doesn't get it and after 18 months of the same bollocks I've dropped the (mental) axe.

She and her fuckery can take a long walk off a short pier.

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 21/08/2017 15:33

no she just moved brunch to dinner because she had to wait in for a delivery

Those pesky domestic arrangements she hates so much...yet she has too.

she is not an animal person

Oooh nope, I couldn't be friends with anyone that doesn't like love animals.

certainlynotsusan · 21/08/2017 15:35

I think she is referring to you too.

I would go back with "I was happy to meet you at 11 as per the original plan. I was happy to some and meet you at 9pm as requested (albeit without ds). I am now happy to meet you at 2pm. The only person who has moved this meeting for their domestic arrangements is you!"

Nikephorus · 21/08/2017 15:36

Sounds more like a snidey comment at your "domestic arrangements" (Hmm) OP but maybe she deserves the benefit of the doubt (not convinced). I'd be tempted to text back & ask whose domestic arrangements she was referring to...

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 21/08/2017 15:37

What Not Susan wrote is spot on, I would send that. Then I would delete her and block her because she is clearly a twat.

SapphireStrange · 21/08/2017 15:42

I wouldn't carry on the text exchange; I'd just meet her as (finally!) arranged and have it out then. There is clearly something up with her, but texting isn't going to sort it out.

Original poster
Mountainviewloo · 21/08/2017 15:43

Oh no don't get me wrong, I know she means me, I just thought the "all the time" could mean she has had some other issue happening along the same lines and I have just pushed her over the edge.

I have sent susan's reply - thank you!

I should really be working (freelance, massive procrastinator), but I am too perplexed!

OP posts:
SomeBerryJam · 21/08/2017 15:45

YANBU

LaContessaDiPlump · 21/08/2017 15:46

"I know what you mean - I hate having to schedule lunch around other people's parcel deliveries. Mate, the way you're acting right now is really PA and very out of character. What on earth is wrong?"

Leave out the second and third sentences if preferred!

Donttouchthethings · 21/08/2017 15:55

You could reply with, "By other people, do you mean me?" I'm a bit too invested, but I'd like to know.

ChilliMary · 21/08/2017 16:06

Crikey, your friend sounds like really hard work, when it shouldn't be this. And you can't remain friends with someone just because you have history in common but seemingly nothing else now. Why would you want to put up with such stroppy behaviour?