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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To never drive again?

128 replies

Wrongornot · 20/08/2017 14:30

I caused a car accident yesterday. I was turning left at a round about, in the left hand lane, however I took the turning too wide (2 lanes) and the car in the other lane clipped my front wing (my car only has minor damage) and I stopped instantly. However the other car left the road and hit a sign. We were all okay in my car but the other driver was injured.

I was given 3 points on my licence for careless driving.

I am now sure that I never want to drive again. I am still not really sure what happened as it was all so fast and can't put myself or others in that situation again. I have written my resignation to work (I live in the sticks and there is no way I can work without my car) and intend to hand it in tomorrow with immediate effect.

DH is furious as it means there will be huge changes for us if I am not working.

I also keep thiking that maybe the police will increase the charge (can they do that?) to dangerous driving and I will loose my licence anyway.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Dina1234 · 20/08/2017 14:32

Yes. Do a refreshers driving course.

Gorgosparta · 20/08/2017 14:34

So how are you going to earn money?

littlemisssweetness · 20/08/2017 14:34

Yes, yabu, you shouldn't let one little bump completely ruin your life

Armadillostoes · 20/08/2017 14:36

Hi OP-I don't think that your DH being furious is a helpful response. Equally, don't do anything permanent like resigning. You can still resign next week if you want to, but ypu couldn't take back a resignation so easily.

Maybe you should see your GP and perhaps take a few days off? It sounds as though you are still very shaken up. Perhaps some counselling might help.

Original poster

Wrongornot · 20/08/2017 14:36

We could live on one salary, without luxuries. Just.

Long term we would have to move to civilisation. We are currently 20 miles from nearest town and 15 from a bus route.

It wasn't just a bump, the other driver was injured and I did that.

OP posts:

feathermucker · 20/08/2017 14:37

I think you're overreacting massively, which is partly understandable due to your stress levels.

However, quitting your job is a knee-jerk reaction and you need to give yourself a little time before making such big decisions.

Maybe do a refresher course or build your confidence up in another way.

flapjackfairy · 20/08/2017 14:37

It will take time to get your confidence back so dont make any hasty decisions . We all make mistakes . Dont exacerbate it by making another as a knee jerk reaction . X

Gorgosparta · 20/08/2017 14:38

Op, we can live on my wage. Just about.

If dh declared he was quitting work eith immeadiate effect, i would be pissed off too.

You cant just do that.

CrochetBelle · 20/08/2017 14:38

Please, get into your car now and go for a ten minute drive, just round the block/down the road and back again/to the shop.

You can do it.

Peachsploosh · 20/08/2017 14:38

Don't hand in your resignation until you've had time for the shock to wear off. I have been driving 20 odd years & never had an accident but a few weeks ago I pulled in between parked cars to allow another to come through & scraped the front of a neighbours car. No one was in it & the damage was minor but I still felt physically sick & have been far more anxious about my driving since then.
It's completely normal for you to be upset & in shock but I would advise you get back in the car & drive around at a quiet time to get your confidence back. Don't turn your whole life upside down for the sake of an accident that you are very unlikely to have again.
Please don't rush in to any hasty decisions. Hope you're ok.

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 20/08/2017 14:39

What?! It was an unfortunate accident and I can s e why you're shaken up but your response isn't even remotely proportionate. Maybe see your doctor, discuss how it's affected you and if you still feel the same about resigning in a couple of weeks, then that's different but I think right now, you're in shock and aren't thinking altogether sensibly.

BizzyFizzy · 20/08/2017 14:39

It's good to admit that you caused the accident, but I can't imagine the other driver was without fault. He must have been driving too fast and/or too close.

Roussette · 20/08/2017 14:40

Yours is a kneejerk reaction and you should reconsider and get back in the car and quickly.

I wrote a car off whilst DCs were in it but not driving again would have been catastrophic for the whole family as it will be for your family It's not fair that they have to be punished becaused you made a mistake, we all make mistakes.

If you only had the accident yesterday, the Police moved quickly with a careless driving charge? I thought they took weeks/months. I'm not doubting you, I'm just surprised.

My accident was far worse than yours (DD was injured, thankfully not long term), yet I drove again because I was determined to make amends for what happened. The only reason I didn't have a charge against me was because the driver I went into was driving without insurance and MOT and the Police were looking for him so they were more interested in him than me.

You must make amends too and get back in that car and not penalise your family for a split second error. Also don't beat yourself up about it.

Ipitythescale · 20/08/2017 14:40

Don't make any rash decisions. You're probably still a bit shocked by what happened. I deal with car claims every day in my job and please believe me circumstances like this happen all the time. In the majority of cases there are no serious injuries. Cars can be fixed/replaced. Momentary lapses of concentration happen, learn from your mistakes and move on.

minionsrule · 20/08/2017 14:41

OP now long have you been driving? It seems a very extreme response for what was a minor bump - I know you say the other driver ended up driving into a post/signpost but tbh I can't see how that can happen from what you have described unless it was at speed?
I would suggest a few days off work for maybe delayed shock but don't do anything drastic. And no I don't think the police will up the charge to dangerous driving, it really doesn't sound like it was unless you were hurtling at some speed.
Accidents happen and it is the risk you take when you drive

AngeloftheSouth84 · 20/08/2017 14:41

I was given 3 points on my licence for careless driving

If the incident happened yesterday, how can you have points already?

minionsrule · 20/08/2017 14:42

Sorry didn't mean I didn't believe the other driver ended up going into a post just that maybe they were not a very experienced driver

AngeloftheSouth84 · 20/08/2017 14:42

you shouldn't let one little bump completely ruin your life

It wasn't a little bump. The other car left the road, and its driver was injured. It sounds as if the outcome could have been a lot worse.

Marinade · 20/08/2017 14:43

I am a very nervous driver and fairly incompetent driver if the truth be known. I bumped into a car the other week and also failed to stop in time for a flashing ambulance (I thought it was progressing down the other side of the road and just didn't think quickly enough). I felt absolutely awful after both of these incidents and questioned whether I should be on the road. I passed my test a few years ago and don't drive very frequently and I feel like I am a complete novice every time I get into the car. So I know exactly how you feel. I am going to take some refresher driving lessons to re-educate myself. I think that you are making a very rash decision to resign and not drive any more based on this one incident. Take the refresher lessons, drive more at the weekend and see how you feel after this. Lots of people are not natural drivers but you really need to conquer this and not let it conquer you, especially as your income is reliant on your ability to drive.

OnionKnight · 20/08/2017 14:43

Did you already have three points OP?

RandomMess · 20/08/2017 14:45

Do a refresher course, put the wheels in motion to move so if in the future you want to give up you can.

I don't like driving, DH refuses to after an accident when he was 18 and I fantasise about moving in 10 years and having the luxury of not being car reliant anymore!

maxthemartian · 20/08/2017 14:47

Oh OP, I don't think you're over-reacting. You're reacting like a thinking, compassionate human being, understandably appalled that you caused someone else's injury.
Having said that, it's for that very reason that I think you shouldn't stop driving. So many dangerous drivers are repeat offenders - they don't give a crap who they hurt.
I can understand how shaken you must be. Is it possible to get signed off work with stress or something for a couple of weeks while you process this, if you have no other way of getting in?
In the meantime, I agree with maybe some refresher lessons focusing on roundabouts to get your confidence back and help you process what happened.

Original poster

Wrongornot · 20/08/2017 14:47

From the photos etc it looks like the other driver must have been going super fast for her car to end up where it did. It was a young girl and he family were furious with me. I admitted liability straight away.

The police said the easiest and most lenient way of dealing with it was a fixed penalty notice ( I am in Scotland if it makes a difference). I am not sure if there were any repercussions for her with the police as her speed was most definitely a factor. But still she would be okay if not for my stupidity.

I have been driving 17 years and have done 1000s and 1000s of miles, living in the middle of no where has done that.

I just can't think about getting behind the wheel again.

Thank you all for your support, I am feeling slightly calmer than I have in the last 24 hours!

OP posts:

Original poster

Wrongornot · 20/08/2017 14:48

Meant to say never had points or an accident before.

OP posts:

kingjofferyworksintescos · 20/08/2017 14:48

Don't beat your self up over it , if you only had a scratch on your car and the other car left the road it sounds like he was going a bit too fast tbh

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