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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To never drive again?

128 replies

Wrongornot · 20/08/2017 14:30

I caused a car accident yesterday. I was turning left at a round about, in the left hand lane, however I took the turning too wide (2 lanes) and the car in the other lane clipped my front wing (my car only has minor damage) and I stopped instantly. However the other car left the road and hit a sign. We were all okay in my car but the other driver was injured.

I was given 3 points on my licence for careless driving.

I am now sure that I never want to drive again. I am still not really sure what happened as it was all so fast and can't put myself or others in that situation again. I have written my resignation to work (I live in the sticks and there is no way I can work without my car) and intend to hand it in tomorrow with immediate effect.

DH is furious as it means there will be huge changes for us if I am not working.

I also keep thiking that maybe the police will increase the charge (can they do that?) to dangerous driving and I will loose my licence anyway.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Knottyash5 · 21/08/2017 11:15

When I was 19 I had an accident on the A48(M) coming out of Cardiff and ended up facing the wrong way on the hard shoulder. Nobody was injured but it shook me up massively. I didn't drive for 2 years afterwards and I still don't like motorway driving. But I have not had an accident since (other than slow moving bumps in car parks eg hitting short posts that you can't see behind the car).

You are NOT a bad driver. And people straddle two lanes at roundabouts every day of the week. As well as being in the wrong lanes. You just need to get back on the horse, as someone said (don't leave it 2 years like I did). And there is no way the other driver would have come off the road if they had been driving sensibly, they would have clipped your wing mirror at most. You are not to blame - and even if you were, that's what insurance is for. Let them deal. Your premiums will go up anyway because you've now got points on your licence, don't worry about it.

Bedheadretention · 21/08/2017 11:18

Hi....don't beat yourself up.....I stupidly pulled out of a junction onto a main road a couple of weeks ago and promptly caused a minor bump with a car who was directly in front of me, I hadn't seen them as I was looking to the right to find a gap in the traffic, but had forgotten to look forward before pulling out iyswim? Felt mortified at my own stupidity, and the fact I've been driving 22 years never having caused an accident, luckily everyone was OK, and we just exchanged details. I'm only just starting to accept it was an accident pure and simple, were all human and if you've walked away from it you've come out OK. Please don't beat yourself up....I did but realise never driving again is an overreaction. From another perspective years ago (day before Diana died)someone pulled out from a junction and went into my jeep, the angle she came out from and the shape of her bonnet sort of went under the side of my jeep and flipped me over. I was told we rolled over 4 times (somersaulted down a busy main road through a seaside town full of holidaymakers both on foot and in vehicles, luckily we didn't hit anyone) and landed facing the opposite way to which we were travelling on all four (busted) wheels. I was conscious of it as it happened, and was taken straight to hospital with my then DBf (now DH). I had bruises and whiplash, he had head grazes (where his head had caught the road) bruises and whiplash injuries but we're OK and still here! At the time I blamed her (she was obviously at fault) and felt I could have throttled her at putting us through that, but then when I had the little bump a couple of weeks ago, I realised these things just happen, they can't be predicted and you just have to cope with them the best way you can if if they do occur. You could get into your car and never have an accident ever again. Sorry for the rambling but I thought it might just put things into perspective for you. BTW me and DH just joke now about our 'Ride Into Terror'Grin

lynmilne65 · 21/08/2017 13:12

This happened to me twice in a year after 30 years of driving and almost exactly same scenario!Blush

lynmilne65 · 21/08/2017 13:13

Twice in a week I mean

ThePants999 · 21/08/2017 13:31

Absolutely, back on the horse, right now. This very hour.

elfinpre · 21/08/2017 13:37

I don't get the "never admit liability" thing. Perhaps not in the OP's case, if it very clearly was your fault it's much better to say so, and apologise profusely.

AngeloftheSouth84 · 23/08/2017 06:34

I don't get the "never admit liability" thing.

Because it's in the contract between you and your insurance company that you read before accepting the terms and conditions

JWrecks · 23/08/2017 06:50

She was driving too fast to react to others around her. She was at just as much fault as you were, honestly. I drive within the law and within my own limits, and I have avoided HUNDREDS of bumps just like what you described because of that. If I'm reading this right, even the police told you that her speed was a factor!

You cannot simply give up driving, and I do think it's quite unreasonable to do so. Accidents happen all the time, and you cannot let a single one take you out forever and severely limit your life and the lives of the rest of your family. Living so far from everything and having half of the adults in the family refuse to drive would indeed severely limit opportunities!

I'm glad you've decided to get back onto that horse! Instead of remembering the ONE bump that just happened, remember the thousands of miles you've previously driven without incident! Try not to let anxiety or nervousness take over. There is no reason for it to, anyway. Shit happens, and it's one incident that was NOT entirely your fault!

Relax and go on with life as you've always done! You're obviously a very competent driver if this is the very first time you've ever had an incident. Keep that at the forefront of your mind if anxiety takes over.

You'll be fine!

AngeloftheSouth84 · 23/08/2017 06:56

She was driving too fast to react to others around her. She was at just as much fault as you were, honestly.

Nonsense. How can the other driver be just at fault for someone else's inattention? Perhaps we should all drive around at 15mph to cater for those who make silly mistakes.

thegirlupnorth · 23/08/2017 07:09

Accidents happen, take a bit of time out to process things and in a few days things might feel different.

It was an accident.

AngeloftheSouth84 · 23/08/2017 15:22

It was an accident.

No such thing as an accident. Someone will always have made a mistake. Someone veering into another lane. Another driver driving at an inappropriate speed to avoid a collision.

Zool69 · 23/08/2017 15:30

When I was younger (17/18) i was a terrible driver. Drove like a lunatic and had 7 crashes in 2 years. Haven't had one for many many years now. Don't overreact. Just learn from it and be more careful next time.

CousinKrispy · 23/08/2017 15:31

I'm glad you're going to try a short drive tomorrow morning, well done for trying.

Someone above mentioned CBTdefinitely look into this if you find yourself really struggling with driving. It's not just about keeping your current jobeven if you quit your job or the two of you moved to a less rural area, being able to drive could still be really valuable for your day to day life.

Having a bobble in confidence after an incident like this is very understandable, but it's worthwhile trying to find ways to deal with it. Talk to your GP about a referral if necessary for CBT or whatever they recommend if you find you are still feeling anxious.

Zool69 · 23/08/2017 15:32

Of course there's such a thing as an accident. What a stupid thing to say. If you didn't do it on purpose, it's an accident. That's what an accident is.

AngeloftheSouth84 · 23/08/2017 15:36

If you didn't do it on purpose, it's an accident.

Not paying attention is something you have control over. Therefore not an accident.

Zool69 · 23/08/2017 15:38

So if you accidentally knock a drink over because you didn't pqy enough attention to where your elbow was, is that not an accident either?

AngeloftheSouth84 · 23/08/2017 16:01

So if you accidentally knock a drink over because you didn't pqy enough attention to where your elbow was, is that not an accident either?

Of course its not. You should be paying attention to where your limbs are flying. Otherwise you could accidentally kick your accelerator and kill someone

MaryMcCarthy · 23/08/2017 16:05

Ask anyone who works for the police - the vast majority of road 'accidents' are caused by a lack of care or concentration, like this one clearly was.

Also, how many posts in the thread assumed the other driver was a man, based on nothing?

Zool69 · 23/08/2017 22:45

the vast majority of road 'accidents' are caused by a lack of care or concentration,

Doesn't stop them being accidents. An accident is something you didn't mean to do.

If you have an accident because you're being careless, it's still an accident

AngeloftheSouth84 · 24/08/2017 07:03

If you have an accident because you're being careless, it's still an accident

The word 'accident' is used by people to pretend there was nothing they could do to prevent it from occurring, and to deflect blame and claim they weren't at fault. There is no such thing.

steff13 · 24/08/2017 07:18

Actually, the word accident is used to describe an action that occurred unintentionally. In fact, I believe that's the most common definition of the word accident. Based on the OP's posts, I believe this was unintentional. Therefore, an accident.

Nuttynoo · 24/08/2017 07:31

OP you're clearly in shock. Don't make any decisions until you've calmed down. I totally sympathise with your DH - I'd be pissed off with my husband too if he expected me to support him entirely without discussing it with me first.

hikikomore · 24/08/2017 08:13

If you have an Institute of Advanced Motorists group near you you could look into doing one of their courses. I'm doing the Advanced Driver Course after I lost confidence after an accident and it's improved my driving no end. You certainly don't have to be advanced to start with!

Also - get yourself a dashcam! You'll be able to review your driving and, as you're the kind of person who easily blames yourself for stuff, if you do have another incident you'll be able to tell whether it was you or the other driver at fault.

saoirse31 · 24/08/2017 08:19

I wouldn't give up driving op, unless there is more to it, ie have u felt your driving is getting worse, maybe your sight, peripheral vision not as good etc.. If that's the case, get checkup including eyes.

Handing licence back is ott unless there's more reason.

hikikomore · 24/08/2017 08:22

Actually I think everyone should have a dashcam. What happened with my accident was I came out of a poorly-sighted traffic-light controlled junction and hit a van. With the shock, I had absolutely no recollection of stopping at the traffic lights. There were no witnesses, and the bastard van driver told his insurance that I'd run a red light. If it wasn't for the dashcam footage showing me stopping at the red and pulling out when it went green, I'd probably be thinking now that I caused the accident.