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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To never drive again?

128 replies

Wrongornot · 20/08/2017 14:30

I caused a car accident yesterday. I was turning left at a round about, in the left hand lane, however I took the turning too wide (2 lanes) and the car in the other lane clipped my front wing (my car only has minor damage) and I stopped instantly. However the other car left the road and hit a sign. We were all okay in my car but the other driver was injured.

I was given 3 points on my licence for careless driving.

I am now sure that I never want to drive again. I am still not really sure what happened as it was all so fast and can't put myself or others in that situation again. I have written my resignation to work (I live in the sticks and there is no way I can work without my car) and intend to hand it in tomorrow with immediate effect.

DH is furious as it means there will be huge changes for us if I am not working.

I also keep thiking that maybe the police will increase the charge (can they do that?) to dangerous driving and I will loose my licence anyway.

AIBU?

OP posts:

ILoveMillhousesDad · 20/08/2017 15:08

I was involved in an accident that wasn't my fault and my car was written off. White van man was looking left and turned right out of a junction, even though he was in the lane to turn left. Luckily it was from a stop position, so he wasn't going very fast.

The thought of getting behind the wheel again made me feel physically ill. I had to have CBT and refresher lessons, but I did it.

I HAD to because I landed my dream job which was based in my town, but they were relocating to the next town, to an industrial estate, so it was either give it up, or bite the bullet.

My confidence has come on no end. So please don't write yourself off.

Redglitter · 20/08/2017 15:08

Wrongornot As far as the police are concerned the matter has dealt with. They'll have done the paperwork submitted it and probably pretty much forgotten about it now They're not going to come knocking on your door in a couple of weeks to arrest you. It's all down to your insurance company now

VimFuego101 · 20/08/2017 15:09

If you've had 17 years with no accidents, you are not a terrible driver. It was probably the right decision to take the points rather than fighting it, but it doesn't mean you were the only one at fault. As a previous poster said, the young driver may well have panicked and over corrected herself.

I would be very upset if DH made a unilateral decision to quit his job. 'Just' managing is not really good enough. You need to be able to have enough money for any emergencies that occur, and, frankly, to have the occasional day out/ holiday so life isn't completely monotonous.

Roussette · 20/08/2017 15:09

OP Hopefully that will be the end of it. Whatever you do do not engage in any conversation with her or her family. That is really important. Just tell them that your insurance company is dealing with it.

lljkk · 20/08/2017 15:09

Shit happens.
MNers are so unforgiving and seem to think this is good attitude.
It's a terrible way to go thru life. We all fuck up sometimes. Nobody gets to be perfect. People make mistakes & move on. Chin up & be an adult who can live with their mistakes.

ps: I can be totally crap at all that myself, but it's true... we are adults. We face up to our misdemeanors, make amends if at all possible, and move on.

Gorgosparta · 20/08/2017 15:09

Op how would you feel if dh just quit his job and said 'thats it, no discussion'

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 20/08/2017 15:09

I had a minor car accident 8 months after passinh. Totally my fault. No injury caused to the other driver, so no action taken - but there could've been. 5 years later and I've not had an accident since! It was a mistake and while I was in shock, it didn't stop me driving. I did do the pass plus to build my confidence afterwards. This shouldn't stop you, OP. Sounds like you've had an unblemished record till now.

scoobydoo1971 · 20/08/2017 15:11

I haven't been able to drive for many years for medical reasons, but living in a rural area with limited public transport makes me overly dependent on family. I got GP approval to drive after surgery recently and have taken a refresher course in an automatic as my medical conditions mean manual cars are not a good idea. I am rusty and have many skills to re-learn as the road signs and way people drive and volume of traffic has changed over the years I have been away from the wheel.

I have to admit I find it terrifying to be back out on busy roads but I am motivated by my children. Don't give up driving if you don't have to as it will have such a negative impact on your quality of life. We all make mistakes! My DH ran into a learner driver on a roundabout last year - he drives like a nutter to be fair - but he just got back into the car the next day as you are supposed to learn from mistakes, not punish yourself over them. If you need a confidence boost, why not get a refresher lesson booked or do an advanced driving course.

user9512736123 · 20/08/2017 15:11

Calm down, take a deep breath and stop. Think what you would say to somebody else. The other driver wasn't blameless; they were going too fast. When you've had a few days to get over the shock think again and don't send in your resignation now and certainly don't send in your license.

CiderwithBuda · 20/08/2017 15:11

YABU. But understandably so as you are in shock.

Facts. You took the turn a bit wide. The other driver took the turn at speed. If she had been going at a more reasonable speed she could have seen what was happening and acted to avoid your car.

It seems to me that while you were both at fault the speeding is the more serious issue and that was not your fault.

As others have said don't make any rash decisions now. Try not to think about it for a bit. Let yourself calm down.

CappuccinoSprinkles · 20/08/2017 15:12

Don't stop driving. I was in an accident a few years ago. I was very shaken up and felt awful, even though I wasn't entirely sure it was my fault. It is normal to feel that way and it will go with time.

Previous posters are right that the best thing is to get back to driving. This is one accident in many years of driving.

gamerwidow · 20/08/2017 15:13

OP you are likely still in shock it must have been a terrible fright to be in an accident and for someone else to be injured.
Don't make any snap decisions give yourself abut of time to recover.
Is there anyone you trust who you can go out with on some short easy drives with to build your confidence back up?
If you have been driving 17 years without incident you are very unlikely to be a dangerous driver.

StickThatInYourPipe · 20/08/2017 15:13

admitted liability straight away

Why? Just why did you do that? She should be driving with enough stopping time especially coming up to a roundabout.

Belindaboom · 20/08/2017 15:13

You are in shock, it sounds like you shouldn't have admitted fault.

RyvitaBrevis · 20/08/2017 15:14

Chelle the OP is an experienced driver and it may all seem less daunting when she's no longer so upset.

I had a minor accident a couple of years ago and stopped driving for more than a month afterwards. It was hard getting back into the car again. But I took it very carefully, only driving very familiar routes with someone else with me at first who could be honest about whether or not I was driving safely, and I got my confidence back within a week or two. And now a couple of years on I'm a better driver than before it happened.

Roussette · 20/08/2017 15:14

OP You're a good driver because you care. You want to do what's right. But the only ones to suffer will be you and your family if you give up.

I've been driving for a very very long time. A month after passing I went into a bus! No one was hurt only my pride (will never forget the faces of the passengers!) 40 years of driving and there's bound to be the odd scrape here and there and you've done really well going all this time and you've now had your scrape/accident. Onward and upward, don't give up.

BusyBeez99 · 20/08/2017 15:15

Come on get a grip
You are just in shock
If she'd been driving slower it would have just been a minor bump

Get back on the horse

TheSolitaryBoojum · 20/08/2017 15:19

How do you forgive yourself?
In addition to all the sensible responses on here, and the fact you are still in shock, I have another POV as the parent of young adults.
You may have saved that girl's life. She is injured, and her car is damaged possibly because of her speed as well as your mistake. She is likely to become a more aware, safer driver as a consequence. I have found that nothing increases my children's awareness and proactive thinking like a near-miss with disaster. From driving to cooking to life in general. It's memorable.
Take a few lessons, get your confidence back and bounce back from your first driving disaster.

Roussette · 20/08/2017 15:20

Totally agree Solitary

The other driver will have learnt a valuable lesson.

Farfromtheusual · 20/08/2017 15:22

A few points for you:

You must never admit liability at the scene of an accident
As far as the police are concerned the matter is dealt with, they wouldn't have issued a ticket there and then if there was more investigating to be done etc.
It's now down to the insurance companies to deal with matters such as damage to the vehicle and personal injury (which I would be prepared for her to claim in this case) - unfortunately since you admitted liability at the scene and to the police, this will probably not go on your favour if you cannot prove she was speeding (Cctv, dash cam footage, independent witnesses etc).
Don't be so rash with quitting driving and your job - if everyone did that for every single accident there would be practically no drivers left on the road!

Original poster

Wrongornot · 20/08/2017 15:25

Thank you all so much. I am not an anxious person generally - the total opposite and thinking about what I would say to a friend in the same situation really helps.

If she puts in a personal injury claim against my insurance, would they inform me? Would I be liable for additional costs on top of my excess?

Thanks again for all you advise and words of wisdom

OP posts:

Original poster

Wrongornot · 20/08/2017 15:26

We don't have any evidence of her speed other than the picture of my bumped wing and her mangled car (all her airbags went off).

OP posts:

LizzieVereker · 20/08/2017 15:30

I think you are being very hard on yourself, OP, I think you must be feeling very shocked. It was an accident, a split second decision which on this occasion, you and the other driver got wrong. Think how many split second decisions you have got right whilst driving - thousands and thousands, but you don't notice because you got it right!

I hope you'll be feeling better very soon, and I wouldn't make any long term decisions for a few days.

tararabumdeay · 20/08/2017 15:31

Oh dear Wrongornot you've got to think more like a man (lighthearted).
A colleague of mine was trying to prove a point when a female (speeding) left it too late to turn back into main lane after taking right hand lane on a roundabout and could quite easily have forced her into incoming traffic.

They broadsided; he bumped the kerb and scratched his expensive wheels. To hear him talk it's all her fault - he was, predictably, blameless.

You wouldn't live in the amazing place you do if it wasn't for your courage - day and night, winter and summer.

It's no good thinking 'what if'...
I know it's difficult not to.

Ceto · 20/08/2017 15:33

Chelle, there is no reason whatsoever to assume OP will become involved in a serious collision at a later stage. She was a good driver before this happened - how many people can claim never to have had any knock in 17 years' driving? And if anything this incident will make her even more careful.

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