Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To never drive again?

128 replies

Wrongornot · 20/08/2017 14:30

I caused a car accident yesterday. I was turning left at a round about, in the left hand lane, however I took the turning too wide (2 lanes) and the car in the other lane clipped my front wing (my car only has minor damage) and I stopped instantly. However the other car left the road and hit a sign. We were all okay in my car but the other driver was injured.

I was given 3 points on my licence for careless driving.

I am now sure that I never want to drive again. I am still not really sure what happened as it was all so fast and can't put myself or others in that situation again. I have written my resignation to work (I live in the sticks and there is no way I can work without my car) and intend to hand it in tomorrow with immediate effect.

DH is furious as it means there will be huge changes for us if I am not working.

I also keep thiking that maybe the police will increase the charge (can they do that?) to dangerous driving and I will loose my licence anyway.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Gorgosparta · 20/08/2017 14:49

The polive gave you 3 points immeaditatly even though its possible her speed was a major factor?

What happened with her?

AndNowItIsSeven · 20/08/2017 14:51

Why on earth did you admit liability?

Senac32 · 20/08/2017 14:52

Oh dear, you poor lass - I know the feeling. I had a similar accident last year, my first for 30 years (I'm 81 and had a few bumps before that) We live out in the wilds too. My friend was in the passenger seat and the impact missed her by a couple of feet Shock .
I agree with Dina - book into a refresher driving course. It should help you get your confidence back.
I got back to driving soon after, but in our battered old van. You've got to "get yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again".

Bon courage!
Cruciatus · 20/08/2017 14:52

YABU! This is a case of getting straight back up on the horse again! Every time I have an incident I panic but eventually get over it. I agree with a pp do a refresher course if it'll make you feel better but I spent a year unable to drive (I live rurally but could walk to shop and school) and it was hell. Take a deep breath and go for it again, as time goes on this incident will grow smaller and smaller in your rear view mirror.

Original poster
Wrongornot · 20/08/2017 14:52

I didn't ask about her or say anything about her driving to the police. I just wanted it over with and they said the quickest way was to fine me and give me 3 points. I imagine she might have got the same but I'll never know and it wouldn't make me feel any better anyway as if i hadn't been too far over she wouldn't have got me regardless of her speed.

OP posts:
Roussette · 20/08/2017 14:54

She was speeding!

And never ever admit liability, but too late now.

Seriously.... if you've been driving all these years and thousands of miles, sorry but you are being a tad dramatic here. Go out and get in a car today and drive round the block, then do another couple of miles tomorrow. It's not fair on your family to just give up. If I'd have done that my DCs would have suffered enormously becaue my DH worked away a lot. You will regret it massively if you give in because you'll build it up in your mind to something bigger than it was, the other driver was at fault too

Original poster
Wrongornot · 20/08/2017 14:54

How do I stop feeling so bad? I feel sick and can't eat/sleep at the thought she might still be in pain because of me. And even if she is okay physically the pain in the arse that is having your car off the road she will be going through.

OP posts:
CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger · 20/08/2017 14:55

Sounds like you both played a part in it, of course if you didn't go into her lane it wouldn't have happened, but if she was indeed going too fast then the impact would have been less severe.

I understand why you are feeling the way you do - but give yourself some time, don't make big decisions whilst you're still reeling.

And remember, the police would have come down on you a lot harderer if they thought you were a danger on the road.

Marinade · 20/08/2017 14:55

I think the saying that if you fall off a horse you must get back on it rings true for a reason. You had a lapse of judgement which was compounded by the speed of the other car by the sounds of it and I know that the consequences were very distressing. I can understand how heavily this is weighing on your mind but you do need to press forward and get back into the car again. Can you get some time off work just to try and come to terms with what has happened? I hope that this will make you more vigilant going forwards and this will be a positive effect. I know people who have had far worse crashes than this one and they have got back into the car. You are not a terrible person, driving is not an easy task, there are decisions and judgements being made on so many levels and mistakes can and do happen unfortunately as a result.

twilightcafe · 20/08/2017 14:58

It sounds as if you are still in shock. See your GP, get signed off for a week and don't make rash decisions like giving up work.

user1473069303 · 20/08/2017 14:58

Honestly, don't make any rash decisions. You sound like a decent person who wants to make amends. But cutting off part of your family's income isn't the way to do it. We all have a role to play in making the roads safe. Yes, you took a wide turn but the young girl should also have been going at a speed suitable for her environment.

twilightcafe · 20/08/2017 14:59

Let the insurance companies deal with the fall-out from the accident. That's what they are paid for.

Redglitter · 20/08/2017 15:00

Don't do anything rash. You've had a real fright but you must see that packing in work and moving house is an over reaction.
The other driver was slightly hurt. She'll live. She'll be fine in a day or so. She'll gave a courtesy car while hers is off the road.

I agree with pp you need to get out again asap before this becomes a massive thing. Can your husband take you out on a quiet road or to an industrial estate or empty car park.

Don't make any massive decisions when you're still in shock

Roussette · 20/08/2017 15:01

If she hadn't been driving so fast she wouldn't have collided with you. After my accident I was shaky, felt sick, worried about my DC who was slightly hurt and had to be checked out at hospital, all because I made a split second decision that could be construed as wrong. (I pulled out of a junction and went into a speeding van with a wanted man in!).

However, determination saw me through and you must try and harness some determination too. Think of what it will mean to your DH and DCs. Take a deep breath and do it. Don't leave it because it will get worse. Go out today. And also stop focussing on the other driver.

ChelleDawg2020 · 20/08/2017 15:01

YANBU to want to stop. Better to heed the warning than try to plough through the anxiety - next time, the outcomes could be far worse.

I'd recommend you hand your licence back to the DVLA. If in a few months or years you feel like driving again, you will be able to take some lessons and re-pass your test. Passing your test again would prove that you have recovered from the shock of yesterday's smash.

Don't let your DH talk you out of doing what you think is right. Better you both learn to adjust to new lives without you behind the wheel, than find yourself in a serious collision further down the line.

Trust your instincts - it often pays off.

Catinthecorner · 20/08/2017 15:02

I think you only got the points because you said it was your fault.

Yes, you shouldn't have been straddling the lanes BUT (this bit is important) a young, inexperienced driver clipped your car, left the road and hit a post at speed. You didn't cause that, she did. She was speeding, she probably panicked when you collided and instead of braking like she should she over corrected and that's how she ended up where she did. You don't hold all the liability here.

I'm sorry her family behaved badly towards you. They were probably scared and shock up and felt they couldn't be angry at her so took it out on you.

Tiptoethr0ughthetulips · 20/08/2017 15:03

As others have suggested book on to a driving refresher course, go look into it now.
Do not quit your job it's a knee jerk reaction you will regret. Phone in sick if needs be to give you some more time.
Go find a quiet or private road and with DH supervising drive and just get a feel for it again.
It sounds 50/50 to blame tbh, she was speeding I'm sure she'll be doing some soul searching too. You'll feel better in time.
Chalk it up to experience and learn from it.

Redglitter · 20/08/2017 15:04

I'd recommend you hand your licence back to the DVLA. If in a few months or years you feel like driving again, you will be able to take some lessons and re-pass your test

For a minor road accident? Ffs don't be ridiculous

Original poster
Wrongornot · 20/08/2017 15:04

Thank you all, I have lots to think about. Do more than happy to take me out for a drive but just can't think to yet.

Does anyone know if the police can take further action after issuing the notice or if the girl can take action against me? I am fully insurance and my car is booked in next week to get the wing respayed and I will pay my excess to the garage. Will that be the end of it? I feel like I need closure or some sort and will always been thinking that there will be more to it until then? Does that even make sense?

OP posts:
TheFairyCaravan · 20/08/2017 15:05

I wouldn't stop driving if I were you OP. I had an accident when I was 19. I was the only vehicle involved and it really shook me up. My dad is a car dealer, so once I was well enough to (about 3 or 4 days iirc) he had me in a car and back driving. It was the best thing he could have done tbh.

Don't let this put you off. It was an accident. They happen.

butterfly56 · 20/08/2017 15:05

Wrongornot .....You are suffering from shock.
You need to take this next week off work and get an appt to see your GP. Do not do anything drastic like handing in your notice.
Accidents happen. If the Police thought you had done something seriously wrong you would have been arrested.
The young girl is injured and probably is in some part to blame for going too fast.
Try not to beat yourself up and stay calm as you can,
Ring the Police and ask about their Driver Awareness Courses as you need to get your confidence back.
Try not to make yourself ill with worryFlowers

Roussette · 20/08/2017 15:06

Hand the licence back to the DVLA?!!! If everyone involved did that, there'd be hardly any cars on the road! That ridiculous. No you should not 'learn to adjust to life not behind the wheel'. Quite frankly, that post is appalling and unfair and mean on the OP.

So we should never plough through anxiety and try our best to make amends for our family? We should just give up Chelle?

I'm glad I'm a fighter and don't give up at all the hurdles life has put in my way.

PoppyPopcorn · 20/08/2017 15:07

I don't think that your DH being furious is a helpful response.

OP's husband isn't furious about the accident - he's furious about the OP's response to that which is refusing to drive ever again, jacking in her job and planning a move into town so she can use public transport. He probably thinks (as do I) that OP's reaction is totally ridiculous and out of proportion.

OP it's very common to have the "never driving again" response after an accident, irrespective of whose fault it is and what happened. Someone went into the back of my once when I had my youngest in the car and I felt awful for putting him in that position and constantly questionned whether I should have done something different. But you just have to put on your big girl pants and get on with it.

Also agree that booking a few refresher lessons with an instructor would be hugely beneficial, not only to restore your confidence but to correct any bad driving habits you've picked up over time.

CotswoldStrife · 20/08/2017 15:07

OP, you do seem to be catastrophising this a lot - one fairly minor accident is no reason to completely change your family's lives in this way. Please take a few more days to come to terms with things (I think the shock is worse around 48 hours after than the actual day tbh), do you have problems with anxiety anyway?

Gorgosparta · 20/08/2017 15:07

Don't let your DH talk you out of doing what you think is right. Better you both learn to adjust to new lives without you behind the wheel, than find yourself in a serious collision further down the line.

Wtf? Dh gets no say on the fact that he will now be financially responsible for the family?

Op just quits her job, leaves work, family has to move (more difficult with only one wage that leaves things tight) and everyone has to suck it up?

Rather than figuring out a way that suits their life better.