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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Date with guy off Internet tonight ..am I right to be cautious?

119 replies

Kellyo31 · 19/08/2017 13:45

Date with a guy from online dating tonight.
Originally the plan was to come over to my town (20 min from him) and go to beach /couple of drinks,now he is saying after the beach go to his town for drinks.
I said why? It's going to be a hassle for nothing.
He is insisting ..
I can't help but think the thinks if he gets me drunk near to him il go back to his place with him.
What do you reckon?
I want to stay in familiar surroundings first date

OP posts:

TSSDNCOP · 19/08/2017 13:48

Maybe he's got friends going out somewhere and you'll "accidentally" bump into them. You can get an Uber home if you're not having a good time right?

hibbledobble · 19/08/2017 13:48

It sounds like a lot of to and fro ING which is pointless. If he is being insistent, I would just leave it as it's far too early to be like this.

Original poster

Kellyo31 · 19/08/2017 13:49

The beach is 15 min walk to train station as well,then I would have to get train home alone late

OP posts:

10greenapples · 19/08/2017 13:49

well why would you "get drunk" with someone you don't know?

Original poster

Kellyo31 · 19/08/2017 13:49

Taxi would be around £35 which I can't really afford so it would be train

OP posts:

Original poster

Kellyo31 · 19/08/2017 13:50

I wouldn't ...but he might think I would

OP posts:

Original poster

Kellyo31 · 19/08/2017 13:50

I'm going to a few drinks ..not get drunk drunk

OP posts:

Squeegle · 19/08/2017 13:51

Just say to him I'd rather stay with the original plan if you don't mind. To me it seems a bit odd he is being so insistent. On a first date you want to stay near home. If he doesn't realise this he is a bit either dim or difficult.

Squeegle · 19/08/2017 13:52

kelly. Just say no.

parrotseatemall · 19/08/2017 13:53

He's probably trying to increase his chances for sex. I wouldn't immediately think he thinks he'll get you drunk but maybe he thinks he's got a better chance of sex if you're on his home turf.

Can you tell I'm jaded...

HighwayDragon1 · 19/08/2017 13:54

The beach? Will it be dark? Will you be alone? Who knows your plans?

MadeForThis · 19/08/2017 13:56

Going to the beach could be a bit dodgy. Stay close to people. Meet in public.

Original poster

Kellyo31 · 19/08/2017 13:56

No we are meeting at 6pm
I just thought he would think it would be easier for sex ..
He jokingly or so he said ..said the other day
"Shall I bring a packet"

OP posts:

user1480334601 · 19/08/2017 13:56

He's trying to get you to change plans so its more convenient for him basically, at best, or to get you drunk at worst. If I were you I'd say you're happy to meet and stick to original plan but if doesn't suit him then just leave it. If he's keen he'll agree and you don't have to faff about or worry about getting home. If he's this fickle early on may be a red flag

FreyaJade · 19/08/2017 13:56

Yes say you'll stick with the original plan.

Men don't seem to understand that OLD is difficult for women in that we have to be aware of our safety when meeting strange men so going somewhere we don't feel comfortable with on a first date is not an easy option.

I've had strange men offer to pick me up and then felt awkward explaining to them why they couldn't.

Why don't men just 'get it' sigh.

cansu · 19/08/2017 13:56

Probably just because it is more convenient for him as he then can get taxi home or whatever. I would go with your initial feelings. Be clear just say 'no that doesn't work for me. Let me know if you are still coming over'.

Tigerlovingall · 19/08/2017 13:56

Agree, just say no to going to his home town. Just...why? If you meet for a drink near you, buy a bottle of lager or something.....anything really that can't be doctored. Cos, yes, it really does happen :(

Mrscropley · 19/08/2017 13:57

I would be guessing after the first bit of the evening at your town you will know how things are going and can either go on with him or go home. ...
No need to decide now.

user1480334601 · 19/08/2017 13:57

X post. The packet "joke" makes me think he's expecting sex or was testing the waters to see if you're going to be up for it

FreyaJade · 19/08/2017 13:58

I agree the beach is a bad idea, I got groped by a male acquaintance who I couldn't get away from on the beach, it's too quiet if u need help.

DearMrDilkington · 19/08/2017 14:05

From what you've said in your posts, he sounds like a creep. I'd cancel the whole date, it doesn't sit right with me.

cuirderussie · 19/08/2017 14:07

Bring a packet, ugh! No way. Don't go.

PricklyBall · 19/08/2017 14:09

Personally if I were you, I'd bail out now - completely (even if I was actually after a quick no strings shag). You're picking up vibes that you wouldn't be safe, and speaking from experience, you ignore those vibes at your peril.

It's only a first date, you haven't invested anything in the situation, you don't owe him anything and his pushiness is making you feel uncomfortable. Just walk away. Plenty more men out there.

(Not suggesting, btw, that you are after no strings attached sex, just trying to stress that even then you should be picky and put your safety first).

LoyaltyAndLobster · 19/08/2017 14:11

I wouldn't go, as I don't take those kind of things as a joke.

But it's up to you.

Original poster

Kellyo31 · 19/08/2017 14:14

I'm going to go but stay in my own town and if he is a creep then just leave early as possible

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