To think a full night's sleep and a short nap are sufficient prep for a night shift?

[blueberrypi27]

My DH works a mix of days and nights in a healthcare role. He works 12 hour shifts with 15 minutes travelling time. I am on mat leave with our 9 month old until next week, who has been poorly lately which has made the last run of nights miserable. When he is on shift I do all cooking and cleaning, all baby care, all night feeds etc. Baby is going through separation anxiety and cries every time I leave him to do a small job, like bin a nappy or prepare calpol. The thing that's winding me up is the night before he starts a night shift, my husband insists on a full nights sleep at normal time plus a lie in, then often goes back to bed when I'm trying to make dinner 'to relax'. Baby woke up this morning with a raging temperature and day 7 of diarreah and I could really have used his help at 9am but he refused. AIBU?

My DH works nights, the day before his first shift, he will get up at normal time, when toddler gets up (between 6/7am) then he will have a nap after teatime for a few hrs.
I'm 8 months pregnant with our 3rd child.

Have you tries baby wearing? It frees your hands and baby is close to you all day. If my baby is being grizzly I either stick her in the pram for a nice long walk, or put her in the sling, which means I can get stuff done!

I'm a bit worried about your baby. I think if your baby has had diareah for 7 days you should take them to the doctor (if you haven't already) to make sure they have not become dehydrated. A 9 month old can become dehydrated very quickly. Check the Nhs website for guidance.

I work nights and would sleep like your dh before I had kids. After that I have no choice but to get up at 6am with the kids and go back to bed when dh got home at 4 for 2 hours before a night shift. I survive them just fine, after a night shift is a different matter, I need to go straight to bed as I am totally exhausted

I do mix of nights and days. However I can't sleep during the day before a night shift. I don't need more than 6hrs anyway.
Just say it's first night shift and on a school day, I'm up at the usual time, take DS to school, awake all day, work night, pick up DS from wherever he is overnight, home 8.30, take DS to school, sleep til 2.30 if I'm lucky then I'm awake all night for shift again..
Say it a one off, like Friday night was, awake normal time 8am ish, up all night for shift, awake all day yesterday and asleep around 11pm and now awake again at 7am. So essentially awake over a day. I wouldn't have slept last night if I'd have napped during the day.
Our day shifts can run 7-9-30 then an early 7 again, nobody gets proper sleep.

You need sleep and support too.

Nightshift is tough my sister does mixed shifts. On a night shift she drops the kids at grannies at 1pm and goes to sleep (or dh takes them out if it is weekend). Shift starts at 7.30pm. When she gets home she sleeps until lunchtime (maybe longer if kids are with dh) then gets up and feels a bit rubbish that afternoon and gets an early night 9-10pm that night.

The night before the night shift dh should see to baby (it will help him to sleep the next day if he is tired amyway), and if it has been an easy night he shoyld also help in morning too. You can get a proper nights sleep and he can catch up through the day is how I would work it. My husband has done the occasional night shift and that's what we have done.

I'm feeling rather jealous of those talking about night shifts where works starts at 10pm and back in bed by 8am the next morning. Mine are 12.5 hours long and I live an hour from my workplace.

I leave for my night shift at 6.30 pm and thanks to driving home in the morning rush hour traffic don't get back into bed the next morning until around 10am.

I barely have time to eat and shower if I want to get enough sleep to function and certainly couldn't do anything else for the block of 4 nights I work.

I understand those with much shorter shifts could fit more in, I suppose the length of the shift makes a difference hence the differing replies.

My husband does nights. On those shifts he has a normal nights sleep with a lie in until about 10am. He then doesn't sleep again until he's home from his night shift at 8am the next day. He chooses this as he can't nap before his first night shift - he just finds it impossible.

After his first night shift he sleeps 8am to 3pm in order to do his next night shift.

Ignore the people saying you should be able to cope with one. They have no idea about you or your baby.

Agreed lweji. Night shifts are hard, but so is what you're doing, and his needs don't trump yours. I expect you've hardly slept for a week.

Also, baby wearing can be very convenient, but I don't know that I'd fancy it with a child who had the shits.

Hi OP, your not a rubbish mum! However YAB a tiny bit U. I speak as someone with a 4 and 1.5 year old (4 year old ASD) and as someone who has worked rotating 12 hours shifts (nights and days) for the last 12 years (). Nights are brutal if you don't do them you don't understand there's nothing like it. Also the time you feel absolutely worse is the time you need to be most on the ball 4-7 am meds due, the patients who've been sleeping all night wake up, the patients who've been up all night go to sleep . Then you have to get your self home in one piece! Personally I get up at a normal time then try to nap in the afternoon before my first night. After my last night I try to stay up til normal bedtime but I'm no use to anyone.

Is he working on the dreaded e-roster? I ended up working 100 hours in 8 days 4 nights 4 days just before my holidays. I felt like I'd been dug up at the end of that!

I worked and slept at work last night and didn't get to sleep till very late.

I am doing a night shift tonight but my new neighbours have the builders in so I wont be getting much sleep tomorrow. I might be lucky and get a rest from the noise today while I go to sleep in preparation. I doubt it though because when the builders aren't in they are still making a lot of noise decorating.

You are not a bad mum OP. I have five children but my last baby was a nightmare and she screamed and screamed and I'm not exaggerating when I say I couldn't put her down. She would scream until she was sick and slept an hour at a time tops, as long as I was holding her and didn't move. I was an experienced mum and nothing worked. I certainly needed a lot of help with her to stay sane. If I only had her I would have still needed help with her at times to stay sane due to the lack of sleep.

It's a shit situation all around It doesn't help now I know but it will get easier.

Night shift is the worst shift ever and no one can commment unless they have worked that shift . You have one baby so YABU ! I have 4dcs and work permenant nights and quite often I don't have any childcare so just doze on settee whilst little ones watch CBeebies . Hubby is a farmer so not in to take over childcare so I can sleep . I do it cos we need the money . Ffs you have one baby so get over yourself and let him rest

Between 4&7 am is the time that is the witching hours on nights . Driving home I honestly sometimes fall asleep and think shit I don't remember driving round that round about . It's a shitty awful shift and the tiredness is a killer . It takes a few days to feel normal again after nights but by that time I'm back on my next set of nights ! It's an shitty shift

No way would I have survived the 1st 2 years with my youngest if it wasn't for DH's help. We were both extremely sleep deprived. 1st year due to bad reflux and next year due to a crap sleeper.
Normally I would do most of the childcare when he was on shift apart from the day he changed from day to nights where he would do overnight get up etc.
But there were nights he would have to get up overnight when he had a 7am - 7pm shift the following day. Normally I would do it but if we were in the midst of a particular bad run of wake ups then it was too much for me. Especially when I went back to work.
Or if he needed to get up earlier in between night shifts so I could get a couple of hours kip he would.
It is a bit easier now as my youngest sleeps through the night most of the time (I should bloody hope so at almost 3)
Also whilst I try to keep kids reasonably quiet when he is sleeping I won't deliberately go out of the house to let him sleep if I want to stay at home.
Hopefully you will get some sleep this morning.

I'm astounded at the lack of sympathy for op having to deal with a sick baby. It's their baby not just hers! And all this about "its one baby" well I only have one baby and it's bloody hard work! Yes some people may be on their second or third baby now but surely they can remember how hard it was with their first?? Especially when worried as they're poorly and you can't fix it! I also think the op will be struggling with the fact her maternity leave is due to end soon, this is a difficult and worrying time as suddenly you have to leave your baby with other people which is a big thing!
I haven't worked night shifts so I don't know how brutal they are but at the end of the day one person having no sleep due to an upset baby is no good and I think he should pitch in more. Like previous posters have said why can't he get up early and take over for a few hours so op can have some sleep and then he can had a nap later on before his shift starts?
Anyway I don't think yabu at all! You have both chosen to have a baby and that means both of you have to lose a bit of sleep and there should be a level of compromise on your Dhs behalf.

I'm astounded at the lack of sympathy for op

You're not alone.
Odd thread.

When he is on shift I do all cooking and cleaning, all baby care, all night feeds etc.

Well yes because he is at work!

I haven't worked night shifts so I don't know how brutal

They can be very brutal.

there should be a level of compromise on your Dhs behalf.

Why should only he compromise? Surely the definition of compromise is that you both give a little.

Why should only he compromise?

It doesn't seem like he's compromising at all, actually.

In this case, the OP posted pre-shift. So, her OH wasn't sleep deprived at that point, and he could have caught up on sleep later on the day before the shift.

It would be a bit different if he was tired from a stretch of overnight shifts.

What is he doing on his days off? If he is only working half the month and takes on a lot of childcare the other half, that is rather different to the OP doing everything everyday while he has free time.

He's not compromising because he's at work!

I have every sympathy for the OP it's bloody hard work when they are ill but he has to work and he has to sleep. If they were both working it would of course be different.

I've lost track of the amount of times I've woken up at a traffic light being beeped by the car behind. A lack of sleep on nights is dangerous. When your home you can sleep when the baby sleeps and you can have a lazy pj day where you don't have to do anything mentally taxing. That's the difference.

Ffs you have one baby so get over yourself and let him rest

How about you get the fuck over yourself? She has a baby who is currently not sleeping well and has been ill for a while. They are both exhausted and the situation is shit all around.

Yes, she does need to let him sleep before work but all she has asked for is that he drops his lie in. I am not saying he should do that but cut the OP some slack. She has already said those comments have made her feel shit so you had to say it again to make her feel even worse?

So yes, get over yourself.

He's not compromising because he's at work!

He wasn't at work at 9am when the OP needed him.

Correction: his child needed him.

OP is giving rather more than a little. She's doing all the giving, because having a sick baby hasn't impacted at all on his usual routine and sleep rights. Only hers.