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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a full night's sleep and a short nap are sufficient prep for a night shift?

142 replies

blueberrypi27 · 19/08/2017 10:31

My DH works a mix of days and nights in a healthcare role. He works 12 hour shifts with 15 minutes travelling time. I am on mat leave with our 9 month old until next week, who has been poorly lately which has made the last run of nights miserable. When he is on shift I do all cooking and cleaning, all baby care, all night feeds etc. Baby is going through separation anxiety and cries every time I leave him to do a small job, like bin a nappy or prepare calpol. The thing that's winding me up is the night before he starts a night shift, my husband insists on a full nights sleep at normal time plus a lie in, then often goes back to bed when I'm trying to make dinner 'to relax'. Baby woke up this morning with a raging temperature and day 7 of diarreah and I could really have used his help at 9am but he refused. AIBU?

OP posts:
worridmum · 19/08/2017 12:05

But how much sleep is he actually getting few people i know can sleep with a baby crying so unless the op is leaving the house i am assuming he isnt getting good amounts of sleep.

Being a sleep deprived mother is not as bad as being a sleep deprived doctor. At absolutely worse a sleeped depreaved mother might make a mistake and injury herself or baby a sleep deprived doctor could make alot of mistakes and kill or permently harm numerous people which is worse.

Original poster
blueberrypi27 · 19/08/2017 12:05

"Yes, you're being unreasonable. He's working awful hours so you can stay at home with your baby. Poor man!"

Haha. While I have sympathy for him, I can assure you that my husband is not paying for me to stay at home. Actually, for reasons that would be outing, I am subsidising him. I said mat leave too, not SAHM. I will be at full time work again next week too.

OP posts:
Louiselouie0890 · 19/08/2017 12:13

My OH stays in bed till 3/4pm when he's on nights.

opinionatedfreak · 19/08/2017 12:13

Above are useful for any HCPs especially those that work frequently rotating shifts and have long commutes.

If you are a HCP lobby your professional body to support the campaigns to provide better resources for shift workers. I don't want to go to any more funerals (or hear of any more trainees who have woken up miles from home at the end of the trainline)

AFingerofFudge · 19/08/2017 12:14

I sort of think UAB a bit U, (I work nights, in fact just got up from one) But the bit that could change possibly is, could he get up a bit earlier the morning before the first nightshift and then go back to bed for big nap between 4-7??
Personally I get up as normal on the morning before nights, then try to have a sleep between 5-7pm (only if nothing going on with DC's) and then nightshift finishes at 7.15, home, straight to bed if it's the weekend or do the school run if it's school. Then bed, up at 12-1ish.
If I'm on that night too I then repeat, 5-7 nap etc.

ZivaDiva · 19/08/2017 12:20

I can't seem to nap before a night so the lie in is essential otherwise it's 24 hours straight without any sleep. Plus if I'm on the changeover from days to nights I'm programmed to wake at 3.45am. Post nights I get an average of 4 hours sleep during the day even with ear plugs.

CatchingBabies · 19/08/2017 12:20

Nights are horrendous, anyone who thinks you can do and do a 12 hour night shift with little sleep clearly has never done one.

My routine is to stay up late, sleep in as late as possible and then in the afternoon go to bed for a rest and hopefully force a little more sleep. I am basically unavailable the entire day before I start.

I wouldn't be impressed at being woken to help with a sick baby, unless it was an emergency situation. My lack of sleep could put several other babies at risk so it's important I get enough. Thankfully my partner recognises this and deals with the 3 children themselves.

jimijack · 19/08/2017 12:22

I really don't think that you are bu. But everyone is different.

I work nights and day shift mixes and survive on 3 hours sleep in 24-48 hour's as dh is working full time and finishing his Masters degree,

I have to get up at 6am/7am with ds1 stay up all day, go and do a night shift then go to bed for 3/4 hours after my shift as I have to care for my 2 kids

I just do it, it's my responsibility. People just need more sleep than others. I would think he can help out more and sacrifice sleep to do this. Why would he not?

reallybadidea · 19/08/2017 12:35

How interesting that worridmum appears to have assumed that the OP's DH is a doctor Grin

Original poster
blueberrypi27 · 19/08/2017 12:45

He isn't a doctor either reallybadidea!

OP posts:
Bumdishcloths · 19/08/2017 12:59

@CatchingBabies

'wouldn't be impressed at being woken to help with a sick baby, unless it was an emergency situation'

So if one of your kids was sick you wouldn't give a shit? Hmm

Lucisky · 19/08/2017 13:13

Night shifts are murder. The first time I did nights I couldn't sleep properly in the day at all. I thought I was going to die by the end of the week! It was a problem I always had, and was one factor in me leaving the job after 8 years of changing shift patterns. You body clock just doesn't re set itself that easily. For anyone that's never done nights, it's a similar feeling to jet lag. Op, I think you are a bit u. You get very precious about rest and sleep when you know it's in short supply.

MrsRyanGosling15 · 19/08/2017 13:20

I actually dont think you ABU. I do nights all the time as a nurse. So if im working Tues I go to bed mon as normal, up kids to school etc. Maybe snuggle with a movie and kids on sofa in afternoon. Work that night and home to sort kids in morning. Sleep 4 hours before going in that night. That also seems to be the basic routine of all the nurses I work with. Usually because we do nights to cut down childcare and so one is always at home. Some people seem a bit too precious about working nights.

CatchingBabies · 19/08/2017 13:22

Bumdish - if one of my kids is sick than my partner is perfectly capable of dealing with it and letting me sleep ready for work. Do you call your partner home from work each time one of your kids is sick or is it only mums who are capable of looking after sick children?

lionsleepstonight · 19/08/2017 13:28

My DH works the same shifts. I just wrote him off for the duration of his shifts when he was on nights to be honest. I truly understand how hard this makes it for you. I got help from him when he was on the day shift, but nights? No.
It will get better as your baby is older I promise!
It put me off baby no. 2!

RedHelenB · 19/08/2017 13:29

Being tired at home and tired for work are two very different things though. You can literally do nothing but sort baby out if you choose today whereas you dp has to do whatever work asks of him. YABU and as a single mum I get the sleep deprivation bit .

Original poster
blueberrypi27 · 19/08/2017 13:31

lionsleepstonight on days he leaves before the baby gets up and comes home after he's in bed!

OP posts:
lionsleepstonight · 19/08/2017 14:03

Yes, day shift did start out like that for me too, he was out 5.30am til 6.30pm! So yes when baby was small he never saw him! It's bloody hard work. And my DH isn't the main wage either so there were times I was really grrrrrrrr.....

Luckymummy22 · 19/08/2017 14:18

My DH does 2 12 hour days and the 2 12 hour nights. He normally sleeps full night after day shift (but if youngest wakes he will see to him) and then gets up as normal in morning. In afternoon he will go to bed for a couple of hours. He allows about an hour to get to work although ideally should only take 30 mins (traffic can be bad though).
When he finishes his last night he will sleep until 1ish then get up.

Luckymummy22 · 19/08/2017 14:23

Also DH would always help when kids are sick. They come 1st. He got woken from night shift a few weeks ago because my daughter had injured herself (after we returned home from A&E). He couldn't get back to sleep. He went back out that night and stayed up following day when we made return visit to hospital.
It was more important for him to attend appt than sleep (I gave him the choice). We then spent 5 hours inn M6 although s did let me do all the driving lol

wowbutter · 19/08/2017 14:27

In fairness, I haven't rtft, but I wanted to add my opinion.
Yes, I do think what you propose is fair. I used to work nights.
First night, I slept like normal, stayed awake all day and all night.night shift 10-8ish
Home and slept midday to 7pm. Night shift.
Home and slept same again. Night shift.
Home and slept the same. Night shift.
Home and slept 9-13 and then back on normal time.

We didn't have children at the time, but I worked with women who had children and went home and slept 9-2.50 so they could care for their children outside of school hours.

Crunchymum · 19/08/2017 15:06

What is he like when he is on days? Does he help?

Has baby been to the GP? Day 7 of an upset tummy doesn't sound right.

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