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Original poster

To ask when you realised your dc was transgender?

274 replies

Balsamicpearls · 18/08/2017 14:47

I have a dd who is 7. She has always been a "tomboy" and prefers stereotypical boy's clothes and toys. She often likes us to play a game where she is a boy. I've never made an issue of this and we play along. She sometimes chooses to wear a dress and plays with girls sometimes. She seems happy in herself but I do notice other children questioning her clothes etc. All very innocent for now.
Maybe she is just a tomboy but I wonder if there is more to it so I wondered if anyone who has a transgender child can guide as to when you spotted signs. I realise we will be just going with the flow anyway and all that matters is she is happy and content.
Thanks

OP posts:
Socksey · 18/08/2017 21:21

In all honesty.... leave her be.... let her be a child...
I was that tomboy living in a place where I was expected to conform to 'normal female standards.. .. I loved football and my friends were all boys....
I'm now 45.... and definitely straight female with a DS and married to a man for 24 years.. .. same one...
I do what is a traditionally 'mans' job... I box and do other martial arts.... my DS8 is a dancer (his choice as martial arts would have been easier for me)... and DH has similar interests to me... everyone chills and we're all happy

MyWhatICallNameChange · 18/08/2017 21:28

TheWitchandTrevor I was exactly the same too. Felt the same when i went through puberty. If I'd had heard about binding and puberty blockers I would have jumped at the chance. I'm so glad i was born when i was and not now. It's terrifying that this normal part of growing up for most kids is being turned into something that could destroy their lives.

I'm a heterosexual mum of 5. But i still prefer jeans and tees or hoodies, don't wear make up, etc. It doesn't make me less of a woman, it just makes me a woman that likes/doesn't like certain things. Surely the same as every female everywhere?

Sunkisses · 18/08/2017 21:33

I'm sorry I haven't had a chance to read all the comments, but just in case no one else has given you this link... here is the brilliant Transgender Trends - for parents questioning the transgender narrative: www.transgendertrend.com/

This should be required reading for all parents before commenting on transgender threads.

I too have daughters who are incredibly active, assertive, and hate being pushed into passive femininity. They refuse to wear pink and clothes that make them remain passive and 'modest'. They want their hair short as they cannot stand having their hair brushed (too busy playing). They are not boys because of these choices. They are fucking awesome girls!

Italiangreyhound · 18/08/2017 21:40

OP just continue letting her be the girl she is. My dear daughter is almost 13, for mos of her life she has hated dresses and skirts and worn trousers, and loved climbing trees. She's now into make up and straightening her hair! She doesn't climb trees so much, but still wears trousers most of the time.

Just empower your dd to be an amazing girl. I think being a girl is amazing. Yes, we get treated like shit, and we are going to have to sort this out! But being a girl is fabulous.

Thanks
Whosrightsareright · 18/08/2017 21:53

My child was referred to the gender clinic at 10, we declined the referral because we wanted to opt for a "wait and see" approach. We've been very open and supportive and let our child know that the option to take up the referral is there for the future.

After an decade of being a "tomboy" who was always curious about being a boy, asked if they could be a boy etc, the wait and see approach seems to have revealed that she is happy as a masculine lesbian. Wears boys clothes and underwear, masculine haircut and appearance and likes girls. She also has boobs and periods and is absolutely fine with it!

We withstood a huge amount of pressure from professionals to engage with the gender clinic, we were made to feel as though we were failing our child by allowing her to develop a female body without hormone blockers. We felt as though we had to fight to keep her whole while she figured out who she is and what she wants. She's not there yet. She may well decide to live as a man in the future but she understands that biologically she is female and that that won't change. I'll happily support her life as a man if that happens, but I think that giving her the time and space to develop as a person both mentally and physically has given her the confidence to be out and very proudly a masculine lesbian.

Don't bring up the subject or ask leading questions. Let your DD develop her personality in an environment that supports her right to be a masculine female and makes her feel good about it and don't imply that it means she doesn't "fit" in her body. That really is the best way to support a child who doesn't conform to gender stereotypes.

WhamBarsArentAsFizzyAsTheyWere · 19/08/2017 07:55

I also have to object to the idea earlier that there is no mental health support for kids who are experiencing gender dysphoria due to 'the trans agenda' or whatever expression was used. Utter rubbish. Camhs is variable depending on where you live- but there are many child and adolescent mental health professionals who will help kids with these issues and despite what is said on here that does not mean pushing for kids to transition.

Object all you like. I have been through the process in 2 different areas of the country over the space of about 6 years and am now having to pay for private counselling for my dc because of the way the system is.

They will not help my child any more as we refused blockers and my child had their quota of counselling. Further help is available of we agreed to blockers. If that isnt pushing transition i dont know what is.

I have lived it for years and am living it now, I know what I'm talking about.

Willyoujustbequiet · 19/08/2017 14:17

I know a child who was 4. He became she and is now on medication and no one knows any different and the child is far happier and the parents very supportive and well educated on the subject.

Mrskeats · 19/08/2017 14:20
  1. Ridiculous.
I saw kids of about 6 at the Tavistock. The world has gone mad. Kids still believe in the tooth fairy at this age.
Willyoujustbequiet · 19/08/2017 14:26

It's ridiculous to pass judgement on a situation you know nothing about.

Medical tests and a raft of professionals supported the parents decision.

AssassinatedBeauty · 19/08/2017 14:28

What medical tests are there to confirm if a pre-pubescent child is transgender?

Willyoujustbequiet · 19/08/2017 14:38

I don't know all the ins and outs but certainly hormone tests showed in line with normal results for a female and not a male child. Plus physically they had not developed as expected.

notevernotnevernotnohow · 19/08/2017 14:46

It's ridiculous to pass judgement on a situation you know nothing about

You know a very young child is being treated for something that is contraversial even for adults: for children its abusive, plain and simple.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 19/08/2017 14:54

I don't know all the ins and outs but certainly hormone tests showed in line with normal results for a female and not a male child. Plus physically they had not developed as expected

That sounds very much like intersex (a medical disorder) which is totally different from transgender.

GetAHaircutCarl · 19/08/2017 14:55

My friend always says she's so glad her son grew up before all this transgender information was main stream.

Her DS was always different. Wore girls clothes, played with girls clothes, called himself by a girls name.

He grew up to be a very camp gay man. A very happy camp gay man who recently married another man.

He is healthy, has a healthy sex life with his partner and is able to live his life as who is.

Mrskeats · 19/08/2017 15:07

This is the problem
It's going to end with no one being allowed to be gay

Willyoujustbequiet · 19/08/2017 15:11

Notever

Abuse? sanctioned by her doctors and camhs?. You're just being ignorant now.

Seeingadistance · 19/08/2017 15:12

^^ This.

Trans is conversion therapy by another name.

Homophobia, misogyny and child abuse dressed up as being "progressive".

OP. Let your daughter be herself - a girl.

Seeingadistance · 19/08/2017 15:13

My comment was a follow on to MrsKeats.

Mrskeats · 19/08/2017 15:35

Plenty of dodgy things have been sanctioned by doctors over the years

Tigger85 · 19/08/2017 16:07

When I was a little girl I desperately wanted to be a boy, I hated pink, I found the 'girls toys' and 'girls games' tedious and boring. My favourite colour was blue. I loved climbing trees, skateboarding, riding bikes and being adventurous and all my friends in primary school were boys. I wanted to play star wars and power rangers and just run around like a loon. I hated being forced to conform to gender stereotypes and being told I could not do something or should not do something due to being a girl. My parents were very upset that I was not and still am not the girly girl they wanted, they tried ramming their ideas of femininity down my throat with clothing, toys and actvities. They always seemed to be disapointed in me and often made hurtful remarks during my teenage years which they deny making but I have never been able to forget. I was very depressed during the secondary school years and it took me until my mid 20s to be happy with myself as a result. I still get on better with men than women, still have hobbies that are dominated by men and work in a male heavy environment. I am not transgendered or lesbian but i did wonder if i was during puberty because of the way others judged me and spoke about me, I thought there was something wrong with me because I did not like all the 'girls things' I was supposed to and had a hard time relating to other girls, I did not fit in with them and was often called a lesbian by them and mocked but had no sexual attraction to other women. The boys no longer wanted to be friends with me once we reached secondary school and also mocked me and called me names. I eventually realised I only wanted to be a boy in childhood so that I could have been left to enjoy the activities I liked without judgment. I hate the term tomboy, I was a smart, adventurous inquisitive girl, who preferred practical clothing and getting muddy to pretty clothes and make up and dolls. I only thought there was something wrong with me because of other people's stereotypes and pressure from adults. My first child is due in a few weeks, a little boy. I am desperate not to force my own ideas of what he should be like on to him. I hope I am able to let him just be him and not put any labels or pressure on him.

ChocolateRicecake · 19/08/2017 16:10

I found myself momentarily worrying the other day that my (very much not potty trained) DD was 'doing a wee' standing up against the toilet. Had to have words with myself.

AskBasil · 19/08/2017 16:16

"It's going to end with no one being allowed to be gay"

Yep.

That's why right wing religious groups support it.

It's deeply homophobic, as well as sexist.

upsidedown2017 · 19/08/2017 16:25

I was very strongly a tom boy - I would not wear ANY girls clothes at all. I also played with boys, didn't gel brilliantly with girls, loved football, sport and playing in mud, was like a boy in every sense.

Fast forward to age 12/13 and I became like a typical girl ... interested in fashion, hair, makeup, usual girly things. Fast forward to age 16 and I was dressing in mini skirts, full face of makeup and hitting the town with a group of girls every weekend.

So glad I didn't grow up in today's world! My parents let me get on with it. I'm a completely feminine adult, total transformation from when I was a child and that was a natural progression - not coerced in any way whatsoever.

Leave your child be and like someone else said - keep them away from YouTube/social media so far as possible as they shouldn't feel they are this or that. Let them be!

GladAllOver · 19/08/2017 16:29

I was the classic tomboy. Didn't bother about clothes, just wore whatever mum bought me. Played football with the boys instead of dolls with the girls.

Then puberty hit, the hormones worked their magic and I turned into the young woman I was always going to be.

If I was 6 today, would people say I should be transgendered?
I think nothing should be done before puberty.

GladAllOver · 19/08/2017 16:30

Crossed with upsidedown!
The same experience.