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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed with this topless lady?

581 replies

user3785022135267845922 · 18/08/2017 13:09

... we r on holiday in a family resort in sunny country. There is a lady who keeps ending up on the sun loungers opposite us, who seems to enjoy lying topless by the pool everyday. She has a DS who looks about 15, and a DD who looks about 5.

I think it's really inappropriate to sunbathe topless on a family resort in full view of everyone and right by the toddler pool, and with her own DS around. Am I being unreasonable in feeling uncomfortable and wishing she'd cover up??

OP posts:

BorisTrumpsHair · 18/08/2017 17:40

Women don't need to live their lives through the male gaze. We can make decisions for ourselves.

Some men find breasts titillating. many men think breasts are really nice, and find certain ones a turn on, but they can cope really well in the presence of them - just like they can cope with ears and necks, because they are proper people, and are not controlled by breasts. many men are quite indifferent to them. Whatever!

i do feel very sorry for men who turn into such gawkers or can't handle themselves in the presence of the female physical form - it's really quite pathetic. Still we don't need to all revolve our lives around them now do we?

I imagine they must have difficulties in art galleries to.

Emboo19 · 18/08/2017 17:43

Im not surprised breastfeeding rates in the uk are so low when so many women have such warped views on their own breasts.

I was thinking the same thing!

My DP isn't overly keen on me breastfeeding in front of his male friends and he was the same with me potentially sunbathing topless in front of them. It does annoy me. But I think it's so ingrained that breasts are sexual, he thinks his mates will be ogaling them, baby attached or not!

ButtHoleinOne · 18/08/2017 17:43

Is it ok for men to openly ogle women in bathing suits then or just tooless women? When does it become the women's fault a man can't act like an adult?

Boodles · 18/08/2017 17:44

What is wrong with thinking of breasts as sexual? (I know that their primary function is to feed our offspring)

Also we have people saying that they aren't sexual then in the next breath talking about their husbands enjoying seeing them on the beach. They are either sexual or not to you.

I am also not sure about the breast feeding comment, speaking as someone who has both used my breasts for feeding and also for sexual enjoyment.

ButtHoleinOne · 18/08/2017 17:46

What is my problem Butthole?

I think I addressed that in my previous post.

ButtHoleinOne · 18/08/2017 17:47

They can be sexual (like any pet of the human body) but it's the fact that men find them sexual that we have to hide them)

AboutAGallonofDietCoke · 18/08/2017 17:48

Really Butthole, just looked like ranting to me.....

ButtHoleinOne · 18/08/2017 17:48

It's weird actually it's slut shaming (hate the term, but you know what I mean) on a societal level.

Breasts are great as long as you only share them with one man

ButtHoleinOne · 18/08/2017 17:51

I'm not surprised you struggled with it tbh.

maddiemookins16mum · 18/08/2017 17:53

Of course breasts are sexual ffs.....

AboutAGallonofDietCoke · 18/08/2017 17:54

Yeah, because you come across really bright!

Carry on....

malificent7 · 18/08/2017 17:59

Where are my pearls? .... . i need to clutch them!

malificent7 · 18/08/2017 18:01

I expect men enjoy looking at boobs as much as i love looking at a tanned male torso! Lots... but i still love dp!

FreyaJade · 18/08/2017 18:07

Basically children are likely to see the same if a woman is openly breastfeeding.

I wouldn't go topless on the beach but I've got friends who do to get a better tan.

Not sure if they would go topless by a pool but then we never stay round the pool on holiday abroad because we go to the beach.

In fact if OP is easily offended she'd better not go to any isolated beaches abroad especially on the Spanish or Greek islands as there are often (shock) naked people!

Purplemac · 18/08/2017 18:08

My mum always sunburned topless when I was younger (as a small child and as a teenager). She did not give a shit and neither did I or my brothers - although she was once told NOT to go into the pool topless as they were floating up by her shoulders

I only did it on my honeymoon and it was liberating. I don't think I will be on this holiday in a few weeks because I'm a size 18 now and don't have the confidence - but that might change depending on the atmosphere when I get there.

LoniceraJaponica · 18/08/2017 18:09

"I expect men enjoy looking at boobs as much as i love looking at a tanned male torso!"

Yes, exactly. People don't walk around with blinkers on their eyes. Rightly or wrongly some men (and maybe some women) like ogling at topless women - and some don't.

Notknownatthisaddress · 18/08/2017 18:14

@Maddiemookins16mum

I have seen boobs before 9pm - on health programmes and health articles on morning tv.

The reason they're not shown on dramas and soaps as part of a story (before 9pm) is because of people like you. People who make out and imply, and even insist that boobs are 'sordid.'

Bet you cringe and recoil when you see a woman breastfeeding her baby too. I somehow think you don't have your heart skip a beat with the cuteness when you see it.

VeryCunningStunt · 18/08/2017 18:19

What is wrong with thinking of breasts as sexual? (I know that their primary function is to feed our offspring)

Nothing. But one prevalent line of argument seems to be that going yopless is not acceptable because some men cannot help but ogle.

Which brings me back to my earlier point about the often unquestioned acceptance of allowing the male gaze to define and determine which female body choices are socially acceptable.

VeryCunningStunt · 18/08/2017 18:20

'Yopless' Well done, autocorrect!

LoniceraJaponica · 18/08/2017 18:41

Good point Cunning

CrossSugarman · 18/08/2017 19:25

Where are my pearls? .... . i need to clutch them!

Hanging between your naked baps!

alwaysprepare · 18/08/2017 19:27

Jacques, I doubt very much you go topless in your front garden unless you have a private front garden. And you surely don't Do that in front of your terrace house, nor do you go to the shop in that state. None of you do. And I most certainly have never seen anyone do. Seen plenty of ears, scandals exposing feet, vests exposing arms etc. But I never saw a vagina, penis or breasts just walking around exposed like that down my street.

A swimming costume has nothing to do with it, men go to the shop in blistering heat topless and I just don't like it.

OP clearly stated it was a family resort. That means a cap on certain things, load partying, drunk stag do people shouting profanities across the pool etc.

So I am not surprised she doesn't feel like looking at this woman's boobs.
All nice and well, but she did not pay to watch this woman's boobs.

FreyaJade · 18/08/2017 19:31

At the Spanish family resort I went to recently there were plenty of topless women, and plenty of children running round seeing them.

ohhereweareagain · 18/08/2017 19:32

Yabu. They are only breasts. I think you sound very straight/prudish & uptight tbh. I think you envy her freespiritedness . I'd get mine out too if others were topless. Good for her

Pippin8 · 18/08/2017 19:43

I usually go topless & have done most years since DC were small. My children have never had a problem with it. Although I will have to ask DS (17) how he feels about it this year

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