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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"I was in Barcelona two weeks ago...it could have been me!"

223 replies

PyongyangKipperbang · 18/08/2017 00:02

"But it couldnt have been because you werent there when it happened."

WIBU to have posted that in reply on FB? According to the amount of abuse I have had, I am. But I really dont think that I am!

The person concerned (a friend of a friend I sort of know) wasnt even in that area of Barcelona, and yet has done the old "OMG I must have a guardian angel!" thing.

I would have deleted them but they got in first, which is quite annoying.

OP posts:
hackmum · 19/08/2017 13:50

The guardian angel nonsense really makes me angry. So, you had a guardian angel but all those people who died didn't?

YANBU. Millions of people will have walked down the Ramblas in the past couple of weeks - that's the nature of of life in a big, busy city that's also a popular tourist destination. When the King's Cross fire happened in 1987 I knew half a dozen people who'd passed through the station within the previous hour. Of course it's probably human instinct to think you had a lucky escape, but then trying to make the tragedy all about you rather than about the people who suffered and died is solipsistic in the extreme.

LegsLikeASeaHorse · 19/08/2017 16:21

We were on Las Ramblas a few hours before it happened. Back at our apartment a few hours later, completely unaware that it had happened, we suddenly got loads of texts from England "OMG are you ok, please let us know!" Ok fair enough... So I posted on FB that we were fine. I had people commenting and liking on that post that haven't spoken to me in years. Found it really odd. It was almost as if people wanted to be a part of the drama. Las Ramblas is huge. Barcelona is pretty big. The chances of being there at that exact moment are so tiny. I had people giving me the "angels are looking out for you!" Comments as well. Nope, we just hated las Ramblas!

KenDoddsDadsDog · 19/08/2017 16:29

My friend's mam is on holiday in Cambrils and after the attack , declared she was staying in her hotel until she came home. I askec if she wasn't being over the top then my dad and I had the exact same conversation as in the OP.
I felt shit when I woke up to hear of the shoot out / attack in Cambrils. Blush

Bitlost · 19/08/2017 16:56

YANBU... it's attention seeking and most disrespectful to the victims and their families.

milliemolliemou · 19/08/2017 17:32

YANBU OP

  1. Everyone sympathises with those who lost their lives/suffering life-threatening problems from terrorist attacks.
  2. Those of us who know the areas or have been in them recently will be thanking their Lord they weren't there and will have, perhaps, a special feeling for the people who live there and the country they visit. Some may have actually lost people in the various attacks - or simply RTAs in this country.
  3. No one in their right minds makes it about them and the guardian angels that meant they weren't there, or were there but three months before, or in another part of the country. Or once had a parent visit.
  4. And they don't post their hunz, cuddling kidz tight tonite, on FaceBook.

However the "I am safe" bit on Facebook can be helpful especially in big cities. I'm in two minds about it. My DC flag it. Probably saves them from maternal calls.

Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 19/08/2017 17:35

She is on my friends list, I wouldnt have commented otherwise.

OP posts:
burdog · 19/08/2017 19:26

I agree. It's very self-involved and self-absorbed, when people, who actually were there, died. I wouldn't have the guts to say so though!

user1497357411 · 19/08/2017 21:24

We visited a Christmas market in Antwerpen 2016 and some of our relatives needed reassurance that we were safe because there had been a terror attack on a Christmas market in Berlin. Those towns are in two different countries!

That said, I studied together with a woman whose husband was best friend with a man who survived the Estonia sinking. She went on and on and on and on about it, making it all about her. In the end some of the others from our class asked her to shut up about it, as they had gotten nightmares about the ship sinking because of her boring monologues.

AloeVeraSeeYaCilla · 19/08/2017 22:18

This gets on my tits too.

Amy22 · 19/08/2017 22:32

I think it's natural to place yourself in that situation when it's somewhere you've been as i think it takes away that 'its only something that happens in other places' mentality. BUT the guardian angels, couldve been me thing is annoying... I think you were rather brave in your reply.

Also speaking as someone who was at the Manchester arena in May, did it cross my mind that it could have been me/my daughter? Of course, because it actually couldve been. Did we have guardian angels? Absolutely not, we just happened to be further away from the scene than others. X

katronfon · 19/08/2017 23:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BackforGood · 19/08/2017 23:55

I think YWBU, and rude.
(S)he was just processing it. Yes, it does make it more 'real' when there is a situation in somewhere you have just been, or in a circumstance similar to your own.
You could have thought it, but kept your thoughts to yourself.

Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 20/08/2017 03:45

You could have thought it, but kept your thoughts to yourself.

Well so could she, why are her thoughts more valid to be posted on FB than mine?

OP posts:
PigletWasPoohsFriend · 20/08/2017 06:05

You could have thought it, but kept your thoughts to yourself

Well that works both ways!

Littlecaf · 20/08/2017 07:15

YANBU

DB & SIL live in Barcelona. It could have been them (no it couldn't as they were out of the city that day and wouldn't dream of going to La Ramblas unless they were showing friends around)

I work near London Bridge. The day before the LB attacks I was standing on the exact spot that the terrorists crashed their van. Clearly they took offence at me being their the previous day and chose that place to pull over. I could have been me. (But wasn't as I was about 60 miles away at a party). I also know/have visited/worked with most of those businesses affected in Borough Market. Yep, the terrorists did it because I once went there.

Having said that, I was a bit 'taken aback' when I saw the pictures of the van on the news. Someone work related commented to me a few weeks later on 'that now famous corner'....

BlondeB83 · 20/08/2017 08:09

YANBU to comment as it is very annoying BUT myself and my partner were at the precise site of a recent terror attack the night before it happened and it did make us both feel more than a little uneasy. We didn't feel the need to put it all over social media though. Hmm

donajimena · 20/08/2017 08:27

volovant I had to roll my eyes at that story. As I mentioned we were almost in Barcelona that day too. I was in Salou and there were armed police everywhere so we did feel quite safe.
We did change our plans on the Friday though by avoiding the beach and opting for a private beach club. I don't feel the need to tell my local paper or put it on Facebook. Confused

poppy54321 · 20/08/2017 15:30

I ignore it. I hope it helps that person feel more empathy for the people involved rather than them thinking only of themselves nearly being there had they chosen other travel dates.

4691IrradiatedHaggis · 20/08/2017 15:57

YABU.
I haven't done it, but I can see why people do. I don't think it's attention seeking or whatever.
I see it as it bringing it home to you that it can happen anywhere, anytime, and could quite easily happen to any one of us. Not just as something that you hear on the news to other people.
It's natural to think "I was in that exact place yesterday/last week. What if it'd happened then?"
Roll your eyes and hide them on FB if they annoy you that much.

Shockers · 20/08/2017 19:08

I understand her thinking something along those lines. I visited Manchester Arena three times in the fortnight before the attack, the last time being four days before it happened. As we were squeezing out with thousands of other people, I said to my husband that this would be such an easy target for terrorists.

Those words chilled me when I heard what had happened on the following Monday.

I would never have been crass enough to post that on fb though.

redfairy · 20/08/2017 19:24

I think YABU. I was in Barcelona three weeks ago (yes, as were thousands of others, granted) but when I saw the news my blood ran cold as I thought how easily human life could be wiped out and how that could have been me and my children. It's a human reaction. It doesn't make me attention seeking for saying it; it doesn't make me any less compassionate towards those that are suffering now. Social media can be used by some as an outlet for their conscious thoughts; I certainly don't think they should be vilified for it.

Pigflewpast · 20/08/2017 19:59

We have been in the exact location of four of the recent attacks a couple of days before, or in one case after, despite not living near, or ever having been before, to any of the places. I have had to tell myself each time that thousands of people have been in those places between our family and the attack, so although they all feel close they're not. I think it's the randomness of the coincidence that's scared me possibly more than if any were somewhere we go every day, though obviously I can't say if that would be worse to me.
My main reaction has been for the people who were there and were involved, but I'd be lying if the "it could have been us" thought wasn't there too. But then it's more that my children and husband were there than that I was.
I have had conversations with close friends about it, but not on fb.

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