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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"I was in Barcelona two weeks ago...it could have been me!"

223 replies

PyongyangKipperbang · 18/08/2017 00:02

"But it couldnt have been because you werent there when it happened."

WIBU to have posted that in reply on FB? According to the amount of abuse I have had, I am. But I really dont think that I am!

The person concerned (a friend of a friend I sort of know) wasnt even in that area of Barcelona, and yet has done the old "OMG I must have a guardian angel!" thing.

I would have deleted them but they got in first, which is quite annoying.

OP posts:
Lolabridges · 18/08/2017 00:22

Doesn't matter who has been, will be, or never wants to visit Barcelona.

This will go off the radar within 24 hours.

Just like London and Manchester etc. And those totally affected with dead or injured loved ones must cope.

The rest of us just post shite on sites. That's easy to do.

Peabrain14 · 18/08/2017 00:25

It's one to think it just don't bloody post it on FB, etc.

Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 18/08/2017 00:30

Just because it wouldn't bother you, doesn't mean others will feel the same.

I didnt say it wouldnt bother me. But I wouldnt post on FB trying to make it all about me.

I am very sensitive to things like this because my daughters best friend was murdered in a random attack abroad. It was all over the news and it was utterly heartbreaking. Seeing people posting this shit then was really upsetting, because it wasnt them and instead of thinking "Thank goodness he didnt choose the day I was on the route in that place" and feeling for the girl and her parents, they just made it all about themselves.

When a horrible thing like this happens surely you dont make it all about you?!

OP posts:
CrossSugarman · 18/08/2017 00:34

I'm on the fence a bit.

It's very human to try and draw a link between yourself and such an awful event in a 'Jesus, we were there only a fortnight ago' type of comment. On the other hand it's very wanky to make a big to-do on Facebook about a pretty tenuous link. And the guardian angel nonsense would aggravate me greatly. A piano drops out of the sky and misses your by inches you can talk about guardian angels. This? Not so much.

BackieJerkhart · 18/08/2017 00:35

You should have rolled your eyes and just posted 'omg u ok hun xxxxx' grin

Grin

YANBU OP!

DownChica · 18/08/2017 00:38

YANBU. Some of us have friends that if if it hadn't been for security running down the metro steps screaming to stay down, could quite well have been victims of these lunatics.
They are understandably shaken.

Someone that was here a couple of weeks ago.. Fuck off.

FerretsAreFeminists · 18/08/2017 00:41

I might think to myself that it was a close one and might think for a second 'what if?' But would I air it publicly on FB and try to make it all about me? Nope.

CrossSugarman · 18/08/2017 00:44

I don't think I'm designed for Facebook. I feel hideously self conscious posting anything even vaguely personal. And then someone else will blithely post about some ongoing feud with a sibling or some weird looking rash on their bum.

blackteasplease · 18/08/2017 00:44

I agree OP. Think it but not say/ post it.

SerfTerf · 18/08/2017 00:48

I'm not sure.

Is it self-centred rubber-necking? Or is it increased immediacy of something unspeakable happening somewhere that you're actually very familiar with?

I don't blame people for thinking it.

"Me, me,me" comments on social media when you weren't involved at all in the very recent tragedy are too much though.

She needs a filter.

So, no, YANBU.

TSSDNCOP · 18/08/2017 00:48

It's becoming so tedious "OMG I was just 10 miles away form there last Friday".

I'm over the minutes of silence, lighting the Eiffel Tower and posts everywhere that "have thoughts with those affected".

These are moments, sayings, platitudes and they mean nothing at all unless your grief-counter is measured in Daily Mail comments numbers.

They mean the square root of fuck all. Do people think ISIS read this and and are worried. Does it fractionally help those bereaved in their dearest hour? I doubt it. Do something: protest, volunteer, contribute-but don't post bollocks to divert attention to yourself.

MadisonAvenue · 18/08/2017 00:49

YANBU. Stupid comments like that have me rolling my eyes.

AgentZigzag · 18/08/2017 00:50

I'm the same CrossS Grin

I love looking on at a good bunfight when I'm at a safe distance (which is why I'm on AIBU tbh)

MadisonAvenue · 18/08/2017 00:54

Posted too soon. My husband works with a chap who is forever making ridiculous comments like this. He went into work one day saying that his son had almost died in a motorway accident. When he elaborated on it, it turned out that his son had driven along a stretch of motorway minutes before an accident which actually happened on the opposite carriageway - but had it happened as he was driving past it and if one of the vehicles had crashed through the central reservation (nope, didn't happen) then he could've been killed.

AgentZigzag · 18/08/2017 00:55

What's the alternative though TSSD? That the constant murders pass by unnoticed and without people condemning them?

The victims families might find that worse, as though their loved ones deaths/injuries were insignificant.

Maybe they can take some small comfort from the fact that large numbers of people are fucked off and not afraid to say so.

IamAporcupine · 18/08/2017 00:55

That's odd. I never thought about it that way.
I do not post in FB/twiteer/etc but I actually posted in the MN BNA thread that I was there two days ago and have walked those streets 100s of times. I never for a second thought I was making it about myself. Just that it is very familiar place, and it is terrifying to think that you could have been there

The guardian angel bit is crap though

GrimDamnFanjo · 18/08/2017 01:02

The original must have been the Herald of Free Enterprise...

melj1213 · 18/08/2017 01:03

I think YABU in that you didn't have to post a deliberately argumentative reply.

Were they insensitive and self centred to post it in the first place? Yes

Did you need to deliberately be argumentative to someone who was clearly using their status to work through their feelings abotu a recent tragic event? No

I spent 2 years living two streets away from Plaça Catalunya at the top of Las Ramblas, so reading about a terrorist incident happening right where I used to live, shop and hang out is crazy. I only have great memories of that area but now other people will only remember it as the site of an attack and that is something that I was reflecting on earlier when I posted on FB, as well as wanting to pay respect to the victims too.

mygorgeousmilo · 18/08/2017 01:03

YANBU! A few months ago, someone on my Facebook wrote something along the lines of "thank god we left 20 minutes earlier as there was a massive pile-up on the motorway that we just missed and soooo lucky we didn't get stuck in all that bloody traffic" I commented something like, yeah thank god you didn't get stuck in traffic, never mind all of those people dead or injured. It turned into a bun fight. She deleted me.

TSSDNCOP · 18/08/2017 01:06

Fair enough Zigzag, you may well be right that a thousand variations of thoughts with those affected will hit the spot.

I was thinking more along the lines of going back to the origins of what's manifesting these atrocious crimes against humanity. Trying, maybe fruitlessly to find a way to tackle the problem at source, When even our Leaders post these trite "thoughts are with the affected" I think we've reached a low in articulating the scale of the atrocity and our creativity in tackling it

AgentZigzag · 18/08/2017 01:11

I'd much rather any attention be focused on the victims than the wankers doing it TSSD.

They can be tackled at the same time, but separately to the innocent people going about their everyday lives.

BoysofMelody · 18/08/2017 01:12

I'm over the minutes of silence, lighting the Eiffel Tower and posts everywhere that "have thoughts with those affected"

It is since bloody Diana died suddenly thinking 'how sad' isn't enough, you have to be seen to be publicly grieving, laying flowers, adding a Spanish/French flag /I love Manchester profile picture on Facebook and declare your sympathy on Facebook. If you don't you are a callous heartless bastard. I remember thinking when people were having the screaming abdabs over Diana's death, the world has gone crazy, this mass orchestrated pseudo grief. Sadly similar self serving acts of emotional incontinence are the norm when ever there's a newsworthy death.

SuperBeagle · 18/08/2017 01:13

YANBU.

I never mention the fact that I was about 200m away from the Sydney siege when it happened, because it didn't bloody well affect me. I just happened to be knocking about in the same area - along with countless other people - but that doesn't mean it "could've been me". It obv wasn't, so why would I belittle the experience of those who were involved by being so self-absorbed?

AgentZigzag · 18/08/2017 01:17

And although it's crap that they've targeted so many countries, it's good that the leaders of so many come out making those statements in solidarity whenever there's another attack.

A small but important similarity between us maybe?

I can't understand why they're attacking so many different places actually. Declaring war on Everyone in the World Who Aren't Us can't be a good strategy can it?

Dixiestamp · 18/08/2017 01:33

I know someone who actually was there and even she didn't post an 'it could have been me' type status, just one to say how awful the situation must be for everyone directly involved.

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